372 replies to this topic

[DR Supporter]

I liked this, so I am continuing it. If this is against the rules, please tell me so.

First Version: http://asoiaf.wester...y-fake-letters/

Edited by DR Supporter, 22 May 2012 - 10:49 AM.

[kwvapor]

where is your letter?  

[DR Supporter]

I wanted to make sure this is allowed before adding one.

[Buster]

This could be interesting. What is it?

[Serie]

Buster, on 22 May 2012 - 10:11 AM, said:

This could be interesting. What is it?

the funny fake letters thread you mean? my favourite thread besides R+L=J!!! take a look here
I can't come up with one though....

[Buster]

To: Daario Naharis
From: Daenerys Targaryen

I love you so much that I managed to convince our author to let me spend the rest of my life here in Meereen, so that I can spend my days obessing about you instead of going to Westeros.

PS: He also said that I can forget about all of my character development and turn into a typical, stupid and lovesick teenage girl.
PPS: I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.



Stuff like that?

[DR Supporter]

To: Cersei Lannister

From: Myrcella Lannister

Subject: I am not dumb

I know where I come from. I know who are my parents. And you know that you can't fool me by pretending. Uncle Tyrion knows and he shared that information with me. He saw you and your brother in bed, and you know what that means. So don't try to live a lie, and moreover, don't force me and my brother to live in it. Oh, and Eddard is her father. We talked to each other, we went to parties together, we ate lemoncakes together. And hence I know that Eddard Stark is her father.

Sincerely,

Myrcella Lannister

[Silver Spearwife]

Buster, on 22 May 2012 - 10:26 AM, said:

To: Daario Naharis From: Daenerys Targaryen I love you so much that I managed to convince our author to let me spend the rest of my life here in Meereen, so that I can spend my days obessing about you instead of going to Westeros. PS: He also said that I can forget about all of my character development and turn into a typical, stupid and lovesick teenage girl. PPS: I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. Stuff like that?

Yep, precisely. I recommend you read the first Funny Letters thread (DR Supporter, do you think you could link to it in your first post and explain the nature of the thread?). Not for getting ideas or the hang of it or anything - it's just filled to the brim with gold and everyone should read it.

[DR Supporter]

Did and submitted my letter.

[Serie]

DR Supporter, on 22 May 2012 - 10:28 AM, said:

To: Cersei Lannister From: Myrcella Lannister Subject: I am not dumb I know where I come from. I know who are my parents. And you know that you can't fool me by pretending. Uncle Tyrion knows and he shared that information with me. He saw you and your brother in bed, and you know what that means. So don't try to live a lie, and moreover, don't force me and my brother to live in it. Oh, and Eddard is her father. We talked to each other, we went to parties together, we ate lemoncakes together. And hence I know that Eddard Stark is her father. Sincerely, Myrcella Lannister

From: Cersei Lannister
To: the Citadel, Oldtown

Dear Maesters,

You are probably aware of how the Faith has helped me move on with my life after the loss of my poor, poor sons... Ever since I have seen the light and all kind of revelations!
Quite recently I've been corresponding with my beloved daughter, Myrcella Baratheon (don't let the blonde hair fool you) and I was shocked to find out she's been possessed by some spirit (possibly the Stranger). So I came up with a new, scientific idea of how to cure this poor soul (and so many others, KL is full of them). Its a brand new method that I name "exorcism" and I can fully describe it to you in case you're interested.

I can also offer "subjects" for further testing. Postal fees on me.

Yours faithfully,
humble servant Cersei.

Edited by Serie, 22 May 2012 - 10:56 AM.

[DR Supporter]

To: Faceless Men
From: Myrcella Lannister
Subject: Hurry Up!

My beloved mother has gone insane and plans to do some weird things to all of us. So, please, hurry up and assassinate her before she gets the chance.
And while you're at it, go to Vale and kill Lord Petyr Baelish as well.

I was willing to let you wait and prepare yourselves, but now, things have gotten out of hand, and you must come at once! Do this for me and old friend of mine.

Warm Regards,

Myrcella Lannister

[Serie]

DR Supporter, on 22 May 2012 - 11:14 AM, said:

To: Faceless Men
From: Myrcella Lannister
Subject: Hurry Up!

My beloved mother has gone insane and plans to do some weird things to all of us. So, please, hurry up and assassinate her before she gets the chance.
And while you're at it, go to Vale and kill Lord Petyr Baelish as well.

I was willing to let you wait and prepare yourselves, but now, things have gotten out of hand, and you must come at once! Do this for me and old friend of mine.

Warm Regards,

Myrcella Lannister

To: Myrcella Who????
From: Faceless Men


----

sorry DR supporter, couldn't  help it ;D

[Queen Cersei I]

Buster, on 22 May 2012 - 10:26 AM, said:

To: Daario Naharis From: Daenerys Targaryen I love you so much that I managed to convince our author to let me spend the rest of my life here in Meereen, so that I can spend my days obessing about you instead of going to Westeros. PS: He also said that I can forget about all of my character development and turn into a typical, stupid and lovesick teenage girl. PPS: I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. Stuff like that?

