Larry of the Lawn Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I'm having a pretty major dilemma here. I'm trying to cultivate the right kind of taste in literature that will be a complete and accurate reflection of myself. I want to read a set of books, and in a particular order, instill in me the desired outlook on life and also resonate on every word I type on this forum.I want to be privy to all the black semen jokes the Bakker fans (bunch of fucking snobs from what I can discern) share, and to glory in the humor and insane amount of grimdark found in Abercrombie. I want to read ASoiaf (despite the fact it has no real characters, from what I've heard) with an awareness of how it completely lacks any kind of depth or nuance and has no themes. I also need to read the classics of Speculative Fiction (you probably don't know what that means but bear with me). So I need to read, like, Dune, LotR (the series based on the movie trilogy), Vonnegut, Arthur C Clarke, Heinlein, Lovecraft, and Poe. But I need to be able to home about them like I understand them while still kind having my comments reek of disdain and condescension.A little familiarity with McCarthy, Pynchon and DeLillo would probably get me some points and make people think I'm smart but let's get real, that shit is probably way over my head (can't even make it through a mieville prologue, or even the cliff notes to Moby Dick).So I come to you asking for help board. What order do I read this shit in? For the Abercrombie I need an even more explicit chronological syllabus. Remember, this is my board persona at stake here, so do the frikking courtesy of proofreading your posts before responding. I'm not your damned editor. Thanks for your time,LermoEta: tell me other ones to read based on what you think I like Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnionAhaiReborn Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Have you read any Murakami? The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle hits the speculative, pretentious, seminal, violent, humorous mark you seem to be aiming for in your quest to perfect your board persona. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myshkin Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I'll let you in on a little secret: you don't have to actually read any of those things. Take me for example; I am widely considered the coolest and most well-read person on the board, and I can't read. At all. So here's what you need to know: When Bakker comes up just start talking about the objectification of women, and how you deplore it. When Abercrombie comes up say something about subversion of tropes. When speaking of GRRM make sure to qualify any praise with the term "for a fantasy writer". Make sure to trash Tolkien as a romantic with mediocre prose, while also claiming that you like his work. When Lovecraft comes up move the conversation away from his work by calling him a racist. When Vonnegut comes up just say "so it goes", then shut up. Everyone will think you are a Vonnegut expert. Same goes with Heinlein, just replace so it goes with "I grok". With DeLillo just say something about the banality of modern life. And the biggest secret; you don't have to say anything about Pynchon at all. The thing is nobody has ever read a Pynchon novel all the way through. Just make sure to name-drop him every once in a while and everyone will assume you know what you're talking about. Follow these simple rules and one day you will be as awesome and sexy as me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iskaral Pust Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Myshkin wins the internet today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edda van Heefmstra Ruston Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Myshkin wins the internet a lot of the time, and not just for the Bowie avatar. larry, your list lacks the following important authors: Wolfe, Kay, Butler, Ó Guilín, Le Guin, Atwood, Russell, Shelley, Peake, Goodkind, and St. Black. Figure out where and when to fit them all in to your list as well, and you'll already be halfway there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagilki Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 But Myshkin didn't say anything about what to say when Robert Stanek is brought up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhom Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 Don't forget the seminal work of our times: The Sword of Truth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Richard II Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 You forgot Abraham! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howdyphillip Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 I'll let you in on a little secret: you don't have to actually read any of those things. Take me for example; I am widely considered the coolest and most well-read person on the board, and I can't read. At all. So here's what you need to know: When Bakker comes up just start talking about the objectification of women, and how you deplore it. When Abercrombie comes up say something about subversion of tropes. When speaking of GRRM make sure to qualify any praise with the term "for a fantasy writer". Make sure to trash Tolkien as a romantic with mediocre prose, while also claiming that you like his work. When Lovecraft comes up move the conversation away from his work by calling him a racist. When Vonnegut comes up just say "so it goes", then shut up. Everyone will think you are a Vonnegut expert. Same goes with Heinlein, just replace so it goes with "I grok". With DeLillo just say something about the banality of modern life. And the biggest secret; you don't have to say anything about Pynchon at all. The thing is nobody has ever read a Pynchon novel all the way through. Just make sure to name-drop him every once in a while and everyone will assume you know what you're talking about. Follow these simple rules and one day you will be as awesome and sexy as me. Slow clap that turns into a standing ovation... Bravo... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
End of Disc One Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 With Card, just say that you refuse to give any money to that biggot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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