220 replies to this topic

[Jaime L]

There's a lot of action in ASOIAF; I'm sure you've noticed. The only ones who aren't getting any action are the children POVs and Biter. I'm dividing the sex scenes between what was actually shown in the text, what was merely implied in the text, and increasingly crackpot theories which are too titillating to be ignored. What turns you on?

Shown in the text:

Cersei and Jaime - So steamy, kids get thrown out windows for watching it.
Cersei and Taena Merryweather - Going for a swim in the Myrish swamp.
Dany and Drogo - Where "no" means yes.
Jon Snow and Ygritte - Steamy enough to melt the wall.
Sam and Gilly - Awkward doesn't even begin to describe it.  :o
Catelyn and Ned - You know, when he still had a head and she wasn't undead.
Littlefinger and Lysa Arryn - Yup. She's a screamer.
Arys Oakheart and Princesse Arianne - Yeah he's not the greatest in bed, but at least he makes up for it with his cool, collected manner on the battlefield. Oh wait...
Tyrion and Shae - Steamy and in ACoK, recurring every 40 pages or so.

Implied

Loras and Renly - A whole lot of sheathing of "swords" going on
Cersei and Lancel - Making a man of 'coz.
Cersei and Moon Boy - For all we know.
Gatehouse Ami and (Names too numerous to be listed here) - One of the few constants in Westeros.
Margaery and (Renly? Kettleblacks? Tommen?? Riding her horse? Or as suggested in another thread - her ladies-in-waiting after making a trip to "ye-olde strap-on shop") - Really the verdict is out on this one
Robb and Jeyne Westerling - That had to be some pretty mind-blowing sex to make it worthwhile. Otherwise I'm lost.
Edmure and Roslin Frey - So steamy, Edmure and his floppy fish were completely unaware that just outside the door, all his friends and family were being brutally butchered. That's concentration!
Stannis and Melisandre - If your wife had a mustache, wouldn't you do the same?
Oberyn and Sand Snakes - Can't believe he died before the full kinkiness was shown. Still makes me mad.  :tantrum:

Crackpot theories, Drunken boasts, Reading "between" the Lines

Lyanna and Rhaegar - I'm not just asking for a flashback to what was probably the hottest sex scene of all. I'm demanding it, with commentary tracks provided by Rhaegar, Lyanna, all seven members of the Kingsguard and Howland Reed. I mean we're talking the Tower of Joy here, folks.
Ned and Ashara - He just kept going south.  ;)
Old Nan and Ned - The subject of a controversial thread not so long ago. Not quite Old Nan robbing the Cradle so much as Ned robbing the grave. Created the quite unpopular theory ON + E = J. (and Hodor!)
Old Nan and Walder Frey - Giving new meaning to bumping uglies. I think the result of this torrid affair was the birth of The Last Hero.
Shagga and His Goats - Something weird going on there.
Hodor and Jeyne Poole - Oh don't look so surpised people! No way Hodor's a virgin.

[Seven Pointed Star]

Wow, I was actually thinking of starting a thread like this.  Perverse minds think alike.

Leaving aside the many rapes referred to or glancingly described, I will say that the Dany/Drogo wedding night (she was willing to do what she knew was required, so, although there was a huge power inequity in this situation, I don't consider it rape) was the most cringe-inducing sex actually described.  The enormous difference in age, size and control over self-destiny at work here was just ick.

The Craster Sex Cabin - also very gross.

Jon & Ygritte - okay.

Arys & Arianne - better.

Sam & Gilly - nope.  No more fat pink masts, please.

Also not partial to the Myrish swamp.  Basic hygiene should take care of that.

I have noticed that sex in Westeros is pretty cut & dried - there doesn't seem to be much of a culture of romance there, or anything like the courtesans of Braavos, who have cultivated knowledge of sex but, presumably, also companionship, artful dressing, giving good parties & so on for the pleasure of their customers/patrons.

