290 replies to this topic

[Sand Snake No. 9]

So there I was, innocently reading a thread when the J+A = T theory raised its ugly head, but if it turns out that Tyrion is the bastard son of Aerys, and, the Seven forbid, A DRAGON RIDER, I will gather up all the books, throw them in my Weber grill, and set them on fire.  That is, if a blood vessel in my brain doesn't burst when I read that Tyrion is a secret Targ.

Yeah, I hate this theory – meaning no offense to any of its proponents.

FWIW, I hate the theory because if Tywin is not Tyrion's father, then a major tragic storyline of five books will turn into a waste of many, many pages.

Anyhoo, what theory, if true, would make you throw up your hands in disgust?

Edited by Sand Snake No. 9, 28 September 2011 - 10:00 PM.

[Timur Khal]

I agree with the whole Tyrion paternity thing; it ruins the Lannister family dynamic and makes it a lot more shallow (it is so much more morbid and actually meaningful when the answer isn't 'oh, he only hates him since he's a Targ'), it also doesn't quite make sense, and that 'everyone gets a dragon' thing is just plain irritating. Dragons are incarnations of one of the polar opposite forces of destruction that play so large a part in these novels...not a pony. Also is in the form of an agressive and super-lethal feral animal. Also not a pony.

Other than that...
Jon Snow will become PTWP, AA, get the girl (Dany), save the day, and ride into the sunset. Too much spontaneous "free passes" from nowhere, and it in a way would spoil the realism that made everyone else's deaths mean something. Jon turning into an even more angsty version of Harry Potter, but with a flaming sword and dragons to boot...just too much.

[lion and dragon]

I like J+A=T, because it would mean that Jaime killed Tyrion's father, and Tyrion killed Jaime's father, so there's a certain symmetry.

[dunbarbw]

I really dislike the R+L=J idea. Dunno why, its just never set well with me.

[mediocre cheese]

Yeah totally agree on the tyrion aerys thing. Enough secret targaryens.

The theory I really don't like is the whole jeyne westerling is not really jeyne westerling theory (based on jaime thinking she had narrov hips and catelyn wide hips). It means her mother is in on a pointless conspiricay (believerers say jeyne is off with the blackfish and robbs fetustark), when we already know her mother was in on the plot with tywin. Why would her mother double cross tywin?

[Kanyin Snow]

I don't like any of the Jon + Dany = anything theories. I can't say I don't believe them, I just don't like them.

[Verboten]

I don't mind R+L=J, but I hate the way most people who support the theory seem to assume that Rhaegar and Lyanna were in love. I think Rhaegar being so obsessed with prophecy that he was willing to kidnap one of the daughters of the Great Houses in order to rape her until she conceived a child is far more plausible and interesting. I also find it funny 'cause with the naming scheme of his children he was probably planning on naming the kid Visenya.

[Galen M]

Timur Khal, on 28 September 2011 - 09:47 PM, said:

Jon turning into an even more angsty version of Harry Potter, but with a flaming sword and dragons to boot...just too much.

More angsty than HP, is that even possible?  Also, didn't HP have a special sword and ride a dragon?

As for ASOIAF, my least favorite theory is SanSan.  ::prepares to get his head or something more important bitten off::

[Sand Snake No. 9]

Another reason I hate the Tyrion Secret Targ theory:  The conflicts in the series boil down to brains v. brawn and natural v. supernatural.  Tyrion is the perfect example of the brains and the natural (his opposite numbers would be Jaime (brawn) and Bran (supernatural).  If he became a dragon rider, it would be another "nevermind" for five books worth of POV that have him thinking his way out of his problems, because, shite, who needs brains when you have a dragon?

[Timur Khal]

Galen M, on 28 September 2011 - 11:11 PM, said:

More angsty than HP, is that even possible?  Also, didn't HP have a special sword and ride a dragon?

As for ASOIAF, my least favorite theory is SanSan.  ::prepares to get his head or something more important bitten off::

well, HP had significantly fewer vows. By the way, Jon had vows. Did I already tell you he has vows? And how stressful those vows are? And how much angst he feels from vows? Especially when he vows to vow fewer vows. Did I mention vows already? (not mocking you, but our good friend Jon).

