How big is too big? ...well it was THIS BIG. update pg 13!

[quirksome]

Ladies of the board, I need your help on a personal matter. It's marriage time for me and a number of my friends (we're in our late twenties) and the touchy subject of our men's packets has come up. Pay packets that is, you pervs!

What size of engagement ring would make you blink? If any of my friend showed up with this fat rock on their finger (about $50k, 2.5 carats) my jaw would be on the floor. My immediate reaction would be blatant envy / secret distaste at such extravagant spending. On the other hand, I work in finance and even a nice ring like this (about $1k, 1 carat) might be greeted with looks of sympathy in certain bitchy quarters.

The old calculation of 3 months' of the husband's salary doesn't quite fit the modern partnership where the wife may earn more than the husband, and doesn't take into account things like bonuses or self-employment where income is variable. So what's the arbitrary figure at which you can set the maximum budget and still sound reasonable? Three months of combined average salary? I'm being cynical here but the resale value for jewellery is usually much lower and given rates of divorce you might be better off investing in property or a nice supplement to your pension. But if you get to keep it should you invest in the obvious status symbol of your desirability (or ability to get expensive jewellery)?

Leaving aside the issue of whether engagement rings should even exist (it's an idea cleverly created and propagated by De Beers to sell more diamonds), assuming the husband pays for it (another stupid tradition), and assuming it's a heterosexual marriage (for simplicity), my question to you is: how big can an engagement ring be before it looks tacky?

EDIT: Now engaged, see Page 13! *sparkles happily*

[Guest Raidne]

My jaw hit the floor at the idea that anyone can get a 1 carat diamond solitaire for $1K.

Regarding too big...my friend's 2 carat solitaire gets a lot of comments. Big enough to be noticed, for sure, but most people don't seem to think it looks tacky. People have commented on the expenditure it must have required in kind of a bitchy way though. Anything less than that probably isn't going to warrant a lot of commentary in most circles, which would be a plus in my book.

Why men don't straight freak the fuck out at the prices of these things is really well beyond me.

[Guest Raidne]

And speaking of how big is too big, check out the fakes in that clip.

[Tears of Lys]

A huge rock would be wasted on me. I'd just knock the setting against the wall by accident and lose the stone. (something I've been known to do in the past.)

Spending $$$ on a ring seems like the epitome of waste. If you've got big bucks burning a hole in your pocket, I can think of a lot of other things you could spend it on.

[smegma]

The two month's salary thing is something wholly invented by DeBeers to increase sales. There's absolutely zero historical significance to it.

[Caliban2]

I'm pretty sure these pos bitches snaked it up to three months salary. It's unreal that this is still going on. Ive also reached the age when I constantly check to see if somebody has one on. This is my first post with my new iPad Steve you will never truly die!

[litechick]

The 'two month salary guideline' they were pushing 20 years ago was crap. I weep for anyone who has bought into the idea that it ought to be three months salary.

Why would you let the person who sells diamonds tell you how much you should spend?

If you are concerned for the size of a man's pay packet and the bitchiness of people judging your ring you need to start by postponing the wedding and deeply consider whether or not you are mature enough to be getting married.

I'm sorry. I know that's mean but I am just disgusted and incapable of reining it in. Quirksome, do not allow yourself to be this shallow. Fight it.

[Caliban2]

The premise that you care about the 2 month salary norm means you have already succumbed to the idea you need a diamond a white dress and to pretend you are still catholic for 2 months. So you're an idiot, why not try to make it three. My typing is slow on this thing and I have to listen to this clicking noise every time I hit a letter that's kinda dumb Steve.

[Verboten]

If the ring is that large then yes it is kind of ostentatious. However, if I were ever to propose I would probably choose something I thought she would like, regardless of the cost. In short I'm posting to say I have standards of what is and is not tacky but that I'd probably break them to make someone I love happy. I'm stupid that way. Just for clarification though I consider anything above a 1 karat diamond to be ridiculous and something I will never buy.

[Lightning Lord]

I don't see why it should matter. If you're marrying someone you love, then the size of the shiny coal on your finger shouldn't matter.

On the other hand, if someone's going to get giggly over shiny, they'd be better served to just find a rich old man, agree to a pre-nup and carry around the blingiest bit of bling said old man can afford.

[ICE CROW]

I don't see why it should matter. If you're marrying someone you love, then the size of the shiny coal on your finger shouldn't matter.

On the other hand, if someone's going to get giggly over shiny, they'd be better served to just find a rich old man, agree to a pre-nup and carry around the blingiest bit of bling said old man can afford.

Preach on brother :bowdown: , the happiest couple i know in my life. Don't have anything beyond simple matching bands, they have been married for over 30 years. And are happier than anyone i have ever met, who has a big fat rock on their finger.

[Edda van Heefmstra Ruston]

How big is too big - totally depends on the actual cut, the actual setting, and the actual person wearing it. Check out this little quiz image and answers, and you can see how (assuming they've got the right info for the rings) the same carat weight looks totally different. http://ayyyy.com/all-is-revealed-18/ There are 3 5-carat rings, 2 3-carat rings, 2 10-carat rings, and then up from there.

How expensive is too expensive - anything more than what the couple are genuinely able and willing to spend. For me personally, I'm a big fan of the sparklies, so I can understand the impulse. However, I can think of a lot of things that I could do with $20 mil (one estimated price for the Krupp Diamond), or even $20K, that I would prefer to a single piece of jewelry. Other people may decide differently.

