119 replies to this topic

[Inigima]

As a friend: don't do this shit

[TerraPrime]

Interesting.

So does one's friendship oblige one to participate out of the stated code of compliance ("you help your friends") or does it oblige one to refuse to participate on the principle that this is a shoddy idea that's likely to backfire ("you protect your friends") ?

[gryphon strike]

TP Ini has it right. Anything that means you could get charged Fez, well that is asking a hell of a big favour of someone that he is not real tight with.
Tell him to get another fall guy for his BS.

[Raidne]

Call me crazy, but I don't think actual kidnapping charges are implicated here.

I have to ask: How long have these people been together? How old are they? Does the bride read Twilight?*

*If the answer is yes, questions one and two probably don't matter.

[BigFatCoward]

please tell me the plan involves asking 'does this hankie smell of rohypnol?' followed by pulling out a hammer, some masking tape and some sand paper.

[kairparavel]

BigWeirdB, on 01 May 2012 - 04:54 PM, said:

please tell me the plan involves asking 'does this hankie smell of rohypnol?' followed by pulling out a hammer, some masking tape and some sand paper.

I was wondering if his travel kit included garbage bags, duct tape and a taser.


Yeah Fez? Just say no. You want no part of this. CYA.

[Thlayli]

Fez, on 01 May 2012 - 02:36 PM, said:

However in this case he has a rather elaborate plan for proposing to her and I am one of the people involved in it and in a role that could technically be described as kidnapping if she didn't want to come along.

This sounds like a wonderful idea! Make up an excuse not to participate and be sure to be present (incognito) for the proposal with video camera in hand. This sounds like a disaster in the making, please be to be providing linkage when it goes down.

[S John]

I agree with Min, I'm generally against elaborate or public proposals especially if the couple has not been dating that long.  Its great for youtube rejection videos, but I wouldn't advise a friend to take that risk.

Then again, I may not be the best person to ask because I'm thinking that for me to get married anytime soon I'm going to have to be the one being kidnapped.     My friends are getting hitched left and right, though.  Its an epidemic that must be stopped.

[Fez]

Well then, I hadn't actually thought about problems with the plan itself; just that it might be being enacted prematurely.  Looking at it though, I can see the potential problems with it. Still, not sure I want to bring up that whole can of worms as well. As I understand it a lot of work has already gone into this; posters have been made.

Raidne, on 01 May 2012 - 04:51 PM, said:

I have to ask: How long have these people been together? How old are they? Does the bride read Twilight?*

*If the answer is yes, questions one and two probably don't matter.

Not totally sure, but I know its only been serious for about a year. A couple years older than me. She either really loved it or really hated it I can't remember which, but it was a passionate reaction.

[Starkess]

Fez, on 01 May 2012 - 06:31 PM, said:

Not totally sure, but I know its only been serious for about a year. A couple years older than me. She either really loved it or really hated it I can't remember which, but it was a passionate reaction.

A year? That's not like a super short time, especially if they knew each other before dating. I was thinking it was like 4 months or something. I'd maybe ask him something offhand, and if this is actually kidnapping obviously don't do that, but otherwise I'd say it's not a huge concern.

[Raidne]

I would guess that in the space of a year she probably has some idea what's up, unless you have some reason to think she doesn't. If your role is to go grab her from somewhere, she'll probably immediately have a clue of what's going on unless he pulls unusual stunts like this on a regular basis. With either A or B, all awkwardness is avoided on your end. Just throw on the appropriate amount of mystery and bravado and go with it. You'll be great.

[Xerxes]

Fez, on 01 May 2012 - 06:31 PM, said:

Well then, I hadn't actually thought about problems with the plan itself; just that it might be being enacted prematurely.  Looking at it though, I can see the potential problems with it. Still, not sure I want to bring up that whole can of worms as well. As I understand it a lot of work has already gone into this; posters have been made.

Not totally sure, but I know its only been serious for about a year. A couple years older than me. She either really loved it or really hated it I can't remember which, but it was a passionate reaction.

If they've been dating/known each other for over a year, and he feels confident enough to have posters made, why are you concerned she might say no?  

Having proposed before.  This is not the kind of question you ask unless you're 99.99% sure of the answer, and you sure as heck don't do it in a spectacularly public way unless you're 100% sure.

If you're worried about them rushing into it, engagement isn't as final as marriage, so unless they have a really short engagement, they'd have time to figure it out.  Personally I recommend about least 6 months of pre-marital counseling.  Instead of planning a big wedding, we spent the time building our relationship.  Best time investment ever.

