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Outrageous Lies About The Previous Poster.


Dad

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Simple enough little game. All you have to do is post an outrageous, libelous string of falsehoods about the person who posted immediately before you. The madder the better. For example, as I'm the OP, the next poster might say something like:

Dad, a creature with no thumbs, and no desire for any. He is so terrifying in appearance that his passport photo has been known to scare Navy SEALS, break mirrors, make women and children cry and bruise fruit. His username is an anagram of SUPPORTS TERRORISM.

So yeah, that's pretty much it. Over to you.

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Oh, you always try to dress things in pink, don't you Dad? That is not only about your actual doings, but about trying to present yourself better and prettier than you are, too.

On Halloween Dad is known to give the children carrot sticks and apple slices instead of candy. That is the only time of the year tan he dares to show himself in public and accordingly tries to get all of his frustrations on the innocent children. Sometimes you can find spinach leaves wrapped into the candy paper in his give outs.

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A Free Shadow is the nom de guerre of Alfonso MiLadi Montelblan, a 108 year old hip-hop producer famed for creating the genre of Crunkcore 65 years early in 1947 under the name Godfather Bastard, and for pioneering the use of basslines so dirty that they indirectly started the Korean war. He has recently wed his fifteenth wife, a nubile 19 year old underwear model from Guam. He has 148 children and can't remember the names of any of them.

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Outrageous lies? Allright* ^_^

Dad is the most succesfull world-sailing, private-island-buying, putting-Indiana-Jones-to-shame adventurer and businessman with Wolverine physique and manners of a Fitzgerald. The Old Spice Guy was left by his super-super model girlfried for Dad. Not that Dad even remembers her name. Dad invented "Facebook" before tossing it out for Zuckerberg, because it was too small a project for him. He also invented the recepie of "Snickers" and a pancake.

*Evil twist :lol:

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"A Free Shadow" spends most of his time painting dentures for the elderly in his community at the local nursing home, along with his 15th wife and their four children.

Shadow has stated emphatically that he does this simply for the sheer joy of handling the aged molars, but many suspect that he is training for some sort of dental certification.

He also collects various sawdust and molds in his spare time, and has several hairless cats that he lavishes attention upon.

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"Elder Sister" has been known to own the company of the world's leading brand of tape dispensers. She perfected what she refers to as the "pointy end" of the tape dispensers and is currently in a hotly debated lawsuit with author Gearge RR Martin on "stealing" her patented term for some fantasy series he is writing. She created the perfect "pointy end", which tears the tape up exactly straight and with swift accuracy.

She's also highly accomplished in the art of belly button lint crafting. Her specialty are teddy bears. She only likes to use the belly button lint of 40 year old virgins. She trolls dating websites looking for them and then pays them handsomely for their belly button lint.

Also, the username "Elder Sister" is all a ruse. She's actually the "younger sister" in a family with 15 sisters. Some of them are part squid.

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Chelly has travelled the world for two decades, searching for the long-lost "Komi da Maldo", a golden chamber pot that once belonged to Atlantis' famed king, Maldo Veriso XIX. Though no one else believes such a story, Chelly has become convinced of the chamber pot's power to change the fortune of its owner. Maldo Veriso XIX once went weeks without a bowel movement; he decided to have a pot formed - the first of its kind - and it would be made entirely out of gold. It was the creation of this pot that allowed his bowels to move. Most credit him with the invention of the chamber pot alone, but Chelly sees it as so much more.

Her absurd obsession with nosehairs (she collects hairs from every place she visits in search of the golden pot) has basically left her a beggar due to the money that strangers have demanded to allow her their nosehairs. She stows away to travel and mooches off friendly strangers to stay alive. She believes that finding the chamber pot would better her fortune and allow her to freely (and richly) collect nosehairs. They fill the void left by her platypus, Steven, when he went to the store to "buy some cigarettes" and never returned home.

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Sheena casts no shadow and has an unusually large face, several times bigger than her head. She has trophies in bare-knockle basket weaving and was the real-life inspiration for James Caan. Completely insane, she spends most of her time under the delusion that she is not a woman at all, but is actually the board game Kerplunk.

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Dad is actually the legendary Spanish bull rider, Fadrique del Velez known for riding his bull, Billy, into battles instead of the more practical horse. He once drank from the Fountain of Youth when Billy led him astray and has therefore been on the earth for centuries. He no longer rides a bull, but makes certain that everyone knows who he is by drawing, in permanent marker, a bull's head on every article of clothing he owns. Dad/Fadrique makes sure to shout, "I am Fadrique del Velez, the rider of bulls and owner of your heart," when he enters any room anywhere. He is certain to end with a grin that can only be described as 'cheesy' (and perhaps unnerving) though it may have have been wooing hundreds of years ago when tooth decay was not considered revolting. He sleeps under New York's "Charging Bull" (when law enforcement doesn't chase him away).

(Also, I love James Caan :P)

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Sheena has been breeding an army of killer rabbits for the apocalypse. They are cute, cuddly, and deadly. She has also perfected her great-great grandmother's recipe for disaster.

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Doran Martell thinks it's fun to give bald people curling irons as Christmas presents. His favourite pastime is constructing obscene origami displays and sending them to nuns. He doesn't know the difference between soap and soup and he makes his pants from sandpaper tied together with shoelaces. To avoid danaging his furniture, he wears his pants with the rough side facing in.

Doran Martell taught Chuck Norris everything he knows. His tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

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  • 9 months later...

DR Supporter tells everyone he is vegan, but eats McD's breakfast at least once a week. He will not play Monopoly unless he gets to be the banker, in which he always cheats. He also has posted countless threads saying that HBO made a huge mistake in not casting Owen Wilson as Jaime Lannister.

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:lol:

Lozel? I could tell you a bunch of things about Lozel. I am worried I would scare you by it. :ninja: I suppose I can tell you how terribly he handles his cat. He clothes her up in a small martian costume and sends her to gather Halloween presents round the houses. He is also really fond of using mean swear words towards blue-eyed people in Ancient Greek. Not to mention his dorky excuse for humor - he actually thinks Dolorous Edd is funny!

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