LGBTQI - youtube is awesome!

[Xray the Enforcer]

As long as the drinking leads eventually to closer relationships where you won't need to drink to be comfortable. Punishing your liver just to get a few more shallow friendships isn't worth it. Believe me, I know. Good luck. :grouphug:

[Weeping Sore]

As long as the drinking leads eventually to closer relationships where you won't need to drink to be comfortable. Punishing your liver just to get a few more shallow friendships isn't worth it. Believe me, I know. Good luck. :grouphug:

Thanks, Xray.

[Robin Of House Hill]

I suppose that's self-evident. It's probably a testament to the weakness of my current IRL friendships that I don't do much sharing. Maybe I should start drinking again, that's the only way I can stand to socialize.

It is an area I have no expertise in, whatever, so I just give you my best wishes.

[Weeping Sore]

It is an area I have no expertise in...

Drinking or socializing?

...so I just give you my best wishes.

I appreciate it. Anticipating a change of scene soon, a less stodgy locale, and hopefully a less stodgy job. New places, new faces. Can't hurt.

[brook]

My best friend came out as trans to me by getting us both blind drunk.

When we woke up the next day I'd lost all memory of that night and she had to do it again while we were both hungover.

So my only advise is, whatever the merits of using alcohol to help build friendships, keep any big announcements until you are sober :p

Also good luck in your move :-)

[Robin Of House Hill]

Drinking or socializing?

I appreciate it. Anticipating a change of scene soon, a less stodgy locale, and hopefully a less stodgy job. New places, new faces. Can't hurt.

Pre-transition, I had a lot of experience drinking. Not so much, since. If I have two or three drinks per month, that's about it, these days. Socializing is a bit complicated. Pre-transition, not a lot. The first few years post-transition, quite a bit. After I was outed by two people I thought I could trust, almost none at all.

[Xray the Enforcer]

I appreciate it. Anticipating a change of scene soon, a less stodgy locale, and hopefully a less stodgy job. New places, new faces. Can't hurt.

I just went through a job transition -- totally threw my world into a tailspin. In a good way. But be very prepared for having all kinds of feels, all the time, with no off button.

If you want to chat privately (especially while you adjust to a new locale and job), feel free to PM me. :)

[karaddin]

I went for a new job (at the same work place) about a month after transitioning in the work place. After the interview I then proceeded to absolutely melt down under a level of stress I couldn't handle and realised I was going through too much at that point to be taking on a new job as well and withdrew my application. It can be hard to predict how you are going to respond to things so make sure you look after yourself (not intended as an argument against new jobs :p just self care and listening to yourself).

[Robin Of House Hill]

^Karaddin,

^{If I may ask, was the stress related your being less familiar with the job you were applying for, than the one you held, the additional scrutiny that goes with applying for a new position, or was it something else?}

[karaddin]

Just generalised stress. I had done about 50% of the duties of this job in the past, I was the most experienced person with the primary system it would have been administering in my department, but there still would have been new skills to learn and just changing jobs alone causes stress. Bear in mind that in the prior 3 years I had moved to the US, gotten married, been forcefully unemployed (waiting for visa processing) during the GFC recession, gotten a new job there, bought a house, moved back to Australia, got divorced, had another period of unemployment before getting my old job back, then realised I was trans and came out to everyone in my life and transitioned. That's more stress in a few years than is typically dealt with in a decade and any stress at all was too much at that point. I just needed to find a comfort zone again and settle into being me.

I decided to go back to university instead, and plan for an eventual career change, but as that is what I want to do it hasn't stressed me in the same way - the job change would have been for money.

Add my mum getting the brain tumour towards the end of last year, the constant nagging of my need for surgery and a couple of other things and 16 months on I'm still in the same place - at my limit of stress and anything above that I fail to cope with.

[Robin Of House Hill]

So, you transitioned in the same place that you were living? I've only known one person that transitioned in place and her experience was pretty similar to mine. Not much acceptance.

I understand about the stress level you described.

[karaddin]

But I've had acceptance from almost everyone, one very slightly passive aggressive douche at work I almost never have to deal with, and a couple of brothers. My stress level would have been far higher had I lost my life and gone stealth.

[Robin Of House Hill]

I didn't have much of a choice. The only two family members of my family that I had any contact with were nominally supportive. But the town I lived in, was a disaster. Only one neighbor would speak to me. Some of them, if they saw me leave the house, would actually turn away so they didn't have to look at me. I'd see people pointing out my car where I parked it in the local supermarket parking lot.

