Maithanet Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Seems like Rath is the one character most resembling a sane decision maker, whereas manly Rock can't seem to face the women he's cheating on (been led astray by his nether universe pole no doubt) and consistently makes *insane* decisions.It is funny that they chose to have the "hopeless bureaucrat always slowing things down" and "workaholic no one likes but gets shit done" be the same person. If he really gets shit done, then are Rock's attempts to shirk his responsibilities so he can take a nap actually harming Century City? I can only assume so. Is anyone sort of hoping that a handsome, honest, but not terribly awesome guy is introduced soon, so that he can save Kim's life and they live happily ever after? Because otherwise, this whole Kim/Rona tension will only be resolved with Kim taking a trip to the freezer. We earlier speculated that Kim could be simply forgotten between books at some point, but that is looking less likely. Alas introducing someone who could substitute for Rock's awesomeness is probably beyond Stacey, so Kim may not be long for this mutant infested world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lummel Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 My guess based on character descriptions at this point is that Rona will die and Kim be kept, she seems less challenging and more helpless. Always helpful if you want to emphasize how super manly the hero is.Plus it means that Rockson can inherit the presidency when Langford pops his clogs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antonius Pius Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Maithanet,Rock's testosteron-fueled ineptitude borders on treason if you ask me...My guess based on character descriptions at this point is that Rona will die and Kim be keptSacrifing mutant queen eva braun lookalike? Surely not! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lummel Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Antonius, you don't love FREEDOM? :crying: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maithanet Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Maithanet,Rock's testosterone-fueled ineptitude borders on treason if you ask me...Good thing he always has author ex machina to save him from his terrible decisions!Sacrifing mutant queen eva braun lookalike? Surely not!Yeah, I don't think so. Rona has been around longer and has more characterization. Plus, Kim dying would get double the emotional angst, as both Rock and President Useless could get really upset and vow revenge. Also, isn't it sort of amusing that we are speculating on what will happen in a book series that has been out for over twenty years? BTW who do you guys think will win the War of the Five Kings? I hear that Renly has got an awfully big army... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lummel Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Characterisation! I suspect that why Ryder will bump her off, makes the writing easier, though I am tempted by the President swearing revenge angle. Decisions, decisions.As to the war of the five kings, yeah Renly has a big army but does he know how to use it? I think Robb Stark, the dark horse candidate will win it, he's a boy with a magic dog which in a fantasy book has got to be a winning combination. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maithanet Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 As to the war of the five kings, yeah Renly has a big army but does he know how to use it? I think Robb Stark, the dark horse candidate will win it, he's a boy with a magic dog which in a fantasy book has got to be a winning combination.The real question is whether Gregor Clegane or Randall Tarly has more in common with the Doomsday Warrior. Surely whichever is more Rock-like will prevail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
generic Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I don't see a problem that needs correcting. He will never have to worry about running out of female sidekicks or damsels in distress by just having them kidnapped alternately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maithanet Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I don't see a problem that needs correcting. He will never have to worry about running out of female sidekicks or damsels in distress by just having them kidnapped alternately.I dunno, Rock's pitiful spinelessness in the face of the wimminfolk doesn't seem sustainable. Everyone knows that MANLY man has one true wife/girlfriend, and just cheats on her regularly with panther women, beatniks, russian spies, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antonius Pius Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Antonius, you don't love FREEDOM? :crying:Are you kidding? I've loved freedom ever since David Hasslehoff has been singing about it.I don't see a problem that needs correcting. He will never have to worry about running out of female sidekicks or damsels in distress by just having them kidnapped alternately.I dunno, Rock's pitiful spinelessness in the face of the wimminfolk doesn't seem sustainable. Everyone knows that MANLY man has one true wife/girlfriend, and just cheats on her regularly with panther women, beatniks, russian spies, etc.Dammit, you beat me to the panther women! Rock may be spineless, but he does seem to have his women wrapped around his finger. He never really claims Kim or Rona, or does he? IIRC he just has an odd sentimental thought every once in a while (followed by a daft or sexual one). Yet the women still clamour for his attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 :lol: I love that you guys are speculating about this in such detail. And yet I have no doubt that Stacy will STILL manage to surprise us with whatever stupid means he chooses to resolve this situation.Anyways. Chapter Five brings us the continued adventures of the Pony Express, which seems to be a thing dear to Stacy's heart. Maybe it was the only thing he could remember from history class? It does seem rather incongruous that the super-futuristic city of CC is reliant on some beardy fellows with horses to communicate cross-country, and that somehow said beardy guys manage to evade every deadly peril which seems to claim at least one redshirt every time Rock ventures forth. but... well, it's no more incongruous than every other thing in this series. Just one more example of Stacy wanting to have cake and eat it too - he wants to write a Western AND Sci-Fi AND a political polemic, and it's almost refreshing how he doesn't even bother trying to make all these genres fit together. But let's meet our temporary protagonist:Jed "Biscuit" Haverston flew around in the saddle of his big hybrid stallion like a buoy in a hurricane.Everyone managing to picture that clearly? Nope, me neither.The clumsily-nicknamed Jed "Biscuit" Haverston is apparently a huge fat guy laden down with rifles and canteens and pouches and whatnot, but luckily his horse is extra strong so it has no trouble carrying him. And now Stacy gets a chance to show off his half-remembered knowledge of all things Pony Express (and also his ignorance of nearly everything else).In the ten years he had ridden for the organised and highly efficient delivery service, which was modeled after the Western postal carriers in America's days of old, Jed had logged in over 10,000 miles of service, carrying messages, gifts, gold coins - anything and everything that Americans in