Unlike Cercei, she's never once looked back at her time with Drogo and thought of it as rape, because she fell in love with him.. that's something that's been projected by readers. The truth is that on the wedding night, Drogo gave her the opportunity to refuse. We don't know what would have happened had she actually refused, but even to offer seems like a big deal for a dothraki horselord. Once she consented, I guess Drogo saw it as a greenlight to take her doggy style every night with no regard for her comfort or pleasure. The Dothraki way, I guess. I suppose many a young terrified Dothraki virgin has gone through the exact same thing Dany has.. a rite of passage, of sorts. We like to think he could have been more of a gentlemen, but would that have been believable? I probably would have rolled my eyes in disbelief if Drogo was made to be that modern and sensitive.
It is all highly improbable, but I've come to see Dany as a remarkable person. I think she made a conscious choice to love Drogo, because he was all she had at the time. GRRM has stated that he meant for it to be a love story... it's up for debate how successful he was here, but he has offended feminist senibilities in doing this.
I can honestlty say however, that for me, before having discovered this forum, reading the book straight through and not poring over every detail, it did feel like a love story. It wasn't until I started discussing this with other people here that it even occurred to me how this would be perceived by others.
Chalk it up to to GRRM's vivid and descripting writing.. he is great at creating a sense of atmosphere that lets you get wrapped up in the characters and the setting. I think the same story told by an inferior writer would have seemed campy and, yeah, horribly horribly sexist, rather than 'maybe a little' sexist.
so.. in a nutshell, by Dothraki standards, I believe drogo is not guilty of marital rape because
- on the wedding night he gave Dany the option to refuse
- we aren't told that Dany ever tried to refuse him.. only that she cried alot and Drogo, not facing her, didn't see her crying
- Dany never looks back and thinks of it as rape
We can speculate as to what might have happened if Dany tried to refuse Drogo.. he might have continued bedding her and then that would have been rape. I just don't think anything described in the books can be called rape, in the context of that society. Sex can be unpleasant for one party and still not be considered rape.. I think this was the case for Dany, at first.
Lots of you disagree, I know! Let's see how this discussion goes....