Depression and loneliness

[Love Is A Sweet Poison]

I often wonder why I have gotten myself so absorbed by the lore and depth of these stories.

In a time where people seem to have just deep meaningful lives and are achieving success and posting about it on facebook, i feel more and more alone in this world.

Again, this is not a call to self pity, its a realization. I am in my thirties, have had two solid relationships in my life along with people I thought were my friends, but again, people come and go, and I find myself always alone.

I also went through a period where I was at the height of my career, making tons of money, having many people that cared for me, I was truly a good person, but I lost myself in drug addiction, recovered, and found that all the time I spent building my character, I destroyed it.

Now I am left with the ruble of who I was, people who do not give me a second chance, which I do not deserve, but I wonder how to move forward and be happy.

I am geographically relocating to a new place where no one knows my name, I can start again humbly from the beginning with literally just the cloths on my back and my computer, which thankfully, has ASOIAF series loaded on it.

Not really sure what I am asking and why I am posting this, but I wonder for anyone who feels like they are alone and stuck in a meaningless senseless life, then does reading a book like this series help pass time away or perhaps absorb us in a world where we do not have to think of ourselves, but are observants of other people and characters?

Does anyone else feel like this?

[peterbound]

I often wonder why I have gotten myself so absorbed by the lore and depth of these stories.

In a time where people seem to have just deep meaningful lives and are achieving success and posting about it on facebook, i feel more and more alone in this world.

Again, this is not a call to self pity, its a realization. I am in my thirties, have had two solid relationships in my life along with people I thought were my friends, but again, people come and go, and I find myself always alone.

I also went through a period where I was at the height of my career, making tons of money, having many people that cared for me, I was truly a good person, but I lost myself in drug addiction, recovered, and found that all the time I spent building my character, I destroyed it.

Now I am left with the ruble of who I was, people who do not give me a second chance, which I do not deserve, but I wonder how to move forward and be happy.

I am geographically relocating to a new place where no one knows my name, I can start again humbly from the beginning with literally just the cloths on my back and my computer, which thankfully, has ASOIAF series loaded on it.

Not really sure what I am asking and why I am posting this, but I wonder for anyone who feels like they are alone and stuck in a meaningless senseless life, then does reading a book like this series help pass time away or perhaps absorb us in a world where we do not have to think of ourselves, but are observants of other people and characters?

Does anyone else feel like this?

Every time I'd PCS i'd re read dune.

I read ASoIaF 4 times in Iraq over the span of two years.

So ya, I get how books can help out through those times.

Saying that. You need to get some help. Your post is disturbing, and thats coming from someone that hates advice threads. Go talk to someone. Seriously. Therapy helps.

[Starkess]

I feel like this all the time. Started seeing a therapist but it hasn't helped. Reading helps sometimes, as does writing for me. Anything to get away from the real world which, tbh, kind of sucks.

Anyway, depression sucks. I hope you find a healthy way to cope, and good luck with the relocation.

[The_Noctua]

I often wonder why I have gotten myself so absorbed by the lore and depth of these stories.

In a time where people seem to have just deep meaningful lives and are achieving success and posting about it on facebook, i feel more and more alone in this world.

Again, this is not a call to self pity, its a realization. I am in my thirties, have had two solid relationships in my life along with people I thought were my friends, but again, people come and go, and I find myself always alone.

I also went through a period where I was at the height of my career, making tons of money, having many people that cared for me, I was truly a good person, but I lost myself in drug addiction, recovered, and found that all the time I spent building my character, I destroyed it.

Now I am left with the ruble of who I was, people who do not give me a second chance, which I do not deserve, but I wonder how to move forward and be happy.

I am geographically relocating to a new place where no one knows my name, I can start again humbly from the beginning with literally just the cloths on my back and my computer, which thankfully, has ASOIAF series loaded on it.

Not really sure what I am asking and why I am posting this, but I wonder for anyone who feels like they are alone and stuck in a meaningless senseless life, then does reading a book like this series help pass time away or perhaps absorb us in a world where we do not have to think of ourselves, but are observants of other people and characters?

Does anyone else feel like this?

I feel sorry for you, but if I've learned anything in my short 19 years of life, is that all lives are meaningless, and at the same time meaningful. It's a concept I have a hard time explaining, so I will quote Grenn on this:

"Sometimes I think everyone is just pretending to be brave, and none of us really are."

Same thing with lives; everyone pretends their life is deep and meaningful, while it isn't.

Also, studies have shown (no sources to give you, as I have heard this a long time ago on TV), that Facebook posts about people having fun (eg. a bunch of photos about a party), can cause emotional turmoil in people who observe these posts, and have not participated in it. Believe me, every time somebody does a check-in at a fancy restaurant, or famous club, behind the post there is usually only a bunch of people staring at phones and waiting for likes.

I hope everything turns out well for you. I think ASOIAF will help. A few month ago, I was going through a hard time too (though different from yours), and the books helped me cope for some reason.

[TerraPrime]

Each person has their own coping mechanism. Some devote their lives to Church/religion, to their family, to their pets, to their hobbies, or any other number of things, or combination thereof. There are no right or wrong choices, except for the ones that make your life even worse, i.e., addicting drugs like alcohol and opiates.

If your sense of isolation, being alone, and depression, is impeding your life and your attempts at being happy or content, then seeking professional help might be a good thing to try. Therapy can be a bit tricky because it really depends on whether your counselor matches your needs, so don't be afraid to shop around and try a couple different ones. In many cases, drugs that help correct chemical imbalances in the brain also help, but again, you need to be patient and willing to try and find the right one that works for you personally.

Regardless, best of luck to you.

[deleted01]

I recently started on anti-depressants, and will be seeing a therapist next month. I know how lonely and isolating depression can be, but I try to hold on to the good. At the same time, I acknowledge how I feel, the reasons why, and try to ride out the bad times, in the hope that they will become few and far between.

You've gotten some good advice here already. You don't have to be alone. Good luck.

[Ormond]

TP has already given you good advice about finding a psychotherapist.

Depression is made worse by isolation, and for those who are truly depressed online communications are no substitute for face to face social support. In addition to considering psychotherapy, you really need to make an effort in your new community to find friends you can relate to. You need to join some sort of organized social group to force yourself to get out of your own home and interact with other human beings.

Regular exercise also helps most people become less depressed.

Good luck!

[Love Is A Sweet Poison]

thanks for all the input, i figured its a cop out to go to a forum for "help."

Just in case, i am not in a state of suicide or anything like that. I actually appreciate living life and am grateful and I healthy in a certain degree.

With that said, sadness is something difficult to shake - the hardest is the morning time - i feel utterly weak, tired, and helpless.

I've been on welbrutin, prozac, suboxone, and a slew of other drugs i can't seem to recall now but none really helped - i see a therapist now but that helps temporarily.

All in life i want is peace and contentment but it is fleeting - i feel i have wasted so much of my life just swimming in my own cesspool of selfpity and laziness.

again, i appreciate anyone who took time to respond.

I think the first thing i should do is disconnect from facebook and also disconnect from the few friends that I have that are toxic.

Thats also hard to do...letting go of people who you care about but you know they are no good.

[DanteGabriel]

I'll second the recommendation to see a therapist. I've been depressed most of my life and it was pretty debilitating and damaging for a long time (and, frankly, still is). Like every task in my day had just a little higher degree of difficulty because of my fundamental unhappiness.

The first time I went to see a therapist, I started crying within five minutes. I cried a lot in the first few sessions. In some ways therapy made things tougher because it started to reveal to me how treacherous my own subconscious could be -- how my own invisible, deepy buried motivations worked in me to self-sabotage. But it also gave me tools to recognize the problems, and where they were coming from. I still have the self-defeating thoughts. But I recognize them better now, and that recognition helps me combat them.

Good luck.

[TerraPrime]

With that said, sadness is something difficult to shake - the hardest is the morning time - i feel utterly weak, tired, and helpless.

