Goodkind L (That's 50)

[Andystoteles]

Ok, so i´m "taking one for the team" and are currently listening to Temple of the Moonblood Bj:s... Thought i would share a few observations.

First off: I´m about 3-4 chapters in and i think i´ve heard the words "Raptor gaze" atleast 25 times. Seriously?

Secondly: Richard has just made his entrance, he´s been away watching small boys play football. The first thing he does is get mad at the S/M lady for locking up a killer, then he has some kind of fab 5 moment and shows off his new clothes.

I´m now at the point where all his men are pooping themself to death and he tells them to eat blueberries...

I dont know how much more of this i can take...

[The Winged Shadow]

Solution: Alcohol. Lots and lots of it. If you are lucky, you will only feel physical pain in your head tomorrow morning with your mental health relatively intact. Keyword: Relatively.

Godspeed soldier!

[Jaxom 1974]

Query: In the grand tradition of movie titles being perverted for the use in porno (i.e. "Saving Private Ryan" becomes "Shaving Private Ryan" or "The Maltese Falcon" becomes "The Maltese Dildo", if "The Omen Machine" was transformed for the use in Erotic Literature, would it be called "The Moanin' Machine"...?

[Foreverlad]

Query: In the grand tradition of movie titles being perverted for the use in porno (i.e. "Saving Private Ryan" becomes "Shaving Private Ryan" or "The Maltese Falcon" becomes "The Maltese Dildo", if "The Omen Machine" was transformed for the use in Erotic Literature, would it be called "The Moanin' Machine"...?

See, I thought the Saving Private Ryan porno was "Shaving Ryan's Privates". Maybe I was wrong? "The Moanin' Machine" isn't too bad. I'd have probably gone with "The O-Face Machine" myself.

[-42-]

^It's Saving Private Hymen. Obviously.

[WrathOfTinyKittens]

^It's Saving Private Hymen. Obviously.

No, that's silly, the whole point of porno is to not save Private Hymen.

[Jaxom 1974]

See, I thought the Saving Private Ryan porno was "Shaving Ryan's Privates". Maybe I was wrong? "The Moanin' Machine" isn't too bad. I'd have probably gone with "The O-Face Machine" myself.

Somehow, I think we're both right. And when we're both right, we all win. :thumbsup:

[TheKassi]

No, that's silly, the whole point of porno is to not save Private Hymen.

That all of course depends on the nature of the pornography in question.

[Grack21]

Porn titles are very unimaginative these days. It's usually something like Absolutely Not The Omen Machine(with absolutely not in small letters) or it's just The Omen Machine: A XXX Parody.

Er, not that I would know anything about porn!

[Gabriele]

That all of course depends on the nature of the pornography in question.

SoT is Almost Rape Porn, so it's all about saving Kahlan's hymen because it is the Hymen of Truth. All the other hymens are fair game, though.

[WrathOfTinyKittens]

Maybe it's just soft-core; we all get to see Kahlan's, Nikki's, Denna's, Cara's, Raina's, Bernette (whatever the fuck nipple-girl's name was), etc, tits, but they are always saved at the last second from rape and death.

[goodomens]

I'm disappointed in you people. You can't just up and change your name because your enemies MIGHT try and subvert it. Choosing a new name destroys the entire meaning of your cause, it throws into question the reason that there has been 50 friggin threads. Only through the strength of your thing can you look at those that lack moral clarity and say: fuck off already, we own this, we'll own you if you try and subvert it.

Goodomens is a nice guy, and he's actually funny. It also helps that hes not raving mad. But make no mistake about it, he is an agent provocateur. He is here to make you doubt yourselves, and to be honest, its working a little. But at the end of the day, this weird little micro-universe of the interwebes is entirely your creation, and no one can take that away from you.

So stop mincing about like a bunch of emo-fucks, grab objectivism by the balls, and ride that high horse into a burning red sun of overwhelming, universal truth.

WELL SAID. HEAR, HEAR!

[goodomens]

like I said to some in chat and other via PM; its rather strange that a yeardite spends so much time in creating a website, designing a T-shirt and even being sanctioned by the Yeard himself. Lemminghood is being hyjacked, people. Within a year yeadites will walk the earth wearing lemmings of discord t-shirts like its a normal thing for yeardites. The original meaning of Lemminghood will be lost. Our art forgotten, literature lost.

Heck, history might view us as the real hardcore yeardites in a few years.

We shall conquer your lands, raze your temples, pillage your libraries, drop blue toilet bowl cleaner disc-thingys into your wells, and subvert your language! Then I shall count the tens of dollars generated by that one ironic guy that bought the t-shirt... while laughing, maniacally, into my beer. As I watch The Soup. Sitting on top of my 12-pile of Goodkind tomes. Relaxed. So, so relaxed. But I promise to not do it indecently. Razing or sitting. Raptor eyes.

[book discussion].

[TheKassi]

Sitting on top of my 12-pile of Goodkind tomes. Relaxed. So, so relaxed. But I promise to not do it indecently. Razing or sitting. Raptor eyes.

[book discussion].

Ahh come on, not even the yeard's representative lives Law of Nines? I can understand leaving out Debt of Bones, it is a pamphlet, but the tome in which Mister Goodkind at long last threw off the (censored) of (censored)?

That's just (censored).

