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Word by Word Story, Volume 24: Llamas and Bratwursts


First of My Name

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The idea is simple: You post one word, and together with other words it forms a story. Anyone can join in. You can't post twice in a row, and please attempt to use correct grammar and stuff. As cohesive as possible. The stories usually last about 400 words.

The first 9 volumes were about Smallrus, the small walrus, and the adventures he had with his friends and enemies. Volumes 10 to 18 focused on Gregling McGreg's rise to and fall from power, and ended when his son Grog swore to kill Lucifer, who was responsible for the collapse of Gregling's empire. Now, a new tale will begin... (It's up to the posters to decide if they want to involve Grog or not).

The Smallrus Saga can be found here: http://asoiaf.wester...f-the-walruses/

And the Gregling Cycle here: http://asoiaf.wester...ll-of-gregling/

These are the installments in the current tale:

Volume 19: Revenge of the Posters

In a dimension closer to Hell, cancer sign was retrograding in SnowOther's pants. A Jabberwock called Leehee hugged him lovingly, curing cancer. Suddenly, musical songs dedicated to SnowOther were made. Somewhere, over the horizon flocks, men gathered to commemorate their gods. They decided FirstofmyName should go see Leehee, to declare war on him. FirstofmyName begged "please bring WOMEN!" LeeHee was obliging, and kissed FirstofmyName. "Gross, you're not human!" he gagged. To Leehee this is devastating, because Jonlives had slept with Leehee. Back at that castle belonging to Jonlives, someone special moaned "Yes, the time with you hasn't disappointed JonCon." He wasn't convinced that she was truthful. However, JonCon persuaded him to tell secrets of great female importance. Jonlives bought a gun to kill himself, along with Leehee. "Forgive me, God!" The trigger failed, and JonCon sighed. "Give me the gun." She shot "BAMM!", and Jonlives fell laughing. UnJonCon killed herself with the banana. UnJonlives cursed Scientology for switching the rules of living. SnowOther and Leehee, the Jabberwock, decided to conspire against FirstofmyName, because he slept with Queen Joffrey's Revenge. Plots thicken while Maury prolonged the pregnancy of Leehee, and Yomi fought trolls. Subsequently, FirstofmyName wrote Joffrey'sRevenge's epitaph when the Jabberwocks killed his uncle. This caused FirstofmyName's insanity to worsen. UnJonlives screamed and convulsed. drunk as a lord. She visited Asshai to seek vengeance and exotic pleasures. Once both her breasts blossomed mushrooms, she stripped. This had nothing to do with rights, Firstofmyname thought. Joffrey'sRevenge rose against UnJonlives. Displeasured concubines atacked man-whores repeatedly with bratwursts,because they harvested mangoes that were not orange. As Leehee atoned for her sins, FirstofmyName's awesomeness couldn't be greater. UnJonlives spoke: "Why doesn't the fox bite SnowOther's leg? Purple rain was drowning civilians, monkeys, and giant robots. YEAAAHHHH!!!" She claimed, "But you're dwarfish and drunk!" Abstinence was boring, though, and so Joffrey'sRevenge and UnJonlives started smoking weed. Blazed and burned, sleepy, hungry, giggly, they fucked till the sun set. Leehee gave birth to a walrus called Yomi Mangoson, who instantly talked smack Portuguese. Sadly, not one was happy, resulting in many abortions, which delighted UnJonlives. FirstofmyName crucified UnJonlives, because he sinned mightily. Leehee reluctlantly committed voohoo on Maury, because Yomi Mangoson told her to fuck shit, causing emnity amongst their children, Koa and Firstofmyname. Mischieve sprung amongst erected fauns that loathed all Jabberwocks. Clandestiny maneuvers were secretly developed by usurpers, who planned to seduce the first poster who inserted Bandersnatch into Yomi's trollhunting fiasco.