[Fez]

Starkess, on 01 May 2012 - 07:48 PM, said:

A year? That's not like a super short time, especially if they knew each other before dating. I was thinking it was like 4 months or something. I'd maybe ask him something offhand, and if this is actually kidnapping obviously don't do that, but otherwise I'd say it's not a huge concern.

Well sure sometimes people get engaged quickly, I myself know a few other people at least considering it; but they're older, and in my experience for the most part that's a step that doesn't get rushed into. The two most recent couples I know that have got engaged did so after being together for 7 and 5 years respectively. Not saying it should always be that long of course, but a couple years would seem like a good idea. Of course usually I wouldn't bring anything up except if this one of my closest friends of all, its just that what with the whole being involved in it thing I thought maybe I should suggest it would be best to slow down, enjoy whats going on, and wait a bit before doing this; make sure she's going to say yes (which again, maybe she's already suggested she will; in which, bully for them, I just don't know)

Something else relevant to bring up is that someone who knows him far long than I have has said that this is his first serious relationship in at least 7 years, so that might be coloring the decision.

Raidne, on 01 May 2012 - 08:49 PM, said:

I would guess that in the space of a year she probably has some idea what's up, unless you have some reason to think she doesn't. If your role is to go grab her from somewhere, she'll probably immediately have a clue of what's going on unless he pulls unusual stunts like this on a regular basis. With either A or B, all awkwardness is avoided on your end. Just throw on the appropriate amount of mystery and bravado and go with it. You'll be great.

All true. And the look on her face alone when she leaves her house expecting to see her boyfriend taking her somewhere for their one-year anniversary and she sees me just chilling out there instead, leaning on my car door, is going to be worth the price of admission. Regardless of if she's pissed or thrilled, there's gonna be some shock. I'd snap a pic, but it'd probably ruin the moment.

Edited by Fez, 01 May 2012 - 09:16 PM.

[IheartTesla]

Keep the engine warm and running after you drop her off.

[Sonic The Hedgehog]

Xerxes, on 01 May 2012 - 08:53 PM, said:

If they've been dating/known each other for over a year, and he feels confident enough to have posters made, why are you concerned she might say no?  

Having proposed before.  This is not the kind of question you ask unless you're 99.99% sure of the answer, and you sure as heck don't do it in a spectacularly public way unless you're 100% sure.

http://www.youtube.c...h?v=22ec8o7p2bI

Those guys were probably 100% sure too. The flashy romantic gestures work in movies, but can seem pretty awkward and forced in reality.

Still, a missed opportunity would probably create more regret than an embarrassing rejection. If posters have been made then it sounds like the aspiring groom to be is pretty confident in his plans anyway. I'd say the OP should just go with it and keep the fingers crossed.

[Isis]

If you are being asked to get involved with the plan there is nothing wrong with asking questions of your friend to make sure you are comfortable with your role. It doesn't HAVE to be something illegal for you to be allowed to have concerns about getting involved. That doesn't make you a 'bad friend'.

And this pre- marital counselling thing fascinates me - what are people doing in their relationship up to the point of proposal if they are not building it? This baffles me.

Not null

[Tears of Lys]

Y'know, I've thought this over (really, I have!) and I've come to the conclusion that what harm could it do to just go pick her up.  If she gives you a hard time and doesn't want to go along, then at least you tried.  You should get the feeling pretty quickly as to whether she's up for it or not.  And if not, well, you just tell your buddy the truth about what happened.  Surely he can handle it.  If not, tell him to man up, fer crissakes, and grow some balls.

[Vrana]

Tears of Lys, on 01 May 2012 - 11:09 PM, said:

and grow some balls.

http://piccsy.com/20...picc-944lb2v6b/

[Datepalm]

S John, on 01 May 2012 - 06:28 PM, said:

My friends are getting hitched left and right, though.  Its an epidemic that must be stopped.

God yes. I'm already all but out of arab and religeous single friends, and now the secular ones are starting to go! Stop it! (it's also not very good for friendships when someone comes in with a ring and my immediate reaction is "not you also!", followed by "I suppose if you must participate in the oppressive emotional blackmail of the patriarchy...it might as well be with what-her/his-face, so, er, congrats."

Dunno, i'm with Raids - I didn't immediately assumed theres going to be any actual, legal kidnapping. Just do it, and don't be an ass if she's really against it, and enjoy if the whole thing goes amusingly south.

[Raidne]

And like Xerxes said, it's going to take Mr. Theatrical a year, at least, to plan the wedding anyway. It's not like your helping them run off to Vegas.

Having said that, I'm with the rest of the women here on the public proposal, but for reasons I can't put my finger on, I suspect we are not a representative sample.