Ashara Chose Ned

[juanml82]

I don't understand how people says that a noblewoman's virtue is not a big deal in that universe and that most girls get some before they get married and that it is not perceived as a big deal. It almost always is a big deal as it is shown over and over again in the books.

Still, it does happen and probably more often than any parents would have hoped. As sad and sexist as it is, any highborn girl is basically a prize and whether is allowed to be "soiled" before the wedding depends solely on what is she bringing into the table (her value). In the time of war, when men need the girl's dad's army, they're willing to overlook it but not necessary in the time of peace.

Arianne is Doran's heiress so whoever will marry her will rule Dorne and his children after him. Arianne's husband will be almost certainly marrying above his status, so any "transgressions" on his bride's side would be probably overlooked, as long as there is no scandal associated with it.

Ashara like Lysa, Lyanna or Cat have everything to loose and little to gain by having a lover. They are valued for their family name and connections, beauty, education, fertility and virtue. Someone marrying her knowing that she had affairs prior to marriage is risking that she'll either is carrying a bastard at the time of wedding or will cuckold him in the future. That person would also almost certainly be publicly mocked.

Cersei is kinda on the edge. She was always going to marry well even if she was ugly simply because her father was one of the most powerful man in the Realm and the richest, and many wanted to be in his favour. Cersei being beautiful only increases her value and puts her in the category of a suitable bride for a king. If it has been discovered, that she's no virgin, she'd loose the chance to marry above her status but she might still be able to marry into a decent family (possibly even a House Paramount) because Tywin will compensate for it with a massive dowry.

Someone like Barbrey Dustin is a calculated risk. The Dustins are an exactable match for their liege lord sons. If the pretty daughter is able to seduce Brandon, there's a chance he'll marry her either because he falls in love is her or because it's the honourable thing to do. It might backfire. In the worst case scenario, she'll end up with a bastard, everyone will find out and she'll marry someone who's considered way below her status. Chances are though, that the Dustins will manage to keep it a secret, and thus Barbrey will be able to make a decent match, albeit not a Stark.

I obviously don't approve any of this sexist crap but just trying to look at it from the point of view of the male characters actually living in that Universe.

Appearing virgin is important in most cases (Asha is likely the greatest exception). Actually being a virgin is up to the Lady in question.

[Hangover of the Morning]

Appearing virgin is important in most cases (Asha is likely the greatest exception). Actually being a virgin is up to the Lady in question.

I agree but it's incredibly difficult in that society to successfully pull it off. Most highborn ladies are constantly chaperoned and even just being seen fully clothed alone in a room with a man can ruin a woman's reputation.

[Jack Gardner]

Hey guys, remember that time Robb broke a vow to marry someone because he felt he "dishonored her"? Premarital relations are a big deal for the highborn in most of Westeros. Ned would never have hit it and quit it.

At the time neither were betrothed and Ned may have very well been intent on marrying her with the consent of his father.The bitterness in his voice when he said "it was all meant for Branden" may hint he wished for another path that was precluded by honoring his duty upon the death of his father and Branden.

To me naming Wylla the mother of his bastard instead of Ashara would be consistent with protecting the honor of the woman he loved and could not have.

Earlier in the thread when his response to Catelyn was quoted ad proof against they conveniently left out the part of the lady Ashara's name not being mentioned again.

[The Twinslayer]

Hey guys, remember that time Robb broke a vow to marry someone because he felt he "dishonored her"? Premarital relations are a big deal for the highborn in most of Westeros. Ned would never have hit it and quit it.

I think his reasons were more complicated than that. He wanted a pretty wife, not a stoat. And by this time, being king was going to his head. Most people didn't think he was being honorable. They thought he was being naive.

The list of women who waited for marriage is short. The list of those who did not is long. In addition to the ones I mentioned earlier you have Edric Storm's mother (who obviously knew Robert was married already), Jeyne Westerling (who knew Robb was betrothed), Ashara herself (assuming it was consensual), Dany (with Daario, the morning of her wedding to Hizdahr), etc. And then there are the widows, starting with Cersei, who was considered a good match for the heir to Highgarden.

