243 replies to this topic

[Sci-2]

Maybe this diaper changing lover just enjoys taking care of someone small and in need? It's not that they love cleaning up poop, but it makes them feel closer to their child?

[mashiara]

Minaku, on 12 December 2012 - 06:34 PM, said:

Why do people assume it's so easy to do IVF?  It's expensive, painful, and heartbreaking.

I can't be the only one who agrees with this. Take it from someone who's been through this 3 times, it's not the easiest option around. Forget the expense, you can always borrow or steal the money, I guess, but the effects of it on your body and on your soul are really bad, especially if you have a couple of failed cycles.

I am 37 now. I didn't marry the right guy until I was almost 30 and we started trying for a kid right away. Like Flip said, should I have had a kid with a random stranger or someone that wasn't right for me in my mid20s? I don't think I was ready for a kid then, I don't know what sort of a parent I would have been. As soon as I found the guy I wanted to have kids with, we started trying. It took us 5 years and we got the boys. Sure, being an older parent sucks sometimes because everything affects you so much worse. The lack of sleep is killing me, and I used to brag about insomnia not affecting me a few years ago. Now? I can barely function in the mornings, but I do, and I go on. On the other hand, I'm a different person now than I was 10 years ago, I'd like to say I'm a better person now, and a better parent. I don't think it matters as much at what age you get your kids, as long as you love them and you raise them to the best of your ability.

Do I want a 3rd kid? Sigh. The thought of a tiny newborn girl makes my heart aflutter sometimes, but no, it's not something I'm going to try for. Not because I think 3 kids are too many for any family, but because I think 2 is all we can handle right now. I come from a family of 4 kids, it wasn't always fun and games growing up.

Lightning Lord, on 12 December 2012 - 07:46 PM, said:

Quick question for the Board parents: Do/did you love changing your kids' poopy diapers and cleaning up vomit?  I got an email from a new-mother friend of mine and she insists that she loves both things.  As a non-parent...that seems INSANE to me.  You can love kids without loving their poop, right?  With my nephews, I dealt with what needed dealing, but I can't say that I loved it.

Hell no! I'll deal with any bodily byproducts because shit happens and that's what babies do, but enjoy it and love it? No way! Like Mya, I'll use my hands or my body to block projectile vomit -or other things- if I have to, but I'll keep going Ewwwww the whole time, and possibly gagging.

Edited by mashiara, 12 December 2012 - 11:25 PM.

[Chaldanya]

Lightning Lord, on 12 December 2012 - 07:46 PM, said:

Quick question for the Board parents: Do/did you love changing your kids' poopy diapers and cleaning up vomit?  I got an email from a new-mother friend of mine and she insists that she loves both things.  As a non-parent...that seems INSANE to me.  You can love kids without loving their poop, right?  With my nephews, I dealt with what needed dealing, but I can't say that I loved it.

(caveat: James is only five months old so I'm not the most experienced)

Vomit has never bothered me at all other than finding clean clothes for me and him when goes projectile. The same with poo  (there's only been one poo that has made me gag thus far). But I don't love changing him. I do it because I love him.

N

[Lyanna Stark]

Inigima, on 12 December 2012 - 07:45 PM, said:

Well, I didn't comment on it at all until someone tried to deny that it was a factor. My reasons for not wanting kids have nothing whatsoever to do with the environment.

Errh excuse me? I have never denied that overpopulation exists. Ever.  My point is that Kay Fury's post was an extreme oversimplification of a very complex problem, which can be identified on a global scale but definitely not treated on a global scale.

Overpopulation means that there are too many people for too few resouces, that is a given. But for that to happen, you need two factors: too many people, and a too high utilisation of the resouces we have available (or too inefficient, etc etc etc). Also, different areas will have different problems. Italy has a replacement rate of 1.4. Places like Nigeria has a replacement rate of approx 7. In which area is it more useful to cut resource consumption? In which area is it useful to look into the mechanics that make women have lots and lots of children? Not to mention the reasons behind those mechanics.

