Outrageous Lies About the Poster Above, V.16 - A Call to Liars Old and New

[HexMachina]

The Masters of Lies, Knight of Ashes, King Joffrey's Revenge, Honeyed Chicken, Arya Kiddin' and Beautifulsouth0, have recently begun a campaign to attract new members to their cause. Of course, being the elitists that they are, they are very selective with whom they approach.
Take Groat for example. He was the first target of Honeyed Chicken, and was followed for months on end, whilst the Chicken made observations on everything from what Groat had for breakfast, to how many times he visited the bathroom per day, to his favourite shops. And after 6 months of planning, Honeyed Chicken acted, enticing poor Groat into the Liars Lair with a platter of his favourite dish (anchovies, sardines, tomatoes, nutella and whipped cream) a copy of his favourite magazine (Turnip Growers' Weekly) and the promise of 24 hour access to a toilet, which accommodated Groat's weak bladder. Unaware of what he was getting himself in to, Groat accepted, and entered the Lair.
Now, 2 months later, he is known as Ghost of Groat and is but a shadow of his former self.
Adhara was the nect target. Beautifulsouth0 acted quickly on her. After just one month of observations she cornered Adara as she left the Association of Doily Embroidery she went to every Tuesday night at 7.00 p.m. With promises of rooms filled to the rafters with doilies and spools of thread in every shade imaginable, Beautifulsouth0 brought Adhara into the fold.
Then there is my own dreadful tale. Two of the Masters came for me, Knight of Ashes and Arya Kiddin'. For months I seemed to see them everywhere; here disguised as leaf blowers, there dressed up as bin men. Posing as drag queens as they strutted their stuff along the street like a Parisian catwalk, discreetly watching while pretending to be supermarket assistants, larking about as street performers. I never once suspected they were following me. And then one day they approached me. They had gotten to know me so well. They made promises of power beyond my wildest imaginations, the chance of terrible and delicious revenge against all those who wronged me. They promised acceptance, respect, free nachos and coffee on a Saturday evening, the chance to rise high in the ranks. And fool that I was, I accepted.
And so here we all are, bound together in a common cause. To spread lies wherever we can, to defeat the truth wherever it rears its ugly head. The promises of power fell flat around me, as I learned that "power" was the latest in biomass technology where a toilet flush was powered by the burning of faeces, which generated great amounts of power. But for better or worse, here we all are, bound together as on peoples, and so I say:
GET LYING LIARS!

[Knight of Ashes]

Helena sleeps with a two-foot tall Carmen Miranda fruit hat on her head and any guy who doesn't find this weird, she'll think of as a keeper.

[honeyed chicken]

Real world note: I will be away June 1 - June 7 - no lying from me. Putting in sweat equity at Mrs.Chicken's family's summer place on the coast. There's wifi there for the renters and the Mrs. will have her laptop, but I choose to be unplugged. Paint brushes, cocktail sunsets with oysters on the half shell, multi-generational memory renewal, books, tides, walks in the sand. These are sufficient. :)

H - nice way to open the new thread!

GoG & Adhara (not to be confused with Adara, which I did for a while) - nice to have you guys! You're both brilliant. :)

Poor, poor KoA!

He is the hardest working and most reliable writer we have. Yet his contributions go completely overlooked. KoA wrote the entire Godzilla eats the gas plant scene. But all anybody wants to talk about is the monster's burb followed by a dainty little mouth wipe (Neal M.'s only friggin' contribution!!).

it's getting hard to take.

[HexMachina]

Real world note: I will be away June 1 - June 7 - no lying from me. Putting in sweat equity at Mrs.Chicken's family's summer place on the coast. There's wifi there for the renters and the Mrs. will have her laptop, but I choose to be unplugged. Paint brushes, cocktail sunsets with oysters on the half shell, multi-generational memory renewal, books, tides, walks in the sand. These are sufficient. :)

H - nice way to open the new thread!

GoG & Adhara (not to be confused with Adara, which I did for a while) - nice to have you guys! You're both brilliant. :)

Poor, poor KoA!

He is the hardest working and most reliable writer we have. Yet his contributions go completely overlooked. KoA wrote the entire Godzilla eats the gas plant scene. But all anybody wants to talk about is the monster's burb followed by a dainty little mouth wipe (Neal M.'s only friggin' contribution!!).

it's getting hard to take.

You will be missed...(As Arya Kiddin' is missed too :crying: )

Honeyed Chicken claims he will be away fixing up the Summer Place. In reality, he has actually been hired as the ass double of Daario Naharis for Season 5 of a Game of Thrones, and will be spending several days shooting scenes of Daario Naharis' rear end. So come next March/April, look out for our dear Honeyed Chicken's rump on the small screen!

[honeyed chicken]

My absence will be brief compared to AK's . . .he is truly missed and I hope he has not suffered a relapse of his previous illness.

Amy Adams is not a real red head. I know this a shocker to all you Adams fans who believe in your hearts that she is "kissed by fire". That's why there's Lady Clairol.

But what you can't pour out of a bottle are the fingers of a redhead. That ghostly blue-pale skin with the freckle on freckle overlay can only come from a member of the clan. That's why they bring in Helena whenever there's a hand shot in the script.

[Ghost of Groat]

In early spring the swallows return to Capistrano while in late spring the Honeyed Chickens pause in their migration at the beach. Since 1903 the HC's choose the windswept beaches of North Carolina. Inspired by the Wright brothers, HC et al will attempt to reclaim the skies that were once their heritage. Some say it will take about a week in early June. Some say Honeyed Chicken will never again discover the secret of flight. And yet those of true faith say, "Don't worry about SPF and burning skin. The wings of the Honeyed Chicken are all the sun screen I'll ever need."

Have fun at the beach and don't track that sand into the house!!!!

[Batbob45]

I just devour joffrey's clothes

[honeyed chicken]

There are people in this world who act like sugar poured into a car's gas tank. They bring everything to a grinding halt.

Batbob45 is the opposite type. He's a facilitator, he makes social situations glide.

[Knight of Ashes]

HC's resolve to remain unplugged for a week lasted for about two minutes because he's a weak, weak man.

[honeyed chicken]

HC's resolve to remain unplugged for a week lasted for about two minutes because he's a weak, weak man.

Hey, these are supposed to be lies! :P

"Of all the unsophisticated, sophomoric, rascally, lowdown SCOUNDRELS!!!" shouted a purpling KoA. "Who got into my Cuban cigar collection this time??"

The staff keeps trying to explain why he can't have in a nursing home, but KoA still misses his cigars.

[Ghost of Groat]

Pollo de Uruguay was bored being rich and hansom. So he stole his video club’s copy of The Thomas Crown Affair. But as soon as the DVD was discovered missing he loaned the club his copy of Steel Magnolias II: Revenge of the Armadillo Cake. Well since no one had any desire to borrow that title his perfect crime of secretly sticking the stolen Thomas Crown DVD to the back of the Steel Magnolias DVD worked. That is for about five minutes. Because Rene Russo figured it all out in less time than even that. And in addition to being a genuine hotty, Rene is also a crack chicken detective. She just didn’t know where Pollo had hidden the stolen DVD. So she broke into Pollo’s house and conducted an illegal search. (Feel free to make a chart with lines and arrows to follow along as you read.) In the search she found what she thought was the real copy of Thomas Crown Affair but was really a mislabeled Jackass Vol. 3 DVD. Boy did she have egg on her face when she showed that to the video club. Undaunted, Rene then tricked Pollo into dancing the tango with her. Well who could resist dancing the tango with Rene Russo? I mean that dress was cut up to here! And that neck line plunged down to there! And She was wearing stockings with garters!! Now that is some classy undergarments I must say. So during the dance Pollo tried to convince Rene to give up on finding the stolen DVD and come live with him on the lam supported by his ill-gotten millions. Rene was temped but then she realized that Uruguay would never do well at all in group IV with Costa Rica, England, and Italy in the same group so what would be the point? Pollo and Rene went their separate ways but they will always share that tango and the sexy allure of crime and fashionable undergarments.

[Adhara]

Ghost of Groat makes wonderfully artistic Ice sculptures,

Last year's Halloween display, was a life size reproduction of O.J. Simpson,

at the moment he helped Nicole and Friend, with their un-scheduled demise.

This year volunteers are needed in staging, 'The Black Dahlia', and the trick she learned to do with her torso.,

[Ramsay B.]

Adhara once lived next to me and would throw eggs at school buses and call the cops saying it was me. This went on periodically for a few weeks until simply vanishing one day.

[honeyed chicken]

Is there anybody more obnoxious than Ramsay Blow?

No, Ramsay is the worst.

Well, Adhara is pretty hard to take with the nasty things she makes up about perfectly nice people.

So other than Adhara, Ramsay is certainly the worst.

Come to think of it, Ghost of Groat pissed me off with those stories he made up about me and Rene Russo (as if!).

After GoG & Adhara, Ramsay is third worst.

Why do people like Knight of Ashes tell truths about you you'd like to kind of keep quiet?

KoA, GoG, & Adhara all stink! But Ramsay is bad too.

And there goes AK again making up mind blowingly convoluted stories that lead who knows where.

Ak, KoA, GoG, Adhara!! Next to them? pff! Ramsay's not in that league.

Batbob45?! That name! That av! Need I say more?

Batbob45, AK, KoA, GoG, Adhara - terrible, terrible. Compared to them, Ramsay is kind of OK.

Some people, like beautifulsouth0, fer instance, have not even deigned to put in an appearance in the new thread. The nerve!

BS0, Batbob, Ak, KoA, GoG, Adhara all have me boiling mad. But at least, I can count on Ramsay.

What does one say about a person who is forever writing you into embarrassing situations as HelenaAndTheMachine does to me? Good grief!

Helena, BS0, Batbob, AK, KoA, GoG, & Adhara - a group of awful people. Good thing I have a friend like Ramsay around!

[Adhara]

Pollo de Uruguay,

What more can we say,

About this craven liar.

Look away ye innocents.

his words do incense,

strummed on the strings of his Lyre

His deceitful words, do aspire.

to confuse,

the wicked liar.

He even phones, never talking,

endlessly pranking Steven Hawking.

,

It's a pity he can't be fired,

for all the tall tales,

the truth,

how it's been liar'd.

So this thread will go on,

the wicked run strong,

his minions, they be just chillin',

Take heed my friend,

they'll get YOU in the end,

your heart will bleed vermillion

[Knight of Ashes]

Last Halloween, people were full of admiration for Adhara's Lizzy Borden mask (which she made herself) , bloody axe and alll (which she made herself) "Your eyes have got that mad look down pat!" her friends said , until they noticed that a week later, she hadn't taken of said disguise. And one by one, her friends and acquaintances started to disappear and rumor grew of a madwoman who haunted the respectable suburbs of New Jersey, who walked in the shadows in the dead of night moaning a song that sounded like 'Bette Davis Eyes' but not quite:

"..and she'll prick you

She'll unease you

Chop your head off

Just to tease you

She's atrocious

And she knows just what it takes to make

The blood gush

All the boys think she's a guy!

She's got

Lizzie Borden Eyes..."

[Ghost of Groat]

The Knight of Ashes wasn’t always a knight. And he wasn’t always associated with ashes either.

KoA began his illustrious career humbly. His first paying gig was as the Squire of Shrubbery. He quickly sorted out the woody dicots and put an end to their plan to conquer the monocots. This got him attention and praise from the ferns and gymnosperms. Promotion came to him in the form of knighthood and the charge of protecting the dogwoods during the great maple-oak war. KoA branched out into diplomacy and successfully came to an understanding of the root cause of the conflict. You see, the maples wanted more sunlight and the oaks ignored their pleas. This unrest in the forest and trouble with the trees inspired Rush to write a song about the struggle though in the final edit KoA’s actions were trimmed for time and as one critic put it, “it was just too sappy”. KoA received the Order of Valiantree with Oak Cluster and promotion to the Evergreen Watch. He then took a somber turn. He was pining for a return to hardwood service. The powers that be rewarded him with his current title as the Knight of Ashes and those who follow his growth fully expect he will be Ent to the Elms one day.

[beautifulsouth0]

Ghost of Groat's favorite type of donut is jellied pork belly n beans.

[Knight of Ashes]

Everytime BS0 finds herself in times of trouble, she asks herself "What would Sarah Palin do in a situation like this?"

[Arya kiddin']

I have been wondering for months, what sort of a sadist creep will do that. After running endless times to the post office, paying thousands of bucks to a retired NSA agent, countless bribes offered in hard cash and jello, I've finally narrowed down the search and now can properly announce it is KoA.

For the past three years on every Sunday I would receive a parcel from the post office, every week I'd open it with much joy and gusto and find in the inside three ping-pong balls. The first time I thought it was some sort of a joke, as there was no sender's name or address on the packet. Gradually however, it became an inseparable part of my life where my Sundays will not be complete until I've received the three ping pong balls from my secret santa, whom I in my head pictured as a wise old man in his seventies, and would call him (in my head of course) my space dad. Once I ditched the rolex my father gave me for my birthday when I told him it was nothing compared to the ping pong balls I get from my space day every week. He was not amused and I had to pack my bags and shift to my friend's place. There, when my parcel once arrived on a Monday, he discovered a disheveled and slightly maniacal me clutching a ping pong ball close to my chest breathing heavily, doing a perfect gollum imitation of 'MY PRECIOUSSSS'. That made me having to leave as well.

And now three years have passed, my family has abandoned me, my friends avoid me and my girlfriend has left me for a guy whom we at school referred to as 'eternally virgin weasel'. Those ping pong balls were the only hope sustaining me, preventing me to take my own life, till one Sunday in the parcel I found not three but only one, bigger and red colored ping pong ball. It was a formal termination of relationship from my space dad, and I received no ping-pong ball since then. I ripped of curtains, burned my wardrobe and strangled mosquitoes by the thousands but that brought no relief to me. Finally I decided to have revenge, and selling my grandfather's gold Marilyn Monroe figurine, I acquired the means to launch my plan. Now the search has yielded results, and payback is going to be hell. Run and hide, KoA, run and hide.