Dating 24 - How many eggs are in YOUR basket?

[Littlefingers In The Air]

Continue.

[MinDonner]

1. This is probably a mistake. But I kind of feel like it wouldn't be fair to go on dates with a bunch of random OKC guys when I know damn well I'm smitten with someone else. Well, other than the ones I didn't fancy that much and so wouldn't be expecting much outcome from anyway... and I really can't be arsed with that right now. Just gonna keep on enjoying the will-they-won't-they while at work and then enjoying my bachelor don't-have-to-compromise-for-anyone lifestyle while at home, for the moment.

[sologdin]

Still no call. It is a busy holiday weekend and there's about ten pretty big weddings happening this weekend too. If I hear nothing by next weekend then I'm just going to call him. Fuck this tower-waiting princess game.

he did however call me, though, and here's the conversation we had:

As long as she is in the world she will be a danger even to the Wise. For nothing is evil in the beginning. Even LV was not so. I fear to take LV to hide her. I will not take LV to wield her.

Nor I, brah.

[Littlefingers In The Air]

Welp, my attempts to whoo the Italian woman, whose type I am not, have proven successful. She straight up asked me if I want to sleep together. Yay!

[karaddin]

Welp, my attempts to whoo the Italian woman, whose type I am not, have proven successful. She straight up asked me if I want to sleep together. Yay!

Dudes got game. Is it barely over a year since you were still fairly committed to the Christian thing?

[Kat]

And I assume she responded positively when you said yes?

So I saw most of my extended family today at Easter. Everyone except my sister and my sad little cousin, who I am going to try to "cheer up" this summer when she gets back from some sort of thing in Reno. She is in need of some change in scenery, imho, since living in the boring far suburbs, coming out as gay, and then being bullied by her 8th grade classmates and being pulled out of school to finish up the year homeschooling. Hopefully high school won't be so bad, but I'm offering to have her come stay with me in the city for some time during the summer. Really she needs to go stay with my sister so she can have a good gay role model, but she seems to see me as the cool cousin, so whatever works.

However, her woes were a subject that we were not to speak of around the whole extended family, so instead the topic became How Can We Get Kat a Husband. Ouch. My aunt had invited some of her nieces from her side of the family who have apparently all spawned boyfriends/husbands since I last saw them, which basically doubled the number of Not Single extended family. Things said to me today:

-You should try Match. My friend got married that way!

-You're into science, right? Maybe you can meet some nice biotech venture capitalist and marry him. I'm really good at marketing. I can help you!

-You say you're nerdy, but you can like, shower and hold a conversation and stuff.

...4 hours later

-Well, don't worry. None of the women in our family marry before the age of 30 anyway.

:bang:

It is like they are trying to re-create scenes from the first half of bad romantic comedies.

[Littlefingers In The Air]

Dudes got game. Is it barely over a year since you were still fairly committed to the Christian thing?

I would say barely over a year is accurate. When I met LV in NOLA, I was definitely still committed to the Christian thing. How the tables turn.

Yes, Kat. She responded very positively. She started naming off the things that made her want to give me this opportunity, such as:

"Its so funny when i cant speak english and you just wait for me to finish the sentence. That's the cutest thing i've ever seen"

I think I know what she's referring to. When she's struggling with English, I noticed a habit I lean my head in attentively and smile. Then she'll finish the sentence and tell I'll her how she's better at English than she thinks.

[Kat]

:thumbsup: :hat:

[karaddin]

I would say barely over a year is accurate. When I met LV in NOLA, I was definitely still committed to the Christian thing. How the tables turn.

Yes, Kat. She responded very positively. She started naming off the things that made her want to give me this opportunity, such as:

"Its so funny when i cant speak english and you just wait for me to finish the sentence. That's the cutest thing i've ever seen"

I think I know what she's referring to. When she's struggling with English, I noticed a habit I lean my head in attentively and smile. Then she'll finish the sentence and tell I'll her how she's better at English than she thinks.

I'm sure there are others that would disagree (those who view your straying from religion as a bad thing), but to me watching your growth over the last year has been pretty impressive. The level of success you've had in initiating relationships while still doing your utmost to be respectful is awesome.

[brook]

I would say barely over a year is accurate. When I met LV in NOLA, I was definitely still committed to the Christian thing. How the tables turn.

I'm sure this is somehow her doing :p

Kat that sounds awful, sending hugs and vodka.

[Larry of the Lawn]

And I assume she responded positively when you said yes?

