My friend Viserys?

[Seaworth'sShipmate]

Idk, if this is the right place to start this, but I just wanted some perspective on a "former" friend of mine, who Im not sure was much of a friend to begin with.

In retrospect, he reminds me very much of Viserys Targaryen. No he didn't have silver hair or a thing for his sister, but he was oddly similar to him in a number of ways. Like Viserys, he was a prince, a prince of a minor noble family in Bangladesh. While that might sound a bit impressive, I believe "royalty" is fairly common in the third world. He was quite grandiose and arrogant in what he thought the world owed him, and what he thought he was reasonably entitled to from life. He also would make lavish promises, with the implied notion that friendship with a powerful and important person like himself wasn't to be taken lightly

He was alright to hang out with at first, but even then he always seemed a bit weird. He was racist and spoke openly and disparagingly of blacks and hispanics ( never whites, curiously enough.) He really didn't like gays, and seemed to believe that the disproportionate amount of AIDS in the gay community was a sign of God's disfavor with them. He also seemed to objectify/sexualize women in a way even most college guys do not ( I knew him in college) and spoke extremely cruelly/contempously of women he didn't find attractive. He seemed to have the ambition of being a wealthy, mysterious, and sexually potent man about town, like Hugh Hefner and James Bond were his literal role models.

I was troubled by all the above, but I just attributed it to him being from a different culture, and shrugged it off as best I could. After I graduated though, things began to really get strange. He claimed that he was in trouble to me, and gave a number of shifting narratives about the legal troubles his father was suffering overseas. It was never clear exactly what happened, whether he was a victim of a coup, or whether he had gone to jail on some legitimate charge, or whether nothing happened at all.

He kept asking things of me and promising me things I knew he could never make good on. He asked me for several thousand dollars, and told me he had connections at the white house, that he knew Bill Clinton and Obama. Since he had gone to Harvard, he told me that if I helped him, he could get me into Harvard Law School, unlike the "shitty, second rate" law school I had gotten into on my own merits. He seemed not to know more care that American schools generally don't accept someone purely on the recommendation of a "powerful and influential" alumni.

There was a lot of back and forth, him trying to get things from me, and me not wanting to deliver until I knew more, and him continuing to obfuscate, and accuse me of being a bad person, though I tried to help him at times. I later found out through mutual friends/acquaintances that he was sort of a manipulative, back shabby sort of person who regularly through people under the bus once he was done with them.

I am basically still on good terms with him, but quietly have stopped having contact with him. We aren't in the same world any more, and I no longer meet up with him for anything ( I only ever occasionally did anyway). All kidding and Viserys analogies aside, what do you make of this person? Could it have turned potentially exploitive? I sort of think so..

[Solmyr]

Pour molten gold* on his head!

* in case you cannot afford that much gold, copper may suffice

[Inigima]

I am not entirely sure what you are hoping to get out of this thread.

[Seaworth'sShipmate]

I am not entirely sure what you are hoping to get out of this thread.

Just feed back, opinions on the relationship. I admit its kind of odd, but I honestly found him a confusing person, and I would appreciate feedback on this person from other people, to help perhaps make me understand him more? Maybe pick up on some subtext I missed?

[DreamSongs]

Do you need a hug?

[Quorra]

He sounds like a jerk. It sounds maybe entertaining. TBH it doesn't sound like much of a relationship. You're describing this strange and dramatic person and wondering what we think of him. You gave a very specific narrative. There isn't much we can say because this is your story. I've never known anyone like that so I guess I'm useless here. Sorry.

[Elder Sister]

I feel like I'm in a Dear Abby column.

[DreamSongs]

We should have a 'Dear Abby' thread.

I nominate Ordos to moderate it.

We can call it 'Dear Ordos'.

[zelticgar]

He sounds like a narcissist with a grandiose view of himself. You should count yourself lucky you got out of the relationship without any significant damage.

BTW - does this thread remind anyone of "The Time I saw a terrorist" thread?

[sologdin]

We should have a 'Dear Abby' thread.

I nominate Ordos to moderate it.

We can call it 'Dear Ordos'.

telisiane (i think?) had a military advice thread, and nas ran a prognostication thread for a while that was good, and of course there's always the MMM advice threads. but none of those have been around for years, so maybe time for a new one, yeah.

