Mental Health Support Group

[AsharyaTarstark]

Hello all,
I decided to start this thread because I am in desperate need of support right now and I figured other people could benefit from it as well. I am 23 years old and I've been struggling with mental illness since I was 14. Although I've had previous bouts of extreme depression and hospitalizations, I was always able to somehow bounce back. Something in me broke this year. I've been unemployed for a year, I've had six hospitalizations in the past 9 months, I've self medicated and self injured to the point of no return, and a long term relationship was ended two weeks ago. The medication has ceased to work. The therapy is no longer therapeutic. I feel completely and utterly helpless and hopeless. Is there anyone out there who wants to chat? I could use a friend right now. If you are suffering, please feel free to share. I want this to be a safe haven for all. :)

[Theda Baratheon]

Hi there - I am so sorry you are feeling so hopeless [internet hugs]. I have had trouble with depression for years but I only went to the doctor about a year ago and I can't really say it did anything for me. I am stuck in a job I hate, in a body I find disgusting, with a face that doesn't look familiar to me, I feel so empty and without any drive or ambition or anything good inside me. I just want to sleep forever and cant really FEEL anything much these days. If you dont mind I can PM you if you want. I could use a chat with someone too without going too public with my mental health - I don't feel as safe anymore in sharing how I feel on this site.

[Theda Baratheon]

I cant pm you on my phone atm :/ not sure why

[AsharyaTarstark]

Thanks for responding! I'm sorry you aren't doing well. I know the feeling all too well. I'll pm you.

[The Tower of Almond Joy]

Hi! I wanted both of you to know that I am thinking of you. You have had over 100 views and only 2 replies. I didn't want you to feel bad about that. I am assuming it is because of the safety issues. Isn't it a pity that in this day and age we have so many ways of reaching out to each other but hesitate because of that? I had a bad experience with pm here. I spent quite a lot of time trying to help someone only to find out they were a troll just playing me. You just about have to have internet references these days to prove who you are (and yes I have them lol)

There was a thread several months ago about depression. There were so many helpful replies. It would be a bit time consuming to go back and try to find it, but it would be worth it.

If you are interested, go to you tube and do a search for the audiobook 'The Mindful Way Through Depression'.

There are several other similar 8 week programs - audiobooks, books, workbooks based on MBCT (Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy) and MBST (Mindfulness Based Stress Therapy) This concept was originally developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn at Mass General in Boston.

I recommend Mindfulness, An 8 week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Mark Williams and Danny Penman.

UCLA also has the program on you tube.

Hope this helps you in 'the dance of ideas'

[Theda Baratheon]

Thank you

But i like the idea of a thread for mentally ill people just being nice to each other and supporting each other i mean obviously advice should be welcome but i know that it actuallly doent help me much and in my lowest points the things that help me most are just being able to talk to people aboiy all the shit youre feeling and once its been said you know its real and having someone understand that is very impprtant...

[AsharyaTarstark]

Hi! I wanted both of you to know that I am thinking of you. You have had over 100 views and only 2 replies. I didn't want you to feel bad about that. I am assuming it is because of the safety issues. Isn't it a pity that in this day and age we have so many ways of reaching out to each other but hesitate because of that? I had a bad experience with pm here. I spent quite a lot of time trying to help someone only to find out they were a troll just playing me. You just about have to have internet references these days to prove who you are (and yes I have them lol)
There was a thread several months ago about depression. There were so many helpful replies. It would be a bit time consuming to go back and try to find it, but it would be worth it.
If you are interested, go to you tube and do a search for the audiobook 'The Mindful Way Through Depression'.
There are several other similar 8 week programs - audiobooks, books, workbooks based on MBCT (Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy) and MBST (Mindfulness Based Stress Therapy) This concept was originally developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn at Mass General in Boston.
I recommend Mindfulness, An 8 week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Mark Williams and Danny Penman.
UCLA also has the program on you tube.
Hope this helps you in 'the dance of ideas'

Thank you for responding! The lack of responses doesn't bother me too much. I wasn't really expecting anyone to reply. I just wanted to create a small safe haven for people not feeling well and struggling. The smaller the group the better, it allows it to be more intimate. I will certainly check out the book you recommended. I've don't some DBT and mindfulness in the past and it was quite helpful.

