Bronn Urgandy Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 For those of us who have a darker humour. What lines in any of the books are so dark and/nasty that you struggle to comprehend the reality of one human being saying it to another and just see the humour in what is, frankly, a fictional story anyway; The first two that came to mind while writing this thread was the insanely obvious "before you make me rue the day I raped your mother" and the slightly less obvious one from TWOIAF, in which Aegon the Unworthy replies to his sister wifes please that they can just live out their days as brother and sister to avoid further complications for her with "that is what we are already doing" Okay, shoot. Or not. Whatevs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetsunray Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Shagwell the Fool hacked the heads off two dead knights and pranced about the castle swinging them by the hair and making them talk. "What did you die of?" one head asked. "Hot weasel soup," replied the second.(aFfC, Arya IX) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronn Urgandy Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 "An outrider who sees nothing has no use for his eyes, take them out to give them to the next outrider so that he has two pairs" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steinnis Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 When Cersei is treating with the High Sparrow, and he's telling her that silent sisters had been raped, and Cersei thinks half of them were " praying for a good rape.'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steinnis Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Tywin - You shot me Tyrion - ''You always were quick to grasp a situation, my lord. That must be why tou're hand of the King.'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boarsbane Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 When Randyll is dispensing justice and declares the thief will lose 7 fingers for stealing from the gods"It is customary to take a finger from a thief but a man who steals from a sept is stealing from the gods. Seven fingers. Leave his thumbs." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shireen Purratheon Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Probably one of my favorite quotes in the series is one of these, also from the end of the chapter where Tyrion shot Tywin, I think we all know how it goes:Lord Tywin Lannister did not, in the end, shit gold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Bastard Snow Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Manderlys "It could have been worse...he could have grown up to be a Frey"Even the freefolk sent to WF don't joke about them dying but Manderly does without any hesitation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Remain Unvanquished Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 "Don't make me regret the day I raped your mother." Roose Bolton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugorfonics Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 "Pia saw something in the buttery last night."Arya made a rude noise. Pia was always seeing things in the buttery. Usually they were men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mdw4950 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 'he ran, but not very fast.' the hound being a dick to ned. then you remember that hes being a dick about cutting down an innocent kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Visenya Stark Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 "Her own father got this child on her?" Stannis sounded shocked. "We are well rid of her, then. I will not suffer such abominations here. This is not King's Landing." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nights Kings Queen Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I fucked Jaime on the morning of my wedding, the queen recalled. "I do," she said, "I feel reborn, as if a festering boil has been lanced and now at last I can begin to heal. I could almost fly." She imagined how sweet it would be to slam an elbow into Septa Scolera's face and send her careening down the spiral steps. If the gods were good, the wrinkled old cunt might crash into Septa Unella and take her down with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connartist92 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 The Tattered Prince gave a shrug. "Every turncloak has his tale. You are not the first to swear me your swords, take my coin, and run. All of them have reasons. 'My little son is sick,' or 'My wife is putting horns on me,' or 'The other men all make me suck their cocks.' Such a charming boy, the last, but I did not excuse his desertion. Another fellow told me our food was so wretched that he had to flee before it made him sick, so I had his foot cut off, roasted it up, and fed it to him. Then I made him our camp cook. Our meals improved markedly, and when his contract was fulfilled he signed another. You, though … several of my best are locked up in the queen's dungeons thanks to that lying tongue of yours, and I doubt that you can even cook." - The Spurned Suitor (Quentyn III) ADWD Chapter 61 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihlus Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Randyll commenting that Brienne could use a "good, hard raping" to straighten her out.Also, the tale of Randy trying to get Sam fostered at Redwyne's is hilarious.And when they reached the Arbor, things had gone from bad to worse. Lord Redwyne's twin sons had despised Sam on first sight. Every morn they found some fresh way to shame him in the practice yard. On the third day Horas Redwyne made him squeal like a pig when he begged for quarter. On the fifth his brother Hobber clad a kitchen girl in his own armor and let her beat Sam with a wooden sword until he began to cry. When she revealed herself, all the squires and pages and stableboys howled with laughter."The boy needs a bit of seasoning, that's all," his father had told Lord Redwyne that night, but Redwyne's fool rattled his rattle and replied, "Aye, a pinch of pepper, a few nice cloves, and an apple in his mouth." Thereafter, Lord Randyll forbade Sam to eat apples so long as they remained beneath Paxter Redwyne's roof. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronn Urgandy Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Randyll pulling out that deers heart while telling Sam of his fate should he not join the Wall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Davos Baratheon Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 ''The best pie you ever tasted, my lords. Wash it down with Arbor gold and savor every bite. I know I shall.'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howl & Read Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I don't know if this counts as "dark" or "morbid" but it always makes me laughDolorous Edd: “Never win anything, the Gods smiled on Watt, though. When the wildlings knocked him off the Bridge of Skulls, somehow he landed in a nice, deep pool of water. How lucky was that, missing all those rocks”Grenn: “Was it a long fall? Did landing in the pool save his life?”Dolorous Edd: “No, he was dead already from that axe in his head. Still, it was pretty lucky, missing the rocks.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howl & Read Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 "Don't make me regret the day I raped your mother." Roose BoltonI laughed...but it was hard explaining why it was funny to people who have not read the books or even watched the show. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetsunray Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I don't know if this counts as "dark" or "morbid" but it always makes me laughDolorous Edd: “Never win anything, the Gods smiled on Watt, though. When the wildlings knocked him off the Bridge of Skulls, somehow he landed in a nice, deep pool of water. How lucky was that, missing all those rocks”Grenn: “Was it a long fall? Did landing in the pool save his life?”Dolorous Edd: “No, he was dead already from that axe in his head. Still, it was pretty lucky, missing the rocks.” :agree: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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