honeyed chicken Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 OK, all you lying liars, let's get back to it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KJR the PR of TaFW Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 HC dreamed of being a garbage man. After completing his degree in Trashonics and a minor in Garbageology, he learnd that he had a allergy to the latex in trash bags. His hopes and dreams were crushed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 That wasn't nearly as crushing as finding KJR is actually a man.OOOPS!!Did I say that out loud??What I meant to say is that KJR is a very nice guy who I wouldn't mind having as best man at my wedding. (Especially since my brother decided it would be a hoot to come dressed as Binky, the clown instead of more typical best man attire.)That is, one wouldn't mind him as best man if not for his unusual choice of colognes like au de arugula and au de cilantro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 People try to avoid referring to HC by his real life name 'cause they feel calling him Smelvin would be just inhumane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Knight of Ashes was recently arrested and charged with polygamy, fraud and identity theft amongst other crimes. He had 7 wives in 6 different states, and 13 children all under the age of 18. Upon investigation, it was found that his first wife was a verbally abusive alcoholic, but the wives afterwards are all community pariahs, with high social standing, who relay to acquaintances that their husband is a traveling salesman. (Gullible ladies- who travels for work in sales anymore?) The common thread to all of these identities is Freemasonry. Knight of Ashes is a member of local Masonic lodges or subgroups in each of the 6 different states. He is a Master Mason in Illinois, a Shriner in Louisiana, a member of a court of the Royal Order of Jesters in Las Vegas, a forest member of The Tall Cedars of Lebanon in Pennsylvania, and an Artisan of The Order of Quetzalcoatl Temple in New Mexico. He also has one 12 year old daughter who is a Rainbow Girl. There is no evidence of defrauding charitable organizations or diverting funds, but there is an investigation ongoing. One small, red, corvette-style "silly car" has been confiscated as evidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 BS0 sees dead people...they walk around thinking they're like everyone else...they don't even know they're dead!ETA:"Order of Quetzalcoatl"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 ETA:"Order of Quetzalcoatl"?KoA, I think we have rare genius in our midst. :) In high school, KoA used to caddy. He'd always squirrel a few extra golf balls into his pockets and take them out in the men's room and write love notes on them. He would then swap them for other people's balls out on the course and try to start romantic trouble between golfers who didn't know one another.He's indirectly responsible for one marriage this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 HC runs a pornstar look-alike agency,of which he is the sole employee. Fortunately for HC, he has the ability to mold his appearance to resemble any male pornstar from the seventies, with the unfortunate exception of Doctor Lovewood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 (shit! ninja'ed) Honeyed Chicken has a strange physical tic that people notice but refuse to talk about. He'll be talking with someone and then he suddenly turns his head to the left, licks his lips and moves his mouth up and down. Everyone assumes it's Tourette's Syndrome. The truth is that when he was a soldier fighting in Viet Nam, he was captured. His hands were handcuffed or tied behind his back and his captors would feed him by placing peanut butter on his shoulder where he'd have to lick it off. That's how he ate for the entire 3 years that he spent in captivity. Whenever he gets hungry now, he turns his head and goes for that phantom peanut butter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 BS0 likes to amuse herself by telling people with multiple-personality disorders to "just be yourself". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Did you guys catch Knight of Ashes streaking across the stage during the broadcast of the Oscars Sunday night? If you blinked, you missed him, but right before Pharrell Williams sang "Happy," Knight of Ashes ran across the stage screaming "For the Proletariat!" completely naked except for the Pokémon body art painted across his hips, thighs and his backside. (btw guys, I love the abbreviation of my name as BS0, cuz in medical terminology, an SBO means small bowel obstruction, which we affectionately refer to as "full of shit", and as VSC said, that fits this string perfectly) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 It takes BS0 three jumbo coffees at Starbucks in the morning before she stops muttering "Fucking jerkface" at random passers-by. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arya kiddin' Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Ah, a thread has been named for me. :blushing: :blushing: It actually took Knight of Ashes' plight written on a piece of lambskin in his own blood, though bleeding more with chivalry, that took it to convince HC of naming this thread, as the noble knight has had me as his squire a lifetime ago. I was known as Sancho Panza at the time I remember, and instead the Kingdom I was promised, I've got a thread. So satisfying this gift to me is, o my noble knight of La Mancha. Well so long I'm not being tossed up and down in a blanket. :leaving: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 (shit! ninja'ed) Honeyed Chicken has a strange physical tic that people notice but refuse to talk about. He'll be talking with someone and then he suddenly turns his head to the left, licks his lips and moves his mouth up and down. Everyone assumes it's Tourette's Syndrome. The truth is that when he was a soldier fighting in Viet Nam, he was captured. His hands were handcuffed or tied behind his back and his captors would feed him by placing peanut butter on his shoulder where he'd have to lick it off. That's how he ate for the entire 3 years that he spent in captivity. Whenever he gets hungry now, he turns his head and goes for that phantom peanut butter. This reminds me of a true story. It started with an innocent question (mine) about how a man claiming to be 47 could look 32. The answer involved Vietnam and a night time parachute drop and bullets to the face ending in plastic surgery (much later). Ah, a thread has been named for me. :blushing: :blushing: It actually took Knight of Ashes' plight written on a piece of lambskin in his own blood, though bleeding more with chivalry, that took it to convince HC of naming this thread, as the noble knight has had me as his squire a lifetime ago. I was known as Sancho Panza at the time I remember, and instead the Kingdom I was promised, I've got a thread. So satisfying this gift to me is, o my noble knight of La Mancha. Well so long I'm not being tossed up and down in a blanket. :leaving: Just returning the honor you bestowed upon me with the last thread, my friend. If it bothers you in any way, I will change it. :) Ak owns a business called, "Floating Downstream" which rents canoes and kayaks to tourists. His business also leads guided river tours. On one such Ak became friendly with a pretty tourist from Mumbai. They now have 3 little children together who are quickly growing up to be more comfortable on water than on land. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 This is not an outrageous lie - it's an outrageous truth. There's a gizmo on the forum games page that allows you to see how many posts by which members have occurred on a particular thread. This is what I got for the just finished outrageous lies thread: YES! I AM the biggest liar! :P honeyed chicken 106 Knight of Ashes 65 Arya kiddin' 42 FormerlyVaramyrSixchins 30 Ser Not Appearing 28 The Crippled God 13 Emmit 11 beautifulsouth0 10 Florence's Machine 10 CoraIM 10 Lady Beyond the Wall 10 The Mighty Dragonzzilla 9 RAddichio 7 Corvo Attano 7 Snowisnobastard 6 Master Forel's Fro 5 King Joffrey's Revenge 5 Ramsay Blow 5 Colder Hands 4 BrandonWeirtree the Dragon 4 First of My Name 3 Lady Rhaenys 3 mighty potato 3 Mark Antony 3 Stan the Man Baratheon 3 Kungsmurfen 3 Bannerless Man 3 Grand Moff Mithrandir 2 Howlin' Howland 2 DreamSongs 2 Castellan 1 Vamos 1 Azor Ahoy! 1 Slurms McKenzie 1 SteamSakura 1 Leap 1 Kobayashi Maru 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 HC, in addition to hiding his first name "Smelvin" also refuses to tell people his second name after hyphonating it for his marriage. Even on official docunents and bankcards, he simply draws a crude chicken in mid-flight. And who can blame him, that poor Smelvin Bigg-Jungas. All agree that hyphonating the names was a poor idea in hindsightETA; 10?! Not bad for a newbie, but I will do better this time ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 (only a count of 10, but seeing as I'm a noob to the thread, I'd say that's not bad) The repeated references to canoes reminds me of an incident that illustrates how easily duped Florence's Machine can be. Despite having a genius IQ, being Vice President of her local Mensa chapter and having a PhD in Biochemistry, she is terribly naïve and easily fooled. This past summer she went on a camping trip with the girls. FM and her 3 pals are confirmed city dwellers, and they decided they should experience the great outdoors. They rented a campsite in Lake Chaubunagungamaug Park, Massachusetts for a long weekend, then borrowed some fishing gear and a tent. After the tent was up and their gear secured, they rented a rowboat to scout out fishing holes. FM picked up an oar and looked at her three friends, who all shrugged. "We don't know how to row a boat," they exclaimed. Sighing, FM grabbed the second oar and thought to herself that the next time she went camping, she'd bring someone who knew what they were doing. But with her back to the open lake, she navigated their group dangerously close to a waterfall. When they realized the hazard, 2 friends grabbed the oars from her and rowed in the opposite direction. Once safely out of the current, FM asked her friends, "Wait, I thought you didn't know how to row a boat!" They started laughing at her and she realized that she had been tricked into doing all of the work again. Said one of the girls, "Honestly, FM, how can someone so smart be so dumb? WHO can't figure out how to row a boat?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 BS0 is known as that "strange woman who stands on the street corner all day and yells "Loser! Loser!!" at pedestrians." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grape Jackanape Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 KoA gets two straws when he orders a soft drink, just in case he accidentally puts the first one in upside down... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 FVS is a roadkill connoisseur; a favorable review fron him is highly prized by roadkill restaurants that operate in them thar hills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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