Also, according to the hated theory, Jon gets his own dragon to ride and be loyal and a pet to him...HP mostly has them try and eat him. Also, Jon's sword is supposed to be on fire....SHAMWOW. Also, they both have their jesus moments.

[Galen M]

Timur Khal, on 28 September 2011 - 11:17 PM, said:

Also, according to the hated theory, Jon gets his own dragon to ride and be loyal and a pet to him...HP mostly has them try and eat him. Also, Jon's sword is supposed to be on fire....SHAMWOW. Also, they both have their jesus moments.

I'll take a sword that magically appears when needed and can kill immortal beings (well, I guess Lightbringer can kill immortals) to a fiery one.

RLJ does not necessitate Jon receiving a dragon, or him even finding out or acting upon it.

[Smallfolkperson]

I hate to repeat stuff.... but SanSan has to be least favorite. I just don't get why people ship the two.

[Timur Khal]

Galen M, on 28 September 2011 - 11:20 PM, said:

I'll take a sword that magically appears when needed and can kill immortal beings (well, I guess Lightbringer can kill immortals) to a fiery one.

RLJ does not necessitate Jon receiving a dragon, or him even finding out or acting upon it.

This is not about RLJ, this is about the whole "Jon will become a super targ-PTWP-AA who will kill the Others and marry Dany happily ever after" theory I've seen lingering about. More of a concept than a theory, really, but it still annoys me to no end,

[Rinso]

I used to hate the R+L=J theory with a passion, but now I'm pretty Zen about it. If GRRM wants to do such a lame thing, my annoyance won't really change a thing.

I also severely dislike the idea of Tyrion Targaryen.

And any theory that involves Dany winning the Iron Throne at the end makes my skin crawl.

[MyDogIsNamedDanerys]

OP's right - Tyrion's a Targ is the worst.

Next most annoying - all the elaborate theories to describe how Jon can get out of his NW vows without doing anything dishonorable.

Spoiler

Well crap, looks like GRRM's most likely confirmed this one.

Quote

And any theory that involves Dany winning the Iron Throne at the end makes my skin crawl.

I'm not sure this qualifies as a "theory".  She's pursuing the throne like so many, either she'll get it or she won't.  There's not really any theorizing to be done.

Edited by MyDogIsNamedDanerys, 29 September 2011 - 01:10 AM.

[Nausicaä]

Sand Snake No. 9, on 28 September 2011 - 09:33 PM, said:

So there I was, innocently reading a thread when the J+A = T theory raised its ugly head, but if it turns out that Tyrion is the bastard son of Aerys, and, the Seven forbid, A DRAGON RIDER, I will gather up all the books, throw them in my Weber grill, and set them on fire.  That is, if a blood vessel in my brain doesn't burst when I read that Tyrion is a secret Targ.

I'm with you. I'm not against secret Targs (as a fan of J+A=J&C theory), but if Tyrion turns out to be one or if he gets to ride a dragon, I would be very annoyed. And a theory that I used to see all the time, which really pisses me off, is that he will take the Eyrie on dragonback as a... revenge plot or something? Because the castle is impossible to take otherwise and poor wittle Tyrion suffered there..? It makes very little sense (as the Eyrie is already abandoned for the winter) and is one of the last things I want to see in these books.

[Roose Bolton's Pet Leech]

Agree entirely with the A+J=T hate. The notion that Tyrion is Tywin writ small is such an important theme of their relationship; to have it simply reduced to "oh, Tyrion never was Tywin's to start with" ruins the dynamic.

(By contrast, I have a soft spot for A+J=J&C, because at that point you are entering into some delightful irony).

I dislike R+L=J, but am largely resigned to it.

[voodooqueen126]

Jeyne Westerling is pregnant with Robb's child is ridiculous
and
Tyrion is a Targ is a second.

[Stefan_Sasse]

I hate Tyrion being a Targ most. But I have developed a healthy hatred towards all "[Insert Person] is a Targ".
The idea of Jeyne being pregnant or even swapped with a stand-in ranks second.

[Spearwife262]

I've read yesterday a Nedd+Lyanna=Jon theory. DIDN'T WE HAVE ENOUGH INCEST ALREADY?