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If Sansa Stark had a penis? Which character would she be....


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#1 Lord Littlefinger's Lash

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 11:40 PM

...RENLY


"The armorer considered that a moment. “Robert was the true steel. Stannis is pure iron, black and hard and strong, yes, but brittle, the way iron gets. He’ll break before he bends. And Renly, that one, he’s copper, bright and shiny, pretty to look at but not worth all that much at the end of the day.”



“Renly’s made his own Kingsguard,” the onetime smuggler explained, “but these seven don’t wear white. Each one has his own color. Loras Tyrell’s their Lord Commander.”

It was just the sort of notion that would appeal to Renly Baratheon; a splendid new order of knighthood, with gorgeous new raiment to proclaim it. Even as a boy, Renly had loved bright colors and rich fabrics, and he had loved his games as well. “Look at me!” he would shout as he ran laughing through the halls of Storm’s End. “Look at me, I’m a dragon,” or “Look at me, I’m a wizard,” or “Look at me, look at me, I’m the rain god.”

The bold little boy with wild black hair and laughing eyes was a man grown now, one-and-twenty, and still he played his games. Look at me, I’m a king, Cressen thought sadly. Oh, Renly, Renly, dear sweet child, do you know what you are doing? And would you care if you did?"


...Look at me...Look at me... I'm a Lemon cake



“He is a child still,” Stannis declared, his anger ringing loud in the empty hall, “a thieving child who thinks to snatch the crown off my brow. What has Renly ever done to earn a throne? He sits in council and jests with Littlefinger, and at tourneys he dons his splendid suit of armor and allows himself to be knocked off his horse by a better man. That is the sum of my brother Renly, who thinks he ought to be a king. I ask you, why did the gods inflict me with brothers?”



“Go ahead, call me all the names you want,” Sansa said airily. “You won’t dare when I’m married to Joffrey. You’ll have to bow to me and call me Your Grace.” She shrieked as Arya flung the orange across the table. It caught her in the middle of the forehead with a wet squish and plopped down into her lap.

“You have juice on your face, Your Grace,” Arya said.


How could Arya have a sister such as this...


"Perhaps the grumkins had stolen her real sister. But Mother had only laughed and said no, Arya was her daughter and Sansa’s trueborn sister, blood of their blood. Sansa could not think why Mother would want to lie about it, so she supposed it had to be true."


Catelyn never said anything about Sansa, though....

Edited by Lord Littlefinger's Lash, 10 April 2012 - 11:56 PM.


#2 Sand Snake No. 9

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 12:04 AM

She'd be Lancel Lannister -- totally obsessed with a beautiful member of the royal family who sh*ts all over him, has delusions of grandeur, fails at his chosen profession, doesn't consummate his marriage, prays a lot, is on Cersei's hit list.

#3 Howling Mad

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 12:04 AM

She would be Sandor Stark of course.

#4 Fragile Bird

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 12:05 AM

View PostHowling4Reed, on 11 April 2012 - 12:04 AM, said:

She would be Sandor Stark of course.

Lol, I love it, and I've run out of likes!  :lmao:

#5 Gurkhal

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 12:36 AM

Wierd thread I must say. If Sansa had a penis she would be Sansen. It would still be the same character but only a male.

#6 ManyFacedOne

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 12:40 AM

She'd be Bran. Instead of dreaming about knights and their songs, she'd want to become one and have her own.

Edited by ManyFacedOne, 11 April 2012 - 12:41 AM.


#7 Jem

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 12:42 AM

If Sansa had a penis, she'd be Sweets.

Wait, no, do you mean if Sansa had a penis and no vagina? :P

#8 OldCorvid

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 01:10 AM

She'd have a hard time considering herself a lady.

#9 TheeMikeHoncho

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 01:13 AM

uhhh....... she would be sansa stark with a penis.

#10 PrinceHenryris

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 01:24 AM

I like the Renly comparison.

#11 Lord Littlefinger's Lash

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 01:33 AM

View PostManyFacedOne, on 11 April 2012 - 12:40 AM, said:

She'd be Bran. Instead of dreaming about knights and their songs, she'd want to become one and have her own.
nah. Bran does do that. its also annoying.  

“Princes should be allowed to sail the sea and hunt boar in the wolfswood and joust with lances.”

“Bran, child, why do you torment yourself so? One day you may do some of these things, but now you are only a boy of eight.”


But Sansa lacks his green-seeing ability.

#12 Lord Littlefinger's Lash

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 01:34 AM

View PostJem, on 11 April 2012 - 12:42 AM, said:

If Sansa had a penis, she'd be Sweets.

Wait, no, do you mean if Sansa had a penis and no vagina? :P
either or, as long as she can pass for male.

#13 Lyanna Stark

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 01:51 AM

I only know she would be far less hated and slagged off.