Volume 20: Best Served Cold

Yomi, the fabled trollhunter, lurked, sharpening his naginata, katana and dildo. All Jabberwocks cowered, because those damn weapons hurt. Luckily, they weren't vulnerable to sex-toys, unless a gummy koala wields a silken iPhone. The only problems Firstofmyname could solve were nonexistant. However, Davrum visited UnJonCon to start solving FirstofmyName's chronic priapism using Old Nan to suck earth-worms out of Firstofmyname's prostate cancer. Leehee hid under UnJonlives' cross while CPR'ing her son who's first thought would change the life of UnJonlives forever. Suddenly, Leehee discovered that potatoes were stolen from trees planted in Heaven. She beckoned with fury, wounding her child. He was unhappy, and thought: Why isn't there someone who dies instead? Is this really my fate? ...No! I will take my kingdom back! Yomi felt better, Old Nan noticed. "Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh," whispered UnJonlives passionately. "I feel alive! Now, I'll say: Go home, or wherever sharks dwell!" Lady Koala bought harpoons for pandagod. Yomi gathered rifles, planning to attack, surrender, and make another baby that could help Australia win the Eurovision Song. But this baby didn't have any fans, so Yomi gave it up. Firstofmyname adopted the baby, naming it Darth. Little did this achieve. Could Darth become the next Archmaester? Amateresu was not convinced of this. He visited Leehee and ate lobsters painted with strangler symbols designed for God. Davrum was enhancing Old Nan's walking method using only his gas. Flying pancakes were covered with sprinkles by UnJonCon. In FirstofmyName's laundry someone flim-flammed on Queen Joffrey'sRevenge. When Jabberwocks finally united and attacked, but FirstofmyName called upon them to stop. They hesitated, deciding to consult hedghog RonJeremy Archibald, deciding to bring sellswords around the forest of bamboo. Resultingly, the sky fell, and the Archmaester begged for shelter from the Gods and falling peanuts. Leehee asked UnJonlinves if she would really eat scrawny headphones doughnuts. For God's gift shop, prices rose due to an exploding chia pet. Yomi fell for Old Nan twenty times with passion, causing painful diarrhea that lasted days. Retardation of Eeveelution caused the forum to explode. And then it seemed as if penises emerged triumphantly. The Archmeasters valiantly tried to slay Gojira with bananas, but that is if Yomi could shake Gojira's tail with enthusiasm. Yomi's shaven cat was furious and fast. RonJeremy failed, God said, crying. 'Wasssuuuppp?' he happily screamed at Roma while picking his earwax. Darth Lader, as some called him, asked to borrow contraceptions for his pet armadillo, that shagged Jonlive's mother. She had always a rather strange way of breathing without closing her decadent, yet attractive, mouth, while fucking everybody's pets. Yomi was pretty happy, because he could ignore criticism from everyone except God, who could truly punish him.

Volume 21: Stuff Happens

Darth had only managed to get two birth control pills and swallowed. He already had taken hard discussions from Yomi to end unwanted sex, which his huge armadillo prevented with gunfire. Meanwhile, Leehee parleyed with Queen-Goddess Amidala about ending Yomi's destructive trollhunting. They concluded that it would bring much peace across fields if Yomi would call his Donkey Kong. Reluctlantly, Yomi took DK's ear which bleed and drips and yelps. Slavers captured hordes of palm trees, as burgers of intestines pelted their furry vegetables. The Gummy Bears rescued Koa Stig from Queen Amidala's butler, who darkly haunts the Riverland's pubs. Surprisingly, the rock said, "Go quickly, my liege, and drink every bottle of helium in the galaxy." Darth did listen, but forgot. Displeased, the queen declared blasphemy, and Bilbo went to Leehee, and ate out every fish. Suddenly the Jabberwocks turned against the Freys. But FoMN intervened, heroically dying. Into the west fled his pigeon, seeking vengeance with flair. Meanwhile, Darth and his Yomi set out for another bloodthirsty carrot. Eating the orange food, avoiding the cops, King Pigeon spread news of turtles who dressed as snakes. They gyrated across many kingdoms. For several millennia, the sexiest narwhals had been perfecting their revenge on each of Meredith's accomplices who tickled their plums. Then Yomi concocted the deadly narwhal invasion, hoping that more cities would be excruciatingly saved. Archibald pretended to be a dwarf slaver, so that he could discover the truth about hedgehogs. He, Koa and Leehee crept under the floor to touch cobwebs. The cobwebs bit and stung everyone. A crocodile debated the morality code of the murder of guilty convicts, alone. He decided that morality was boring, then proceeded to establish an overly murderous campaign to purge the world of Starks. Arya vowed to exact payment on the only prostitute that helped some bees because they were extremely friendly. Larry Death recruited hundreds of thse hookers to assemble Winterfell. Yomi allied with King Pigeon Pie and Walder Frey, only he betrayed them heroically. As they planned to attack the stronhold, Arya and Hot Pie baked a huge cake, inside a concoction of sulfuric urine-based sweetmeats. Darth and Yomi joined forces with Queen Amidala in a search for Leehee, who was hiding because Jabberwocks had Yomi's private letters in custody. The Gummy Bears hatched several plots to overthrow everyone who wore armor. Yomi didn't know about this betrayal.

