The BlackBear Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 1. Mr. Marine is in North Carolina. We went out on Thursday, and looks like he will be back this coming Thursday. He doesn't like to text much, which I find a little problematic...I need reassurance on an every-other-day basis. Not weekly. Is this a common need? *looks worried* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 It depends on the person, and these comments make me think we are talking about two different things. Generally I expect texts to be returned reasonably promptly assuming they are something that requires a response, like a question. A full day would strike me as unusual. That said, the last serious relationship I had the girl just didn't work that way, and I understood that, and if I needed a question answered quickly or whatever I called instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beorn_J Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 The texting thing is tricky. I think a lot of people appreciate not playing games and waiting days to respond but on the other hand I think texting 'hey' or 'how are you' to a potential partner gets boring really quick. I've been on a couple of dates with a girl recently, we really connected, very easy to talk to her. I text her most days but only with something interesting or a question. In the past I've been guilty of bombarding a new girl with 'hey' 'what's up' type texts. So my second date with cute doctor went really well, we went for lunch and a browse of shops. Went for a kiss at the end and she turned. Wasn't a big deal, she reassured me she was just shy. Any who, next date is a movie, a chance to snuggle up a bit ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insomnium Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Went on my first OKC date yesterday. She was the first person to actually message me back. Other messages/conversations have not gone as well! I'm not sure why I'm matched up with all the artsy hipsters in my area, but those seem to be the majority of the high percentage matches. Regardless, nothing to complain about, as the date went rather well. If there is a continuation, it will be a bit slow in developing, as we live more than an hour away from each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edda van Heefmstra Ruston Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I got sucked into filling out OKC's match questions. While I was online, I got 5 messages that were just "hi how r u?" The one message that was slightly different, which was "hi can I ask you a question?", was sent from a guy whose profile pic is his nude reflection, shoulders to thighs. I may never get matched up with any of you, but please reassure me that you all send better messages than that. :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauvka Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 So perhaps tangentially related to the topic, but when is the appropriate timing to inform parents that one is moving in with their romantic partner?We are approaching 1 year of officially dating, and the movein will happen soon after that. Issue is, that my parents have taken a critical stance on the relationship from the get go, which resulted in a very efficient 'don't ask don't tell' policy regarding the boyfriend. They never ask about the boyfriend, and I occasionally drop a reference to his existence. So there has never been good opportunity to let the family know that the relationship has progressed to where we want to move in together. Skyping my folks from the new living room to inform them that way sounds incredibly tempting, but probably a major faux pas. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insomnium Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I got sucked into filling out OKC's match questions. While I was online, I got 5 messages that were just "hi how r u?" The one message that was slightly different, which was "hi can I ask you a question?", was sent from a guy whose profile pic is his nude reflection, shoulders to thighs. I may never get matched up with any of you, but please reassure me that you all send better messages than that. :P Hell yeah! I love writing personalized greetings, haha. If I didn't, it would be a sad state of events. Maybe I'll make a scrapbook out of all the "intros" I've composed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 The next time you see them? I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, although hopefully now they'll realise that you're serious about him and make an effort to get along more with him for your sake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauvka Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Well, we live in different states, so next time I see them may not be until Thanksgiving. We talk on skype once a week or so, so I guess it's going to have to happen one of these days soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I would just tell them. Why don't you talk about him to them, may I ask? Seems a bit odd. Maybe, as said above, they might start to take him, and your relationship, more seriously now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Been having some nice conversations with people on OKC. There's a showing for 'I am Divine' the documentary about Divine showing in cardiff someone mentioned so could be sneaky and sort of invite him to watch that with me lol. Back in cardiff tonight as well so time to start possibly meeting people anyway. Getting a lot of response due to my asoiaf username lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauvka Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I would just tell them. Why don't you talk about him to them, may I ask? Seems a bit odd. Maybe, as said above, they might start to take him, and your relationship, more seriously now. Conditioning, I guess? Also, we're an immigrant family (I was born in Ukraine), so there's a bit of a cultural difference between how my family thinks relationships should work, and the American norms. I was more eager to talk about my last relationship in its early stages, and the parents picked out ammunition to criticize the guy, and decided they did not approve of him, and in the 6 years we dated, they never met him. Their disapproval just became a sort of tolerance after a while. So when this relationship started, I was already