[goodomens]

Ahh come on, not even the yeard's representative lives Law of Nines? I can understand leaving out Debt of Bones, it is a pamphlet, but the tome in which Mister Goodkind at long last threw off the (censored) of (censored)?

That's just (censored).

Well, I need to be holding something to read during commercials. *whew*

[Spaßvogel]

You know, the first book wasn't that bad really. (and had some pretty badass moments that the TV show avoided, like Richard wearing the cattle-prod around his neck permanently). The second book was a little slower, but I didn't hate it. Then the third book came along, and I was thinking...what? I managed to slog through the third book, and by slog, I mean skimming through the flavor text to get to the dialogue and the action. I read about 30 pages of the fourth book and then just read the summaries on wikipedia.

I don't quite understand why you would have 50 threads of bashing though. I wouldn't waste my time bashing Goodkind books, there are better things to do with my time, hehe. There is so much bad genre fiction out there, what about Goodkind deserves all of this attention?

[Foreverlad]

I'm disappointed in you people. You can't just up and change your name because your enemies MIGHT try and subvert it. Choosing a new name destroys the entire meaning of your cause, it throws into question the reason that there has been 50 friggin threads. Only through the strength of your thing can you look at those that lack moral clarity and say: fuck off already, we own this, we'll own you if you try and subvert it.

Goodomens is a nice guy, and he's actually funny. It also helps that hes not raving mad. But make no mistake about it, he is an agent provocateur. He is here to make you doubt yourselves, and to be honest, its working a little. But at the end of the day, this weird little micro-universe of the interwebes is entirely your creation, and no one can take that away from you.

So stop mincing about like a bunch of emo-fucks, grab objectivism by the balls, and ride that high horse into a burning red sun of overwhelming, universal truth.

Don't Feed the Yeard is the rule Lemmings are supposed to play by. The minute GK starts making money off the name,it's time to start over, and with a fresh name. I'm content being the sole member of The Bad Omens, but I do suggest we find ourselves something less... corporate to identify with.

ETA: I was just thinking about the books again. Still can't believe I owned them in hardcover, back in the day. If only I'd found this forum prior to finishing Confessor, I'd have realized I wasn't just misunderstanding the message being delivered again and again over the course of the series.

[Grack21]

Don't Feed the Yeard is the rule Lemmings are supposed to play by. The minute GK starts making money off the name,it's time to start over, and with a fresh name. I'm content being the sole member of The Bad Omens, but I do suggest we find ourselves something less... corporate to identify with.

ETA: I was just thinking about the books again. Still can't believe I owned them in hardcover, back in the day. If only I'd found this forum prior to finishing Confessor, I'd have realized I wasn't just misunderstanding the message being delivered again and again over the course of the series.

Hey don't fell bad, I used to think they were parody before I came on here.

[TheKassi]

You know, the first book wasn't that bad really. (and had some pretty badass moments that the TV show avoided, like Richard wearing the cattle-prod around his neck permanently). The second book was a little slower, but I didn't hate it. Then the third book came along, and I was thinking...what? I managed to slog through the third book, and by slog, I mean skimming through the flavor text to get to the dialogue and the action. I read about 30 pages of the fourth book and then just read the summaries on wikipedia.

I don't quite understand why you would have 50 threads of bashing though. I wouldn't waste my time bashing Goodkind books, there are better things to do with my time, hehe. There is so much bad genre fiction out there, what about Goodkind deserves all of this attention?

It isn't really about the Sword of Truth series, it is more of a random pastime. Like those facebook games. Mister Goodkind and his previous appointed envoy made persistent and easy targets of themselves, and the series opens the door to a lot of mockery it's self, even if I would consider most of it to be an enjoyable read.

As example, in book four the two main characters are forced to wed other people and consummate the union as the price for diverting genocide. (yes really) The Male lead however manages to put the old switch-a-roo, but it is dark and silence is required so he can't tell the Female lead, and she doesn't know the sound and scent and feel of her husband, and isn't familiar enough with his touch on her skin to guess. So the Male lead takes the Female lead while she shutters and whimpers and sobs, because you know it is easy for men to maintain an erection while the woman they love and care for is cringing away from them and crying.

That however isn't good enough for the magical spirits who demanded the above price. If the the world is going to be saved, and if the Female lead wishes to keep every last human being in the world from dieing a horrible lingering death, she must enjoy the aforementioned consummation. So she bites the bullet and manages it. You know, to save all the world's children and the like.

At the end of this rather icky scene, the Male lead, rather then dropping a line like “You know, sorry about mounting you while you were terrified, disgusted, ashamed, in mourning, and so forth. Maybe I should have waited until you figured out it was me before commencing to humpin'” he becomes enraged with her. He is infuriated with her because she enjoyed a sexual encounter when she thought it was with someone else. Once again, doing just that was a prerequisite for averting the destruction of the species.

So he stomps off, leaves her sobbing, and refuses to come back for several weeks. Keep in mind this is the hero. The Avatar of Reason that people pray to for protection. The man the world has been waiting on for thousands of years so they can make a god emperor.

Like I said, a pretty easy target. It is easy to throw tomatoes at, and they made some friends doing so years ago, thus they keep at it. Besides, a lot of the written parodies and the extranormal films are hilarious.

Or if that was way too long to bother reading, in short: It is all in good fun.

[Jerec]

I loved the graphic rape scenes in Temple of the Winds and Pillars of Creation, from the POV of the rapists. Bonariffic.