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Funniest Moments and/or Phrases in the Books


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#81 Djinn

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 04:48 PM

Everything that Oleanna Tyrell, Dolorous Edd and Stannis post-Blackwater are hilarious. Half of Tyrion, Jaime, Renly, Varys and Littlefinger are very amusing as well. Aurane Waters deserves a mention too.

#82 UnbentFury

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 05:15 PM

And Cersei began to cry.


I was reading this at three in the morning and laughed hysterically.

#83 Khal GoGo

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 05:27 PM

"You heard the man, someone shove a spear up his arse"

#84 Warg of Dragons

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 05:50 PM

Symon says there’s to be seventy-seven courses and a hundred doves baked into a great pie,”
Shae gushed. “When the crust’s opened, they’ll all burst out and fly.”
“After which they will roost in the rafters and rain down birdshit on the guests.”

#85 Chacho88

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 06:12 PM

in AGOT tyrion rides up beside marillion and says "craven"

lol cracked me up

#86 ghost of Harrenhall

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 06:13 PM

hot pie cause he got armor on ( not in the books but i all ways laugh)

aCoK Elmar and Arya
a stupid princess she thought that's nothing to cry over "my brother might be dead,"she confided.
Elmar gave her a scornful look. "no one cares about a serving girl's brothers."
it was hard not to hit him when he said that. "I hope your princess dies,"

careful what you wish for Arya.

#87 The Titan's Legitimate Son

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 06:28 PM

Anything from Dolorous Edd's mouth is pure gold, particularly his comments about losing the arrow-collecting competition.

Tyrion's meeting with Shagga is great;

Shagga: How would you like to die, Tyrion, son of Tywin?
Tyrion: In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girls mouth around my cock.

​Tormund has some crackin' lines - "I told him if he ever hurt her, I'd yank his member off and beat him bloody with it"

Edited by Titan's Legitimate Son, 24 September 2012 - 06:28 PM.


#88 lorrd pytyr peristalsis

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 06:35 PM

when Tyrion is serving as Joffrey's Hand, he admonishes the little prick(Joff) for being cruel to Sansa. Joffrey says something like "mother said it's better to be feared than respected" to which Tyrion repies "Too bad for you Stannis and Renly aren't twelve year old girls."

#89 Gottaluvwolf

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 06:36 PM

The other clansmen followed Shagga into the common room, Bronn with them. The sellsword gave Tyrion a rueful shrug.

"Who might you be" Lord Tywin asked, cool as snow.

"They followed me home, Father," Tyrion explained. "May I keep them? They don't eat much."

#90 DogLover

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 07:21 PM

When Little Walder Frey is murdered and Wyman Manderly responds with: "So young. Though mayhaps this was a blessing. Had he lived, he would have grown up to be a Frey."

Arya's response to Sandor when he tells her she should be thanking him for saving her after she tries to run into the castle during the RW:
Sandor:"You'd be dead if I had. You ought to thank me. You ought to sing me a pretty little song, the way your sister did."
Arya: "Did you hit her with an axe too?"

Theon's reaction whenever someone refers to Ramsay Bolton as Snow or the Bastard. Or does anything that might displease Ramsay.

#91 Pod The Impaler

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 07:36 PM

someone said to Asha at the Kingsmoot, Balon let her think she was a man and she replied "your father made the same mistake with you"

or somethng like that. Wow dont get me started ha ha - everything so far is just classic.


Yeah that's her Vasquez moment.

#92 franko99

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 08:36 PM

Don't know if it has been mentioned yet, Dolorous Edd getting 1 vote during the election of the new LC. I laugh every time I read that chapter (Pyp is a genius)

Edited by franko99, 24 September 2012 - 08:38 PM.


#93 Florina Laufeyson

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 08:53 PM

"You are too skinny for him," Jhiqui was saying. "You are almost a boy. Rakharo does not bed with boys. This is known." Irri bristled back. "It is known that you are almost a cow. Rakharo does not bed with cows."
Gets me every time. That made me really love those two.

The priest lowered his cowl. Beneath he had no face; only a yellowed skull with a few scraps of skin still clinging to the cheeks, and a white worm wriggling from one empty eye socket. "Kiss me, child," he croaked, in a voice as dry and husky as a death rattle.And then Arya makes a grab for the worm and tried to eat it. "Interesting. No one has ever tried to eat my worm before.

