266 replies to this topic

[Shryke]

Dracarya, on 12 June 2012 - 03:18 PM, said:

@Shryke: Thank you I have done so. I took my friend into college today to speak to our tutor - I wanted to do so as well, so it wasn't totally for her - and then took her back to her nans. I met her mum and got in a few polite, but very pointed, comments about how glad I am they're supporting her now. Then her nan started bringing out bags and bags full of baby clothes, and I had to get the hell out of there. It's sweet and all, but a couple of days ago I was preparing myself to take her for an abortion - I need some time to adjust to the idea that this baby is really gonna be here. Seems weird that I'm reacting this way, seeing as it really has nothing to do with me, but I get freaked out every time my friend asks me to be a part of the baby's life. She also slipped in the idea of me being her birthing partner. I suggested she ask her mum, who might be better at it than me, and the conversation was dropped, thank god.

It's not weird at all. This happens to everyone in all sorts of situations. (you see it a bunch at weddings in my experience)

This is a big deal for a friend and you went all in to help her. That's a great thing.

What happens though is that because you are helping her out with this, you start thinking of "her issues" as "our issues". You start inserting yourself emotionally and mentally into the situation. But you aren't really there. I don't mean this harshly at all, but it ain't your kid and it ain't your life. You can help her out with her issues, but you gotta remember they are her issues, not yours and not both of yours.

And sometimes to do that, you just gotta take a breather from the situation.


And yeah, for that last stuff, you've got every right to freak out about that shit a little. It's your choice how deeply involved in this you get and that is both alot of responsibility and the kind of thing that'll suck you right in to the heart of this whole situation. And all that without any sort of clout to back up that connection, if you get my drift. (ie - you may think you are really involved, but when push comes to shove "it's my kid" basically shuts you out of major decisions)

[Pebbles]

Dracarya, on 12 June 2012 - 03:24 PM, said:

Yeah they do a bit. Her (no longer ex) boyfriend decided that she isn't going to live at her dads either, so I assume he's got a nice house for her to move into. Fucking people. This is why I spend so much time on the internet

moving in togther sounds like a very bad idea.  :scared:

Oh and I did warn you about the birthing partner, nice escape,   you may want to develop a nasty very contagous disease.   or book a holiday.

Serrioulsy if it comes up again, remind her she has a long time to sort that out, no need to hurry that descion.  then RUN

[Dracarya]

Lummel, on 12 June 2012 - 03:29 PM, said:

Hey it's the West Country, this is their national anthem, so wha'd'ja expect?

Well I s'ppose it depends what side of the Tamar they are...

Well apparently the Cornish side is the right side, but I prefer my side better

Shryke, on 12 June 2012 - 03:32 PM, said:

<snipped>

You're absolutely right, I know. This has been a crazy experience, but she seems to be sorting herself out now. By which I mean, taking control of what she needs to do, such as her education, diet, and so on. She seems to have her head screwed on a bit more now, but she's still worrying about things, like whether or not she'll be a good parent. The only answer I had to that was to basically wait and see - probably not the best advice in the world, but I also told her to speak to other mums. I'm sure every soon-to-be-parent has had similar doubts.

Каек который прячет, on 12 June 2012 - 03:33 PM, said:

moving in togther sounds like a very bad idea.  :scared:

Oh and I did warn you about the birthing partner, nice escape,   you may want to develop a nasty very contagous disease.   or book a holiday.

Serrioulsy if it comes up again, remind her she has a long time to sort that out, no need to hurry that descion.  then RUN

Yeah I doubt they will. He's saving up to sod off back to Australia, and I doubt she'll be able to go with him. If she does, she's an even bigger fool than I thought.

That you did! I don't think she'll want me there once she really thinks about it. And lets other people influence her. Maybe that will work for me, this time

[Lady Skeen]

my sis was 16 years old and was on the pill and found out at 5 moths shes had some very difficult times but now her little girl is 6 years old my it as flowen and with the support of friend and family there both doing fab she even got a new boyfriend at had another little girl and a house of her own and a very good job i must say am proud lol .

am sure with a friend like you she will be fine :-D
i was two young to be my sis's birthing partner  but my other sis was and she said it was gory but it was prity amazing seeing a life beeing brought in to this world :-)

and if the baby's father wants nothing to do with it his loss my nieces dad hasn't seen her since she was born and ive heard   around that he regrets it but thinks it two late now and doesn't want to confuse her

[Dracarya]

Lady Skeen, on 12 June 2012 - 05:07 PM, said:

my sis was 16 years old and was on the pill and found out at 5 moths shes had some very difficult times but now her little girl is 6 years old my it as flowen and with the support of friend and family there both doing fab she even got a new boyfriend at had another little girl and a house of her own and a very good job i must say am proud lol .

am sure with a friend like you she will be fine :-D
i was two young to be my sis's birthing partner  but my other sis was and she said it was gory but it was prity amazing seeing a life beeing brought in to this world :-)

and if the baby's father wants nothing to do with it his loss my nieces dad hasn't seen her since she was born and ive heard   around that he regrets it but thinks it two late now and doesn't want to confuse her

Aw that's a sweet story, I'm glad it worked out so well for your sister My only (probably useless) advice would be that it's never too late for a parent - or family member, hell, or anyone - to get involved in someone's life. Your niece will soon be old enough to start asking questions about her father, if she isn't already, and it'd be a shame for her to miss out on having him in her life. Best of luck with everything.

I think seeing a life being brought into this world would be an amazing experience, I have no doubt, but I'm not sure I want to be the one to witness that just yet. Then again, I am morbidly curious, sometimes to an alarming extent. Though this seems a bit too much, even for me

[Minaku]

Youtube is full of videos of women homebirthing/waterbirthing their babies.  No need to go see your black hole friend produce something from her own black hole.

Lord above, the boyfriend isn't even a British national?  He's Australian?  This story keeps getting better and better.  Are there any Oprah-type shows in the UK?  Your friend sounds perfect for it.

[Dracarya]

みなく, on 12 June 2012 - 05:32 PM, said:

Youtube is full of videos of women homebirthing/waterbirthing their babies.  No need to go see your black hole friend produce something from her own black hole.

Lord above, the boyfriend isn't even a British national?  He's Australian?  This story keeps getting better and better.  Are there any Oprah-type shows in the UK?  Your friend sounds perfect for it.

I'll say it before anyone else does - Jeremy Kyle But I mean, they're not that bad, surely. They still have all their teeth, for one thing

I'm not sure what he is. He's at least been to Australia, I'm not sure if he has a dual nationality or what, but he seems to have a good enough support network out there to want to live there for good someday.

A fantastic image, right before bed. Thank you very much!