Worst book you ever read?

[strongboar]

I do too. I mean, it's like he knows he's churning out shit just for the paycheck, and is having fun with it.

Fully agree. Just read this:

Once again, the cover art is really cool, especially with the F-4 Phantoms wearing Nazi insignia. But I actually ran into trouble with the text on the back cover. In those days, I was writing the books so quickly, the publisher frequently had the cover jackets printed up even before I even finished the book. In this case, I had told them that the Nazis were after Inca gold. Only when I got to the last part of the book did I realize I should have said "Aztec gold," as the Aztecs were from Central America, and the Incas were way down in South America. But a zillion covers had already been printed up. That's why, in the last few chapters, I had to pick up everything and everybody and move them all a thousand miles south, to Bolivia, where they could finally end the adventure by finding all that freaking Inca gold.

Or this:

The city of Syracuse NY gets nuked in this one, and if you've ever spent any time there, you might think it was an improvement

There were two things controversial about this book. First of all, the publisher named it even before I wrote it and looking back on it the title is pretty lame

[TheSeedisStrongest]

I thought the second Dirk Gently book was pretty terrible. It had some hysterical moments, but overall it was a chore to read and the nonsensical story made the first book look epic (which it is not!). It wasn't so bad though. I just had high expectations after the first.

I thought The Once and Future King was pretty boring from what I read, which was very little.

Everything's Eventual by Stephen King is a pretty dissapointing short story collection from the ones I read. Song of Susannah was a terrible book.

The first story in Tuf Voyaging is terrible. I spent good money on that book. I can only hope that the rest of the stories in it aren't nearly as bad.

None of these are that bad though. I haven't read many bad books.

[一方通行]

banning Goodkind from this is like banning Americans from a fat contest.

[Max the Mostly Mediocre]

Elminster in Hell - Ed Greenwood

Baldur's Gate - Philip Athans

Actually, y'know what? Basically all the Forgotten Realms and Shadowrun novels.

Jesus, they were bad. But I really liked 'em when I was younger.

My favorite part about Mack Maloney's books are the "Star Hawk" covers which feature jet fighters in, um, space. As in, a Mig-17 above Saturn. wtf?

Planet America: We always hear about what the Egyptians and the Mayans and the Sumerians and other people of ancient empires were like thousands of years ago. But how will Americans be remembered thousands of years in the future? We are an Empire, we invented flight, we put people on the Moon, we created the most powerful weapons known the Man. We saved the planet from fascism in World War II. We've done many great and wonderful things, but we've also frigged up a lot of things. So, how will history remember us, after other empires rise and fall? That was in my mind when I began this book.

Hawk has gone AWOL from the Empire Forces and sets out to find the mythical Home Planets, one of which, the rumors say, is Planet America. Like any adventure story, getting there is a half the fun, and Hunter and his pal Pater Tomm, run into all sorts of strange characters and situations before finally reaching their goal.

Once they find themselves on Planet America, Hunter meets and falls for a cute cheerleader, eats junk food, drinks beer and takes a cross-country trip on Route 66 in a sports car -- four things all of us should do at least once in our lifetimes. He also discovers if you reach the coast of California the skyline of New York City is visible just over the horizon.

What follows is a titanic war that helps free Planet America and the other Home Planets from the tyrannical grip of the Fourth Empire.

Awesome. Just awesome.

[whelp]

Elminster in Hell - Ed Greenwood

Baldur's Gate - Philip Athans

Actually, y'know what? Basically all the Forgotten Realms and Shadowrun novels.

Jesus, they were bad. But I really liked 'em when I was younger.

If you think those two are bad, read Pool of Darkness... It makes even Goodkind look like a talented writer.

As an aside, RPG-based fiction is rarely better than mediocre, imho.

[Daemrion]

1984 by Orwell. I swear that book gave me clinical depression.

[Talyn]

I may have to read one of Mack Maloney's books just to see what they are like.

Excluding Terry Goodkind.

Off the top of my head the worst book that I have read was Wit'ch Fire by James Clemens. No imagination I think in the prologue the invading army was actually called The ______ (something) of doom. At first I was amused but then it passed and by about chapter three or four I was left feeling embarrassed. I put it down relieved that no one had seen me with it and never picked it up again. (Why does witch even need an apostrophe anyway?)

[Guest]

1984 by Orwell. I swear that book gave me clinical depression.

For better or for worse, that book was supposed to give you clinical depression, making it a masterpiece.

[HammerOfGod]

What is the most hopelessly abysmal piece of crap book you've ever read? Please, please remember that you can't nominate any of Goodkind's faeces as it would just become another Tairy-bashing thread. I myself will nominate "The Sword of Shannara" by Terry Brooks. I've only read the first trilogy so I can't really judge him as a writer but the first book just seemed to be LOTR with some of the nouns changed around. I thought "Wishsong" and "Elfstones" were fairly awful too but I'm sure a lot of people would disagree. Let the hate commence!