[quirksome]

Thanks Aoife for the link. I liked Katie Holmes' ring (no.2) but more because of the classic setting than the huge carats. I'm with ToL and Mandy, I'd probably lose or break the damn thing if it was that big.

Cannibal2 you're missing the context of my post. I made it quite clear in OP that I'm ambivalent about the concept of rings (hell I'm not even affianced, it's my friend's engagement that got me thinking. She's spending $3k out of her $12k wedding budget on a designer(!) cake. She and I have totally different priorities.) I normally don't wear rings so the thread is more for the aesthetics of rings and how people (i.e. girls) see other girls' rings (and thus evaluate their partners/relationships), I'd prefer to keep it to that and avoid the nasty comments if you don't mind.

Thanks LC for your support in chat and for your post. And LL, Rational me says: you De Beers puppet, that money could be a downpayment on a house! Magpie me says: Oooooh, shiny! So I'm kinda torn and not-so-secretly a bit materialistic. Blame the HK half of me. Though it's more the symbol that he's willing to spend that much money on me rather than the ring itself. Practically I'd rather have real estate but (sigh) my parents expect a flashy ring because he earns significantly more than me. Argh.

[lokisnow]

the three month salary thing is BS, my cost a bit more than 3 weeks salary (take home) Which, btw, took about six months to save up, because I saved reasonably rather than aggressively, had a timetable I was saving towards as eight months before proposing I'd picked out the day I'd do it. It also got her the ring she wanted, and the main thing she wanted was lots of sparkling, so the center diamond is somewhat smaller, but it's set in a halo with lots of diamond flecks all over the rest of the ring. I gave her a budget, she picked it out with her sister, later showed me her favorites and I picked the one that was clearly her favorite. And she came in under budget.

Honestly, in the whole process I was most impressed that the ring box comes with an LED light that lights up when you open the box and makes the ring sparkle.

Men's rings are pretty ridiculous if you go for gold (stupid goldbugs) but whatever the non-gold metals are can be pretty nice. My favorite was a gold one (but I always have expensive taste), but I'd rather have a 300$ ring than a 1400$ ring (now over 1900, btw, ahh fuck you gold bugs).

Ironically, she said, "it's ridiculous for your ring to cost so much, it doesn't even have diamonds" which I thought was amusing (but kept that amusement to myself).

[Lightning Lord]

Could you get a flashy house out of him instead, though? Or a flashy world travel? Jets are sparkly.

[quirksome]

Hmmmm. What do people think about non-matching rings? I would like yellow gold, but Mr Q would like platinum/white gold. Those colours also suit our respective skin tones better. Is yellow gold seen as too old-fashioned? (Yes I care about what others think. I probably shouldn't. Whatever.)

And yes Horza - gold prices are extortionate. If you get a thick gold band the price doubles :( I'm thinking of asking Mr Q to find an vintage ring instead of a dodgily-mined blood-diamond typical engagement sparkler. Have also discovered you can even buy =17&page_num=0&page_size=0"]ancient Roman rings and =24&search_pricerange_id[]=7&search_pricerange_id[]=8&page_num=0&page_size=18"]antique rings online! Think these would be more meaningful to me - the ring having a past love story.

Or we could get LOTR one rings :geek:

[Edda van Heefmstra Ruston]

Again, I personally think it should be up to the couple. Matching is great. Individuality is also great. You may be able to find ways to tie your rings together thematically, if having some commonality is important to you both.

[quirksome]

Could you get a flashy house out of him instead, though? Or a flashy world travel? Jets are sparkly.

Sparkles! Where?! :drool:

I can't complain because the dear chap is fine with paying for holidays (but only to locations where he can learn obscure languages like Aramaic, or Welsh). He's just not that bothered about jewellery, it's just shiny stuff to him. An engagement/wedding ring are the only items I would wear all the time so I'd like them to be stylish and not too OTT. I'm not a pretty tippytoes princess dreaming of her perfect white dress, I keep thinking a beach wedding would be more fun but familial and church expectations play a significant part in our potential wedding. But that's a topic for another thread.

[quirksome]

The two month's salary thing is something wholly invented by DeBeers to increase sales. There's absolutely zero historical significance to it.

Thanks for explaining it Smegma! Good to know it's a load of bull. Seriously some people don't even have one month's savings let alone two to spend on compressed carbon.

[ICE CROW]

Hmmmm. What do people think about non-matching rings? I would like yellow gold, but Mr Q would like platinum/white gold. Those colours also suit our respective skin tones better. Is yellow gold seen as too old-fashioned? (Yes I care about what others think. I probably shouldn't. Whatever.)

And yes Horza - gold prices are extortionate. If you get a thick gold band the price doubles :( I'm thinking of asking Mr Q to find an vintage ring instead of a dodgily-mined blood-diamond typical engagement sparkler. Have also discovered you can even buy ancient Roman rings and antique rings online! Think these would be more meaningful to me - the ring having a past love story.

Or we could get LOTR one rings :geek:

I think thats a cool idea if your ok with it, letting him get a Platinum or White gold ring. I know i personally don't like the look of gold on me, but i like the way Silver and Platinum and White gold look. If as a couple you guys agree on that, go for it.