The men are no different. We don't know of any nobleman who came to his wedding with no prior experience. Think of Robert, Edmure. Or Theon, Brandon, Benjen, Jaime, all of whom were active. But we know of many men who broke their wedding vow to be faithful to their wives after marriage, or their KG or Night's Watch vow of celibacy.

It would be an incredible -- virtually impossible -- coincidence if Ned and Cat were the only two people in Westeros who both came to their wedding with no prior experience.

[Vikingkingq]

First and foremost, Harwin means that there was no dishonour for Ned (and mind you, he is talking about Ned's supposed love affair to his young daughter), and the fact that Harwin sees nothing wrong in an affair between two your people at a tourney says absolutely nothing about Ned's attitude, it's not like all the Northemn shared the same standards. We are talking Ned.

And which of them were still unpromised when they destroyed a young woman's reputation? That's the whole point - Ned is rather selfless and would do exactly the same as Robb did - put the girl's honour above his own, her wellbeing above his own, especially if it was his action that put that wellbeing at risk.

The only option for the marriage not to take place would be if Ashara herself refused, which makes zero sense especially after she found out that she was pregnant.

Also, what would be the point to hide all this drama in Ned's PoVs? There is zero hint towards it anywhere.

Why does it say absolutely nothing? If we're talking about what is and isn't considered honorable, that's a social and cultural question, not only an individual question. If Harwin, a Northman, doesn't consider sex between two unmarried people to be dishonorable, chances are that Northmen wouldn't consider it dishonorable either. Which has some bearing on whether Ned would have.

Or the more logical solution is that Ned intended to get married to Ashara Dayne, but the death of his brother Brandon and the necessity of continuing the alliance with House Tully got in the way. Remember, Ned didn't marry Catelyn on his own initiative - Hoster insisted that both his daughters get married before he'd join the rebellion.

[Vikingkingq]

I don't understand how people says that a noblewoman's virtue is not a big deal in that universe and that most girls get some before they get married and that it is not perceived as a big deal. It almost always is a big deal as it is shown over and over again in the books.

Still, it does happen and probably more often than any parents would have hoped. As sad and sexist as it is, any highborn girl is basically a prize and whether is allowed to be "soiled" before the wedding depends solely on what is she bringing into the table (her value). In the time of war, when men need the girl's dad's army, they're willing to overlook it but not necessary in the time of peace.

Arianne is Doran's heiress so whoever will marry her will rule Dorne and his children after him. Arianne's husband will be almost certainly marrying above his status, so any "transgressions" on his bride's side would be probably overlooked, as long as there is no scandal associated with it.

.

Neither Cersei nor Barbrey Dustin are Dornishwomen!

It is stated again and again that Dornish customs aren't the same as the rest of Westeros. From the Worldbook: "There are other customs besides that mark the Dornish as different. They are not greatly concerned if a child is born in wedlock or out of it."

[Vikingkingq]

Hey guys, remember that time Robb broke a vow to marry someone because he felt he "dishonored her"? Premarital relations are a big deal for the highborn in most of Westeros. Ned would never have hit it and quit it.

Yes, Robb thought that way. But no small part of that is due to the fact that his father's bastard was the one glaring stain on his honor, and that Catelyn no doubt raised him to believe that siring a bastard is the worst thing he could possibly do.

But Ned wouldn't have experienced that in 281 or 282 AC. He was unattached, so was the lady in question. If she became pregnant, Ned could have married her. Except that by the time she became pregnant, he was forced to marry another woman. Indeed, it's quite likely that Ned never knew about her pregnancy until well after his marriage, at which point there was nothing he could do.

[corbon]

Mmmm... aren't we assuming too much here?

"The crannogman saw a maid with laughing purple eyes dance with a white sword, a red snake, and the lord of griffins, and lastly with the quiet wolf . . . but only after the wild wolf spoke to her on behalf of a brother too shy to leave his bench".

