Submit your craziest, most crackpot conspiracy theories

[Morrigan]

lol @ this thread

1) Arthur Dayne+Lyanna=Jon

Arthur Dayne gets mentioned a lot, but really hasn't done anything particularly important. I figure that this is the reason he's been brought up so much: he's Jon's dad. Plus, he was with Rhaegar all the time up until Rhaegar left for the trident, which is why people think it was Rhaegar that took Lyanna. Finally, He stayed at the ToJ because Lyanna was pregnant with his child.

Why would Ned lie about Jon's parentage, if that were the case?

[Phostopheles]

Jeyne Westerling is a merling.

[Talleyrand]

Westeros is run by Balerion the Cat, Ser Pounce and Lady Whiskers.

Now that's just too far fetched, Ser Pounce doesn't have the neccesery planning skills. Balerion and Lady Whiskers yes but definately not Ser Pounce, he's the black sheep of the family

[Bloodymummer]

Now that's just too far fetched, Ser Pounce doesn't have the neccesery planning skills. Balerion and Lady Whiskers yes but definately not Ser Pounce, he's the black sheep of the family

True, but Balerion is in hot water for hiring an illegal immigrant gardener from Mereen and Lady Whiskers was just revealed to be sleeping with some of her interns in a "tell-all" book.

[Monday]

I'm a big fan of the Cersei is pregnant theory. I believe the church would let her deliver before executing her, a la Elizabeth Procter in the Crucible. It would give Cersei time to find a champion and or maneuver her way out of an execution. I'm not ready for Cersei to go yet. She is getting bigger around the middle.

[Bahimiron]

All Pates are the same Pate.

[Xenophon]

Rhaenys Targaryen warged into Balerion the cat before her human body was killed.

Moon Boy is baby Aegon in disguise.

[Brewmaster]

Gregor Clegane is the Valanqor

In (first)life Gregor is the older brother.

-Sandor dies and is reborn

-Gregor dies and is reborn

Un-Gregor is "reborn" second, now making him Sandor's little brother, the Valonqor, and the man/beast/thing that will strangle Cersei

[Legstrong]

You people are as crazy as Euron Greyjoy :thumbsup:

[Buckwheat]

Varys was castrated by Archmaester Marwyn.

[Monday]

The Sailor's Wife's husband = Patchface

[Pate Peet]

First post, hello all.

Renly was not Robert's brother, but in fact his son. Renly seemed too young when the Baratheon's died in the ship crash.

[Talleyrand]

Moon boy is actually Gregor Clegane in disguise and Patchface ate Aegon before warging into the wall

[Raven Queen]

The Sailor's Wife also happens to have a 15-year-old daughter... with long golden hair.

Wow! I totally love the Tysha = Sailor's Wife theory. I just re-read AFFC and was puzzled by the fact that the Sailor's Wife comes up so much- in numerous chapters across both Arya and Sam's POVs.

There was also a point where one of the other whores Yna says that the Sailor's Wife prays every day for her lost love to return but that Yna says she hopes he does NOT return, as he is dead, and if he does return, it will be as a corpse.

I did a little googl'ing and this theory also turned up at Tower of the Hand which spells out the evidence even further- Though the post there also theorizes that Gerion (the lost Lanister uncle) also is involved somehow, which is much more crackpot.

[Quoth]

Moon boy is actually Gregor Clegane in disguise and Patchface ate Aegon before warging into the wall

Hey! These are supposed to be crackpot theories! And you should use spoiler tags to preserve GRRM's big reveals! :P

[Pink Walder Frey]

1)

Grazdan means in an very old and nearly forgotten ghiscari dialect "no one". The first Faceless Man was an enslaved ghiscari, who chose the name Grazdan.

As the people in Meereen (and in the other slaver cities) are descendents of the Old Ghis, they still remember what the Valyrians did to them and Dany's vile actions against them also enhanced their hatred for her, as a direct descendent of the olf Valyria. So they are conspiring against her and in fact all Grazdans we have met so far (and there are doubtless much more around, we haven't seen), are Faceless Men who will assault Dany soon and try to kill her and her dragons.

2)

Ricasso is the evil mastermind behind the plan to enthrone Myrcella. He knew about Arianne's plan, he was the one who told Doran about it, and he hired the Dark Star to kill Myrcella, too.

3)

Tuffleberry is the Prince That Was Promised, Azor Ahai and the Stallion Who Mounts the World.

[Gargantuanjon Old Chap]

Smalljon + Egwene = Greatjon?

The wheel turns... the wrong way.

[Talleyrand]

The Prince that was promised is Mint-berry-Crunch and Manbearpig is the Great Other

[Pink Walder Frey]

The Prince that was promised is Mint-berry-Crunch and Manbearpig is the Great Other

Are you making fun of Tuffleberry? He's a well established but underrated character!

BTW:

The Great Other was in fact Craster, and all the other others are his sons. While he's dead now, the others will certainly lose this round, but the next Great Other will grow up in Castle Black and infiltrate the Seven Kingdoms and tear down the wall to prepare their final victory.

[SummerSnow]

I'm a big fan of the Cersei is pregnant theory. I believe the church would let her deliver before executing her, a la Elizabeth Procter in the Crucible. It would give Cersei time to find a champion and or maneuver her way out of an execution. I'm not ready for Cersei to go yet. She is getting bigger around the middle.

This one doesn't seem crackpot to me.