38 replies to this topic

[Ken Stone]

So I just back from my great uncles funeral. I never knew him as a faithful or church going type of guy, but I never knew him as an out of the closet atheist either. I'm sure he was mostly indifferent. At his funeral the pastor declared that my uncle was a man of great faith and is enjoying a seat next to God ... blah blah blah. Whatever, man.

While sitting at the funeral I started wondering how an atheist would go about having a non-religious funeral. Religious folk have given up a lot of things through history, but they've maintained their stranglehold on the death market. Who would officiate a non-religious funeral? What would they say? If you take out the religous BS out of a funeral you're left with "Joe was a man, who had people who loved him. They are very sad. He is beyond caring. Sandwiches are downstairs."

Anyone ever attend an atheist funeral?

[brook]

I've been to several that were non-religious if thats what you mean, they run more or less the same as any other funeral I've been to (well aside from one uber-catholic distant relation who had a 3 hour ceremony presided over by three priests and a bishop - that was painful!). Theres no talk of god and no prayers but usually someone reads a poem or a slideshow is shown and music is played, relatives speak, its presided over by a celebrant or funeral director.

Actually thinking of it, Catholic relative aside I can't think of any other funeral I've been to that was actually especially religious or even presided over by a minister of some type.

[Narishma Reborn]

ken stone For EHK, on 19 February 2010 - 05:29 PM, said:

What would they say? If you take out the religous BS out of a funeral you're left with "Joe was a man, who had people who loved him. They are very sad. He is beyond caring. Sandwiches are downstairs."

Anyone ever attend an atheist funeral?

Never attended one, but barring some sort of immortality serum I suppose I will eventually be featured at one. Your ceremony sounds perfectly fine to me. Celebrate the life of this person, recall fond memories. Comfort those who will miss said person without betraying what that person believed. That last part may or may not be more difficult; I don't know. At any rate, I think that the religious trappings are not necessary to mourn the loss of someone.

[JetboyGirl]

I hope that mine is a big party where all my friends get together and get wasted and dance to my favorite songs. I guess I should probably tell someone that these are my last wishes, but as many people will say, when it comes down to it, the funeral is about what the living want, not about what the departed wanted.

I recently had a friend pass who was not religious at all and who wanted to be cremated. His family refused, however, and had a big religious funeral for him and had buried him with a headstone - exactly what he didn't want. But it comforted his family to do that. His friends, though, threw a big fancy party in his honor with a slide-show of pics and his favorite playlists and his favorite foods. That was their way of celebrating his life in a way more in keeping with his wishes and his personality.

[Stego]

I just want to be incinerated. Don't let the mean bugs eat me please.

To celebrate my life?





Go read a good book.

[Eponine]

My grandparents were not particular religious, although they attended a church. An uncle presided over the funeral by telling a few stories about their lives and asking a few other family members (who'd volunteered in advance) to come up and share a memory. The meal after the service was at their church, but there was no preacher, no message, no songs.

Edited by Eponine, 19 February 2010 - 06:24 PM.

[Ken Stone]

Stego, on 19 February 2010 - 06:24 PM, said:

I just want to be incinerated. Don't let the mean bugs eat me please.

To celebrate my life?





Go read a good book.

But when you are dead we won't have anyone to tell us which are the good books!

[Scion of Valyria]

My father isn't really religious (though I doubt an atheist) and what he wants his funeral to be is pretty similar to what LugaJetBoyGirl said.

And while not exactly a through and through atheist anymore, I really don't care about my funeral. If it were entirely up to me, I'd go for an obnoxious and in-the-spotlight ceremony with cannons, fireworks, a fake Viking funeral just for show, and then a massive party.

Addressing the question of the original poster, I think an atheists funeral would be similar to, say, a wedding outside the religious domain. People get up, say some nice things, eulogize the dead, and then dispose of the body in one way or another. Just the same as a religious funeral, just without the priest and churches.

[angie]

My dad wasn't religious at all. Instead of having a traditional funeral parlor viewing we had him cremated and took the urn to his favorite restaurant/pub where we invited all his friends and family to hang out and share memories.

The actual funeral was a military service - I guess it was probably officiated by a military chaplain or something, but I don't recall there being any religious tones there either.

[Crazydog7]

I attended a Mormon funeral once that was strange. As for when I die, I don't think I'll care either way the family should come up with something appropriate.

[Stubby]

We have non-religious funerals down here all the time.

I reckon I've been to about 2 dozen funerals over the years and only 3 of those were religious. Each one is a bit more involved than "Joe was a man, who had people who loved him. They are very sad. He is beyond caring. Sandwiches are downstairs."

Mum now does funerals (& weddings) as a civil celebrant - non religious ceremonies. Most of her clients just design something that works for them.

Edited by Stubby, 19 February 2010 - 07:31 PM.

[Horza]

religious funeral - Jesus and the afterlife stuff = atheist funeral

[Brude]

ken stone For EHK, on 19 February 2010 - 06:39 PM, said:

But when you are dead we won't have anyone to tell us which are the good books!

Hmmm, maybe Stego can append a reading list to his will and have copies passed out at the funeral, and have someone ask that everyone pick at least one book off the list and read it in his honor?

[Cuellar]

I'm with Lugo. I'd want everyone to have a giant party on me. Then my family walks away with wads of cash from the life insurance company and can all name their new boats after me. They can cremate me and take a trip to dump my ashes in Fiji as well.

[drawkcabi]

My condolences for your uncle Ken.

As most know because I posted about it here, my cousin passed away last month. Both his parents and his siblings and just about everyone else on that side of the family are very religious. When family members got up to read their eulogies they all mentioned my cousin's baptism and his commitment to Christ as his lord and savior.

I also went up to give a eulogy and I being aware of my cousin's faith but also my agnostic beliefs toward the afterlife I felt I was walking a very fine line when I wrote it. I didn't want to offend anyone in the family, especially on that day, however I also did not want to be hypocritical towards my own beliefs.

My eulogy ended up being about the love I felt towards my cousin and all my family in this life, memories that ae important to share, and how all of us who knew my cousin each carry a piece of him along with us as we continue along through our own lives. The euology was received very well and I was complimented even by the pastor and I felt I did a fitting tribute to my cousin while holding onto my own beliefs.

It actually made me think about when I die. As an agnostic if I have any sort of memorial I'd like that to be acknowledged. I'm not a strict agnostic, I don't think, if there is such a thing. Because several years ago I did have a dream/epiphany I believe in the love/power of Christ because I felt it but that is only in this life, as to what happens after death I firmly believe there is no way to know. And in my dream/epiphany Christ told me this was ok.

I've decided to put in writing the beliefs I held in life. However, if my religious family members wish to pray for me and choose to believe I'm in Heaven, I have no problem with that, heck I'm dead. Let people remember me any way they choose, I've just made sure that for those who want to know how I felt, they will.

Edited by Drawkcabi, 19 February 2010 - 08:46 PM.

[sologdin]

an atheist should waive the ritual of a funeral, allow the space devoted for a grave to be devoted to productive agriculture, and request that all useful anatomical parcels be donated while asking that all less-than-useful anatomicals be processed into soylent green ballpark franks. even personalize each frank y identifying it by the decedent atheist's name; particularly famous atheist franks would develop a healthy secondary market on ebay: richard dawkins collector's sausages, christopher hitchens memorial goulash, and so on.

in this way, the atheist's tomb is the vitals of as yet living comrades, and the atheist's legacy, both less and greater than a somber rite that congregates around a gauche stone on the ground.

[timmet]

sologdin, on 19 February 2010 - 09:30 PM, said:

an atheist should waive the ritual of a funeral, allow the space devoted for a grave to be devoted to productive agriculture, and request that all useful anatomical parcels be donated while asking that all less-than-useful anatomicals be processed into soylent green ballpark franks. even personalize each frank y identifying it by the decedent atheist's name; particularly famous atheist franks would develop a healthy secondary market on ebay: richard dawkins collector's sausages, christopher hitchens memorial goulash, and so on.

in this way, the atheist's tomb is the vitals of as yet living comrades, and the atheist's legacy, both less and greater than a somber rite that congregates around a gauche stone on the ground.

Hitchens goulash? How ghoulish. One suspects it would taste bitter, even as it imparts a burning feeling in the stomach.

I'd like to die in the mountains, where birds, insects, and animals could eat of my flesh. Any hikers who stumble across my skeleton would experience a useful prompt: "Memento homo, et cetera. Double-check your knot, homeboy."

Edited by timmet, 19 February 2010 - 09:47 PM.

[Stego]

Brude, on 19 February 2010 - 07:55 PM, said:

Hmmm, maybe Stego can append a reading list to his will and have copies passed out at the funeral, and have someone ask that everyone pick at least one book off the list and read it in his honor?

That is AWESOME! <3

[S John]

ken stone For EHK, on 19 February 2010 - 05:29 PM, said:

Sandwiches are downstairs."

This part made me lol.

I know how you feel though. When I was a senior in high school a kid I knew shot himself and at the funeral the pastor went up there and did the whole seated next to God line. And I knew this kid, I knew he wasn't like that at all, so it really cast a shadow of bullshit over the whole thing. But, as others have said, the funeral is probably more about the comforts of the family than the deceased.

Anyway, with the whole party funeral, I think it must be made clear that the dead person wanted a party funeral. Otherwise you're just being dicks, throwing a party when someone dies.

My dad has said several times that he just wants me to bury him in the woods out back when he dies without all the expensive funeral shit. And, if it were up to me, I'd honor that. I'd go rent a bobcat, dig a big hole, and roll him on in there. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that the rest of the family and local ordinances are going to fight me on this one.

Though I have to say, I'm in the old man's camp, I think a formal funeral is one of the most ridiculous wastes of money ever. Sorry your loved one died, I bet paying us 5 - 10 thousand dollars will cheer you right up!

[Eponine]

I hadn't really considered what would happen if I were to die before my parents.

It occurs to me that I should write out my wishes, to be carried out by my boyfriend. (My parents' funerals will be arranged by their pastor according to their specified requests). While I can see a religious family having a religious funeral for a nominal Christian or one who was apathetic or uninvolved with religion (with my grandparents, they were hopeful that they may have become "real Christians" at some point since they were church members), I can't imagine that an attempt to bring religion into an outright atheist's funeral could be pleasant for anyone. What do you say- we're so sad that she's roasting in hell? Or do you not say almost anything about the deceased and make the religious trappings a veneer of fakeness? Or do you use her unfortunate spiritual condition as a warning and a message at her own funeral? I think that if my parents knew that I wanted no service or ceremony and that it would not be their responsibility to manage, they would be relieved at not being put in that position.