To try and apply a one size fits all solution to a problem that is stratified by geographic area, class, education, tradition etc. is not feasible, not practical, and not realistic. this approach is not denying that overpopulation is a global problem, it's denying that a simplistic solution exists for it.

Edited by Lyanna Stark, 13 December 2012 - 02:48 AM.

[SerMixalot]

My brother had twins and he did some rough calculations and figured he and his wife changed around 10,000 diapers.

[Minaku]

Everyone should move to an elimination-communication style and then no one would change diapers.  We'd just flush toilets.

[WitchyBex]

At one month away from 45, all I can say is this.

My eggs are well-aged, pickled and smoked.

I enjoyed my nephews when they were young, because I could send them home to thier parents.  They are now 19 and 21.

And when they have kids, I will enjoy my grand-nephews and grand-nieces and them home to thier parents or over to thier grandparents.

By the time my SIL and I are 65 and my brother 69, they will both hate me for 2 generations of spoiling!!!

[Mandy]

Arbur Goldarelli, on 12 December 2012 - 06:42 PM, said:

Just popping in to tell everyone that because of this thread title, I have had this song stuck in my head all day.

DAMMIT.  I clicked and listened.  I wasn't even thinking of that song when I made the thread, and now you've shared one HORRIBLE earworm.

[Mandy]

mashiara, on 12 December 2012 - 11:24 PM, said:

Do I want a 3rd kid? Sigh. The thought of a tiny newborn girl makes my heart aflutter sometimes, but no, it's not something I'm going to try for. Not because I think 3 kids are too many for any family, but because I think 2 is all we can handle right now.

You also have twins.  I don't know if I would have been able to keep my sanity in check with twins and it was already stretched with one at a time when I was younger.  To be honest, I cannot TELL you how much EASIER I found babies and kids in general to be as I've gotten a little older.  I am MUCH better equipped to handle babies and kids at 35 than I was at 23.  Being in charge of a colicky newborn baby at 23 was the rudest awakening I have ever experienced in my life.  I'd thought, "Hey, I stay up partying all night and go to work the next day all the time, I can handle lack of sleep!" ha!  It was a living hell and I still don't remember much of that first year.  it's gone, like my mind can't handle remembering the trauma.  My second and third - easier and easiest.

One of my best friends has the baby itch and is 23.  I keep telling her that she needs to remember that she will be tied down and have to keep one eye on that child at ALL times for about 5 years.  Then, and only then, can you walk around with them and trust them not to run straight into traffic or do some other stupid thing that's going to kill them.  I told her 28 is a good age to think about getting pregnant.

Edited by Mandy, 13 December 2012 - 11:20 AM.

[Revan Baratheon]

http://answers.yahoo...27232424AAJZSoU

Is this for real?

[MinDonner]

No.

[Revan Baratheon]

[Chaldanya]

Revan Baratheon, on 13 December 2012 - 11:22 AM, said:

http://answers.yahoo...27232424AAJZSoU

Is this for real?

Yes, yes it is real. Everything you find on the Internet is real.

N

[scotcat]

I was never really into the idea of having kids when i was younger, but i'd always assumed I'd have them at some point. I think the the age i had in mind was 30. Well, I'm now 31 and there's no sign of a relationship in my future, much less a child. My friends have all either just had a baby in the last year or are currently pregnant, so I'm definately getting a bit broody.

That said, I long ago made the decision that if i hadn't gotten pregnant by the age of 40, there would be no kids. I'm not saying it's wrong to have a family over 40 - my own sister is pregnant with her 1st child at 40 - it's just not for me.

[Raidne]

Minaku, on 12 December 2012 - 06:21 PM, said:

When I thought about having kids, I considered building my career first, then having children, or the other way around (school + kids, then uninterrupted career).  The other won out.  My 20s realistically gave me the best shot at conceiving easily while being in a stable relationship.  My husband is also 6 years my senior and he didn't want to be the old dad.  I look forward to having my kids out of the house by my mid-40s so I can go traveling around the world while I still have usable cartilage in my knees.