more flighty about telling my parents things about the new boyfriend, especially before things got serious. The conversations would feel like a new hunt for "what's wrong with him" ammunition; nothing good sticks, and anything potentially negative gets brought back to me with criticism. Being incredibly nonconfrontational where my parents are concerned, I started evading further questions, and stopped talking about it. Now, if we talked about anything else in my life, I can have a very pleasant conversation with my parents, and after all this time, editing how I talk about my life to avoid any relationship references is basically an instinctive action. I have to make conscious effort to reference the boyfriend in any capacity, and when I do, the response is usually some form of eyeroll/facial expression of disapproval, followed by "you know what I think about this" and a tense conclusion to the conversation not long after. Since I talk to my parents on skype about once a week, it's been easier to just have friendly catchups about everything not boyfriend related, than to fight for their approval of the bf. So, while the bf and I have been discussing the move-in for many months now, have picked out a place, and are in the process of handling all the logistics of leases and moving trucks.... I have managed to not say anything to my parents, other than a nonspecific plan to move out of my current place around end of summer, with no mention of whom i'd be moving with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Let them roll their eyes. Eventually they'll have to come around to the idea of you having someone in your life, might as well be now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I have a pretty similar policy of not talking to my family about anything to do with my romantic life under any circumstances.I technically still haven't told my mother I'm seeing anyone, she figured it out eventually :pIn your situation I'd probably mention I was moving and hope any follow-up questions made it clear but my way of dealing with my family is somewhat less than ideal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 Personally, I wouldn't bring it up, you're an adult and it's none of their goddamn business Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maithanet Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Mauvka, I feel like even with your more detailed description that I don't have enough information to really say without knowing more about your relationship with your parents. Do you ever see them in person? Do they live in the US now? If you get married do you want them to come to the wedding? Do you want your relationship with your parents to actually include discussing important things in your life, such as your relationships? If so, is that something they might eventually get better at? I feel like shutting your parents out of this (very important) part of your life is some pretty drastic damage control on your part. But you obviously know better than us whether that is warranted, and if that is the only way to maintain in contact with your parents, then by all means, keep them in the dark. If they are unable to view you as an adult making her own choices, then they are going to get left in the dark about a lot of your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkess Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 If you're moving into a new place, during one of your weekly chats you can mention that when you move, your bf is also moving in with you. Or not mention it at all if you don't feel comfortable. You're an adult and allowed to live your life as you see fit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derfel Cadarn Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Had 2nd date tonight (dinner), went really well, time flew in. She wasn't drinking so I didnt either. First kiss. Cautiously optimistic :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwydden Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Don't you just hate infatuation? When you just can't seem to stop daydreaming, you know there is a problem. If there was any doubt that I needed to do something about this, it's gone. Thank you very much, stupid brain! Trouble is, I am a coward cautious. Which is sort of the reason why I couldn't gather the courage to engage her earlier. Not that I think I can do that now, but self-confidence begins with optimism, right? Right?! Since I remain a coward cautious, and the fear of rejection is a big part of what prevents me from asking her out, an indirect approach seems more to my liking. We are bound to interact relatively soon whether I want it or not, so it shouldn't seem forced or out of place when I try to be all charming and friendly with her. Maybe I'll even throw in a harmless flirt or two, while checking to see if any of my interest is being returned. Yes, that is it, and then, when she warms up to me, I'll ask her out. Maybe. I don't know. It sounds better than leaving everything to chance. At least I think it does. Oh, gods... Ah, anyway, just thought I would throw that out there to open it to criticism. Think I'll be leaving now. Good gods, why is it that I seem perfectly capable of talking to women in pretty much every situation, except when I really, really, really want to? Err, sorry for that. Had to vent a bit, you understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkess Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 This whole getting 1-2 emails a week and that's it pretty much sucks. At least my bf is the sweetest person ever! Even when I write him emails that despite my best efforts end up being just me complaining about missing him and being stressed and everything, he is just happy to hear from me and can somehow make me feel better. Whenever I end up getting his reply, anyway! "Last message I got from you was a little bit mopey. I don't mind. I love you and love hearing from you and it makes you seem real. You're mopey in real life, too :D I love you so much, booey. Now and forever, forever and Always. I hope this email finds you safe and sound. I love you to the maximum extent possible." "Oh, hope your parents' visit went well! I know they love you almost as much as I do." Awww, now gonna go snuggle with my Eeyore and tell myself this will be over soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.