We're assuming that, "on his behalf" means that he asked Brandon to asked her to dance with her because he was too shy, which is quite a chance.

But, it also could mean that Ned was so shy to leave his bench and Brandon noticed that, so, he asked Ashara, who was familiar with him, to dance with his unaware brother.

I've been pointing this out for a long time, but people are wedding to the beliefs they (and I) were sucked into before ADwD and most are unable to revisit what they already 'know' with a dispassionate eye.

We are specifically told that Ned, the shy wolf, was stuck to his bench, during the biggest party on westeros. And that Brandon arranged a beautiful girl from court, who was dancing with the hottest men, to dance with his little brother.

It could be that shy Ned was too shy to ask her, but plenty bold enough to dance with her, romance her and fuck her.

Or far, far more likely a scenario, and totally consistent with all the other data points we have, shy Ned was just shy and bold, wild, reckless, fun Brandon just tried to get him started and make sure he didn't sit the party of a lifetime on the bench all night.

I think eliminating Ned relies upon an assumption that sleeping with Ashara would dishonor her - except that we have evidence from Arianne Martell (sleeps with Arys, denies that he's dishonored her), Quentyn Martell (the Drinkwater twins), and Oberyn Martell (bastards not looked down on) that Dornish culture does not hold that such an assignation would be dishonorable.

Except that its not Dornish culture that mattters. Its the culture around Kings Landing.

Even in Dorne, while a discrete paramour might be an ok thing (maybe, for an unwed young woman, but I highly doubt that to be honest), getting knocked up, for an unwed young noblewoman, is going to badly hurt her marriagability capital.

But in the Crownlands, as part of the Targaryen court, Handmaid to the crown princess no less? Its an absolute no-no for certain.

But I will reiterate that we don't know enough about all the players involved. We do know that Westeros thinks it was Ned that Ashara chose, yet that is just opinion---like all of this thread.

What 'westeros' (which doesn't include anyone who actually knows anything relevant, nor King Robert, nor the Daynes in fact) knows is that Ned Stark came away from Starfall with an acknowledged bastard and the beautiful young lady of that House, with a dodgy reputation, committed suicide at the same time. To anyone with those facts, that spells N+A=J, hence N+A.

However Ned's best friend doesn't think that, and nor do the Daynes. They think N+W=J, even though young Ned Dayne also claims Ned and Ashara were 'in love' (which does not mean fucking - Ned was doing that with Wylla instead according to Ned Dayne).

Would he? Harwin's a northman and he says there was no dishonor in it.

See below.

Why does it say absolutely nothing? If we're talking about what is and isn't considered honorable, that's a social and cultural question, not only an individual question. If Harwin, a Northman, doesn't consider sex between two unmarried people to be dishonorable, chances are that Northmen wouldn't consider it dishonorable either. Which has some bearing on whether Ned would have.

Harwin isn't talking about sex, or a pre-marital pregnancy. Harwin is talking about 'being in love' and a potential connection. There was no dishonour in that. There certainly is in getting knocked up unmarried.

[Vikingkingq]

Except that its not Dornish culture that mattters. Its the culture around Kings Landing.

Even in Dorne, while a discrete paramour might be an ok thing (maybe, for an unwed young woman, but I highly doubt that to be honest), getting knocked up, for an unwed young noblewoman, is going to badly hurt her marriagability capital.

But in the Crownlands, as part of the Targaryen court, Handmaid to the crown princess no less? Its an absolute no-no for certain.

Harwin isn't talking about sex, or a pre-marital pregnancy. Harwin is talking about 'being in love' and a potential connection. There was no dishonour in that. There certainly is in getting knocked up unmarried.

Ashara Dayne is not from the Crownlands. In terms of whether she'd see an affair as dishonorable, that's what counts. And you're simply wrong about Dorne. The text is quite clear about this. And again, they have birth control - enough that Cersei managed an affair with Jaime for years on end without tarnishing her marriage prospects.