Edited by The Vinsky, 17 January 2006 - 05:19 PM.

[Bazzlebane]

Hottest?  Arys and Arianne.

As for your list, you missed the quite graphically described "tryst" between Theon and the ship captain's daughter.

[Jaime L]

The Vinsky, on Jan 17 2006, 17.14, said:

Wow, I was actually thinking of starting a thread like this.  Perverse minds think alike.

Isn't that the truth?   :P

Ser Bazzlebane, on Jan 17 2006, 17.18, said:

As for your list, you missed the quite graphically described "tryst" between Theon and the ship captain's daughter.

Quite intentionally, I assure you.  ;)

But you're right, it definitely was described to intimate detail and actually diverged from the missionary position for a little bit, so maybe in retrospect it should've made the list.

[Sandsnake]

Quote

I have noticed that sex in Westeros is pretty cut & dried - there doesn't seem to be much of a culture of romance there

Yeah, it's something like eating or drinking. Or a duty, making babies. And to them, it's just 'fucking'- "I fucked him, father", "He's fucking Cersei", etc.

[Artanaro]

JaimeLannister, on Jan 17 2006, 15.59, said:

Lyanna and Rhaegar - I'm not just asking for a flashback to what was probably the hottest sex scene of all. I'm demanding it, with commentary tracks provided by Rhaegar, Lyanna, all seven members of the Kingsguard and Howland Reed. I mean we're talking the Tower of Joy here, folks.

...
Ned and Ashara - He just kept going south.  ;)

:rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:
oh my, that's classic stuff. Damn.

But anyways, I'll put Robb and Jeyne Westerling as probably the worst sex scene given that they were both virgins at the time. Robb was still recovering from his wound, so I can't imagine him being up that long.

Artanaro

Edited by Artanaro, 17 January 2006 - 05:54 PM.

[Colder Hands]

Arys Oakheart and Princesse Arianne

this is my winner. nothing hotter than a woman that knows what she wants and gets it. and the discriptions of her are not to shabby either.

[Bazzlebane]

Another implied sex scene you left out: Tywin and Shae.  Tywin dressing her in the chain of golden hands, upbraiding her as Tyrion's little whore and then having her humiliate him ritually...

[Eddard Stark]

JaimeLannister, on Jan 17 2006, 13.59, said:

Implied

Loras and Renly - A whole lot of sheathing of "swords" going on
Cersei and Lancel - Making a man of 'coz.
Cersei and Moon Boy - For all we know.
Gatehouse Ami and (Names too numerous to be listed here) - One of the few constants in Westeros.
Margaery and (Renly? Kettleblacks? Tommen?? Riding her horse? Or as suggested in another thread - her ladies-in-waiting after making a trip to "ye-olde strap-on shop") - Really the verdict is out on this one
Robb and Jeyne Westerling - That had to be some pretty mind-blowing sex to make it worthwhile. Otherwise I'm lost.
Edmure and Roslin Frey - So steamy, Edmure and his floppy fish were completely unaware that just outside the door, all his friends and family were being brutally butchered. That's concentration!
Stannis and Melisandre - If your wife had a mustache, wouldn't you do the same?
Oberyn and Sand Snakes - Can't believe he died before the full kinkiness was shown. Still makes me mad.  :tantrum:

You forgot about Taena Merryweather and the pirate (which may or may not have occurred).  Also, there was not-so-Pretty Pia and Josmund Peckledown...and then Pretty Pia and every inhabitant of Harrenhal.

DK

[Callum]

JaimeLannister, on Jan 18 2006, 07.29, said:

Oberyn and Sand Snakes - Can't believe he died before the full kinkiness was shown. Still makes me mad.  :tantrum:

Did I miss something? WHen was it implied that Oberyn was sleeping with his daughters?

[Lord Qyburn]

I'm going to try and get the record for sickest thing ever posted on this board so, I'll go ahead and nominate Biter and Anonymous Breasteaten Woman.