I couldn't move, because the company I worked for, which was on board with my transitioning and everyone seemed very supportive, until three weeks before the scheduled transition date, terminated me. I had to conserve the money I had, so moving was out of the question. If a friend hadn't offered to share her apartment with me, so I could get out of the area, I don't think I would have survived.

A few years later, I thought I could trust two people. I was wrong. They outed me to practically everyone I knew. That's when I went stealth with a vengeance in 1984. Until I revealed I was trans, on this board in August 2013, I never told a soul. That's probably why I have this internal raging conflict about visibility.

This Sunday, I am doing something that violates every rule about living stealth. I'm attending a rally at the Los Angeles City Hall, protesting the murders of transgender people. That's about the only issue I can think of that is serious enough to get me to do such a thing. Me, in the midst of more than 130 trans people, their allies, politicians, members of the police and the news media. If that doesn't cause a melt down, I don't know what will. I'll do it, because I'm looking at it like a military mission and I've planned everything. It's when I get back, that the melt down will start.

[TerraPrime]

Re: Robin

Everyone's road is different, and being in a time and place that is significantly different from the here and now, you did what you needed to do to survive and to become finally who you're meant to be. I completely understand your strong reactions on the issue of stealth versus visibility, and I think your voice in cautioning putting up visibility as THE model to follow comes from a very genuine and very caring part of yourself, despite your occassional misanthropic streaks. So, I think it's very admirable that you're going to the rally on Sunday. I think it's wonderful that there's a march for the issue of violence against trans* people. I wish you the best and I hope the shell-shock from being so public won't be too bad afterwards.

[Robin Of House Hill]

TP,

Yes, the environment one finds oneself in, accounts for a lot. You have no idea how glad I am that karaddin was able to do what she did. I think it would drive me crazy, trying to keep track of who knows and who doesn't. It's hard enough switching between online and real life.

I'll be honest. When I acknowledged being trans, on this board, last year, it was the most liberating thing I'd felt in a good long time. To have somewhere that I could turn the safeguards off and even be able to discuss things I hadn't talked about in 35 years was amazing. But, I began to realize that while it felt good, it didn't feel safe and I couldn't let it spill into real life. I simply don't trust that history won't repeat itself, if I trust people with that information.

As for the rally, I know the area and have planned how I'll get there and back, so that shouldn't be a problem. If I see myself on the evening news, that could be a problem.

[Weeping Sore]

@Robin- good for you, I hope it ends up being a positive experience and raises awareness. If you are on the evening news, I suppose you could always say you there as an ally in solidarity with a friend or family member.

[Robin Of House Hill]

@Robin- good for you, I hope it ends up being a positive experience and raises awareness. If you are on the evening news, I suppose you could always say you there as an ally in solidarity with a friend or family member.

It will probably raise awareness, though I'm not sure how effective it will be in reducing violence against trans people. Positive experience? Well, except for knowing I didn't chicken out, I'm not sure how it could be.

As far as being on the evening news is concerned, I love to delude myself that people in the area haven't figured things out, but to think that my being on the news in that context will not confirm it for them, exceeds my ability to be delusional. The thing that will keep going is the knowledge that in 18 months, we will move out of the area and my neighbors will be history.

[Weeping Sore]

...exceeds my ability to be delusional.

Don't sell yourself short. :P

[Robin Of House Hill]

Don't sell yourself short. :P

LOL! At 6'4", that is really unlikely.

[Robin Of House Hill]

I got a note from the rally's organizers. Here it is.

Hello Robin,

We so pleased you are attending the Rally Against the Murdering of Transgender People on Sunday.

You are going to make a HUGE DIFFERENCE just by being there with your brothers and sisters. If you need a ride please post on the Event page. Let us know if you can be part of the carpool team.

There will be extensive MEDIA COVERAGE of the event. Tags with “No Photos/Video” will be provided if you don’t want to be filmed.

Thank you so much for your support! Please let us know if you are still coming.

Here is my reply.

I'll be there, because anything to reduce the risks I face, is necessary. And I will be there for the friend who showed me it was possible to live as who I am. She was murdered in 1976.

If being photographed is what it takes to tell the world the violence and murders must stop, so be it.