Harwin says: "words of kisses, maybe more, but where's the harm in that? Spring had come, or so they thought, and neither one of them was pledged." The key element there is neither of them were pledged to be married, so that if Ashara got pregnant, Ned was free to marry her.

I don't see why this is so confusing. There's plenty of premodern societies in which premarital sex is accepted as long as people get married afterwards. Hell, the Puritans of New England, supposedly a gang of ultraconservative religious fanatics, actually facilitated their teens getting into bed together, a practice known as bundling. Over a third of firstborn children in 17th century New England were premarital. No one cared, as long as the parents got married.

So here we have a far more sexually liberated culture than the Puritans, but supposedly premarital affairs are out of the question.

[Vikingkingq]

What 'westeros' (which doesn't include anyone who actually knows anything relevant, nor King Robert, nor the Daynes in fact) knows is that Ned Stark came away from Starfall with an acknowledged bastard and the beautiful young lady of that House, with a dodgy reputation, committed suicide at the same time. To anyone with those facts, that spells N+A=J, hence N+A.

However Ned's best friend doesn't think that, and nor do the Daynes. They think N+W=J, even though young Ned Dayne also claims Ned and Ashara were 'in love' (which does not mean fucking - Ned was doing that with Wylla instead according to Ned Dayne).

The Daynes don't think that, because they know the child was stillborn, hence could not be Jon.

[The Twinslayer]

The Daynes don't think that, because they know the child was stillborn, hence could not be Jon.

Barristan thinks the daughter was stillborn. He doesn't say there wasn't a twin, or a second pregnancy...

And any way, Barristan is unreliable. In the same passage, he recalls the weddings of all three of Egg's sons

but per the world book, the third one never married

. I think Barristan is telling us what he thinks, not what he knows.

[Ser Leftwich]

The Daynes don't think that, because they know the child was stillborn, hence could not be Jon.

By the Daynes, do you mean Edric Dayne, (the only one we have met from that branch of the family)?

He says that Wylla had a child with Ned Stark. Edric Dayne says nothing about any stillborn children born of anyone.

[Ygrain]

Why does it say absolutely nothing? If we're talking about what is and isn't considered honorable, that's a social and cultural question, not only an individual question. If Harwin, a Northman, doesn't consider sex between two unmarried people to be dishonorable, chances are that Northmen wouldn't consider it dishonorable either. Which has some bearing on whether Ned would have.

“What do you say, Ned? Just you and me, two vagabond knights on the kingsroad, our swords at our sides and the gods know what in front of us, and maybe a farmer’s daughter or a tavern wench to warm our beds tonight.”

“Would that we could,” Ned said, “but we have duties now, my liege … to the realm, to our children, I to my lady wife and you to your queen. We are not the boys we were.”

“You were never the boy you were,” Robert grumbled. “More’s the pity. And yet there was that one time … what was her name, that common girl of yours? Becca? No, she was one of mine, gods love her, black hair and these sweet big eyes, you could drown in them. Yours was … Aleena? No. You told me once. Was it Merryl? You know the one I mean, your bastard’s mother?”

“Her name was Wylla,” Ned replied with cool courtesy, “and I would sooner not speak of her.”

“Wylla. Yes.” The king grinned. “She must have been a rare wench if she could make Lord Eddard Stark forget his honor, even for an hour."

This full quote tells us two things:

1) we are dealing with an individual concept of honour, and a pretty high one, which considers as unacceptable something that almost every man does.

2) young Ned had extramarital sex exactly once, with some rare wench called Wylla, not Ashara.

