Alia of the knife Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 A friend of mine thought it might be fun to revive this thread, so here we go. Have fun. To: Danaerys Targaryen, First of her Name, titles, titles, titles..........From: AmazonRe: Order number 89342544, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff," and "How to Train your Dragon," are on back order until next year.Enclosed is a 50% off coupon, for any other of our fine products.We apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.Sincerely,Jorah Mormont :smug:Supervisor, Customer Service Department Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manhole Eunuchsbane Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I'll just leave this here... http://topinfopost.com/2015/03/09/applicant-molly-mcgann-harvard-college-rejected / #4 Side-Ho Derek, in da house Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mother of Dragons Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 A friend of mine thought it might be fun to revive this thread, so here we go. Have fun. To: Danaerys Targaryen, First of her Name, titles, titles, titles..........From: AmazonRe: Order number 89342544, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff," and "How to Train your Dragon," are on back order until next year.Enclosed is a 50% off coupon, for any other of our fine products.We apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.Sincerely,Jorah Mormont :smug:Supervisor, Customer Service DepartmentEira?! She sent me the original last night. I can't find Part 2, though. I noticed the first one was also posted in the general forum- you might get more traffic there. Thanks so much, these are great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eira Seren Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 :cool4: I see Jorah has finally got out of the catering business after the incident with the locusts. Probably for the best! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alia of the knife Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 :cool4: I see Jorah has finally got out of the catering business after the incident with the locusts. Probably for the best! Exactly, and you know he is sitting on Danys order. :P Eira?! She sent me the original last night. I can't find Part 2, though. I noticed the first one was also posted in the general forum- you might get more traffic there. Thanks so much, these are great! Oh okay. They always end up putting them back here, because you know, thats for the "serious" discussions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
all swedes are racist Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 A friend of mine thought it might be fun to revive this thread, so here we go. Have fun. To: Danaerys Targaryen, First of her Name, titles, titles, titles..........From: AmazonRe: Order number 89342544, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff," and "How to Train your Dragon," are on back order until next year.Enclosed is a 50% off coupon, for any other of our fine products.We apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.Sincerely,Jorah Mormont :smug:Supervisor, Customer Service DepartmentDear Jorah,Hungry?XoxoDanz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eira Seren Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Exactly, and you know he is sitting on Danys order. :P Oh okay. They always end up putting them back here, because you know, thats for the "serious" discussions. Ok, will have a go. Dear Ms. Targaryen, We're very sorry to inform you that Dicks by Raven no longer carries the product Bag of Tormund's Member, as this product was a limited edition item and we are sold out. We do have plenty of the Daario Naharis stock available, and we ship worldwide!* Please let us know how we can be of assistance. Sincerely, Harry Ball, Manager Dicks by Raven, INC. *We're sorry, currently we do not ship to Asshai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alia of the knife Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 To: Lord Rickard Stark, Warden of the North and winner of the "Father of the Year Award."From: "HomeAgain Pet ID & Recovery Service"Re: Query into "Human" microchipping Services??!!!Dear Sir,In regards to your question about the possibility of "microchipping your kids," (because you never seem to know where they are except for Ned who is boring and never goes anwhere), we are not yet at a point where we think this technology is available, possible, (or on some level, not disturbing).While we encourage this for your pets and livestock, we think nothing ever replaces the need for "hands on" parenting.Yes, even here in Pentos, we've heard about your notorious kids who snuck off to the big Spring Break bash in Harrenhal. We've heard that the potent Brandon knocked up at least one notable Lady and is passing it off as his Brothers, (nobody is buying that though), and your little homewrecker, daughter who has taken the Prince away from his wife and kids, (he says he did it for prophesy- a line I plan on useing at the club tonight).Good Job.We do wish you luck in your envdeavor to get a handle on your crazy kids, and once you find them, never let them leave Winterfell again, because frankly the Kingdom can't take it.Sincerely,Maester FullocrapDirector of TechnologyHAPIDRS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Lepus Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 This is a link to the original Funny Fake letters thread, for those who still haven't enjoyed it. My letters:http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/topic/42397-funny-fake-letters/page-11http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/topic/42397-funny-fake-letters/page-12http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/topic/42397-funny-fake-letters/page-14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alia of the knife Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 This is a link to the original Funny Fake letters thread, for those who still haven't enjoyed it. My letters: http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/topic/42397-funny-fake-letters/page-11 http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/topic/42397-funny-fake-letters/page-12 http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/topic/42397-funny-fake-letters/page-14 Thanks! Maybe we should do one for commercials. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Blizzardborn Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Thanks! Maybe we should do one for commercials. :D There's been product endorsement thread. I remember Jon Snow for Encyclopedia Britannica (he knows something now) and Tywin Lannister for Bose Speakers (Hear the roar!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mother of Dragons Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Ok, will have a go. Dear Ms. Targaryen, We're very sorry to inform you that Dicks by Raven no longer carries the product Bag of Tormund's Member, as this product was a limited edition item and we are sold out. We do have plenty of the Daario Naharis stock available, and we ship worldwide!* Please let us know how we can be of assistance. Sincerely, Harry Ball, Manager Dicks by Raven, INC. *We're sorry, currently we do not ship to Asshai I like this one :D ok, I'll try one... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mother of Dragons Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Double post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mother of Dragons Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 To: WESTEROS [email protected] From: Work From Home @mockingbird.weirwood.net Dear Recipient: You have been chosen because we are impressed with your ruthlessness and ambition, and think you'd be a great candidate to work from home for our company. Are you tired toiling and dallying all day at court? With a small investment of only 500WGD (Westerosi Golden Dragons), you will be soon on your way to making as much as 5,000WGD A WEEK. With this initial investment, you will receive your start up instruction kit, which includes valuable parchments as well as your own imp mummer to demonstrate the secret to this success. Soon you will be collecting the dragons and watch your financial troubles disappear with ease. To get your introductory kit and imp, send 500WGD to: Lord Petyr BaelishHRM Master of the CoinRoyal CastleKing's LandingW5S 7W4Westeros Testimonials: "I never had to leave my castle again once I received mine own 'kit'. Things have been fortuitous ever since, and I am more successful than ever. I have been just appointed Hand of the King; I'm really ahead of the game now!"- Lord Eddard Stark of Winterfell, Warder of the North "This was just what I needed when my old husband died and I ran back to the Eyrie. I've advanced so far in the program that the CEO will be visiting me personally to share the next secret to advancement- right in the comfort of mine own home! I'm so happy with these results I could fly!"- Lady Lysa Arryn of the Vale "I use this system to help me gather all the imps in Westeros so I can kill them."- Queen Regent Cersei Lannister Baratheon, Supreme Leader of the Free World, Keeper of the Death Star Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mother of Dragons Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Ok, will have a go. Dear Ms. Targaryen, We're very sorry to inform you that Dicks by Raven no longer carries the product Bag of Tormund's Member, as this product was a limited edition item and we are sold out. We do have plenty of the Daario Naharis stock available, and we ship worldwide!* Please let us know how we can be of assistance. Sincerely, Harry Ball, Manager Dicks by Raven, INC. *We're sorry, currently we do not ship to Asshai To: Ser Harry Ball, Manager From: Lord Varys, Master of Whispers, CEO of Spiders, INC. Dear Ser Ball, One of my spiders intercepted this message during transit, and I have a business proposition for you. I looked through your catalog in an attempt to find my manhood, root and stem, to no avail. However, it gave me a better idea in its stead. I am searching for the root and stem of a mysterious sorcerer, last known whereabouts in the Free Cities. Not much is known about him or the reasons for his actions, except that he collects cocks, throws them in a blue flame, and scary voices ensue. If you are able to retrieve his cock and balls to me, please get back to me so we can negotiate a fair sum. Yours, Lord Varys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eira Seren Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Testimonials: "I never had to leave my castle again once I received mine own 'kit'. Things have been fortuitous ever since, and I am more successful than ever. I have been just appointed Hand of the King; I'm really ahead of the game now!"- Lord Eddard Stark of Winterfell, Warder of the North "This was just what I needed when my old husband died and I ran back to the Eyrie. I've advanced so far in the program that the CEO will be visiting me personally to share the next secret to advancement- right in the comfort of mine own home! I'm so happy with these results I could fly!"- Lady Lysa Arryn of the Vale "I use this system to help me gather all the imps in Westeros so I can kill them."- Queen Regent Cersei Lannister Baratheon, Supreme Leader of the Free World, Keeper of the Death Star :laugh: nicely done! Think that's one of the first letters I've seen from Varys :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alia of the knife Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Those are awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mother of Dragons Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 :laugh: nicely done! Think that's one of the first letters I've seen from Varys :)Thank you, I couldn't resist with the mail order dicks (even if it's really candy :) ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eira Seren Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Hey, I went for the easy. Gotta start somewhere! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mother of Dragons Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Alia, I'm advertising your thread on my signature now. Maybe *someone* can come up with a spam to Edmure Tully for viagra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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