Jump to content

Calling All Wise and Witty


Quoth

Recommended Posts

Once again I turn to the collective brilliance and laser accurate wit of the Board to assist with a vexing situation.



I live just off the corner of an intersection. Across the intersection is the town’s last remaining Catholic School with an enrollment of, I suppose, 700 or so children. In the morning of each school day there is a calamitous traffic jam at the intersection as folks on the main street, in cars and buses, battle traffic on their way into work. Making matters worse are the, it surely seems, 700 or so moms or dads religiously (… erm… sorry) ferrying their child to school, driving their minivans or SUVs down my side street, attempting to cross the intersection. Yes, there is traffic light AND a crossing guard at the intersection. It’s sheer volume of vehicles that tie things up, odd for a town that’s a mere three mile wide and a mile across.



However, this is not my real gripe. I walk to the nearby light rail station and thus commute. No, it is the insane cacophony of horn honking by the parents desperately trying to get their child into school on time only to be stymied less than a block away. Today I actually times one idiot leaning on his horn for a full 25 seconds. Time that yourself, imagining a loud horn going off in your ear. It’s an eternity.


“Well, Quoth”, you say, “Can’t you complain to the City? Surely there’s an anti noise ordinance in effect? Maybe get an actual cop stationed there to direct traffic and brutalize noise offenders?” Alas, while there is such an ordinance, our overworked police force is otherwise engaged in other life threatening activity… chasing down graffiti artists… ticketing overtime (but not, for some, reason double) parked cars, etc.



There are other solutions, of course. The school did arrange for school buses, ffs. Or Parents could (horrors!) walk their kids to school. Or car pooling would help. I swear it’s always one child per vehicle. Or leave a little earlier FFS! But, no, I live in a town of idiots, I suppose.



No, this is one time where vigilantism seems the only solution. Passive-aggressive as I am, I am considering posting daily signs on a lamp pole situated near my home. I prefer slogans that will make them hesitate before leaning on their damn horns. If it brings a smile, that would be even better. Movie and literary references would be most appreciated. Why not try to educate these cretins while they wait in traffic? Certainly they should be (mostly) non-threatening. ;)



What I need from you is to add to my list of potential signs. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:



- Scientific studies show that horn honking drastically reduces MPG.



- Honk if you are a terrorist



- Honk if you love Justin Bieber (Hmmm… You see how tricky this is? Suppose they are fans. *shudder* Perhaps it’s best to cross musical references off the list…)



- WARNING! You have entered a Canadian Geese Hunting Preserve! Please… please… honk if you really feel the need! (I’m particularly proud of that one.)



- Honk if you wish to join ISIS. A representative will approach your vehicle shortly.



You get the idea. Thank you for your anticipated and continued awesomeness.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are other solutions, of course. The school did arrange for school buses, ffs. Or Parents could (horrors!) walk their kids to school. Or car pooling would help. I swear it’s always one child per vehicle. Or leave a little earlier FFS! But, no, I live in a town of idiots, I suppose.

You should take into account that most of those parents have schedules of their own and those options do not fit those schedules.

Having lived right next to the elementary school for 10+ years, I feel for your woes but how would you react if those parents told you: "If the noise bothers you, feel free to move a bit further from the school"?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You should take into account that most of those parents have schedules of their own and those options do not fit those schedules.

Having lived right next to the elementary school for 10+ years, I feel for your woes but how would you react if those parents told you: "If the noise bothers you, feel free to move a bit further from the school"?

You're asking for a bit of rationality? From me? :lol:

Agreed, those solutions may not fit their schedules. But, I should add that we're talking about a 15 to 20 minute traffic jam. Too much to rhetorically ask of them to get out of their doors 15 to 20 minutes earlier? No... no... you're right. It's easier for me to move...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're asking for a bit of rationality? From me? :lol:

Agreed, those solutions may not fit their schedules. But, I should add that we're talking about a 15 to 20 minute traffic jam. Too much to rhetorically ask of them to get out of their doors 15 to 20 minutes earlier? No... no... you're right. It's easier for me to move...

It's not just about getting out the door 15-20 minutes earlier, it's about what will the kid do for 15-20 minutes.

Sit on the school front step, or in the classroom or what?

And you moving is definitely not easier FOR YOU, but I'd dare say it is for hundreds of people who'd have to change their schedules ;)

EDIT:

Just to point out, I have lived next to the school and I've seen parents driving on the walking path just so they don't have to walk with their kids for 50 meters.

I know full well just how annoying asshole parents dropping their kids to school can be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You should take into account that most of those parents have schedules of their own and those options do not fit those schedules.

Having lived right next to the elementary school for 10+ years, I feel for your woes but how would you react if those parents told you: "If the noise bothers you, feel free to move a bit further from the school"?

I would think that it would be more schedule efficient NOT sitting in traffic and perhaps leaving the house a few minutes earlier. As a parent myself, I've learned these things.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've walked to school all the way through elementary and used public transport during high school. Biked during uni. I don't recall a single time in my 16 years of education where a car has driven me to the institution I was studying in.

This.

I lived 300-400 meters from my elementary school so I walked.

It still confuses me when parents drive their kids to school that's so close.

I would think that it would be more schedule efficient NOT sitting in traffic and perhaps leaving the house a few minutes earlier. As a parent myself, I've learned these things.

And you drop your kids off 20 minutes before their school starts?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sure. But I live in an area where kids are welcome at the school before the bell rings. It's a great time for them to socialise and run around.

My school was like that, too.

I guess it still is, but I just don't see as many kids in the schoolyard that much before school.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you want to get it fixed - call the principal and the PTA. They won't listen to signs, but they will sure as hell listen at parent teacher conferences.

Now where's the fun in that?! :)

(Complaints from the neighborhood have been made. Hence the hiring by the Archdiocese of the school buses. At least they respondedd to the problem. So, I've no real gripe with the school. It's the morons who firmly believe that horns make traffic move faster.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now where's the fun in that?! :)

(Complaints from the neighborhood have been made. Hence the hiring by the Archdiocese of the school buses. At least they respondedd to the problem. So, I've no real gripe with the school. It's the morons who firmly believe that horns make traffic move faster.)

Maybe talk the school into giving extra credit for walking at least half a mile to school. That way, the traffic is stopping is before your house.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quoth! You are totally reading my mind to this regard.


I understand families I understand everything.


What I will NEVER understand is the meaning of honking.


Not only as schools are regarded, generally speaking!


I have often thought of starting a campaign like that explaining that honkiing does not have a magical effect on traffic!


Do people expect that honking makes something happen?


Traffic won't melt away if you honk!!! (that would be my slogan).


It can only get worse!


Personally, if people honk me because I'm not quick enough to move on, i relent a little bit on purpose (some times I am so wicked...)


because..hey! if someone honked that means there must be some peril around, let's slow down and look better!


:rofl:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...