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Dating #18 - You might be a big fish in a little pond


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Because you're a part of the great big spamily, Nymeria, I read every last word of your dissertation: :P I honestly think you need to let him know that you'll be discontinuing interacting with him. Nothing you said created any feelings of comfort. FFS, he thought he was engaging with a 15 year old and having thoughts of marriage. For your well being, block him. On everything.

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Which would feed right into my gut feeling that he's a player, trying to get a U.K. Citizenship. The "there are plenty of beautiful women but you're the most beautiful to me" sounds like flattery. The fact that he's adding a friend of Nymeria only pushes my cynicism forward.

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Thank you all for your advice. It's great getting an impartial view because I can see the events in a different light to what I see. My culture is different to western culture so it is really great seeing advice on my situation from a western cultural point of view so, from the bottom of my heart, thank you everyone for your advice.



Actually, the friend he added is actually 15, I think. It is entirely likely he mixed me up with her. I have asked a friend that I trust deeply to ask her if he has been talking to her, I WILL know if he has for sure. I remember telling him I was 20, I'm pretty sure I do. I'd ask her myself but timezones and stuff are a bitch and my friend will get to her better than I can.



Just to let you guys know that it is perfectly normal for people to get married, skipping all the dating, in my culture, which is why it's more difficult for me to see if it's a cultural norm or something very weird. My parents practically met and got married too (although they started living together a year later, visa issues and stuff)



My best friend is also arab (Lebanese) so I'm going to talk to him about this and see what his take on it is though. I may be a poor judge of character but this is because I try to ignore my gut instinct. My gut instinct is, however, always right... and if this feels weird I am pretty sure it is. My best friend was actually in love with me at one point (and vice versa) but it kinda went awry and we're just friends now but the point is, he didn't propose straight away to me or anything like that and he's arab too just like the guy, it just kind of went slow and easy until he finally broke it to me. But they kind of follow a western lifestyle where he lives anyway so it's hard to tell. But something tells me this isn't from a cultural norm but something very weird...


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It is weird; you don't properly know what each other looks like really, you're only speaking online, he mixed your age up thinking you were 15 yrs old with engagement on his mind. Seriously. So many red flags here and one of the biggest simply being you really don't know each other tbh.

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Just to let you guys know that it is perfectly normal for people to get married, skipping all the dating, in my culture, which is why it's more difficult for me to see if it's a cultural norm or something very weird. My parents practically met and got married too (although they started living together a year later, visa issues and stuff)

But the important question isn't whether it is normal. The question is: do you want to marry someone you don't know well, or would you rather get to know someone very well before you would consider marrying them?

Are you comfortable making a lifelong commitment to someone you barely know and don't trust (and if you aren't even sure if he's hitting on your friends too, then you barely know him).

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Theda, you are so right. It's the not knowing each other that got me, genuine friends in the past have always made an effort to get to know me properly.



I actually considered doing a video call to see if that would help but that's going out of the window. I just wanna know if he was lying about not talking to my friend, and after that he's off my list.



Maith - I definitely want to get to know someone well before marrying him, the idea of marrying someone unknown is just... ugh, I did say I would rather get to know him better and wait but his behaviour is just kind of weird...



Usually with gut instincts in my case, even if a *tiny* thing feels off about a person, I am usually right that they're a piece of crap


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Our "gut" is really our intuition and unless you have a reason to disbelieve it, it is usually a good thing to take into account.



I know in personal experience I usually end up regretting when I don't listen to my intuition. I know, for me, though, the real trick is trying to figure out what is anxiety and what is my intuitive sense.


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In my experience I have also always regretted not listening to my intuition, mostly because it spoke a harsh truth but I kind of wanted to ignore it and carry on anyway. Always regretted it though.



If there's one life experience I have learnt is that always, always listen to your intuition. It is rarely wrong. Mine has never been wrong to date, especially in relation to negative things. If something feels off it always has been off.



I should probably trust my intuition more when deciding whether to truly trust people. I really really should



ETA: I spoke to my arab friend, he pretty much confirmed it all. He says arabs love their foreign women and will try to get them for the citizenship, all his friends pretty much want foreign women, also the middle east turmoil means everyone wants out and some will get desperate. I mean this guy DOES live in egypt after all...



Then another arab friend who I really trust jumped in when I was discussing with some guys on skype, he also pretty much said the same thing. And both have lived in arab countries for years now and they know the culture inside out



Guess that's my decision made!


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A bit late and I am obviously unqualified to offer advice on this topic, but have to agree with everybody on this issue.




Maith - I definitely want to get to know someone well before marrying him, the idea of marrying someone unknown is just... ugh, I did say I would rather get to know him better and wait but his behaviour is just kind of weird...


Waaaaaaay weird. He thought he was proposing marriage to a 15/16-year-old without ever having met her, on another continent ... and even before that, your story was off in that you say he said he was okay every time you were, by your account he always just listened to you and talked less about himself (at least that is my reading), flattered excessively etc.



So yep, delete all contacts and do not accept any new messages.


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Yeah that's how I see it, he talked little of himself. It's him thinking I was 15/16 (because apparently I look that age) that got me

You know what I found odd? He'd stalked my profile and found that I liked death note, and he went and liked posts I wrote in 2009, but he claims he didn't know my age/birthday? It's on my profile...

My best friend has decided to add him and try wring out his true motives because he likes mind games :devil:

I just want to know if he has been talking to my friend though because she is underage and I want to make sure she doesn't fall into the trap.

But yes all contact will be cut

I always seem to land the assholes. Haha

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Starkess - that's a bit hard :P seeing as pretty much every guy I've met was a walking collection of red flags, I was just dumb enough not to listen to my intuition and regretted it



Well my friend just wants to have a bit of fun and I don't blame him :P



Although my best friend and I were discussing how we'd know if we fell in love with somebody, and he thought we'd probably just know if we were and that if person was the right person because of our intuitions. I kinda agree because my intuition is never wrong. And then came the realisation that I have never been in love but what I felt was pretty much emotional attachment to certain people who could relate to me on a certain level. And when the need is satisfied, the feelings just become neutral. I mean if it was love, there'd be something, right? Cliche as it may sound, my gut tells me that this is absolutely true, and will happen, for me, at least.



So for a change I'll listen to it and be patient :)



Also my friend asked the girl if she'd been pm'ed by the guy, she says she hasn't. Perhaps he got me mixed up with another girl. :dunno:

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