Also, this:

“You need to come south,” Robert told him. “You need a taste of summer before it flees. In Highgarden there are fields of golden roses that stretch away as far as the eye can see. The fruits are so ripe they explode in your mouth—melons, peaches, fireplums, you’ve never tasted such sweetness. You’ll see, I brought you some. Even at Storm’s End, with that good wind off the bay, the days are so hot you can barely move. And you ought to see the towns, Ned! Flowers everywhere, the markets bursting with food, the summerwines so cheap and so good that you can get drunk just breathing the air. Everyone is fat and drunk and rich.” He laughed and slapped his own ample stomach a thump. “And the girls, Ned!” he exclaimed, his eyes sparkling. “I swear, women lose all modesty in the heat. They swim naked in the river, right beneath the castle. Even in the streets, it’s too damn hot for wool or fur, so they go around in these short gowns, silk if they have the silver and cotton if not, but it’s all the same when they start sweating and the cloth sticks to their skin, they might as well be naked.” The king laughed happily.

Robert Baratheon had always been a man of huge appetites, a man who knew how to take his pleasures. That was not a charge anyone could lay at the door of Eddard Stark.

This also tells you something about Ned's attitude to sexual activities.

Or the more logical solution is that Ned intended to get married to Ashara Dayne, but the death of his brother Brandon and the necessity of continuing the alliance with House Tully got in the way. Remember, Ned didn't marry Catelyn on his own initiative - Hoster insisted that both his daughters get married before he'd join the rebellion.

There was a year between HH and Brandon's death. Plenty of time to act on Ned's feelings to Ashara, with zero excuse not to.

[Guest]

If Eddard did the deed, it was likely in the throws of passionate love and I am certain he would have asked for her hand if he had not immediately been assigned to Catelyn afterwards.

[Ygrain]

If Eddard did the deed, it was likely in the throws of passionate love and I am certain he would have asked for her hand if he had not immediately been assigned to Catelyn afterwards.

But he wasn't. There is a whole year between the tourney and Brandon's death.

[Pod The Impaler]

The only option for the marriage not to take place would be if Ashara herself refused, which makes zero sense especially after she found out that she was pregnant.

Also, what would be the point to hide all this drama in Ned's PoVs? There is zero hint towards it anywhere.

I doubt Ashara refused (or rather, would have refused), but the fact their relationship went nowhere boils down to the issue that war was pretty much brewing (from the moment "all the smiles died"), and their families were about to be on opposite sides.

Ned's POV would be more focused on the issue of Jon's parentage, since that is top of mind. (And even there, with an abundance of clues, we still do not have Ned's POV reveal who Jon's mother is, though clearly he knows the answer.)

Plus, let's face it, he does love Catelyn, even if he married her for duty to start with.

At the time neither were betrothed and Ned may have very well been intent on marrying her with the consent of his father.The bitterness in his voice when he said "it was all meant for Branden" may hint he wished for another path that was precluded by honoring his duty upon the death of his father and Branden.

To me naming Wylla the mother of his bastard instead of Ashara would be consistent with protecting the honor of the woman he loved and could not have.

Earlier in the thread when his response to Catelyn was quoted ad proof against they conveniently left out the part of the lady Ashara's name not being mentioned again.

Yes. Even loving Cat, he gets explosively mad at Ashara's name being kicked around in the local gossip. Ashara's name was never heard around Winterfell again? I really doubt if Brandon had bedded Ashara, he'd defend her posthumously honour so vehemently - not when it actually makes a pretty good cover story for Jon Snow. To Robert he cites "Wylla", but offering the king the name of some milk maid makes sense in the context of deflecting Robert's attention away from Jon Snow. Robert (and his royal court) would remember Ashara, but some common Dornish wet nurse he likely never met would be of zero consequence so nobody would be inquiring about Jon at all.

In fact, both the Wylla and Ashara rumours act as deflections from that well-worn equation we all know, but the key difference is that the Ashara rumour about Jon is propagated by people who live in Winterfell, and witnessed what young Ned was up to during the Tourney at Harrenhal. They saw Ned fall in love with Ashara, then after the war, Ned rides back from Dorne carrying "his" bastard child with him, and they assume Ashara is the mother. Makes sense !

Check the text for direct supporting evidence ...