[The_BlauerDragon]

Quorra said TBH and I almost came unglued thinking (at first glance) that I was being compared to your "Prince" in some way.

To be honest, it sounds to me like this relationship is entirely one sided and has more than just a passing chance of being exploitative. It sounds, to me, like this man you described does not see anyone as actually being worthy of being his friend and instead sees only assets that can be cultivated, manipulated, used, and then discarded. To put it another way, Viserys might not be the right comparison. One of the Princely Leaches in Roose Bolton's nightly bowl might be a more fitting comparison.

[Xray the Enforcer]

I've had some destructive (and yet endlessly entertaining) friendships in my life. So I get why you've kept this soul-sucking beast around. But, yeah, I think this is someone who does not have anything to offer a friendship in any capacity. Instead, it's an open pit of need. Time to hit the Eject button.

[Xray the Enforcer]

telisiane (i think?) had a military advice thread,

That was "Dear Tenalpia"

She's still into warfare and causing trouble Oop North.

[sologdin]

yes yes! xvala.

[DreamSongs]

Which is why I recommended Ordos. He has a great deal of experience in getting to the heart of these situations.

[The Fallen]

BTW - does this thread remind anyone of "The Time I saw a terrorist" thread?

Or the exposure of a racist thread. I miss that guy.

[Tears of Lys]

I feel like I'm in a Dear Abby column.

I think I can speak for Dear Abby when I say, "F**K that guy."

OTOH, this relationship is so obviously one-sided that I can only suspect that our dear poster maintained a wee bit of hope that this "prince" actually **could** do him some good one of these days and was afraid to tell him to kiss off.

[Seaworth'sShipmate]

I think I can speak for Dear Abby when I say, "F**K that guy."

OTOH, this relationship is so obviously one-sided that I can only suspect that our dear poster maintained a wee bit of hope that this "prince" actually **could** do him some good one of these days and was afraid to tell him to kiss off.

Don't worry. I haven't had any contact with him for a whole year. We parted on good terms last we met, and have not had anything to do with him for quite some time. Don't worry, Ive been finished with him for a while and don't consider him a big loss. Apparently it was very common for him to have falling outs with people :lmao:

I might have mentioned, but my dad is a lawyer, and I am studying law school. It got annoying that he would sometimes introduce me to people as so and so, son of so and so the lawyer, like I was some aristocrat. I think it's because so very many Bangladeshis live in poverty, that anyone in the professional class (lawyer, doctors etc.) are somewhat akin to royalty. He seemed obsessed at times with having people as "friends" who enhanced him or reflected well on him. I think he found me entertaining and fun/interesting to be around, but if he believed in his heart of hearts that I couldn't offer him any "connections" he would not have given me the time of day.

I do think this is the only true narcissist I have ever met, and in in retrospect it was something of a bizarre and outrageous experience. All better now though :)!

[zelticgar]

Stay away from him. Its tempting to keep these types of people around just for the sheer entertainment value but they can be very dangerous if you have low self esteem or are easily manipulated. You may think you were the one who cut off contact but the reality is that they view people in categories:

- people they can control (generally family members or people they are in romantic relationships). They find weak people and force the family members to view their value by building up the narcissist ego. They spend all their time trying to please and build up the leaders status.

- people they can connect with that will raise their status. These are generally short term relationships with people they perceive are just as smart and desirable as they see themselves.These relationships end quickly once the target realizes something is off. Typically the relationship gets sabotaged and ends dramatically.

- people they perceive as threats. They will avoid threats because they dont want to be around people who know the true nature of the person.

It can be a real mess especially when kids are involved. One of my wife's siblings is married to a true narcissist and we've been kind of powerless to help the nieces and nephews. They are getting to the age where they are starting to realize something is wrong. Too early to tell how it will turn out but i suspect it wont be good.

[Scythia]

Yeah, you're lucky the two of you parted ways. This fellow reminds me of my mother's ex-husband, and he made all of our lives miserable. Still does. If you gave your friend any positive reinforcement, he would haunt you like a ghost. The unfortunate thing is that, since he's not leeching support from you, he must be leeching support from someone else. Three decades, one divorce, and four restraining orders later, her ex still tries to impose himself on our lives and sap the happiness from us because he's not capable of generating it himself.

Edit: typing error