Mommy guilt and slow parenting

[Elder Sister]

your daughter is seriously adorable. ADORABLE.

[HexMachina]

And there you have the supreme last and final word in any argument: It worked for me.

Good thing I didn't claim it was the "supreme last and final word" then

[Whitestripe]

No worries.

I would just rather my daughter look like this, and be proud of what her body can do, rather than dress up in a skimpy outfit with makeup and glitter and be proud of the way her body looks.

QFT.

[MisterOJ]

your daughter is seriously adorable. ADORABLE.

Aw, shucks. Thanks ES, you're a peach!

[Cuellar]

I think it's quality over quantity. Shuttling your kids to a billion things aimlessly doesn't help them.

Probably the most important thing I want to teach my kids is to be driven. Have a goal, work hard towards it, and if you fail, get up and keep trying something.

[Lany Freelove Cassandra]

I never forced my kids to do any extra activities...but allowed them to try whatever they wanted. My daughter did dance for 6 months, basketball for less than 3; both her and my older son did karate for about 3 months, he did dance for 2 months (because she was doing it) but lost all interest when t-ball started. He was 5...did the 3 months of karate after that and never did another thing.

My youngest does karate, has for 3 years now, once a week, and 3 Saturdays a year. He liked cub scouts, but when he transitioned to boy scouts, found it too chaotic, so stopped going. (he likes structure, and boy scouts is run by the boys themselves, and lacked structure, was loud and little got done at the weekly meetings)

[Shryke]

I'm *trying* to listen to the kids, but also push them outside their comfort zones a bit.

I think that's the best attitude. You have to listen to your kids and tailor their schedule to what they like to do, their personality, etc, etc. But at the same time, they are kids and frequently don't know what they want till they have it so you should also push them into trying something you think they'll like. Maybe they'll find they enjoy it more then they ever thought they would. And if they don't, you try something else.

[ElizabethB.]

proud of what her body can do, rather than dress up in a skimpy outfit with makeup and glitter and be proud of the way her body looks.

HULK is here to tell that it does not need to be one or the other.

http://ahotmama.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/HULK_crop_exact.jpg

[White Walker Texas Ranger]

This is assuming that you are lucky enough to be in a safe neighborhood where the only ills that could befall a child are those he or nature might bring upon himself. Sometimes people push their kids to continue structured activities because the alternative is much worse than imaginative unencumbered play. What you're saying is just another parenting style value judgement.

That's a fair point, but in my anecdotal experience, it's ironically in the safest of neighborhoods that you'll find the helicopter-iest of parents.

That's fine though. If some parents want to be super duper extra careful about statistically imperceptible risks, that's fine. It's when they start calling CPS on other parents for letting their kids play in the park by themselves that it becomes a problem.

[Quorra]

My parents made us do things we didn't want to do. Left to our own devices we probably would have done creative things like make up games, run around and build forts, but we also wanted to be lazy. We had to sign up for stuff and go to camps over the summer. And we complained and said we hated it and wanted to quit. But my parents were like "No, you have to go. You have to do things with yourself." And then my dad would say we were being weak and useless and I think they mostly just wanted us out of the house so they could stop listening to us whining and fighting all the time, and so they could go to work during the summer or work late in the evening and not worry about us getting stolen or dying. I mean, we could have died at camp I guess, but then that would be on the camp counselor's hands and my folks would have been off the hook. My parents always seemed to get along a lot better when we kids were gone for a while. When they came to pick us up from camp, they seemed like they had actually had a nice time while we were gone.

[Jaxom 1974]

FWIW, I find these young cheerleaders adorable and completely age appropriate and these not so much.

I guess it's the sparkle midriff tops, make-up, and teased hair.

But then again, I was never allowed to wear a two-piece bathing suit, so perhaps I am too conservative. Mr. OJ and I will just sit over here and grumble. I've got no problem with high school cheerleaders looking like the second picture. I just can't get behind it for little girls.

Make room in that corner for me. I have no idea what I'm gonna do when the Little Lady gets a wee bit older and I'm faced with this situation...but I suspect it's going to involve a lot of kicking and screaming...

[Glaurung]

I think it's quality over quantity. Shuttling your kids to a billion things aimlessly doesn't help them.

Probably the most important thing I want to teach my kids is to be driven. Have a goal, work hard towards it, and if you fail, get up and keep trying something.