Edric Dayne:

"My aunt Allyria says Lady Ashara and your father fell in love at Harrenhal".

Note the phrasing in bold - it clearly mentions both Eddard and Ashara in shared affection, and zero mention of Brandon. And keep in mind, Edric is recalling the Dayne account of the tourney, so Ashara is the important one to them, the one whose relationships concern them - if Brandon had done anything more than dance with Ashara he'd be the Stark mentioned, not Eddard.

Earlier where Edric states "she [Ashara] met you father and his brothers at Harrenhal", this includes Brandon but the account clearly has Eddard as the primary subject and Brandon as secondary, not even named but just one of multiple brothers of Eddard - in other words, Brandon is not important enough to the Daynes to be mentioned in relation to Ashara.

Harwin:

"Lady Ashara Dayne. It's an old tale, that one. ... When Ned met this Dornish lady, his brother was still alive and it was him betrothed to Lady Catelyn, so there's no stain on your father's honour. There's nought like a tourney to make the blood run hot, so maybe some words were whispered in a yent of a night, who can say? Words or kisses, maybe more, but where's the harm in that? Spring had come, or so they thought, and neither one of them was pledged."

Note the bold phrasing again. "No stain on his honour" would not come up as an issue if Eddard had not gotten some premarital nookie; Eddard's honour is the subject of the conversation, not Brandon's. If all Eddard did was dance and pine for Ashara, this sentence would simply not exist.

The next clearly points to something more than whispered words and kisses - but Harwin is also explaining a sexual encounter to his liege lord's little girl, so he's going to speak cautiously. Clearly sex happenned.

The most telling part is the last: so they thought; neither one of them was pledged. The language used is once again indicating something romantic and mutual between Eddard and Ashara. Zero mention of Brandon in the context of Ashara again, except to say Brandon was pledged to Catelyn, so it's not like Eddard was being untrue to Arya's mother at the time. So, young Ned met Ashara, something sexual happenned, but Ned's honour was intact because he was not pledged and neither was she.

I'm not going to re-type the whole chapter, or Barristan's (where a Stark is named, but no mention of which one), but seriously, if people are not seeing that it was Ashara and Eddard getting it on at Harrenhal, then either they cannot read or just refuse to acknowledge what is printed right there.

[Ygrain]

I doubt Ashara refused (or rather, would have refused), but the fact their relationship went nowhere boils down to the issue that war was pretty much brewing (from the moment "all the smiles died"), and their families were about to be on opposite sides.

Ned's POV would be more focused on the issue of Jon's parentage, since that is top of mind. (And even there, with an abundance of clues, we still do not have Ned's POV reveal who Jon's mother is, though clearly he knows the answer.)

Plus, let's face it, he does love Catelyn, even if he married her for duty to start with.

Yes. Even loving Cat, he gets explosively mad at Ashara's name being kicked around in the local gossip. Ashara's name was never heard around Winterfell again? I really doubt if Brandon had bedded Ashara, he'd defend her posthumously honour so vehemently - not when it actually makes a pretty good cover story for Jon Snow. To Robert he cites "Wylla", but offering the king the name of some milk maid makes sense in the context of deflecting Robert's attention away from Jon Snow. Robert (and his royal court) would remember Ashara, but some common Dornish wet nurse he likely never met would be of zero consequence so nobody would be inquiring about Jon at all.

In fact, both the Wylla and Ashara rumours act as deflections from that well-worn equation we all know, but the key difference is that the Ashara rumour about Jon is propagated by people who live in Winterfell, and witnessed what young Ned was up to during the Tourney at Harrenhal. They saw Ned fall in love with Ashara, then after the war, Ned rides back from Dorne carrying "his" bastard child with him, and they assume Ashara is the mother. Makes sense !

Check the text for direct supporting evidence ...

Edric Dayne:

"My aunt Allyria says Lady Ashara and your father fell in love at Harrenhal".

