Jon to Ramsay, letter we wish he would send
Posted 07 May 2012 - 12:06 AM
Your letter has been received, your terms rejected.
I am marching south with an army. You shall vacate Winterfell and release all claim to it. You shall go on living a quiet life of solitude in your father's lands. I have the grace to allow this, a grace I would never expect from you, false lord and tyrant.
I have wildlings. I have giants. I have the honor taught me by my father. All the north rallies now to the cause of freedom from Lannister oppression. They rally to me, their king.
Should you fail these terms, you shall be put to the sword, traitor.
Jon Stark, The King in the North
Posted 07 May 2012 - 12:22 AM
Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:01 AM
Your terms are rejected because... Fuck You, I´m a zombie.
Jon "Swiss Cheese" Snow
Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:19 AM
You have no claim to my father's seat, you have no claim to Winterfell, You have threated me and my brothers here at the wall. I will overlook these three insults if you and your men return to the Dreadfort! I have suffered your childish games long enough, if I do not recive a raven from the dreadfort in three days time I will march on Winterfell with my brothers and Wildlings! We will kill you and any men that remain at Winterfell, take no solice in size and strenght of it's walls of I can pass throught them as I pass through smoke Winterfell has no secrets from me! If you run, I will hunt you and you will know it is to fear!
This is your only warning!
Signed Jon Snow , Lord commander of the Nightswatch , Bastard son of Ned Stark, True Heir to Winterfell
Posted 07 May 2012 - 01:56 AM
To be delivered by raven just before the attack.
I'm not really good at this diplomacy stuff.
Posted 07 May 2012 - 02:52 AM
I reject your terms. You have two days to vacate my Lord fathers seat or else i will destroy you.
Refuse these terms and winter will come for you.
Jon Stark, King in the North, Lord Commander of the Nights Watch, Lord of Winterfell, Warden of the North.
Edited by Hear Us Roar, 07 May 2012 - 02:55 AM.
Posted 07 May 2012 - 03:00 AM
I have an 8 feet 2 inch whitewalker with 17 inches of meat between his legs...............guess who he's gonna use it on when I re-take Winterfell?
Your eyes will water son shine!
Posted 07 May 2012 - 04:00 AM
Posted 07 May 2012 - 04:02 AM
As far as I can recall I had an arrow put through the chest of the man known as Mance Rayder whilst he was aflame just south of the Wall, so how you have 'captured' him-or any washer-woman is beyond my understanding.
As you may know the Nights Watch takes no part in any wars, so Stannis Baratheon and his actions hold no consequence on me or my men.
My little sister could kill you with her off hand, and Theon Greyjoy is a traitorous shit much like his father and yours so I am not concerned about either of them presently.
And as far as your claim to Winterfell; I sincerely hope that you have been wise enough to learn the words of the great lands which you claim to hold, because if you do BASTARD then you should already know that not only am I on my way, but I bring the NORTH with me.
Lord Commander of the Nights Watch, Jon Snow.
Edited by LordofWinter, 07 May 2012 - 04:04 AM.
Posted 07 May 2012 - 05:18 AM
I sat for hours trying to come up with a suitable response to your ramblings and I am afraid I have nothing. Instead, I have attached your letter to a raven bound for my good friend Sam whom I label a surrogate suitable enough to write a response:"
" Dear B-b-b-b-b-bastard,
Your eyes do not decieve you, I wrote bastard as if I was stuttering. P-p-people said that it is impossible to translate stuttering into a letter, well I did, so there. I suppose I c-c-c-c-cc-ould have asked Gilly to help me w-w-w-write this letter but I was too afraid ask *sad face* I'm so craven. Plus, I don't think she knows how to read, I don't know, I never mustered the courage to ask *sad face* I'm so craven. A-a-a-a-a-nyway, you b-b-b-b-bb-etter stop t-t-t-t-aunting my friend Jon or I w-w-w-will come to Winterfell and shove my...FAT...PINK...MAST right up your eyesocket. Or I think I would, I wouldn't know...*sad face* I'm so craven."
Moments later, we see Ramsay's body gently hanging from a noose after having read so much drivel.
Posted 07 May 2012 - 10:04 PM
Thanks guys for indulging me. Had fun reading this.
Posted 07 May 2012 - 10:15 PM
you fucked with the wrong crow.
I know what you like to do with the girls you hunt.
I am going to introduce you to a friend of mine named WUN WUN, who will do the same to you.
When Wun Wun is done, I will skin you and give your skin to the Others.
After I am done with you, I will move along to your father and do the same.
The Dreadfort will be taken and the Bolton name will be removed from any associated titles of authority from now until the end of time.
I will give the Dreadfort to a Wildling commander of my own choosing, whose loyalty is unquestioned.
Your blood line is finished.
Lord Commander Jon Stark of the Night's Watch, King of the North.
PS: See you soon Bastard
Posted 07 May 2012 - 10:23 PM
Next time you walk around Winterfell, pick out a block you find comfy. For the only thing I'm bringing you is justice, bastard, and that block is the only part of Winterfell you shall have need for.
Watch for me if you like bastard. It makes no odds.
Posted 08 May 2012 - 12:50 PM
I have my swords
Posted 08 May 2012 - 12:57 PM
Don't call me a bastard, bastard. You were a product of rape. How do I know this? Because fuck you, bastard.
Also, everybody in Winterfell hates you, Stannis has you surrounded and is his possession is your claim to the castle.
Sincerely, Jon Snow, Bastard Extraordinaire.
Posted 08 May 2012 - 01:05 PM
Unto Lord Roose Bolton,
I've received your proposal loud and clear, and would have you know that I, Jon Stark, Lord Commander of the Night's Watch, am fully complicit in your looming murder of that bastard boy of yours. It's a dirty job, it must be said, but it must be done. I agree wholeheartedly that the bastard has gone too far with his foolishness, and your assertion that the realm will be far better off with the trueborn child Lady Walda is carrying in her considerably-sized belly ruling in his stead. I thank you for your offer to give me your son Ramsay Snow's head by way of apology for that nasty business up here on the Wall, but fear not; I'm sure the "surprise" you have in store for him will keep him awake at night, until all he can do is, well... grow paranoid, living in perennial fear of every shadow in sight, never knowing when your vengeance will strike him down. I almost pity the poor boy.
All the best,
P.S. Make sure this letter reaches Lord Roose, and not the unfortunate son. I would hate to cause in-fighting.
Posted 08 May 2012 - 01:09 PM
Your letter was received and its contents duely noted.
I hereby notify you that I'm coming for your sorry ass. I fully intend to put your ugly head on a fucking pike outside Winterfell. If any of your pansy friends stands in my way they will burn on a pyre my special red lady friend will prepare. And oh, your traitor father will be drawn and quatered for the amusement of the punters.
ps you know nothing Ramsay Snow