Inigima Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 What's the least awkward way to have the exclusivity talk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercenaryChef Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 What's the least awkward way to have the exclusivity talk? 'do you see this magnificent and extraordinary turgid erection that i am so powerfully brandishing in front of you? i would like to only put in you. tell me you agree.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 What's the least awkward way to have the exclusivity talk?Procrastinate until she brings it up. If youre set on having that conversation though, there are a couple of easy ways to do it. The.first one has some prerequisites though:If you were lucky enough to meet her on a dating site and you still communicate on there at all, send a message telling her youre intending to deactivate your profile because you no longer feel you need to be on there, giving her any other contact info she doesnt already have. You could probably be creative and work use the dating site cancellation thing even if you aren't still actively on there.Similarly, you can just casually work into conversation "so I'd like us to be exclusive". (Okay, that's actually not so easy).That's always one conversation I wanted the other party to initiate.Eta: or the turgid erection thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 I have no useful advice I've never actually had that conversation - is that weird? But Ini I'm happy things are obviously going well :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Is it the girl from your dancing club? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Is it the girl from your dancing club? Nope, OKCupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Come to think of it, I've never had the conversation either. Although every girl I've dated that went anywhere I knew early on I was into it and stopped pursuing anything else. Guess I just haven't really ever casually dated. Edit: I mean I've had conversations the other way, where I've had someone I was hooking up with be like "make it official or i'm not fucking you anymore" and we've parted ways, but never vice versa where I actually wanted something more serious. I feel like I've been rejected before that point any time the feelings aren't really there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted October 2, 2014 Author Share Posted October 2, 2014 Aah, the exclusivity conversation. It's the conversation I dread the most because it's always when bullshit happens for me. Just go into it and ask something along the lines of "So where do you think we should go from here?"That should lead into the conversation you're hoping for. Good luck, Ini. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkess Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Nora is well aware of my opinion of her boyfriend, so I won't belabor the point, but I will point out that if you want to convince her to dump him, the day to do it is probably not the day he sent her a teddy bear and flowers from overseas. True! Lots of warm fuzzies. :) What's the least awkward way to have the exclusivity talk? I think it is pretty awkward no matter what, I guess just try to not make it a huge deal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 It will still take some movement of the conversation after this point, but LITA's suggestion isn't an awful suggestion - at minimum it leads to a conversation where you get your expectations sorted. I've never had to have that talk either though so I'm not much help either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Kilmore Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 When I went "exclusive" with my wife back when we were dating, we were out at dinner. Like you, I met her through online dating. It just went along the vein about where we both saw things. I think the way I approached it was saying something along the lines of, "I like you and I really want to see where this thing goes." Then all the romantic stuff and that jazz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted October 3, 2014 Author Share Posted October 3, 2014 I got cursed out for being honest with a woman and telling her I'm not able to commit to anyone and that I'm ok with her seeing other people. College age dating, y'all. When you're honest, you're an asshole, a dog and a player. When you're dishonest, you're an asshole, a dog and a player. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 I still think honesty is the best approach. Not everyone is looking for the same thing or the same kind of relationship parameters, but if you're not being honest about what you're looking for you'll end up deceiving a bunch of people and that's kind of shitty. At least this way you can go to bed every night knowing that you're on the level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted October 3, 2014 Author Share Posted October 3, 2014 I agree with you and that's why I find it very hard to feel bad for just telling the truth. I think some people need to grow up and realize we ain't all looking for the same things. And as long as adults are honest with each other, differences in expectation are perfectly fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungtotte Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 I guess wording and timing could help soften the blow. If you're meeting people through online dating it's easy enough to put it on your profile that you want something casual and you aren't looking for commitment, but I wouldn't go with "Hey would you like to go out sometime and oh by the way we should keep seeing other people" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alguien Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 Whelp... a few weeks ago I rejoined the ranks of singlehood. I was the one who did the breaking up, though I get the feeling it was mutual. Last year, I moved across the country to be with the girl I'd been dating for over a year. I also got a kick-ass job out in Seattle, (seriously, we did the layout, art, and editing of the Ice & Fire World book with George, I got to read it months ago!) and we moved in together. I quickly found that while I loved my new job and the city of Seattle, living together didn't go very well at all. We tried to make it work, really tried, but after a year, I think in the end it was a combination of bad timing, being different people, and not being ready to move in together. When she was feeling down, she could be very nasty, to the point where it poisoned how I felt about her. We moved into separate places and tried to continue to date, but I could already tell it wasn't going to turn things around. When she left to visit family for a week, and all I felt was relief, I knew it was time to call it. Anyway, my plan is to take a month for myself, read, run, write, perhaps grow a Ted-Mosby-esque breakup beard. Then after a month, shave that thing off (or at least trim it), and get back out there. There's an old college hookup in Seattle who works at bar and has been asking to meet up. That could be pretty fun... There's also this absolutely beautiful girl in France who I've known for quite for awhile, and finally, we're both single at the same time. But that's for a month from now. At the moment, I will be a hermit and continue to read this thread with great interest. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 LITA:But if you're going to get a bad rep either way, it pays to be honest right? Besides, you have to be able to live with your own actions regardless of whether the other person is emotionally mature enough to handle honesty on that issue in a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulthosian Stark Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 Whelp going to Vancouver in a few weeks to stay a while with my sort of ex, we never really broke up she just moved for work and has more family there then over here in New York, we've seen other people but just keep gravitating towards each otherHonestly, were going to spend a lot of time in the medical cannabis dispensaries, on the bay, and in the mountains. And were going to the Van city Aquarium. (Might sound lame but I make it a mission to go to the city aquarium whenever on vacation, so far Baltimore's has been the sickest, I'm a fish nerd)We aren't ones for fancy shit. Probably going to eat a lot of sushi and random oriental food that isn't available to me in buffalo, go to a few raves etc.This is basically my tour of "do I want to move there?". After that I'm going to NorCal where I have some family, and after that going to Colorado to stay with some good friends. By this time next year I hope to be moving in one of those 3 places. Hopefully Van though. We literally haven't been happy with anyone else and havent clicked like we do with anyone else. Her mom keeps telling her she's going to marry me haha, she started saying that about 4 years ago when we had already been together for 3 years.Now this is where it gets a little different, I have not fully stopped taking hallucinogens. And she has. We had some incredible bonding times on mushrooms, and I hope to be able to trip with her whilst there. But she hasn't tripped in years.. Should I push for it? I'm worried about her getting a bad trip, she has anxiety issues as it is. I just have a good " fuck it" mind state when it soles to such visceral experiences, this usually rubs off on her and helps her to keep the trip happyThoughts on the whole tripping together thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted October 3, 2014 Author Share Posted October 3, 2014 LITA:But if you're going to get a bad rep either way, it pays to be honest right? Besides, you have to be able to live with your own actions regardless of whether the other person is emotionally mature enough to handle honesty on that issue in a relationship.Right. I guess it's just annoying being called the bad guy even when you're consistent from the beginning. Mayhaps this a sign to be happy with the few women I'm talking with now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 Try being "the slut" ;) Just give me half a chance :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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