Dating #15-why do you build me up, Buttercup

[Kelli Fury]

Just to let me down.

Continue, lonely nerds.

[Beorn_J]

Question for you guys, how early in dating could I invite the girl over for me to cook dinner for her? Third date?

[Inigima]

Depends how things are going but third date would not be unreasonable.

[Four-Eyed Raven]

Horray! I was waiting for this thread to resurrect. Love the title.

I would say yes to the third date, if things were going really well and there seemed to be a click.

[WrathOfTinyKittens]

Dating sucks and people suck.

On the bright side, I have been running for a year now and am down 20 pounds, not that I was ever super heavy, but I am looking good. I just started a weight training program yesterday and although my body will hate me I intend to stick with it. Once I have become more attractive I suppose I'll need new photos but it should make online dating easier, given the first two rules of online dating.

[Kelli Fury]

You don't talk about online dating?

[KiDisaster]

You don't talk about online dating?

Rule #1: Be attractive.

Rule #2: Don't be unattractive.

First two rules of most things in life really, not just online dating :P

[Arkhangel]

Rule #1: Be attractive.

Rule #2: Don't be unattractive.

First two rules of most things in life really, not just online dating :P

No, this is not the case! According to the fascinating OKcupid blog, it's more like:

Rule 1: Be very attractive

Rule 2: Be unattractive

Being moderately attractive is, apparently and counter-intuitively, the worst place to be! Which kind of sucks for a lot of people.

[BeornJ]

Thanks for the advice guys, I was thinking the same. Third date or later if things are really clicking

Arkhangel, that blog was really interesting. I understood it slightly differently though; that if some people find you unattractive, you're more likely to get more messages. If you're conventionally attractive, you're less likely to get messages than if you're unconventionally attractive.

They also elaborated that a lot of smart women flaunt what some men would find unappealing/ turn offs: big noses, a strange wart, big eye brows, tattoos, piercings, chubbiness. Flaunting what some people would find unattractive actually increases chances of being messaged.

[Isis]

I guess 'flaunting' a characteristic demonstrates that you are happy in your own skin. Speaking of which, I intentionally did not show or mention that I have a number of tattoos when I was online dating. It would have been a deal breaker (obviously!) if a potential partner found them unattractive and I had to see that reaction for myself face-to-face.

[Mormont'sRaven]

Tinder date went really well. What was supposed to be 15-minute coffee turned into 1.5 hours of conversation with no awkward pauses. And she answered my texts which is great.

We agreed to meet for lunch or dinner next. The only issue is, my availability is poor because I work three jobs now (one during the day, one at night, the other on weekends). So really the only time I can go out are the peak times when everyone else can go out--Friday nights and weekends during the day. Is it really appropriate to go on a second date at a crowded restaurant, because any of the good restaurants I want to take her to would of course be crowded at these times. What should I do? We would have to wait a long time to sit. It might kill the date :(

Any advice?

[kairparavel]

Pick a day and time and place. Then, with that information, make a reservation.

[Ulthosian Stark]

Thanks for the advice guys, I was thinking the same. Third date or later if things are really clicking

Arkhangel, that blog was really interesting. I understood it slightly differently though; that if some people find you unattractive, you're more likely to get more messages. If you're conventionally attractive, you're less likely to get messages than if you're unconventionally attractive.

They also elaborated that a lot of smart women flaunt what some men would find unappealing/ turn offs: big noses, a strange wart, big eye brows, tattoos, piercings, chubbiness. Flaunting what some people would find unattractive actually increases chances of being messaged.

Tattoos/piercings should fall under attractive for most men, like myself, I prefer tatted women. That blog had some really dumb reasoning though, and it was all based on attractiveness. They should have somehow taken into account peoples interests, if you have opposite interests the person no matter how attractive probably won't message them because of it. Also wanting children, that's a big ol deal breaker for me because I feel its irresponsible to bring more people into an already overcrowded society. Adopt.

That's why places like eHarmony is a much better chance for meeting someone you click with on more then a "oh your hot" level. Anyone I known who's tried okcupid hates it for its superficiality.

Religion is another big one, if your agnostic (like myself) your not going to want to be with an evangelist who constantly pushes their crap down on other people's throats. Things like that factor in to whether your going to message someone or not, more so then straight looks IMHO

Tinder date went really well. What was supposed to be 15-minute coffee turned into 1.5 hours of conversation with no awkward pauses. And she answered my texts which is great.

We agreed to meet for lunch or dinner next. The only issue is, my availability is poor because I work three jobs now (one during the day, one at night, the other on weekends). So really the only time I can go out are the peak times when everyone else can go out--Friday nights and weekends during the day. Is it really appropriate to go on a second date at a crowded restaurant, because any of the good restaurants I want to take her to would of course be crowded at these times. What should I do? We would have to wait a long time to sit. It might kill the date :(

Any advice?