An often overlooked one: When Tyrion is on the slave auction block and theres bidding going on. And theres that old lady who always follows up a bid with: "And one!"

Edited by Florina Stark, 24 September 2012 - 08:54 PM.


#94 bweiner89

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 09:00 PM

In the chapter when Jamie meets with the blackfish in A Feast for Crows, he tells Ser Ilyn to behead Edmure but Edwyn Frey stops him. Ser Ryman Frey comes over with a whore and the following conversation takes place

Girl: "who in the seven hells is this one?
Jamie: "The Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, I might ask the same of you my lady"
Girl: "Lady? Im no lady, I'm the queen."
Jamie: "My sister will be surprised to hear that."
Girl: "Lord Ryman crowned me his very self. Im the queen o' whores."
Jamie: No thought Jamie, my sweet sister holds that title too.

Hahaha I cracked up when I first read that

#95 Queen Cersei I

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Posted 24 September 2012 - 09:03 PM

One of my favorite moments occur during Tyrion and Oberyn's first meeting. The two meet, and Tyrion mentions Elia.

Oberyn: We were as close as Jaime and Cersei.

Tyrion: (To himself.) Oh gods be good, I hope not.

#96 highflyer51

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Posted 25 September 2012 - 07:59 AM

For me dialogues including Tyrion are must fun to read. Some made me lol, e.g. these:
"
  • Tyrion: Summon Bronn, and then run down to the stables and have two horses saddled.
  • Podrick: (eyes cloudy with sleep) Horses.
  • Tyrion: Those big brown animals that love apples, I'm sure you've seen them. Four legs and a tail. But Bronn first.
  • -later-
  • Bronn: Who pissed in your soup?
  • Tyrion: Cersei, as ever. You'd think I'd be used to the taste by now, but never mind. My gentle sister seems to have mistaken me for Ned Stark.
  • Bronn: I hear he was taller.
  • Tyrion: Not after Joff took off his head. You ought to have dressed more warmly, the night is chill.
  • Bronn: Are we going somewhere?
  • Tyrion: Are all sellswords as clever as you?


#97 Kolantero

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Posted 25 September 2012 - 08:16 AM

"Dywen now, he says we need to learn to ride dead horses, like the Others do. He claims it would save on feed. How much could a dead horse eat?" Edd laced himself back up. "Can’t say I fancy the notion. Once they figure a way to work a dead horse, we’ll be next. Likely I’ll be the first too.
‘Edd’ they’ll say, ‘dying’s no excuse for lying down no more, so get on up and take this spear, you’ve got the watch tonight.’ Well, I shouldn’t be so gloomy. Might be I’ll die before they work it out."

- Dolorous Edd

Edited by Kolantero, 25 September 2012 - 08:20 AM.


#98 Liar

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Posted 25 September 2012 - 08:32 AM

When Jaime enters Lord Bracken's tent in Dance. When he calls the woman there a "whore" or something and she gets offended. I don't have the book with me but he said something like:

"You must forgive me, my brother Tyrion is the one who knows about whores. As for me, I only bedded one."

#99 ASRAIL

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Posted 25 September 2012 - 08:36 AM

In the chapter when Jamie meets with the blackfish in A Feast for Crows, he tells Ser Ilyn to behead Edmure but Edwyn Frey stops him. Ser Ryman Frey comes over with a whore and the following conversation takes place

Girl: "who in the seven hells is this one?
Jamie: "The Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, I might ask the same of you my lady"
Girl: "Lady? Im no lady, I'm the queen."
Jamie: "My sister will be surprised to hear that."
Girl: "Lord Ryman crowned me his very self. Im the queen o' whores."
Jamie: No thought Jamie, my sweet sister holds that title too.

Hahaha I cracked up when I first read that


This would've been funny for me but I realised that the crown on the whore's head is Robb's crown. So I felt only rage and sadness at that moment.

#100 Ser Sourleaf

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Posted 25 September 2012 - 08:43 AM

My favorite is in aGoT. King Robert backhands Cercei in the face. Regarding the bruise rising on her face she says " I shall wear it as a badge of honor"

To which Robert replies, "You will wear it in silence or I'll honor you again!" King Robert kept the pimp hand strong!