one Free City wanted to get to another. Ten thousand miles over ten years? That's... not really that much, Mr Stacy. In fact, that's less than 3 miles a day, which your average granny probably surpasses just walking to the shops and back. And I notice that Stacy's already having second thoughts about that "Biscuit" monicker. After a quick rundown of the various mishaps Jed has encountered while running this super-efficient service (snakebites, commies, cannibals etc), he gamely has another go at using the nickname.For "Biscuit" Haverston considered his job an honour, a part of building the new America, a blow against the Red occupiers every time he completed a successful delivery, every time he pulled up wild-eyed and exhausted, with his bags of precious cargo.Flipping forward a bit, that seems to be the last time "Biscuit" is mentioned. Either the author decided that it had too many letters and Jed was easier to type, or realised that it was a fucking stupid name in the first place, who knows? Take note: nicknames that require quote marks = probably not the best idea.So Jed ("Biscuit" no longer) is really excited about the messages he's carrying right now - a call to arms for all the Free Cities of America! So he urges his horse (Eisenhower) (yeah) to run faster as they gallop along. Wiki tells me that your average horse can gallop for about ten miles before exhausting itself, so even allowing for radioactive mutant horses with extra stamina, the next pony station must be relatively close by, suggesting an America much more densely populated than we've been led to believe all this time. Surely THESE guys must have maps, pinpointing the locations of hazards such as (hundred-mile wide) deadly meadows and intercontinental train tracks? Whatever, whatever, let it pass. Pony Expresses are all about FREEDOM and RUGGEDNESS not egghead Science!y shit like maps.Apparently Eisenhower is horny. Which makes him run faster. Gogo Eisenhower?The sun tumbled from the sky in a bloody red mess and collapsed behind some far mountains as its silky white compatriot, the full moon, all decked out in her shining crater-pearls, rose into the rad-violet sky to take its place. Night was upon them in a flash as the sky grew as black as the bottom of the sea and a trillion speckles of silver paint splashed across night's ceiling.:stunned:Holy mixed metaphors Batman! At this rate I'm just gonna end up quoting the entire chapter without comment, I think it's starting to break my brain. But stay tuned, Jed and Eisenhower get attacked by monsters soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 That last description is rather magnificent. Maybe the quote marks are part of the nickname? Every time someone says it, they have to make finger air-quotes and use the correct tone of voice? "Oh, hi "Biscuit", how's it going? Could you please pass the salt, "Biscuit"." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactus Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Now Ted Rockson just acquired the face of Charlie Sheen.He's always been Charlie Sheen as Topper Harley for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winter's Knight Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I finally caught up! Min, these are absolutely brilliant.My apologies if the joke has been made already but did anyone else read Rock's description and immediately think of Darkstar? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vampire Squid Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 How many Free Cities are there? Secret resistance compounds are one thing, but actual cities full of red*-blooded AMERICANS!!! all over the place makes the Red Occupiers look even more incompetent than... yeah, "even more incompetent" is pretty much their thing, isn't it?* Presumably the Communists have a secret weapon in the veins of all their enemies... and Rona's hair! Could this be the real explanation of Rock's romantic troubles? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antonius Pius Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 My apologies if the joke has been made already but did anyone else read Rock's description and immediately think of Darkstar?No. No one has yet had the temerity to compare Stacy to GRRM. You're breaking new ground here. ;)How many Free Cities are there? Secret resistance compounds are one thing, but actual cities full of red*-blooded AMERICANS!!! all over the place makes the Red Occupiers look even more incompetent than... yeah, "even more incompetent" is pretty much their thing, isn't it?They're just a ruse to justify "Biscuits" and the Pony Express, Stacy's enduring adolescent crush.I just had a horrible thought: what if Stacy has gotten fabulously rich (after investing his advance wisely/fortuitously; everyone was getting rich in the eighties, Eddie Murphy said so) after the twenty-odd volumes of Ted Rockson and he's reading this thread and laughing his ass off? That would be too big an injustice, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lummel Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 ...My apologies if the joke has been made already but did anyone else read Rock's description and immediately think of Darkstar?Burn the witch! :commie:How many Free Cities are there? Secret resistance compounds are one thing, but actual cities full of red*-blooded AMERICANS!!! all over the place makes the Red Occupiers look even more incompetent than... yeah, "even more incompetent" is pretty much their thing, isn't it?...Seeing as "biscuit" averages less than three miles a day on his super fast horse I assume that however many cities there are, they are probably not all that far apart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antonius Pius Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Burn the witch! :commie:Seeing as "biscuit" averages less than three miles a day on his super fast horse I assume that however many cities there are, they are probably not all that far apart.Yet far enough to seem remote to one another, yet still provide eachother with everything Americans might wish to get eachother.Yes, it makes no sense, but in the apocalyptic, glower-infested Doomsday future, it doesn't have to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lummel Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 In the Domesday future the journey to the corner shop for a pint of milk and something for lunch will become an epic adventure... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAH Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Everyone managing to picture that clearly? Nope, me neither.Ten thousand miles over ten years? That's... not really that much, Mr Stacy. In fact, that's less than 3 miles a day, which your average granny probably surpasses just walking to the shops and back. And I notice that Stacy's already having second thoughts about that "Biscuit" monicker. After a quick rundown of the various mishaps Jed has encountered while running this super-efficient service (snakebites, commies, cannibals etc), he gamely has another go at using the nickname.Now, now, this freedom-hating of the glory of the Pony Express and it's valiant riders is quite unbecoming.Seeing as (from the description) the average Pony Express ride goes something like this , I think that striving for 3 miles a day is not bad at all.In fact, I find it quite amazing that the "Biscuit" hasn't crumbled yet... :leaving: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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