That's great about the good date. My advice as far as the second part goes is either make a reservation, or leave. Go find some good street food or a food truck, take a nice walk maybe down by any sort of water near you etc. In my experience, women like a man who has good backup plans like that and isn't afraid to try new things

That's my go to if the first plan doesn't work out, I either go down to the shire of Lake Erie and get some good food from a locally owned bar I know the owners of, or go to Niagara Falls. The street food around there is awesome, there's a ton of things to get into etc. I'm lucky in that the Falls are only a half hour away.

[Four-Eyed Raven]

Tinder date went really well. What was supposed to be 15-minute coffee turned into 1.5 hours of conversation with no awkward pauses. And she answered my texts which is great.

We agreed to meet for lunch or dinner next. The only issue is, my availability is poor because I work three jobs now (one during the day, one at night, the other on weekends). So really the only time I can go out are the peak times when everyone else can go out--Friday nights and weekends during the day. Is it really appropriate to go on a second date at a crowded restaurant, because any of the good restaurants I want to take her to would of course be crowded at these times. What should I do? We would have to wait a long time to sit. It might kill the date :(

Any advice?

Make a reservation. Or, if you go somewhere where there's a long wait, pick it in a nice part of town where you guys can walk around or grab a quick coffee/drink while you wait to be called. If I were taken to a crowded place to eat, I wouldn't necessarily mind. It means we can talk louder, closer together, and more animated without anyone else hearing/caring. :)

[Larry of the Lawn]

[quote name="Ulthosian Stark" post="6093626"

That's why places like eHarmony is a much better chance for meeting someone you click with on more then a "oh your hot" level. Anyone I known who's tried okcupid hates it for its superficiality.

[Theda Baratheon]

If a guy you've only spoken to a handful of times and have never actually met even though you're sort of from the same area and have a mutual friend with and have had on fb for a couple years messages you out of the blue asking ''how's things'' does this indicate interest or just a really really bored person talking to the first person they see on their contact list lol because i don't really know why else a not-quite-friend would talk to me

[Inigima]

No way to tell.

[-Ghost-]

So there's this girl that I work with. She doesn't actually work in my area, but has to do with it, so she stops by a few times a day. We always talk when we see each other a few times a week. Last week she had a project to do and had to take pictures of our job, so I helped her, and when she was showing me the pictures in the finished project she told me I have cute hands? and showed me her favorite one. I'm guessing that that's a good thing. Plus, a few people in my area have made some comments that they think she's into me. So I was thinking about asking her to go see an outdoor concert this weekend. Is that too much for a first date type idea?

[Lily Valley]

Question for you guys, how early in dating could I invite the girl over for me to cook dinner for her? Third date?

Third or fourth date is fine for your house, don't push it. Home is a really big deal for a lot of people.

Mr. Fling has never, ever been inside my house. I am a rabid bear about the interior of my house to people I date. It's unreasonable, but there it is. I do NOT want any memories of romantic relationships building up in my house. It's mine and I'm not moving anytime soon.

In addition, I live in a dog-hair covered hippie commune that leaks feral cats. It's HARD for people to process. I'm never sure what I'm coming home to. It's great, it's fun, but it can be a little much. It's also CONSTANTLY under construction and I have to tell everyone, "You should have seen it LAST month!!"

Seriously, I just vacuumed again today. It's like a freekin snowstorm in there. I'm shocked that my dog has any hair left on his actual body. Nobody needs to see that. Currently waiting for it all to hit the ground so I can vacuum again.

Tinder date went really well. What was supposed to be 15-minute coffee turned into 1.5 hours of conversation with no awkward pauses. And she answered my texts which is great.

We agreed to meet for lunch or dinner next. The only issue is, my availability is poor because I work three jobs now (one during the day, one at night, the other on weekends). So really the only time I can go out are the peak times when everyone else can go out--Friday nights and weekends during the day. Is it really appropriate to go on a second date at a crowded restaurant, because any of the good restaurants I want to take her to would of course be crowded at these times. What should I do? We would have to wait a long time to sit. It might kill the date :(

Any advice?

Pick a day and time and place. Then, with that information, make a reservation.

+1 Do this. You've gotten some other good advice on food truck and walk around. That would be really romantic if you have the opportunity where you live.

If a guy you've only spoken to a handful of times and have never actually met even though you're sort of from the same area and have a mutual friend with and have had on fb for a couple years messages you out of the blue asking ''how's things'' does this indicate interest or just a really really bored person talking to the first person they see on their contact list lol because i don't really know why else a not-quite-friend would talk to me

No way to tell.

^^^

Chat and find out.

[Kelli Fury]

Ulthosian Stark- I beseech you. Please, please, Please, as a personal favor to me, never say "tatted" again. I'm begging you.