To: Danerys Targaryen, Mother of Dragon, Slayer of Lies, and, more recently, dragger of feet, lover of a-holes, and procastinator of Truly epic proportions
From: The collected ASOIAF readership.
Re: Daario and Mereen

Danerys--

No. Please, just...no.

Get out of Mereen while you still can, and leave Daario like yesterdays garbage. No one will blame you for it in the least if you leave him in the lurch, or even-- dare we wish it?-- strangle him with your own bloody hands.

Yours in Hope,

The collected ASOIAF readership, Jon Snow, Mr. George RR. Martin, Random house publishing firm, and the Others.

P.S-- Dario? We hate him, we hate him, we hate him.

[Silver Spearwife]

To: Jaime Lannister
From: Ilyn Payne

Should have thought to write you a letter ages ago. Finally get to say this.

What the fuck is with your taste in women?

Edited by Silver Spearwife, 22 May 2012 - 11:50 AM.

[DR Supporter]

To: Lord Ramsay Snow

From: Lord Commander Jon Snow

Subject: Wedding

We're having a double wedding. I am marrying Lady Melisandre, while your Reek, known in Westeros as Theon Greyjoy, is marrying my sissy. It's obvious that she isn't my sissy but still, she IS my sissy, got it?! This is indeed a glorious occassion, and we're inviting you to participate. Bring your father and tell Freys to come too. We'll party till death!

This will be a wild party! I just know it will! I hired multiple men. Their job is to make sure this special occassion goes according to plan. Anyway, your presence here is most delightful and very much needed. We're playing the game called stick man's head in the pie, and we would like you to join us.
Aren't you just dying of excitement?

Sincerely,

Jon Snow & Lady Melisandre

P.S: For the night is dark and full of terrors

P.P.S: Don't mind her, she is excited to try her magic.

[Queen Cersei I]

DR Supporter, on 22 May 2012 - 12:11 PM, said:

  while your Reek, known in Westeros as Theon Greyjoy, is marrying my sissy.

But I thought Samwell Tarley was at the Citadel?

[Gingerly Grumkin]

To: Darkstar
From: Penny

Long time no speak boo!
Anyways I met this really cute guy (you should see the beautifull color of his eyes) everything is going great! But since I'm already writing this letter, I'll ask you for a quick favor. My giant of a Yollo is sometimes offensive and sarcastic. He said he like's my nose, but when I tried to kiss him he yelled at me. Anywyas, I saw Myrcella Baratheon, what a beauty! Before she looked too much like Cersei, but now she's gorgeous! You do absolute wonders in plastic surgery and nose reduction, and I am truly in need.
Thank you so much
Penny

[Serie]

Grumpkin Ahai, on 22 May 2012 - 12:21 PM, said:

To: Darkstar From: Penny Long time no speak boo! Anyways I met this really cute guy (you should see the beautifull color of his eyes) everything is going great! But since I'm already writing this letter, I'll ask you for a quick favor. My giant of a Yollo is sometimes offensive and sarcastic. He said he like's my nose, but when I tried to kiss him he yelled at me. Anywyas, I saw Myrcella Baratheon, what a beauty! Before she looked too much like Cersei, but now she's gorgeous! You do absolute wonders in plastic surgery and nose reduction, and I am truly in need. Thank you so much Penny

if I got this correctly...
you should see the beautiful colors of his eyes maybe????

[Queen Cersei I]

Silver Spearwife, on 22 May 2012 - 11:47 AM, said:

To: Jaime Lannister From: Ilyn Payne Should have thought to write you a letter ages ago. Finally get to say this. What the fuck is with your taste in women?

Dear Ser Payne,

My ravens intercepted your incredibly wise and telling letter to my brother. And I must agree. Brienne of Tarth? Seriously, Jaime? Mine own brother must undergo some serious tests pertaining to both his eyesight and his sanity if/ when he returns to me. Perhaps it is also times he begins seriously questioning his sexual orientation.

Yours in charm, seductiveness, and Peerless beauty,

Queen Cersei Lannister, the first of her name, queen of the Andals and the first men, Slayer of Kings, Destroyer of High Septons, and General Bringer of Awesomeness.

[Queen Cersei I]

Silver Spearwife, on 22 May 2012 - 11:47 AM, said:

To: Jaime Lannister From: Ilyn Payne Should have thought to write you a letter ages ago. Finally get to say this. What the fuck is with your taste in women?

From: Jaime Lannister
To: Jealous hater, A.K.A., Illyn Payne

Why? Why?! Dude, have ya seen Cersei naked?

Yours,

Golden hand the WANKER Just


From: Illyn Payne

To: Ser Jaime Lannister, The Queen Layer
RE: FYI

Re: "Have ya seen Cersei naked?!" No, not personally. But I hear 99.999 percent of the smallfolk population of Kings Landing have.

Yours,

Ser Ilyn the Not even remotely jealous