This is good, but when they're young, their goal might simply be to get across the living room without touching the lava floor. Or traveling to dinosaur times in the box-shaped time machine. When they get to be around middle school age might be the time that this becomes more realistic.

[Swordfish]

There's nothing wrong with forcing kids to try stuff they don't want to try. Kids are dumb and inexperienced, They lack the context to determine accurately whether or not they are going to like something that is wholly unfamiliar to them, and they might not want to do something for any host of irrational reasons that have nothing at all to do with the actual activity in question.

Learning to try things that are outside your comfort zone is a crucial life skill, and lots of kids end up enjoying stuff they wouldn't have tried had they not been forced.

[Isalie]

Obviously there's always going to be exceptions, but the idea that children should decide for themselves what is a good idea or not annoys me. For one thing, it suggests that parent's experiences and knowledge of life and their kids is less important than whatever whim the child is following, for another, it seems to ignore that children are people too. Kids are just like grownups, they like the path of least resistence. If my six year old was allowed to decide for herself, she would spend 15 h/day in front of the TV, no problem. And yet, she loves to go out to play, go to gymnastics, read, draw, etc. It's just that sitting down in front of the tv is both fun and requires nothing of her.

I'm not saying force your kid to do activities that he or she loathes or enroll him/her into one activity/day. I'm saying, believing that your eight year old knows better than you what is good for him/her is selling yourself short and not doing the child any favour.

[Isalie]

zzz. dp

[Isalie]

Lol, way to say what I was saying, only for minutes earlier and better.

There's nothing wrong with forcing kids to try stuff they don't want to try. Kids are dumb and inexperienced, They lack the context to determine accurately whether or not they are going to like something that is wholly unfamiliar to them, and they might not want to do something for any host of irrational reasons that have nothing at all to do with the actual activity in question.

Learning to try things that are outside your comfort zone is a crucial life skill, and lots of kids end up enjoying stuff they wouldn't have tried had they not been forced.

[Dr. Pepper]

Choosing not to force a child into an activity isn't the same as offering no guidance. It's not like the parents here are saying that if Johnny wants to build a sandcastle in the oven, they are just going to shrug and let him because they don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want to do, like not make a mess in the oven. There are actual ways to guide a child into learning critical and rational thought and encouraging them do try out different things without falling back on the old "you will do this or else" force philosophy.

[Michael Seswatha Jordan]

My rule is they can play or take part in any sport/activity that they choose. One rule though. What you start you must finish. I refuse to be that parent that signs their kid up for a sport, then, a month into it, you don't see them again. I believe making them finish is a very important life lesson. NO QUITTERS ON THE SLOG!

My daughter (5 yrs old) has just begun gymnastics about 2 months ago. She amazes me. Don't really know too many of the names of the tricks, but, she's a flipping, cartwheeling animal! Also, she wants to give soccer and cheerleading a go this fall. I will support her in anything she chooses in life. My baby girl.

My boy is 3, and very athletic for his age. I played football (American) and basketball basically my entire life. Would love to see him go that route, and seems to be heading that way. He loves watching both and takes an extreme interest in both. But, I would never push him one way or another. Whatever he wants to do, again, I will support him.

I believe when you see parents pushing their children to partake in any sport/activity, your just seeing them wanting to live vicariously through them. And 9/10, it usually just pushes them away from said sport/activity.

[Whitestripe]

We also have a "finish what you start" rule. My kids both took ballet. My daughter started off enjoying it, and every session I asked if she wanted to continue. In the middle of her second year, she decided she hated it. We marked the weeks on the calendar until she could be done.

[Michael Seswatha Jordan]

We also have a "finish what you start" rule. My kids both took ballet. My daughter started off enjoying it, and every session I asked if she wanted to continue. In the middle of her second year, she decided she hated it. We marked the weeks on the calendar until mane could be done.

My kids being so young I haven't had to enforce the "finish what you start" rule. But, from experience (I was a Pop Warner Coach for 6 years) the kids are not forced into a sport usually don't want to quit. When I coached, it was very easy to spot the kids that was coaxed into playing. They took no interest, daydreamed and generally just didn't care one way or another. And what's funny, is their parents would constantly say things like, "He really wants to play, I just don't understand.", or something along those lines. Get upset when their kid wasn't the Quarterback or Running Back. And it was easy to tell they wanted it for themselves.

If your not forcing something on your kids, generally, you don't have to enforce the finish what you start rule.