Dating 19 - Angels, Algorithms, and Alliteration

[Larry of the Lawn]

Last thread was over 400.

May your dating site mailboxes be overflowing with suitable suitors.

[sologdin]

assonance, not alliteration, you greaser.

[Larry of the Lawn]

Ah, yes. That's embarrassing.

[deleted01]

Mr Drac is in my bad books. He's being pretty self-absorbed at the moment, and it seems like everything is about him. We're going to have a serious discussion tomorrow, and hash this shit out - right before a big family dinner. Yay.

[Alex.]

Luke;

Ditto. I see a load of profiles I am interested in on OKC I just don't send a message ha. One day...

I know it's easy to say, but you have literally nothing to lose by sending that message. If you don't send a message or if you do send a message which the recipient doesn't respond to, you're at the exact same point.

Might as well send something. You're a top boy, I believe in you

[Grand Moff Mithrandir]

Re: rejection

I think, for me personally, the most frightening part has been the initiation. I'll go through a million scenarios when I see a girl I might want to approach.

Many people have told me not to think about it too much and just go for it, but that's easier said than done IMO. Of course there'll be those rare occasions where I just bite the bullet and talk to her (if she doesn't seem too intimidating) but most of the time I'll just leave it.

And yes I do regret it most of the time.

[Starkess]

Drac, that Buzzfeed list you posted made me laugh because I do #7 (not FFing through commercials on the DVR) and it drives my bf insane. I have a few shows that I DVR everyday that are more like "background" shows that I watch while I'm on my computer, and I don't always notice! I have seen him do the same thing when he gets caught up playing chess, so ha!

[Inigima]

Re: rejection

I think, for me personally, the most frightening part has been the initiation. I'll go through a million scenarios when I see a girl I might want to approach.

Many people have told me not to think about it too much and just go for it, but that's easier said than done IMO. Of course there'll be those rare occasions where I just bite the bullet and talk to her (if she doesn't seem too intimidating) but most of the time I'll just leave it.

And yes I do regret it most of the time.

I have a harder time in person, although the same thing applies; online, though, just send a nice message.

[Grand Moff Mithrandir]

I have a harder time in person, although the same thing applies; online, though, just send a nice message.

I have never actually tried the online scene. IDK I guess I just always saw it a scene for people much older than I am, i.e. people 35 and above.

I will investigate them(dating sites) to try and determine their viability.

[Lily Valley]

I have never actually tried the online scene. IDK I guess I just always saw it a scene for people much older than I am, i.e. people 35 and above.

I will investigate them(dating sites) to try and determine their viability.

Hahaja. I have seen online dating work primarily for people below 35. Ask women if they want to talk to you (without miaowing out car windows). You have nothing to lose.

Dave Matthews cancelled. He tried to rrschedule today and next weekend. But I see zero reason why someone who tied up a friday and a Saturday in order to cancel should be allowed to screw up a third day off.

I gave him after work Tuesday. If I am up for it.

[Inigima]

Emergencies and other mitigating circumstances do come up. This guy sounds like a chump but I don't see why you wouldn't give him a second chance if you're interested.

[Lily Valley]

Ini, this is THIRD chance. Hence the Tuesday and not fri or sat. Although considering how relaxing this weekend has been it might have to be NEXT Tuesday.

[Inigima]

Ah, gotcha.

[Larry of the Lawn]

Does he have kind-of-long hair? He's probably been trying to write a song on his roommates acoustic guitar for you over the tune of.... say.... All Along The Watchtower, but can't figure out how to rhyme 'Lily Valley with 'My Little Angel'. It'll be worth the wait. :P

[sologdin]

there must be some kinda way up your alley,

said the joker to lily valley,

there's too much confusion, we can't hardly dally.

?

[Lily Valley]

?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH God. No!

Chats, yes. Shit happens, we'll see of he shows up tomorrow.

He was very solicitous this weekend.

[MinDonner]

So, fellas of OKC, help me out here. My standard practice has been: browse profiles, find some chap who looks interesting, check questions to make sure not racist etc, then send message going, basically, "Hey, <a sentence or two about their profile and stuff we have in common or might be able to talk about>, anyway it would be great to meet up for a drink sometime so let me know if you fancy it, etc" - and so far this has had a less-than-impressive strike rate (ie. I've had exactly one reply so far, from that dude who cancelled). My profile is quite comprehensively filled out, or at least I think there's enough there to indicate whether I'd be worth having a drink with, but I'm starting to worry that I'm breaching some kind of weird-ass OKC protocol by suggesting a meetup right off the bat. Is that normal, and would that put people off? I don't even mind if it turns out I've just had bad luck in contacting a bunch of dudes who just don't fancy me for whatever reason, but do I really need to go through some rigmarole of making online smalltalk on a dating site before proffering the daring step of an actual date?

(yes, I say this as someone with 14k posts on a messageboard. But damn, I so can't be arsed with fannying about with virtual chitchat on OKC. Drinks or gtfo!)

[Larry of the Lawn]

I don't think anyone ever suggested a meetup to me right off, usually it was after at least 3 messages. I also never asked someone to meetup in the first message.

That said, it seems more sensible to use your approach and just ask right away; I mean how much are you really going to change your decision on whether to meetup or not based on a few pleasantries you gain by waiting another 2 or 3 messages?

Maybe try mixing it up though and wait for a brief exchange first. The immediate invite seems refreshing to me but if hasn't worked so far, doesn't hurt to try a different approach.

[Inigima]

As a dude I never really suggested meetups straight off. The dynamic might be a bit different for women, but try putting your messages as they are but without the meetup suggestion -- just introduce yourself and ask a question or two.

Your profile could also be bad. Who knows, without seeing it.

[Maithanet]

That said, it seems more sensible to use your approach and just ask right away; I mean how much are you really going to change your decision on whether to meetup or not based on a few pleasantries you gain by waiting another 2 or 3 messages?

It is without a doubt, sensible. But sensible and dating are barely even on speaking terms.

I'm not sure how I would have reacted to that if I were single and I got such a message. I would like to think that it seems like a good sign that someone is interested enough to want to just meet. But it's possible I would find such forthrightness strangely offputting. I think that waiting to exchange a message or two would probably get better results, because it at least allows someone to think "she likes me!" as opposed to "she finds my profile building skills to be acceptable".