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Worst Imaginable Scenes from Winds of Winter (spoilers, naturally)


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#1 Der Anarch

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 02:21 PM

The Riverlands
Ayra Stark/Nobody: Aha! No one will recognise me wearing the face of a Frey!

Lady Stoneheart: Hang her.

Somewhere in the North
Ramsey Bolton: Reek! There you are. Come over here, I want to show you something. Look, it's the corpse of Theon Greyjoy.

Reek Number Three/Mance Rayder: Very interesting m'lord.

In a Musty Bedchamber somewhere
Arianne: Oh Damphair! Our plan to take the Iron Throne has almost succeeded, we are the two most important people in Westeros. Lets make sweet love.

Damphair: Silence saltwife, I'm praying to the Drowned God to make your father do something.

Beyond the Wall
Bran: So what's point of all this?

Bloodraven: We just watch events from affair, occasionally messing around with little crippled boys heads.

Bran: Nothing else?

Bloodraven: We are trees you know.

Somewhere in Essos
Dany: Westeros is that way! That way!

Drogon: Roar! *pounces on a child and continues his flight to Sothoros*

Kings Landing
Jamie: What are you doing?

Cersei: Sewing.

Jamie: Shouldn't you be plotting revenge?

Cersei: No. I've learned my lesson.

Jamie: Your no fun anymore.

Some Time Later in King's Landing
Sandor Clegane: I've come here to kill you brother.

Huge Knight: *Removes Helmet*

Sandor Clegane: Oh Seven Gods.... Who the bloody hell are you?

Varys: You know, you shouldn't expect everything to work out how you expect it. As poor Shagga here would tell you.

The Vale
Sansa: Petyr, I'd just to say how grateful I am for everything you've done. You really are splendid chap after all, winning back the North for me like that and defeating Damphair's Martell-Greyjoy alliance. So I have a surprise for you, dearest Littlefinger.

Littlefinger: Cat, is that you?

Lady Stoneheart: Do you still love me despite what I've become?

Littlefinger: Catelyn, I've only loved one women in my entire life.

Lady Stoneheart: Croak?

Sansa: Ahhhhh!

Littlefinger: .... Only Lysa.

Lady Stoneheart: Waaaaa!

Sansa: WTF?

Littlefinger: I did tell you not to trust me.

The Wall
Melisandre: Jon is Azor Ahai reborn!

Lord Commander Dolorious Ed: Really? Too bad he died at the end of the last book, eh. Even I didn't see that coming.

Ghost: *mournful howl*

Slavers Bay
Sir Barristen: My Queen, we've found you at last.

Dany: *wipes off sizzling child grease* You know... I've been thinking... Perhaps we should spend a little more time in Meereen.

Edited by Maponus, 20 November 2011 - 05:20 AM.


#2 Quint

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 02:34 PM

You should email these to GRRM

#3 LadyDark

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 02:40 PM

Quite funny /smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':)' />

#4 Ser-Arthur-Dayne

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 03:29 PM

You should email these to GRRM

Oh no!! Please. He can't have anymore motivation like that! If I get another book like AFFC or ADWD, I'm going to be scared as hell.

#5 Rapsie

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 03:47 PM

In a Musty Bedchamber somewhere
Arianne: Oh Damphair! Our plan to take the Iron Throne has almost succeeded, we are the two most important people in Westeros. Lets make sweet love.

Damphair: Silence saltwife, I'm praying to the Drowned God to make your father do something.


/bowdown.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':bowdown:' /> Utter genius! /lmao.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':lmao:' />

#6 Errant Bard

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 03:53 PM

Jamie: What are you doing?
Cersei: Sowing.

Cersei would not make a good ironborn now.

#7 Storms End

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 04:15 PM

Magnificent.

#8 Buckwheat

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 04:20 PM

Kings Landing
Jamie: What are you doing?

Cersei: Sowing.

Jamie: Shouldn't you be plotting revenge?

Cersei: No. I've learned my lesson.

Jamie: Your no fun anymore.

Did you mean sewing? Because I really cannot imagine Cersei working in a field.

#9 Winterfell is Burning

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 04:48 PM

Brilliant!

#10 Zizoz

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 05:14 PM

For me, the worst imaginable scene would be Tyrion being revealed as Aerys' son.

#11 ipsuel

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 05:38 PM

Omg sooo funny... I especially like the Arya one... lmao... good stuff!

#12 Allyria Dayne

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 06:15 PM

The worst imaginable scene would be Dany came back to Mereen , and then deciding to rule there for at least 10 years

#13 Elle Es Dee

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 06:16 PM

Great.
"Perhaps we should spend a little more time in Meereen."
Please, spare me.. /biggrin.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':D' />

#14 Allyria Dayne

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 06:20 PM

We seem to dread the same thing: Dany in Mereen, proving she is as stupid as Viserys, and few chapters we would have to read, grinding our teeth like Stannis /rolleyes.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':rolleyes:' />

#15 Elle Es Dee

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 07:17 PM

Don´t tell me she remains there even in the end of ADWD (yet there are at least two Dany chapters ahead of me and my teeth hurt).
I was prepared by spoilers for her character to turn into something less likable but now I only repeat to myself:"She´s 14. She´s 14. She´s 14..." /dunno.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':dunno:' />

Edited by Elle Es Dee, 19 November 2011 - 07:17 PM.


#16 brashcandy

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 07:23 PM

Don´t tell me she remains there even in the end of ADWD (yet there are at least two Dany chapters ahead of me and my teeth hurt).
I was prepared by spoilers for her character to turn into something less likable but now I only repeat to myself:"She´s 14. She´s 14. She´s 14..." /dunno.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':dunno:' />


I think Dany is 15 now, closer to 16 I would think at the end of ADWD.

#17 brashcandy

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 07:31 PM

In a room at Storm's End:

Aegon: Would my dad be proud of me?

Jon: Yes, let me show you just how much.... /eek.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':eek:' />


In the North at the Wall:

Jon lies in deep coma frozen in ice.... Patchface enters the room with an icepick and an axe:

"Oh yes I know I know I know, where the lord's kiss goes, oh oh oh" /eek.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':eek:' /> /eek.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':eek:' />

Edited by brashcandy, 19 November 2011 - 07:32 PM.


#18 Sel(l)mysword

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 07:46 PM

Ayra Stark/Nobody: Aha! No one will recognise me wearing the face of a Frey!

Damphair: Silence saltwife, I'm praying to the Drowned God to make your father do something.

Genius!



Somewhere in Skagos:

Davos: Lord Rickon I've come to take you home
Rickon: Are you kidding? There's unicorns here!

Somewhere:

Hodor kills Victarion Greyjoy
Bran and Bloodraven wake in their weirwood thrones.
Bran: That's 7-0 now, sure you want to keep going?
Bloodraven: That was a lucky strike. Your stableboy's bloody giant.
Bran: You had a hand made of fire. It's no wonder you guys lost the iron throne.
Bloodraven: Oh, yeah? Well guess what. This whole thing is a DREAM!

#19 Elle Es Dee

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 08:17 PM

I think Dany is 15 now, closer to 16 I would think at the end of ADWD.


Worse and worse. /smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':)' />

#20 voodooqueen126

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 10:15 PM

16 is still pretty hormonal.