[Spring Bass]

The past month has been a bit rough. Back around mid-July, I think I had a full depressive episode for a couple of days - I just remember feeling totally numb and listless aside from incredible anxiety that I would become self-harming or suicidal. I remember trying to actually get angry because then I could feel something other than anxiety. That went away for two weeks, then started coming back again around the beginning of August, and it hasn't entirely gone away since. It just feels so strange and uncomfortable, like this combination of apathy and headaches where I can't seem to actually feel anything as strongly as I did before early August. 

 

I think I might have some type of OCD or hypochondria. I've had issues with episodes where I get fixed on an intrusive thought for a decent period of time since childhood, and bouts of compulsive behavior over the years. When I was younger it was constantly checking the locks, but I thankfully got out of that (although I still have to resist the urge to double-check and make sure the garage is shut when I know perfectly well that it's shut). Then it started turning into fears of diseases - I remember constantly cracking and turning my neck in high school because I got afraid I might have meningitis, then later on getting afraid that I might have some type of cancer (first esophageal, then skin cancer) and constantly swallowing/checking my skin. More recently it was a fear that I had that Body Identity Disorder and secretly wanted to disable myself.

 

In any case, I'm trying to resist giving into those compulsions or obsessively checking health websites to "confirm" that I've got something. If it doesn't ease up by September 1st, I'm going to talk to my doctor about it. The anxiety isn't gone yet, although it's fading. I still feel the apathy, though. 

 

EDIT: I wonder about that, though. I remember being so easy to anger before mid-July, and I felt it really strongly - like shaking with anger and rubbing my hands together angrily. Maybe that was the abnormal, and being harder to anger now is more normal. I don't know. 

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

I go through bouts of self loathing fairly often. I'm going through one right now actually. I hate myself and can't figure out how or why people like me. Every relationship I've ever been in has failed because of this, I don't keep up with friendships because of it. I gotta tell you it's a shitty way to live.

[Westerosi Coast Gangster]

Exercize and healthy eating helps me. But I don't feel like people like us will ever truly be like the rest of the population at large who don't have to deal with depression/anxiety.

[Theda Baratheon]

I had a really good couple if days but I feel like this greyness will never leave me, will always be apart of me ...and its not poetic or glamorous and it doesnt give me a different perspective on life and it doesnt make me any more creative it's just like an invisible weight like im sisyphus without the fucking boulder and i still cant walk up the damn hill because something unseen is weighing me down

And i agree with the above poster...i dont think some people will ever "get it" and its not like i'd really want them to know how it felt to be mentally ill but at the same time i really wish people werent so frightened off by the mentally ill label like we're all fucking serial killers or something...or that we're all just lazy liars making it up...i dont WANT to be depressed but i dont even remember what it feels like not to be anymore i mean...its been YEARS...i think i have been clinically depressed for ten years without having a word for it until a few years ago when i tentatively started genuinely realizing and only went to the doctor and had my suspicions confirmed less than a year ago...its not even like im not fun to be around i think i am and i cloak it well its like i feel like im not depressed ENOUGH to warrant or deserve any genuine help but im too depressed to enjoy my life or to do anything with it

[deleted01]

I know full well that this approach doesn't work for everyone, but for me and my SO, pushing ourselves (and each other) helps. We know what we need to do one day - for example, get up at X time, shower, eat, go to work, come home, etc. Breaking the day into smaller goals can help, and now it's easier to go and do what we have to do.

My depression is largely caused by situational factors and past events. Sometimes it's a struggle to find ways to deal with this, but there's something like stubbornness that kicks me into not letting those factors get the best of me. It's tough sometimes though.