[Bazzlebane]

Callum, on Jan 17 2006, 16.31, said:

Did I miss something? WHen was it implied that Oberyn was sleeping with his daughters?

I don't think it was, but people often mix up Ellaria Sand and the Sand Snakes.  Ellaria was his paramour, but not one of the Sand Snakes, who were his daughters.

[Seven Pointed Star]

Lord Qyburn, on Jan 17 2006, 16.34, said:

I'm going to try and get the record for sickest thing ever posted on this board so, I'll go ahead and nominate Biter and Anonymous Breasteaten Woman.

That is breastfeeding of a kind I do not want to see in public.  Or in private.  Or anywhere, anytime.

[Tagot]

I don't think that Cersei and Lancel was really "implied." Doesn't Lancel basically admit it to Jaime in AFFC? Same with Robb and Jeyne. He tells his mother that she "comforted" him and the meaning is obvious. And the killing happened during Edmure's and Roslin's bedding... so that's pretty definite too.

Tyrion and Shae was probably the most graphic.

Edited by Tagot, 17 January 2006 - 08:45 PM.

[Gildor]

I'd think the Romance between Rhaeger and Lyanna is the most romantiised of the bunch in that we haven't seen anything substantial from it.  Who knows i mean maybe Lyanna was a dominatrix and made Rhaeger dress up as a gimp so she could whip him in the ass ... well just a thought, though you never know ...

:whip:

Best sex scene we have been given so far has been the one between Arys and Arianne

[Aludra]

The Knight, on Jan 17 2006, 20.55, said:

I'd think the Romance between Rhaeger and Lyanna is the most romantiised of the bunch in that we haven't seen anything substantial from it.  Who knows i mean maybe Lyanna was a dominatrix and made Rhaeger dress up as a gimp so she could whip him in the ass ... well just a thought, though you never know ...

:whip:

Wonder what the safe word was...

Funny shit, JL. Funny shit.

[Faceless Man]

Cercei and Moon Boy
He might need some coaching at first, but He'de get the hang of it...

[cybroleach]

Gregor and that inkeeper's daughter that he paid a silver for then demanded change because she wasnt worth it.
There was also Jaime and Cersie when her returned to KL in the Sept.
Ryman and his 'queen of whores'
Robert and every other woman in the Kingdom
Theon and Palla
Implied:
Ramsey and Lady Hornwood, he likes em old,
For theories don't forget:
Blackfish and Darkstar they had some pretty hot man love.

[Gildor]

Oh no i just couldn't keep Lord Frey and all his young wives out of my head.  An old man having sex, ewwwwwwwwwwwww

Poor Lady Joyeuse !

[Jaime L]

Ser Bazzlebane, on Jan 17 2006, 19.40, said:

I don't think it was, but people often mix up Ellaria Sand and the Sand Snakes.  Ellaria was his paramour, but not one of the Sand Snakes, who were his daughters.

*sigh* Yep, my mistake. I think I inadvertently gave birth to a whole new crackpot theory.  :whip:

Tagot, on Jan 17 2006, 20.42, said:

I don't think that Cersei and Lancel was really "implied." Doesn't Lancel basically admit it to Jaime in AFFC? Same with Robb and Jeyne. He tells his mother that she "comforted" him and the meaning is obvious. And the killing happened during Edmure's and Roslin's bedding... so that's pretty definite too.

Implied as in not shown. It's obvious these characters had "sexual congress", but we don't get the juicy details.

Aludra, on Jan 17 2006, 21.15, said:

Funny shit, JL. Funny shit.

Thanks babe.

cybroleach, on Jan 17 2006, 21.46, said:

Implied:
Ramsey and Lady Hornwood, he likes em old,

I thought about including this one but ultimately felt that any sex scene ending with one of the participants eating their own fingers was kind of a downer.

That, and well, with all the sickos on this board...I was worried it would win.  :eek: