The War on Morning Coffee

[MercenaryChef]

the idea for this thread has been percolating in my brain for the last couple hours.

the first catalyst was four bags of beans being shipped from my lovely portland, oregon roaster in the mail today. as i was contemplating how wonderful the coffee will be i see a commercial for some multiple hour energy product. in it the people have not the time to make, buy or drink coffee. it is simply too cumbersome a task to have as part of their busy relentless lives. rather than a cup of coffee why not a shot of some terrible swill to keep you alert and ready to face the day (or at least the next five hours?)

many of my coworkers drink these things. i see the faces they make as they guzzle this wonder-product. i then see as they speedily move about the kitchen but without a clue of what they are really doing. but, fuck are they going fast. oh, the energy they have to be clumsy and lost! no, coffee for us, chef! no time! meanwhile i am able to enjoy two or three cups of coffee while doing my work and making certain they fuck theirs up as little as possible.

is coffee truly such an issue to the human on the go these days? i understand there are people who simply do not like it. but, to decide that one of the pleasures of life should be replaced with something not pleasant is worrisome to me. is this a sign of the times? i for one, am scared if it is.

[Lord of Oop North]

As a carpenter and construction manager, I know as well as anyone that this world runs on coffee. You wouldn't have no freedom fucking tower (1 WTC, whatever) without coffee. Not a chance! No skyscrapers or Wal-Marts, and no granite countertops, too. No cookie-cutter subdivision homes waiting to be used as private bank accounts or tenements just waiting to be run down by a slimy capitalist slumlord. By god, you wouldn't have AMERICA, either!! We'd all be drinking tea if those drunken Massholes in Boston hadn't dumped that fucking black darjeeling into the harbour. God bless those motherfuckers. Do you think Wall Street runs without coffee? The Capitol? Anything? No. No, without coffee, we'd be knee deep in communists and anarchy, and trying to form bands of Wolverines.

These coffee-hating people simply hate freedom. Plain and simple.

[Res ipsa loquitur]

Coffee has got to be one of the worlds better ideas. Hazelnut flavored, especially.

Lord of Oop North, without coffee, not much would get done in the realm of healthcare, either :)

MercenaryChef, I also dont understand energy drinks when coffee is so easily obtained; coffee shops are abundant.

[Datepalm]

Oddly, I had my first cup of coffee (well, two) this evening, after about three years. I don't normally drink caffiene in any other form either, so this weird perky feeling in the middle of the night after a really long day is kind of weird, yet addictive. How long can I keep this up? I mean I need to get up really early, and i'll probably be really tired ], but if I drink coffee then too, will that make it better? :blink:

[Ixodes]

Bunn coffee maker. There is no faster way to go from grind to guzzle. I love mine. Wouldn't trade it for anything.

[Tyrellius]

Hazelnut flavored, especially.

Nothing you have said on these forums has damned you as much as this. Nothing.

Flavoured coffee. Good grief.

Edit for italicized goodness.

E2: Forgot the italics :( Need more coffee.

[Nas!]

....but if I drink coffee then too, will that make it better? :blink:

Yes, Datepalm, the trick is to never stop drinking coffee, so that you will never stop experiencing its benefits. After some time, you will undoubtedly experience this (except possibly in a mirror image and not in Spanish).

[Mudguard]

I like coffee, although I'm not always a regular drinker. I'm not a snob about it though. I'll drink it black, or with sugar, or with milk or cream, or with sugar and cream, etc. I'll even drink coffee with flavored creamers. It's all pretty good to me!

So what is the best way to prepare coffee? I've seen quite a few differing opinions on this. I think it's well accepted that grinding your own beans just before use is best, but how do you make your coffee after this? Currently, my preferred way is the french press. It's quick and easy, and it allows me to make a relatively small amount, rather than a large pot. Also, I don't have to worry about paper filters and other consumables, except for the beans.

[Jaime L]

Coffee is wonderous. Even great taking other forms such as ice cream, alcohol or cake.

I weep for Mormons who are not supposed to drink coffee and alcohol. Those fuckers will live longer, but it will be a horrifying Ovaltine-hazed existence.

[Theano]

Cofffffffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The 5-hour energy thingy mainly has B-complex vitamins. While those really do work, it's just so much easier to pop a vitamin than swallow something that probably tastes awful. My favorite way to get my B vitamins is this cranberry-ginseng tea that also has vitamin B in it. I wake up, and I can think on my feet! (Very important for a substitute teacher...)

[Myshkin]

I love coffee. It loves me. It reminds me of this by giving me headaches if I ignore it.

but if I drink coffee then too, will that make it better? :blink:

Coffee will make everything better always, every time, everywhere, forever.

Nothing you have said on these forums has damned you as much as this. Nothing.

Flavoured coffee. Good grief.

Edit for italicized goodness.

Shhh, we must first defeat they energy drinkers, then we can start culling the more unsavory types from our own ranks.

[Kosciuszko]

Oddly, I had my first cup of coffee (well, two) this evening, after about three years. I don't normally drink caffiene in any other form either, so this weird perky feeling in the middle of the night after a really long day is kind of weird, yet addictive. How long can I keep this up? I mean I need to get up really early, and i'll probably be really tired ], but if I drink coffee then too, will that make it better? :blink:

You can keep it up forever and ever. Think of all the revolutions you can plan in all the extra time :commie:

[jurble]

I've never been a caffeine addict. Shit doesn't work. Every now and then I'll have a caffeine dry-spell, drink something caffeinated and feel awake, but to get any actual use out of caffeine I have to forsake it for months at a time. And coffee tastes bad. Give me water any day.

[Myshkin]

Hazelnut* is YUMMY, btw. Nay sayers begone.

You're on my list now.

[Myshkin]

I've never been a caffeine addict. Shit doesn't work. Every now and then I'll have a caffeine dry-spell, drink something caffeinated and feel awake, but to get any actual use out of caffeine I have to forsake it for months at a time. And coffee tastes bad. Give me water any day.

Go away troll!

[kairparavel]

God, I love coffee. I will intentionally eat less calories so that I can work in my coffee and creamer. I will happily drink artificial sweetner in it if I have to, as well. BECAUSE COFFEE, I WILL NOT FORSAKE YOU JUST BECAUSE OF SOME HORRIBLE DIET.

NO.

Coffee deserves real sugar and full fat half and half.

Always.

Cut corners elsewhere if need be, but never, never on coffee.

It is known.

I wasn't much of a coffee drinker living at home because my parents had this horrendous habit of making a pot, then just adding more scoops to the existing wet grinds and dumping more water in, even if the original pot wasn't yet completely empty. I cannot begin to explain how utterly awful this tastes. No amount of anything can cut the bitter and dish soapy taste.

But then I grew up, moved away and have loved coffee ever since. We had to break-up briefly when trying to nail down my anxiety attacks a while back but once the romance was rekindled, oh. baby.

Stumptown in Portland is quite excellent and kicks the butt of Starbucks and Caribou, but I often miss the flavourings of my homeland and Second Cup and yes, Timmy's.

[Jaime L]

Go away troll!

You're on my list now.

Whoa, easy there, Bowie.

This is a coffee thread. Full of delight and wonder. Make yourself a cup of joe and enjoy the beautiful spring day outside.

Cause the last thing we want to do is let those Tea Thread fuckers get the chance to think they're better than us.

[The Wedge]

Fuck yeah, coffee!

[Lady Cheesevillage]

I can happily ignore coffee all winter in favor of my cuppa oolong, but come warm weather nothing is better than ice coffee -- black and so cold it makes my fillings ache.

[MercenaryChef]

Whoa, easy there, Bowie.

This is a coffee thread. Full of delight and wonder. Make yourself a cup of joe and enjoy the beautiful spring day outside.

Cause the last thing we want to do is let those Tea Thread fuckers get the chance to think they're better than us.

agreed. though myshkin is one i love and respect as a dodger fan, carrying the image of david bowie and a coffee drinker we must not befoul this joyous thread by turning upon our own. it is not the time for that.

it is in fact the time to turn our ire towards the red bull and five hour energy drinkers. they are not even humans. destroying them would be akin to ridding a home of ants or excising rotting flesh from a otherwise healthy form.

brew up your coffee, my horde! drink it hot or cold, but a lot of it! pick up your machetes, pitch forks, sniper rifles, torches and hunting knives. ready the flames, ready the pikes! bodies will be upon the fire, heads upon spikes!