So I saw most of my extended family today at Easter. Everyone except my sister and my sad little cousin, who I am going to try to "cheer up" this summer when she gets back from some sort of thing in Reno. She is in need of some change in scenery, imho, since living in the boring far suburbs, coming out as gay, and then being bullied by her 8th grade classmates and being pulled out of school to finish up the year homeschooling. Hopefully high school won't be so bad, but I'm offering to have her come stay with me in the city for some time during the summer. Really she needs to go stay with my sister so she can have a good gay role model, but she seems to see me as the cool cousin, so whatever works.

However, her woes were a subject that we were not to speak of around the whole extended family, so instead the topic became How Can We Get Kat a Husband. Ouch. My aunt had invited some of her nieces from her side of the family who have apparently all spawned boyfriends/husbands since I last saw them, which basically doubled the number of Not Single extended family. Things said to me today:

-You should try Match. My friend got married that way!

-You're into science, right? Maybe you can meet some nice biotech venture capitalist and marry him. I'm really good at marketing. I can help you!

-You say you're nerdy, but you can like, shower and hold a conversation and stuff.

...4 hours later

-Well, don't worry. None of the women in our family marry before the age of 30 anyway.

:bang:

It is like they are trying to re-create scenes from the first half of bad romantic comedies.

Ugghh... yeah family pressure on your romantic/social life sucks. I have a big family and 8/10 of my cousins that are within 8 years of my age either way are all married, or engaged, and all but one of them have children or are pregnant. Every family gathering has the "when are you going to settle down and get us some (grandkids/nieces/nephews)?" questions lobbed at me all day.

LitA you are a stud and a good guy.

So I've met up with a fwb a couple of times in the last month (the one obsessed with masons), until it turned weird in a hurry. Turned out she has some untreated substance abuse and bi-polar issues that became an issue the last time we hung out. Hope she can get some help but I just can't have any of that (the drug stuff) in my life.

The ex and I have been talking, I feel pretty good about being able to be friends with her only the absolute bare minimum of awkwardness, and it seems like that's fading over time anyway.

Reactivated okcupid the other day, and this week I got a ton of positive responses, but I just won't really have time to be dating for the next 3 or 4 months. Tinder kind of scares me, but honestly it's probably more what I'm looking for right now, the only problem I have with it is that it drains my phone battery in about 10 minutes, and if the phone is charging while it's running, the phone overheats and shuts down. The woes of modern dating.

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

1. This is probably a mistake. But I kind of feel like it wouldn't be fair to go on dates with a bunch of random OKC guys when I know damn well I'm smitten with someone else. Well, other than the ones I didn't fancy that much and so wouldn't be expecting much outcome from anyway... and I really can't be arsed with that right now. Just gonna keep on enjoying the will-they-won't-they while at work and then enjoying my bachelor don't-have-to-compromise-for-anyone lifestyle while at home, for the moment.

I wouldn't feel right going on dates in a situation like that either. I'm smitten with a certain someone myself and it wouldn't be fair to go out on a date with another lady if I can't devote her the attention she deserves.

[TerraPrime]

Re: Min and AMP

If you just don't want to date now, for whatever reasons, that's totally cool. It's entirely your call.

But on the issue of feeling like you're not giving your all with a date while being smitten with someone, I think you should give yourself some leeway. How do you know you won't find the target that's more worthy of your smitten-ness if you don't prowl the field? There's a difference between being smitten with someone and pining away at an unobtainable goal.

Re: LFiTA

Woot woot. Hope a good time was had/will be had by all parties involved!

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

Ahhhh - but what if your other person had issues that made them less available?

Just trying to get you to see the other point of view.

I understand how for you, personally, you could feel that way 100%.

I'd be shit out of luck. I'm no good at multitasking. I'm lucky I can get and hold the attention of one woman at a time. Working multiple leads at once is damn near impossible. Thursday I was chatting up a woman at my boxing gym between rounds and felt like I was doing something wrong.

TP you and Chataya raise good points. Sometimes I feel like I want to try juggling but can never seem to make the choice so I inevitably choose none of the above.

[Littlefingers In The Air]

I'm sure there are others that would disagree (those who view your straying from religion as a bad thing), but to me watching your growth over the last year has been pretty impressive. The level of success you've had in initiating relationships while still doing your utmost to be respectful is awesome.

Ugghh... yeah family pressure on your romantic/social life sucks. I have a big family and 8/10 of my cousins that are within 8 years of my age either way are all married, or engaged, and all but one of them have children or are pregnant. Every family gathering has the "when are you going to settle down and get us some (grandkids/nieces/nephews)?" questions lobbed at me all day.