[Theda Baratheon]

The thing is i shower every single day without fail, i wash my hair, brush my teeth, get out of bed before the afternoon so i dont feel like im depressed enough for people to take me seriously even tho all i have energy to do is those things, go to work, come back from work, play some video games/watch tv and sleep. And its not for desire to just stay in and watch tv all the time i actually LOVE walking and i live in a fucking valley near mountains that I could go for walks on and have done but i just stop myself from doing it because im too tired and i dont want anyone to see my face because its disgusting

[HexMachina]

The thing is i shower every single day without fail, i wash my hair, brush my teeth, get out of bed before the afternoon so i dont feel like im depressed enough for people to take me seriously even tho all i have energy to do is those things, go to work, come back from work, play some video games/watch tv and sleep. And its not for desire to just stay in and watch tv all the time i actually LOVE walking and i live in a fucking valley near mountains that I could go for walks on and have done but i just stop myself from doing it because im too tired and i dont want anyone to see my face because its disgusting

I understand what you mean. Because you aren't in that state of being almost unable to function, you feel a bit like "well I'm not that depressed" and often other people around you will make that assumption too. There seems to be something of a misconception that depression=total shut down. It's not the case, because depression isn't so straightforward. Its the same kind of attitude that fesults in "oh, you ant have an ed, you arent underweight anymore. Because for some, if you dont manifest all of, of at least the most obvious symptoms, that somdhow mea z you arent ill. I felt terrible at times while I was at uni last year, but I still went in to uni every day for lectures, still got up an did my prep work. It was killing me inside to be out and about but I did it. That doesn't mean my depression shouldn't be taken seriously. And I've friends who have similar experiences. One friend (I won't name, for obvious reasons) was putting on a brave face, and to all appearances was doing very well. And then I was contacted by her parents one day to inform me she had tried to commit suicide. Depression is an awful illness, and regardless of how sever it is, should be treated as a serious issue by both the person suffering (not saying you aren't taking it seriously btw Theda) and those around them. If you'll forgive me for bringing it up, it seems like that at times, your family seems to disregard your illness. I've experienced that before too - when I was seeing a therapist (one that actually knew what she was doing, not the clueless prick on the CAMHS team) she often involved my family in the sessions because it was important for them to understand too (granted, it was probably particularly important for me because I was 14/15 at the time and obviously living with them - but I know adults who were in the same situation who had similar family therapy sessions.)

As for me, sometimes I hit this bleak place where I just can't e en remember a time before I suffered from depression and an ED. For some background, it's been ongoing since (this may not be exact, obviously) about age 11. I wasn't officially diagnosed until I was 14 but talks with therapists seem to indicate that is when it first began. And it's hard, you know. It's hard to recall a time before that, when I didn't fall into these dark moods where I can't motivate myself to do anything. Where I could go out, eat what I want, and not be disgusted with myself afterwards. Where I didn't care what my body looked like, where I could look into a mirror without wanting to close my eyes. In a few years time, half of ,y life will have been spent tackling these problems. And sometimes you get tired of fighting against it, especially when there is a social stigma to battle too.

ETA: I would also like to add that something I really struggle with is admitting my problems to people (if I know them or meet them in person - over the Internet I feel a sense of anonymity that gives me the confidence to discuss these things). At uni, there are 2 people who I have told, and that wasn't easy for me to do. Even my personal tutor doesn't know, nor do any of the other lecturers etc. Something held me by k from telling anyone, or seeming out help when I needed it, and now I would feel awful if I went and told them because I kept it hidden from them for a year

[Lany Freelove Cassandra]

I've had a really rough few months as well.  It was to the point I was thinking of self harm, a new low for me. I even quit karate for the next session and stopped doing the extra nights, even missed several of my regular nights (and those who know me know how much I love karate)  I am fighting my way out of it now.  I am stop beating myself up when I eat something I really wanted that is junk food.  If I want a Coke, I'll drink one, but then have a bottle of water afterwards.

 

I am forcing myself to workout in the mornings this week.  I have found I am just too tired at the end of the day.  Work takes everything out of me.

