Funniest Moments and/or Phrases in the Books

[Ours if the Fury]

Have to say when jamie told himself he was a lannister and knight of the kingsgaurd and that he wouldn't scream... and then he did

[sub21457]

Pretty much anything Lady Olenna says in her first scene with Sansa is very funny actually but some of my favorites include:

"The Tyrells can trace their descent back to Garth Greenhand," was the best [sansa] could manage at short notice.

The Queen of Thorns snorted. "So can the Florents, the Rowans, the Oakhearts, and half the other noble houses of the south. Garth liked to plant his seed in fertile ground, they say. I shouldn’t wonder that more than his hands were green."

"I’ve never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they’re only men with the useful bits cut off. "

"Do you know my son, Sansa? Lord Puff Fish of Highgarden?"

"My husband, the late Lord Luthor. Oh, I loved him well enough, don’t mistake me. A kind man, and not unskilled in the bedchamber, but an appalling oaf all the same. He managed to ride off a cliff whilst hawking. "

"The cheese will be served when I want it served, and I want it served now."

I think it was Jaime that commented, after speaking with Lady Olenna, that he was beginning to think that Lord Luthor rode off the cliff on purpose.

[Northern Nomad]

I think it was Jaime that commented, after speaking with Lady Olenna, that he was beginning to think that Lord Luthor rode off the cliff on purpose.

No it was Tyrion at joffrey's wedding.

[sub21457]

Danni talking to a man who was bragging about how big his member was and offering to show her. She told him "No need" that when her troops had beaten him she would have him gelded and examine it at her leisure....I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard :laugh:

[Turin Turambar]

Besides all the great ones already posted, the whole chapter from ADWD describing Yunkai's incompetent and ridiculous generals and army (the Yellow Whale and co.)

[Ser Daniel Ryder]

I love the bit in the Dunk and Egg stories where a knight asks a group of peasants if any of them can fight to help defend some land and one of them replies (paraphrasing) "I can throw rocks" to which the knight says "Great, we have ourselves a bloody trechubet!" (or words to that effect).

[Turin Turambar]

Tyrion glanced at the door, where a man had just come in: tall and stooped, his pointed beard dyed a splotchy purple. Some Tyroshi trader. A gust of sound came with him from outside; the cries of gulls, a woman’s laughter, the voices of the fishmongers. For half a heartbeat he thought he glimpsed Illyrio Mopatis, but it was only one of those white dwarf elephants passing the front door.

[wolfshield]

What I use as my signature, Cersei speaking to Sansa during the siege of King's Landing, when the high-born ladies were put into an inner chamber of the castle:

"Do you KNOW what happens when they sack a city? You wouldn't, would you, because all you know comes from singers, and there's such a dearth of good sacking songs."

[Manderlay]

Just look at my signature, I thought that was funny :laugh:

[Grand Moff Mithrandir]

Snatch was waiting by the cook tent chewing sourleaf when the two dwarfs turned up, cloaked and hooded. ''I hear the two o’ you are going to fight for us,'' the serjeant said. ''That should have them pissing in Meereen.''

I laughed so hard.

[Bronn The Conqueror]

When Jaime is asking Edmure where the Blackfish is gone and Edmure says something along the lines of he made like a fish and swam or whatever way it was phrased made me picture Brynden swimming like a fish i.e flopping with no arm or leg strokes down the river and i completely lost it its not even meant to be funny or anything just the way i pictured it made me laugh

[Breadfoot91st]

not the funniest but i did laugh

"you cant hear yourself fart"

"i can too" grenn insisted

[W.Kane]

“Her own father got this child on her?” Stannis sounded

shocked. “We are well rid of her, then. I will not suffer such

abominations here. This is not King’s Landing.”

“You chatter like magpies, and with less sense. I will have quiet.”

“Be quiet, woman. You are not at a nightfire now.”

“Do I need to make you swear an oath before a tree?”

“No.” Was that a jape? With Stannis, it was hard to tell.

“Who better to command the black cloaks than a man who once commanded the gold, sire?”

“Any of you, I would think. Even the cook.”