152 replies to this topic

[SirPipeWeed]

Was there a line in any of the books that had you crack up while reading them?  Was reading Clash of Kings again and there is a line by the Old Bear that makes me laugh every time I read it.


“Aerion the Monstrous?” Jon knew that name. “The Prince Who Thought He Was a Dragon” was one of Old Nan’s more gruesome tales. His little brother Bran had loved it.
“The very one, though he named himself Aerion Brightflame. One night, in his cups, he drank a jar of wildfire, after telling his friends it would transform him into a dragon, but the gods were kind and it transformed him into a corpse.

[eyeheartsansa]

Life would be much simpler if men could fuck themselves, don't you agree?

- Tyrion to the Viper

[Lady Hodor]

An uncommon moment of humour from Dany (Maybe making it all the funnier)
The Bastard of Astapor greets her, crudely, vulgarly offering for her to see and admire his supposedly legendary cock.
To which she replies "Or I might simply have my bloodriders cut it off so that I might examine it at my lesuire".

[Kittyhat]

"No, don't blush.  With your hair it makes you look like a pomegranate." -- Olenna to Sansa

That line literally made me stop and laugh out loud!

[Buckwheat]

"I want the abomination out of there! This is not King's Landing!"

Stannis in ADWD about Gilly's child

[Not_a_Lady_Brienne]

(Don't have the books with me so apologies for the wording)

Renly after the Joffrey/Arya scene at the Trident: "I'd be interested to hear how he managed to be disarmed by an 8-year old girl with a wooden stick"

Wyman Manderly about Little Walder's murder: "Such a tragedy, though this might be for the better.  Had he grown up, he would have become a Frey"

Pretty much anything Stannis says

Edited by Not_a_Lady_Brienne, 09 May 2012 - 01:34 PM.

[Child of Spring]

Lady Olenna in SoS: "Alaric of Eysen," said Lady Olenna Tyrell, leaning on her cane and taking no more notice of the wine-soaked dwarf than her granddaughter had done. "I do so hope he plays us "The Rains of Castamere". It has been an hour, I've forgotten how it goes."

[Jamie Lannister]

Instead of scuttling safely back under his rock, Joff drew himself up defiantly and said, "You talk about Aerys, Grandfather, but you were scared of him."

lawl

Edited by Jamie Lannister, 09 May 2012 - 01:37 PM.

[Tewks44]

When Daario was explaining his shenanigans involving the turn cloaks with Brown Ben and he describes how he decapitated a foe and then threw the decapitated head at the other soldiers as he fled Barristan dryly goes "how gallant"  

that line cracked me up, and it still makes me smile just typing it out.  Daario's story is just so ridiculous and Barristan's sarcastic response is perfect for me.

[Marjie Eilie Myatt]

Hot Pie yelling "Hot Pie!" as he jumps into the fray.

Arya telling Lommy, "Yield," if the wolves come.  Perfect comic timing.

Renly's peach parley with Stannis.

Dolorous Edd sometimes.  Tyrion one-liners, obviously.

I have a hard time laughing in the later books.  So grim.  So GRRM.

[bloodymime]

Val patted Ser Patrek on the head. “Up with you now, ser kneeler. Up, up.”

[kwvapor]

Tyrion wanted to check if his father really sh!t gold.  Ew  (I don't remember the line exactly sorry)

[Sun]

Jon getting Caesared.

[Stannis Eats No Peaches]

'Do you know what honour is?'
A horse.
(Or something like that anyway)

[gougef]

Hot Pie looked like Hot Pie.

[Blisscraft]

Thapthires! (sp?).  V. Hoat

[Buckwheat]

"And one!"

The old woman at the slave auction in ADWD

[Not_a_Lady_Brienne]

Cersei: "Eddard Stark believed, or well suspected, that.."
Tyrion: "That you were fucking our sweet Jaime?"
She slapped him.
Tyrion: "It's no matter to me who you lie with, although I always thought it unfair that you would open your legs for one brother but not another."
She slapped him.
Tyrion: "I'm only joking. Truth be told, I never understood what Jaime saw in you, apart from his own reflection."
She slapped him.

[Gingerly Grumkin]

"If half of an onion is black with rot, it is a rotten onion." A man is good, or he is evil"-Mel
"A king has no friends, only subjects and enemies"- Stannis
"I saw your sister barefoot walking on her hands, why would she do that?" Sansa was positive that she doesn't know why Arya does anything- Sansa

Quote

   “I need a piss,” the dwarf announced. He waddled off the road, undid his breeches, and relieved himself into a tangle of thorns. It took quite a long time.
   “He pisses well, at least,” a voice observed.
   Tyrion flicked the last drops off and tucked himself away. “Pissing is the least of my talents. You ought to see me shit.” He turned to Magister Illyrio. “Are these two known to you, magister? They look like outlaws. Should I find my axe?”
   “Your axe?” exclaimed the larger of the riders, a brawny man with a shaggy beard and a shock of orange hair. “Did you hear that, Haldon? The little man wants to fight with us!”
   His companion was older, clean-shaved, with a lined ascetic face. His hair had been pulled back and tied in a knot behind his head. “Small men oft feel a need to prove their courage with unseemly boasts,” he declared. “I doubt if he could kill a duck.”
   Tyrion shrugged. “Fetch the duck.”
   “If you insist.” The rider glanced at his companion.
   The brawny man unsheathed a bastard sword. “I’m Duck, you mouthy little pisspot.”
   Oh, gods be good. “I had a smaller duck in mind.”
   The big man roared with laughter. “Did you hear, Haldon? He wants a smaller Duck!”
“I should gladly settle for a quieter one.”

Quote

Lemore had changed out of her septa’s robes into garb more befitting the wife or daughter of a prosperous merchant. Tyrion watched her closely. He had sniffed out the truth beneath the dyed blue hair of Griff and Young Griff easily enough, and Yandry and Ysilla seemed to be no more than they claimed to be, whilst Duck was somewhat less.

Edited by Grumpkin Ahai, 09 May 2012 - 02:14 PM.

[Night Gathers]

Apologies, don't know the exact quotes.

"Thapphireth!"

"Pull out your cock and take a piss." And the whole, "should I call you my lady now?" moment.

"Hodor" said Hodor. "Hodor" agreed Bran.

Hot pie looked like Hot pie.

When Gendry laughed so hard he snorted out beer (was it beer?) when Arya was all cleaned up and put in lady clothes.

"Yield" suggested Arya.