I would like to draw your attention to Ormond's great suggestion of adding regular exercise to your daily routine (if you're not already). It doesn't have to be strenuous or punishing, but elevating your heart beat and sweating out for 30 minutes a day will help in multiple ways. The release of seratonin from exercising and the increase in physical fitness will take care of your body's needs. Good nutrition and restful sleep are also important. Depression is a mental issue but our minds are affected by our bodies, so taking good care of your body will make combating depression a lot easier.

All in life i want is peace and contentment but it is fleeting - i feel i have wasted so much of my life just swimming in my own cesspool of selfpity and laziness.

It's easier said than done, but try not to let your regrets over your past rob you of a better future. Find ways to process your past, take the lessons, make resolutions to do better, and work on implementing those resolutions. All of us have made mistakes, some more than others and some mistakes more severe than others. It doesn't mean that you are forever excluded from happiness for the rest of your life. You're in the mid 30s, so you still have plenty of time ahead of you.

[aceluby]

Another recommendation when this happens:

GET THE FUCK OFF OF FACEBOOK!!!!!

Seriously though. That's not real life. It's the facade people want others to see. It's the PC version that only shows the good and very rarely the bad. It will suck you in to believing that what you do is worthless. Don't fall for that shit. Half the people you know on there are going through shit just like you.

Get it, and all other social media off your phone, computer, etc... as soon as possible and I'd bet in a week you start to feel better.

Also, get a therapist.

[Weeping Sore]

I always recommend CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It has consistently out-performed all other types of talk therapy. If you can't find a therapist who specializes in it, there are CBT books that can help. Hold on, the worst is always temporary.

[Er Rn]

I've been on welbrutin, prozac, suboxone, and a slew of other drugs i can't seem to recall now but none really helped - i see a therapist now but that helps temporarily.

Suboxone is used to treat opiate withdrawal and shouldn't be used as an anti-depressant. As for the other meds, I know it can be frustrating but often times finding the right anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds is just trial and error. Sometimes you have to go through several, even within the same class, to find one that fits with your individual body chemistry. Plus, it generally takes 2-4 weeks before enough of the medication has built up in your system to reach the full effect. (This is just some general info I thought might be helpful for you or others, you may already be aware of it)

I hope that you stick with therapy, and if you feel your current therapist isn't working, you should try others until you find one that fits.

Best of luck :)

[Dr. Pepper]

Agree with aceluby. Facebook is a heavily edited version of people's lives. It's not real. Those people who are envying are likely doing a bit of envying themselves. I'm not a fan of social media and I think those of us who lean towards depression should steer clear of it as much as possible.

Agree also with advice about exercise. It can be really difficult to get one's self into a daily exercise routine. Walking is a good way to ease into it. A good brisk walk first thing in the morning has done wonders for my mood because it gets me immediately out of the house. Like, even before brushing my teeth, I go for a 15-20 minute walk.

It might be useful to consider other types of therapy. Behavioral therapy might be a superior option for you.

I understand about feeling as though you've wasted so much of your life. I would say that it's no use worrying about it because you can't change it, but it's easier said than done. I think your upcoming relocation is a good idea because you are clearly 'stuck' where you are now. Sometimes we just need a really hard shove to get started, and beginning again in a new place is a pretty hard shove.

As you can see by the responses, you aren't alone at all. Check out meetup.com or other websites for mental health groups in your area. It might kill two birds with one stone to join a group - more info about dealing with your depression and addressing your loneliness with face time with other people.

[deleted01]

Daily exercise is a very good suggestion. I used to go for walks pretty regularly, and it helped that I lived in such a beautiful place. It's harder for me to find that peace now, but I have to keep reminding myself that I can get back to how I was.

I always recommend CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It has consistently out-performed all other types of talk therapy. If you can't find a therapist who specializes in it, there are CBT books that can help. Hold on, the worst is always temporary.

This is the therapy I'm going to start next month. I'm not keen on talking to someone, particularly about things in my past, but I'm hoping it will help with some things.