I have been blocked by the rules set forth above...but it is the 7th book in the series...and I cannot name it or its author...Unfortunately it is the very worst book of all time and none other can even come within a left hoof of beating it out in its hideouseness...

Therefore to name another book in its stead would be dishonest to the people on this board and to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Galactus]

Fully agree. Just read this:

Once again, the cover art is really cool, especially with the F-4 Phantoms wearing Nazi insignia. But I actually ran into trouble with the text on the back cover. In those days, I was writing the books so quickly, the publisher frequently had the cover jackets printed up even before I even finished the book. In this case, I had told them that the Nazis were after Inca gold. Only when I got to the last part of the book did I realize I should have said "Aztec gold," as the Aztecs were from Central America, and the Incas were way down in South America. But a zillion covers had already been printed up. That's why, in the last few chapters, I had to pick up everything and everybody and move them all a thousand miles south, to Bolivia, where they could finally end the adventure by finding all that freaking Inca gold.

Or this:

The city of Syracuse NY gets nuked in this one, and if you've ever spent any time there, you might think it was an improvement

There were two things controversial about this book. First of all, the publisher named it even before I wrote it and looking back on it the title is pretty lame

Yeah, I almost want to read them....

Hawk and his men are ghosts to Wakisaki, and taunt him as such until he finally goes mad and kills himself – at least I think that’s what happens. It’s been a while since I wrote it.

[The Pita]

For better or for worse, that book was supposed to give you clinical depression, making it a masterpiece.

Actually, I agree with him...

The book gave me clinical depression not because of the story, but because it reminded me of the Yeardly Works.

[Red Templar]

A little something from the "Mack-toids:"

A song written by Mack ("I'd Rather Lose You To A Woman Than Lose You To

Another Man") won the CMA's Atlantic Regional award for "Record of the Year." The song lost in the National Awards because the judges refused to vote for a song about lesbians.

I think I wanna meet this guy.

[Ser Vlad]

Target Point Zero - Though it might not seem it, this is the beginning of what I consider the “second†Wingman series. The first 11 books constituted the original contracts for Wingman. By the time it came to writing this book, many things had changed. Different management at my publisher, my original editor was gone and for some reason, they didn’t use the great ET Steadman to do the cover.

Still it’s a good story. Hawk has set out to find the evil Viktor who has reared his ugly head again. The devil himself has blasted off in a Russian space shuttle and now it is up to Hawk to figure where and when the super-villain is coming down.

Hawk literally traverses half the globe – twice – in search of the secret landing spot. In doing so, he encounters some “dreamy†Nazis, a beautiful young girl who likes to be watched, a few dinosaurs, and a young kid who has a MiG-25 that Hawk wants to borrow.

The climax takes place in the South China Sea, at a place called “Lolita Island.†Need I say more?

"Need you say more?" indeed.

[Marcelo Rebelo Firqoralas]

Mack Maloney FTW!

My favourite Mack nugget:

Actually a love story to Baseball, there are also a lot of lipstick lesbian scenes in here, this because of a letter I'd written to my editor. I'd told him that having Hawk can get his oil changed four times a book was really slowing things down. I asked him if Hawk went to bed with two women twice a book, would that fulfill the requirement. He agreed, and that's why from this point on, there are so many girl-on-girl scenes in the books.

[Lies And Perfidy]

From the fifth Wingman book:

Once again, the cover art is really cool, especially with the F-4 Phantoms wearing Nazi insignia. But I actually ran into trouble with the text on the back cover. In those days, I was writing the books so quickly, the publisher frequently had the cover jackets printed up even before I even finished the book. In this case, I had told them that the Nazis were after Inca gold. Only when I got to the last part of the book did I realize I should have said "Aztec gold," as the Aztecs were from Central America, and the Incas were way down in South America. But a zillion covers had already been printed up. That's why, in the last few chapters, I had to pick up everything and everybody and move them all a thousand miles south, to Bolivia, where they could finally end the adventure by finding all that freaking Inca gold.

There's just a hilarious fucking image there.

Also, I wonder if the author realizes that a "wingman" is traditionally a guy in an assistant's role? Watching the point man's flank, whether the target is Satanic Communazi jet fighters or drunken bar skanks? Having a hero named "Wingman" is pretty awesome.

[The Wolf Maid]

Barring Goodkind?

Anne Rice. Just...no.

[Cel]

Years ago I stopped finishing books I don't enjoy. I know some people love it, but I couldn't stand Perdido Street Station. I read about 100 pages and couldn't put the book down fast enough. It seemed like it was weird just for the sake of being weird.

[Underfoot]

Clive Cussler's Dirk Pitt series.... Blah, they're terrible

[Papirolle]

Clive Cussler's Dirk Pitt series.... Blah, they're terrible

Indeed they are! But at least they are fun and fast reads. I loved them as a kid. I tried reading one a few years ago (when I was 25) to my regret. It would have been better if I had kept the memory of them intact.

[Boycott Bacon]

Anything by Bently Little