Note the phrasing in bold - it clearly mentions both Eddard and Ashara in shared affection, and zero mention of Brandon. And keep in mind, Edric is recalling the Dayne account of the tourney, so Ashara is the important one to them, the one whose relationships concern them - if Brandon had done anything more than dance with Ashara he'd be the Stark mentioned, not Eddard.

Earlier where Edric states "she [Ashara] met you father and his brothers at Harrenhal", this includes Brandon but the account clearly has Eddard as the primary subject and Brandon as secondary, not even named but just one of multiple brothers of Eddard - in other words, Brandon is not important enough to the Daynes to be mentioned in relation to Ashara.

Harwin:

"Lady Ashara Dayne. It's an old tale, that one. ... When Ned met this Dornish lady, his brother was still alive and it was him betrothed to Lady Catelyn, so there's no stain on your father's honour. There's nought like a tourney to make the blood run hot, so maybe some words were whispered in a yent of a night, who can say? Words or kisses, maybe more, but where's the harm in that? Spring had come, or so they thought, and neither one of them was pledged."

Note the bold phrasing again. "No stain on his honour" would not come up as an issue if Eddard had not gotten some premarital nookie; Eddard's honour is the subject of the conversation, not Brandon's. If all Eddard did was dance and pine for Ashara, this sentence would simply not exist.

The next clearly points to something more than whispered words and kisses - but Harwin is also explaining a sexual encounter to his liege lord's little girl, so he's going to speak cautiously. Clearly sex happenned.

The most telling part is the last: so they thought; neither one of them was pledged. The language used is once again indicating something romantic and mutual between Eddard and Ashara. Zero mention of Brandon in the context of Ashara again, except to say Brandon was pledged to Catelyn, so it's not like Eddard was being untrue to Arya's mother at the time. So, young Ned met Ashara, something sexual happenned, but Ned's honour was intact because he was not pledged and neither was she.

I'm not going to re-type the whole chapter, or Barristan's (where a Stark is named, but no mention of which one), but seriously, if people are not seeing that it was Ashara and Eddard getting it on at Harrenhal, then either they cannot read or just refuse to acknowledge what is printed right there.

There was NO war brewing after Harrenhal, it started a year later.

Edric Dayne is NOT direct evidence, he wasn't even born at that time, and his account is about as reliable as Bran saying that Rhaegar raped Lyanna.

You have left out that Harwin said that he didn'tt believe this romance ever happened, so, NO sex clearly happened. All he says that there might have been an opportunity and that it was before Ned married Cat. Also, if Ned was betrothed to Cat but pined for Ashara, he would be unfaithful to Cat by thought if not an act. Betrothed guys are not supposed to love other women than their betrothed.

[A spoon of knife and fork]

If Eddard did the deed, it was likely in the throws of passionate love and I am certain he would have asked for her hand if he had not immediately been assigned to Catelyn afterwards.

Or he did ask for her hand but she convinced him to wait until they had their parents blessing. Then they were separate by war and ultimately the marriage to cat.

[Ser Leftwich]

Why would it be better to have rumors about several potential mothers for Jon, instead of one clear cover story?

That makes no sense, if anyone actually looks into Jon's parentage.

[Hangover of the Morning]

Neither Cersei nor Barbrey Dustin are Dornishwomen!

It is stated again and again that Dornish customs aren't the same as the rest of Westeros. From the Worldbook: "There are other customs besides that mark the Dornish as different. They are not greatly concerned if a child is born in wedlock or out of it."

We musth be reading a different book if you feel that Ashara hasn't suffered any consequences of her affair, simply because she is Dornish. Even if everyone will be cool about it back at home, Dorne isn't an island and the nobles from all the regions interact regularly.

Ashara was sent away from court because she was pregnant. Either because it was to protect her own reputation and/or because it was seen as an insult to have an unmarried pregnant noble lady as one of the princesses companions. In any case, everyone seems to be aware why was Ashara sent home and everyone talks about her as "damaged goods".

Elia would never marry Rhaegar if it was well-known that she had a paramour prior to the marriage.