[Raja]

This is the therapy I'm going to start next month. I'm not keen on talking to someone, particularly about things in my past, but I'm hoping it will help with some things.

If you're doing CBT, especially with someone certified in it, you won't be talking about your past, at least it won't be the focus. It focuses on the 'here and now' as it were, obviously there might be some overlap, but it's more about trying to link your thoughts, behaviours and how they affect your emotions right now. Good luck :)

On another note, the board ate up my previous post. Meh. Rooting for you, LASP :cheers:

[Love Is A Sweet Poison]

thank you again for the support and words of encouragement. sometimes, words mean nothing but now, each post is striking me authentically.

as far as the suboxone, yes as I mentioned, i'm a recovering addict...add that to the damage i've done myself, but thats all on me. i do not pity myself because my decisions had led me to this very moment.

i will try to exercise, continue seeing a therapist, taking suboxone, which i hate but i have to take it, and trying not to fall into the pit traps in life.

i'll also try the meet up website, thank you for that suggestion.

i have my degree in psychology, my masters actually, so you would figure a person like myself would not be prone to this type of disease but that doesn't matter, anyone and i'm sure most people suffer from depression, but in my case it always lingers like a cloud in the sky, forever graying my sunny days.

i will also look to get a dog and/or a cat once i settle and find a job - there have been studies on pet therapy and it does wonders for mental health. CBT is a great tool, I need to find a therapist that has treatment based on that.

I heard loving yourself is the key to becoming a healthy happy person...that is also what i am working on. its easy to get down in the dumps, because ...again, i compare myself to my contemporaries.

What i learned so far is that people do care, granted strangers on a message board site dedicated to a book series, but i will find help wherever I can, and again, I thank all for their responses. I'm going to force myself to exercise, delete my facebook, and surround myself with likeminded individuals. I just want my life to have a purpose and meaning, and eventually, when I do learn to love and take care of myself, perhaps I can find someone to share my time with, a love interest. But not until I work on myself....eating right is the only thing I do correct right now.

[HexMachina]

I feel like this all the time. Started seeing a therapist but it hasn't helped. Reading helps sometimes, as does writing for me. Anything to get away from the real world which, tbh, kind of sucks.

Anyway, depression sucks. I hope you find a healthy way to cope, and good luck with the relocation.

Just want to weigh in and say that if you have only just started therapy, its not unusual to not see results yet. It varies by person of course, but sometimes it can be months after the therapy is over that you feel the benefits. It is (or was, for me at least) worth it though.

Best of luck, and to you too Dracarya :grouphug:

[deleted01]

Just want to weigh in and say that if you have only just started therapy, its not unusual to not see results yet. It varies by person of course, but sometimes it can be months after the therapy is over that you feel the benefits. It is (or was, for me at least) worth it though.

Best of luck, and to you too Dracarya :grouphug:

Thank you. I'm willing to give it a go, do a few sessions, and see what happens. It will take a while to get used to talking openly about such things, and my fear is that it will make me feel worse, not better. But we'll see.

Raja: Oh yeah I know - the doctor considered putting me forward for counselling to discuss my past, but felt CBT would be better for the here and now. I have OCD on top of depression, so my treatment reflects that.

[HexMachina]

Thank you. I'm willing to give it a go, do a few sessions, and see what happens. It will take a while to get used to talking openly about such things, and my fear is that it will make me feel worse, not better. But we'll see.

Raja: Oh yeah I know - the doctor considered putting me forward for counselling to discuss my past, but felt CBT would be better for the here and now. I have OCD on top of depression, so my treatment reflects that.

Building a good relationship with the therapist is possibly the most important part imo. Without that solid base relationship everything else becomes that much harder. And discouraging as it may seem, don't quit just because you feel like shit after a session. Discussing things you rather wouldn't is bound to make you feel bad, but long-term...like I say, it worked.for me, and I experienced the shitty feeling after pretty much every session too. Therapy isn't easy, but its well worth the effort in my.view