Not_a_Lady_Brienne Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Hi all,I think Stannis is the funniest character in the series, and I started this thread to compile all of Stannis's hilarious one-liners. I searched the forums, but couldn't find anything entirely devoted to Stannis's humor.My personal favorites:- "Her own father got this child on her? We are well rid of her, then. I will not suffer such abominations here. This is not King's Landing."- "Without a son of Winterfell to stand beside me, I can only hope to win the north by battle. That requires stealing a leaf from my brother's book. Not that Robert ever read one."What are you favorite Stannis quotes? I could use a laugh on this rainy day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
assjfjgjsgjljljglgjfjsduar Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 YES.I don't know how anyone can say that Stannis is humorless. He really does have a terrific dry wit."Robert could piss in a cup and men would call it wine, but I offer them cold clear water and they squint in suspicion and mutter to each other about how queer it tastes.""Weddings have become more perilous than battles, it would seem."And I love how he gives the lords their own little nicknames. Lord Too-Fat-to-Sit-a-Horse, Ser Stupid, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Lady_Brienne Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 And I love how he gives the lords their own little nicknames. Lord Too-Fat-to-Sit-a-Horse, Ser Stupid, etc.So glad you pointed that out! I know all the nicknames but I never connected that Stannis is the one behind them all.Edit: and it's almost "incorrect" for anyone else to NOT use a nickname- he is always correcting Davos :rofl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hear Us Roar Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Do I need to make you swear an oath before a tree?”“No.” Was that a jape? With Stannis, it was hard to tell."Stannis/Jon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gougef Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 When he told Renly that Margary would stay a virgin in Renly's bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lummel Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 When he told Renly that Margary would stay a virgin in Renly's bed.HAR! That is particularly good since Stannis is a fine one to talk in that regard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
assjfjgjsgjljljglgjfjsduar Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 When he told Renly that Margary would stay a virgin in Renly's bed.Oh yeah, that was a good one, too.So glad you pointed that out! I know all the nicknames but I never connected that Stannis is the one behind them all.Edit: and it's almost "incorrect" for anyone else to NOT use a nickname- he is always correcting Davos :rofl:He's also the one, I believe, who gave Davos his Onion Knight title. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnionAhaiReborn Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 "Stannis ground his teeth. 'It is not my wish to tamper with your rights and traditions. As to royal guidance, Janos, if you mean that I ought to tell your brothers to choose you, have the courage to say so.'That took Lord Janos aback. He smiled uncertainly and began to sweat, but Bowen Marsh beside him said, 'Who better to command the black cloaks than a man who once commanded the gold, sire?''Any of you, I would think. Even the cook.'" SoS pg 1076. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfKraken Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 "You are not the only turn cloak here, it would seem. Would all the lords of Westerns had but a single neck."Stannis to Theon in TWOS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfKraken Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Westeros, not westerns! Damn auto-complete. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Winter Rose Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 "You are not the only turn cloak here, it would seem. Would all the lords of Westerns had but a single neck."Stannis to Theon in TWOS.That is not funny. That's a Caligula. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice Turtle Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Stannis correcting his maester:All men know me for the trueborn son of Steffon Baratheon, Lord of Storm’s End, by his lady wife Cassana of House Estermont. I declare upon the honor of my House that my beloved brother Robert, our late king, left no trueborn issue of his body, the boy Joffrey, the boy Tommen, and the girl Myrcella being abominations born of incest between Cersei Lannister and her brother Ser Jaime the Kingslayer. By right of birth and blood, I do this day lay claim to the Iron Throne of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. Let all true men declare their loyalty. Done in the Light of the Lord, under the sign and seal of Stannis of House Baratheon, the First of His Name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, and Lord of the Seven Kingdoms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Lady_Brienne Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 Stannis correcting his maester:All men know me for the trueborn son of Steffon Baratheon, Lord of Storm’s End, by his lady wife Cassana of House Estermont. I declare upon the honor of my House that my beloved brother Robert, our late king, left no trueborn issue of his body, the boy Joffrey, the boy Tommen, and the girl Myrcella being abominations born of incest between Cersei Lannister and her brother Ser Jaime the Kingslayer. By right of birth and blood, I do this day lay claim to the Iron Throne of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. Let all true men declare their loyalty. Done in the Light of the Lord, under the sign and seal of Stannis of House Baratheon, the First of His Name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, and Lord of the Seven Kingdoms.Another great one! I'm curious how many people appreciated this the first time through. The humor of this was totally lost on me until a re-read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Stannis to Theon in TWOS.I think it would be good if you put the stuff from The Winds of Winter in spoiler tags. Not everybody wants to read that chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerly Grumkin Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 My favorite parts of Stannis' jokes is that he is dead serious during all of them. That is not funny. That's a Caligula.lol my brother made up this adjective called Caligular (something Caligula would do. Kill your father, fuck your sister, make your horse a senator etc). However it seems like Stannis is one of the only characters who doesn not behaive Caligular Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Lady_Brienne Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 My favorite parts of Stannis' jokes is that he is dead serious during all of them. lol my brother made up this adjective called Caligular (something Caligula would do. Kill your father, fuck your sister, make your horse a senator etc). However it seems like Stannis is one of the only characters who doesn not behaive CaligularAlthough the Florents probably consider knighting a smuggler equivalent to making your horse a senator :-p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerly Grumkin Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Although the Florents probably consider knighting a smuggler equivalent to making your horse a senator :-pEven better actually. Incitatus (the horse) was made a consul (which is Hand of the king) so...LOL!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Independent George Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Did Stannis and Tywin ever meet? I'm trying to picture how a conversation between the two would go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Lady_Brienne Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 Did Stannis and Tywin ever meet? I'm trying to picture how a conversation between the two would go. The closest interaction I remember (someone correct me if I'm wrong) is Tywin saying that Stannis was the one to be worried about. That conversion would be epic!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crown Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I've been laughing my ass off at Stannis' comments and 'jokes'. Got to love his sense of humour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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