 

Working out has always helped me before, and I am hoping it will again

 

Hugs to all of you going through this.  You are not alone and there are plenty of ups and downs.  Fight back and don't surrender to the darkness.

 

 

(I am 50 and still dealing with this.  It is a life long struggle...and takes effort to make it a long life)

[DreamSongs]

I'm hoping a total lifestyle switch will help with mine.  I'm on holiday this week and then I'm on day shift.  Maybe I'll feel better when I'm in better tune with the rest of the world.  I've been feeling pretty isolated lately.

 

Theda, PM me any time you need to talk. luv bex

[King Tyrion I]

I offer my help as well - for those of you in need. =o)

[deleted01]

The thing is i shower every single day without fail, i wash my hair, brush my teeth, get out of bed before the afternoon so i dont feel like im depressed enough for people to take me seriously even tho all i have energy to do is those things, go to work, come back from work, play some video games/watch tv and sleep. And its not for desire to just stay in and watch tv all the time i actually LOVE walking and i live in a fucking valley near mountains that I could go for walks on and have done but i just stop myself from doing it because im too tired and i dont want anyone to see my face because its disgusting

I totally get that last part. What helps me (a bit) is going out and realising that nobody thinks my face/body/clothes/whatever are disgusting, I'm just a relatively normal person going about my day. And if I am feeling obsessed with what people think of me, I remind myself of that quote, that everyone's so wrapped up in their own lives, they barely think of us at all.

I also think about what i want/need in life, and how I'm going to get it. If getting my own place, for example, means working full time, then that's what it takes. When I put it into those terms, it seems to make it easier for me, because I'm focused on the goal, rather than the activity, if that makes sense.

[Nymeria10k]

Depression is an issue I have been struggling with for about a year now, as well. I always had low self-esteem because that's how I was raised, pretty much, 'indirectly' insinuated I'm not good enough and so on so it stuck to me. It was something I didn't want to admit at first and I half heartedly tried to get mental health support (didn't get it as I can't hide it from my parents). Some internet friends and my fiance knew, kind of, because I let on that I was feeling low but nothing too specific. Then one day, I made a post on my wall on FB about it and finally admitted that I am in fact depressed. I was always afraid of what people would say especially my irl friends and so on. But the amount of support I got was absolutely astonishing, I was amazed really at how many people reached out to me afterwards, it was wonderful. Even irl friends I barely speak to were there to support me. In particular a friend I've had for 10 years admitted he'd also been going through a tough time, so we started talking to each other more. We decided to restart playing an online MMO that we'd played years ago back when we were in school, it was so much fun :D

 

Admitting it is such a hard thing to do and it'll take a long, long time for anything to happen.. I always am in a low mood, feeling negative about myself or just not giving a shit, or being stressed, but all I can be thankful for right now is that my fiance is with me supporting me through all of the absolute bullshit I come up with and that I have so many wonderful friends :)

 

You are all wonderful people :grouphug: and feel free to PM me anytime :)

[The King in Black]

I have actually almost self destruct-ed my own life at one point because perhaps I was too arrogant or stupid to get help. Seriously, I consider myself lucky that there were people there to help me at the right time.

I remember making up bullshit reasons to get myself through the day, chasing after things I knew I could never have, doing things I knew were futile, out of a strong desire to just implode. There were and still are times when my entire physiology goes for a toss as a response to my mental and emotional state. Trembling, palpitation, rapid heart beats, a strange heightening of senses, being jumpy,... and all due to worrying about opinions of people who wont even remember my face if I die tomorrow. The down low phase (as I call it) is even worse : I'm not even fucking kidding, i have tried to commit suicide in the dumbest way possible. Casually harming myself for reasons I don't even remember (and not just physical harm, harm in every damn way possible ) however is the worst. Seriously, you know you're doing shit that's going to have bad consequences, and then you still go ahead and do it (in my case I did it because I knew it )

 

But the thing I remember I guess is we have to keep on moving. We might break , and there might be no putting everything back together as it was, but something new can be made from the shattered pieces right ? The only way to deal with pain is to take it with us; pain has it's own uses