LitA you are a stud and a good guy.

So I've met up with a fwb a couple of times in the last month (the one obsessed with masons), until it turned weird in a hurry. Turned out she has some untreated substance abuse and bi-polar issues that became an issue the last time we hung out. Hope she can get some help but I just can't have any of that (the drug stuff) in my life.

The ex and I have been talking, I feel pretty good about being able to be friends with her only the absolute bare minimum of awkwardness, and it seems like that's fading over time anyway.

Reactivated okcupid the other day, and this week I got a ton of positive responses, but I just won't really have time to be dating for the next 3 or 4 months. Tinder kind of scares me, but honestly it's probably more what I'm looking for right now, the only problem I have with it is that it drains my phone battery in about 10 minutes, and if the phone is charging while it's running, the phone overheats and shuts down. The woes of modern dating.

Re: Min and AMP

If you just don't want to date now, for whatever reasons, that's totally cool. It's entirely your call.

But on the issue of feeling like you're not giving your all with a date while being smitten with someone, I think you should give yourself some leeway. How do you know you won't find the target that's more worthy of your smitten-ness if you don't prowl the field? There's a difference between being smitten with someone and pining away at an unobtainable goal.

Re: LFiTA

Woot woot. Hope a good time was had/will be had by all parties involved!

Thanks, y'all. Amazing what a open mind, a lack of entitlement and fresh perspectives can do for you.

Your interests' quote is brilliant, Mandy.

[karaddin]

Thanks, y'all. Amazing what a open mind, a lack of entitlement and fresh perspectives can do for you.

Your interests' quote is brilliant, Mandy.

You've no idea how rare the combination of an open mind and a lack of entitlement is :p although to be fair they are probably often found together, they are just both rare individually.

[Kat]

Also, Kat's post reminded me of something from the Katering Show. One of the women talks about Christmas with her family and how it pretty much requires the consumption of large quantities of alcohol especially, if your aunt says something like, and I quote, "Why don't you adopt a baby from Africa? They'll probably let you have an Aids one."

Usually I like my family. They usually aren't this meddlesome! I probably should have just changed the subject. Am I dating anyone right now? That's an interesting question, but really, wouldn't you rather hear this endearing and hilarious anecdote about my students? (Teaching is an excellent form of birth control. :P)

[Starkess]

I wouldn't feel right going on dates in a situation like that either. I'm smitten with a certain someone myself and it wouldn't be fair to go out on a date with another lady if I can't devote her the attention she deserves.

I totally get that, but I will say that I almost canceled on my first date with my current bf for that reason and I am SO glad I gave it a chance. Sometimes you just need a chance to realize that there are indeed other people worthy of smittenness!

[smegma]

Mandy, all of that depends on the gift. A nice token referencing a mutual interest, or something sweet? No issues there. Jewelry, shrunken heads, or pornographic material - unless that's part of the mutual interest - then that'd be a bit more disconcerting.

[Larry of the Lawn]

The guy i'm talking to and going on a date with on Monday got me a gift.

I told him I thought he should wait until we hung out some first, that I didn't want him having any expectations. He said he would have to be a real asshole to get me something and then be upset if we only the end out to be friends. He said women weren't machines you poured niceness coins into until sex came out lol

Also, it sure is nice to have a guy want to do nice things for me. He is pretty cool.

I just know you guys are all going to think he's nuts for doing that tho. Right?

Might be unfair for me to judge just based of what you've written about this guy, but I'm going to do it anyway:

Yeah, I do think that's kind of nutty, and I say this as someone who exchanged about 100 long emails over the course of a month with my last gf before we met in person. But in that time we maintained a kind of respectful distance of somethings, because until you actually meet, are they really into you, or the idea of you, or do they just say this stuff to everyone? What's weird to me is the familiarity and enthusiasm this guy (and other's like him) seem to have without meeting in person. It's one thing to be looking forward to it, it's another for him to constantly talk about how into you he is. I'm always wary of people that tell me instead of show me.

That might sound unfair given that in online dating you have to talk about yourself a bit. But, for example, this guy didn't have to tell you he got you something, he could have just given you the gift when you met in person (and hopefully it would be something inexpensive and related to something you'd discussed, or something goofy). This guy kind of comes across as a brown-noser and overly eager to please. It's one thing to want to make a good impression and put your best foot forward, it's another to just smother someone you haven't even met with affection and attention that's usually reserved for someone you care about.