#14 Lord Littlefinger's Lash

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 02:16 AM

View PostLyanna Stark, on 11 April 2012 - 01:51 AM, said:

I only know she would be far less hated and slagged off.
see i'm not sure.  That was the point of the thread. There was a blog entry about this last week by Sean Collins.  I think people don't like her because she doesn't do anything.  There aren't any male characters like that. The closest was Bran.  And plenty of people dislike Bran, especially the first three books...I hated his ass, up until he gets to Queen's Crown at least.  And he got an immediate sympathy bump for being thrown out a window.  While in the chapter right before that, Sansa was at work belittling her sister.  Plus he has magic powers.  I think if anything the sexism is that no male character who did this little would be granted a POV

I think I started disliking Sansa right in that first Arya chapter. But her not stooping down so Tyrion could put the wedding cloak, probably secured her place on the Westeros' Most Hated list.

#15 Lyanna Stark

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 02:23 AM

View PostLord Littlefinger, on 11 April 2012 - 02:16 AM, said:

I think I started disliking Sansa right in that first Arya chapter. But her not stooping down so Tyrion could put the wedding cloak, probably secured her place on the Westeros' Most Hated list.

Errh, it was a forced wedding and she cried the entire time. Why should she kneel to someone she absolutely did not want to marry?? That makes no sense what so ever. Put yourself in her shoes for a second. All your dreams squashed, forced to marry a disfigured dwarf of a house that just murdered your entire family. Would you kneel meekly?

Somehow half the people feel that Sansa should be meeker and just take it (as per your post above), while the other half thinks she should kill all. Sometimes, a combination of the two: she should be meeker and submit to Tyrion, but also shove Joffrey off the parapet and murder Cersei in her sleep. Which btw would make her a totally fucked up and unbelievable character.


I am 100% convinced Sansa would be cut a lot more slack had she been male. You bring up Bran, how much hatred is there for Bran, really? The worst people seem to think is that he's a bit on the dull side.

Edited by Lyanna Stark, 11 April 2012 - 02:26 AM.


#16 HenrikLannister

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 02:27 AM

If Sansa had been a boy, then Robert would have betrothed Myrcella to Robb (leaving her in Winterfell), and Robb would have been the one with one (or two, if he still captured Jaime in this timeline) important captive(s) at the start of the war.However in this timeline it is possible that BoySansa and Arya still went to King's Landing, and who knows what BoySansa would have done after Robert's death.

Edited by HenrikLannister, 11 April 2012 - 02:28 AM.


#17 Lord Littlefinger's Lash

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 02:39 AM

View PostLyanna Stark, on 11 April 2012 - 02:23 AM, said:

Errh, it was a forced wedding and she cried the entire time. Why should she kneel to someone she absolutely did not want to marry?? That makes no sense what so ever. Put yourself in her shoes for a second. All your dreams squashed, forced to marry a disfigured dwarf of a house that just murdered your entire family. Would you kneel meekly?
Tyrion is awesome. She should want to marry him.  It has nothing to do with meekness.

Quote

Somehow half the people feel that Sansa should be meeker and just take it (as per your post above), while the other half thinks she should kill all. Sometimes, a combination of the two: she should be meeker and submit to Tyrion, but also shove Joffrey off the parapet and murder Cersei in her sleep. Which btw would make her a totally fucked up and unbelievable character.


I am 100% convinced Sansa would be cut a lot more slack had she been male. You bring up Bran, how much hatred is there for Bran, really? The worst people seem to think is that he's a bit on the dull side.
Maybe now. I but there are a lot of people who used to dislike him, myself included.  I brought him up because that was subject of the blog post i was referring to. Sansa vs. Bran, animosity.

I know I hated Bran chapters.  When I first started reading the books, I would skip his chapters almost every time.  If he weren't a green-seer I probably still would. Which is basically what I said.  A males character who does what she does would be equally unbearable.  Areo Hotah, for example, but he cuts a guy's head off and has many many many fewer chapters. If he had as many chapters as Sansa.  I'd be calling for his head.

Edited by Lord Littlefinger's Lash, 11 April 2012 - 02:49 AM.


#18 Alys Karstark

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 03:02 AM

He would be named Samwell Stark and become Jon Snow's best friend and also helps Maester Luwin with the ravens.

#19 ARYa_Nym

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 03:04 AM

View PostLyanna Stark, on 11 April 2012 - 02:23 AM, said:

Errh, it was a forced wedding and she cried the entire time. Why should she kneel to someone she absolutely did not want to marry?? That makes no sense what so ever. Put yourself in her shoes for a second. All your dreams squashed, forced to marry a disfigured dwarf of a house that just murdered your entire family. Would you kneel meekly?

Somehow half the people feel that Sansa should be meeker and just take it (as per your post above), while the other half thinks she should kill all. Sometimes, a combination of the two: she should be meeker and submit to Tyrion, but also shove Joffrey off the parapet and murder Cersei in her sleep. Which btw would make her a totally fucked up and unbelievable character.


I am 100% convinced Sansa would be cut a lot more slack had she been male. You bring up Bran, how much hatred is there for Bran, really? The worst people seem to think is that he's a bit on the dull side.
Bran does get hate from some Jamie fans. I've read comments like, "Bran was a nosy brat. I would have pushed him out of the window myself" more than once.

#20 Ice Turtle

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 03:11 AM

She would be half Loras half Ned Stark.