Volume 22: Everyone Dies Again

Yomi decapitated Joffrey'sRevenge with his own naginata, given to him by Leehee. 'On this day, you shall be sentenced to oblivion.' SWOOSH! His unacknowledged child, Pigeon Pie, bought a flamethrower, killing Hot Pie. Seeking revenge while having copious amounts of poison, Arya decimated the narwhals. Then Yomi ate a Narwhal and ventured into DK's territory, carrying twenty-six grenades. He bombed the stronghold of Kong, causing untold misery. Darth, deciding that Yomi had gone completely insane, abandoned hope, and commited genocide. Gummy Bears infiltrated Darth's flying fortress with the help of Archibald, Leehee met some Jabberwocks who killed Darth's gardener and boyfriend. "Look at it", cried Leehee, overjoyed. Archibald turned to look and promptly shook with Great enthusiasm because Leehee's hair had caught fire. Luckily Darth cared enough to douse Leehee with gasoline, thus sending Leehee to Heaven. God looked disappointing that all of the Gummy Bears participated in the massacre of Darth's Jabberwocks. Darth vowed to murder all homophobes, which Trial could twerk against if Yomi gave up the phobia of bumping strangers with clubs. "Who dares disturb ME!" Yelled Yomi, with murderous intent, as Pigeon Pie rampaged across the stars, slaughtering DK. Everyone who defied the Queen of Everything was promptly imprisoned and thrown into the cheese fondue. "Yummy!" cried Yomi while Darth camouflaged himself as oyster, leading an army of clams, who could camouflage themselves as clams. "Well, this is absolutely nonsense! You can't camouflage clams as clams!". So as Yomi enjoyed his feast, the Jomsvikings helped Darth to raid a pantry containing millions of cockle. Meanwhile Dooku realized Joffery was a Donkey's uncle because Selyse displeased Oberon, the God Elf of Samothrace. To appease Oberon, Myrcella must marry Pigeon Pie the murderer of Hot Pie. "What stupid bullshit is this? Toasty!" Yelped Archibald Peck from the Chikara pit. Thus began the war against Toasty. Many who had deposits of potato or horseradish rallied alongside Archibald Morsebinder, and Archibald Peck. During the big conflict, the children of Toasty yowled with anger at Yomi, who wasn't dead enough. Hurling horseradishes towards them, Yomi quickly turned on his own BFFs, slaughtering them with Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, which he had since childhood. Meanwhile pastafarianism rocked the realm with sauce. Nonsensical lyrics streamed forth, eviscerating the battlefield. The armies bled lemonade colored milk, which Conan mixed with Joffery'sRevenge's spit stew to pour drinks for Yomi's funeral and jerked upright when Darth sacrificed Pigeon Pie, thereby committing the world to Doom and Darkness.

Volume 23:

The End was upon all who defied Lord Yomi. His pandas destroyed Joffrey and Tyrion. Darth consumed every kraken, so Yomi was unopposed. Then after Darkness had fallen, assassins stampeded towards a castle, where Robert Baratheon lived. Robert Baratheon disemboweled all assassins twice. Unbeknownst to Creepbeard, Archibald maliciously soaked in goat urine! "This is outrageously saddening for every goatherd marshal!" yelled Creepbeard. Darth, Visenya and Creepbeard discussed their carpet from Uzbekistan. Yomi's pea was sentient and edible. Visenya fell to the Jomsvikings, who strung her from a flagpole. Robert Baratheon wept when he behaaded Creepbeard's beard. This quarrel escalated quickly, causing storms to ravage Isengard. Uzbekibekistanstanians fled to Robert's town. The enemies of Yomi bumrushed this place behind the mountains. Darth wasn't scared yet, but fear consumed Creepbeardless, causing him to act. He killed Robert with his toes. Yomi ate all his challengers alive. Amidala decided the war effort has chlamydia, and clowns too. Robert's castle smelled like cumin. Darth was having issues with rebellious peasants, who argued amongst cabbages. He erected several trebuchets and pharmacies. Yomi initiated oral speeches to enlarge revenu. He then fought Creepbeardless' Tormund-like-member with only his elbow. Creepbeardless' joy vanished without warning, which surprised Boar, who murdered him. Ludovica's and Piccadilly's legacies were discovered ere by perished Pigeons in custard. Eventually Yomi died, the crown Prime stole was pink. All the courtesans were nervous. Darth returned from the pharmacy, enraged about the death of Yomi. He chainsawed Uzbekistan into submission, and then marched against Prime. Steakville rebelled as UnVisenya rode Grumpy Cat to aid Archibald, the malicious Archmaester. They met with the surviving Uzbekistanian Jabberwocks and Toasty to challenge the rule of Darth. But he learned their secrets and, true to his training, he Force-choked Toasty. Prime recruited the huge mayor of Canberra, who was angry about camel-toes. Archibald transformed into mosquitoes, and spread malaria throughout Canberra. The ghosts rallied their grandmothers against Archibald, but they were routed. Prime declared Uzbekistan, Saint Kitts and Nevis to destroy Darth's inherited army. Together they crushed Elrond, because elves looked weird and declared their opposition against strawberry milkshakes. "Chocolate is Prime's favorite", Prime announced. His compliant: "My kingdom smells like horseradish, gross!" Darth ordered all his forces to smear strawberry around their bodies, causing cacophonous screaming. Prime decided flirtations were the bomb, but somehow Darth had snuck behind him with a vot of hot chocolate, which boiled and burned as Darth demolished Prime.

Darth is now in control, but Archibald is still out there. What will happen next?

Darth

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