IMO, there is a lot to be said for doing it this way and more people should consider it.

I have a question for people here who might know such things - the medical profession defines "mothers of advanced age" at 35 and older. With regard to any extra testing, etc., that might be done for mothers who fall into that category, does that include women who turn 35 during the pregnancy?

[Cuellar]

mashiara, on 12 December 2012 - 11:24 PM, said:

I can't be the only one who agrees with this. Take it from someone who's been through this 3 times, it's not the easiest option around. Forget the expense, you can always borrow or steal the money, I guess, but the effects of it on your body and on your soul are really bad, especially if you have a couple of failed cycles.

Not having gone through this, I probably have no idea what I'm talking about.  But I'd have to assume you would have challenges conceiving even 5 years earlier?   It's not like for most people if they don't bang out a kid 25 they HAVE to do IVF or get on drugs at 30+.   I guess someone with fertility knowledge could clarify the difference physiologically/fertility of getting pregnant at 20 vs 30.

[Minaku]

Raidne, on 13 December 2012 - 11:45 AM, said:

IMO, there is a lot to be said for doing it this way and more people should consider it.

I have a question for people here who might know such things - the medical profession defines "mothers of advanced age" at 35 and older. With regard to any extra testing, etc., that might be done for mothers who fall into that category, does that include women who turn 35 during the pregnancy?

I am not sure exactly, but it may not.  It's conception and implantation that's the tricky part, with the added risk of the 1st trimester, but I think that if you conceive while 34 you shouldn't have too many issues.  Women are plenty capable of having a full-term, low-risk pregnancy even at 35.

And thank you, Raids, for the validation.  Sometimes I sit at home with my kid, or home alone by myself, laid out on the couch or bed because of fucking morning sickness, and I see all my high school and college friends on Facebook turning into doctors, lawyers, getting some promotion, or even just getting married.  It's really hard to believe some days that this does end, and when it does I have the rest of my life to build my business sans interruption.  I often forget that for those women who are older, having children in the mid-30s constitutes a drastic shift in home-work balance, and often enough, the career does not wait once the woman returns, if she returns.

[Ken Stone]

Mandy, on 13 December 2012 - 11:17 AM, said:

You also have twins.  I don't know if I would have been able to keep my sanity in check with twins and it was already stretched with one at a time when I was younger.  To be honest, I cannot TELL you how much EASIER I found babies and kids in general to be as I've gotten a little older.  I am MUCH better equipped to handle babies and kids at 35 than I was at 23.  Being in charge of a colicky newborn baby at 23 was the rudest awakening I have ever experienced in my life.  I'd thought, "Hey, I stay up partying all night and go to work the next day all the time, I can handle lack of sleep!" ha!  It was a living hell and I still don't remember much of that first year.  it's gone, like my mind can't handle remembering the trauma.  My second and third - easier and easiest.

I agree with Mandy on this. I had my first baby at 22 years of age and it was very difficult. Patience just wasn't a virtue I had back then. I have friends now in their 30's who are having their first babies and they are making it look very easy, and I assume that if I had waited until then it would have been much easier for me too. The thing that pisses me off the most though is my friends who are new parents have the fucking internet to help them along. 15 years ago we didn't have that. It took me 3 kids before I finally figured out the secret to getting a baby to sleep through the night. Now a days, people just fucking google it.

[Minaku]

Cuellar, on 13 December 2012 - 11:50 AM, said:

Not having gone through this, I probably have no idea what I'm talking about.  But I'd have to assume you would have challenges conceiving even 5 years earlier?   It's not like for most people if they don't bang out a kid 25 they HAVE to do IVF or get on drugs at 30+.   I guess someone with fertility knowledge could clarify the difference physiologically/fertility of getting pregnant at 20 vs 30.

People have a really cavalier attitude about IVF.  They assume that it works.  And it does, for many people, but every one of those babies that makes it can be counted truly as a miracle.  Your best chance at a successful pregnancy using IVF at 35-37 years of age is around 30%.  When you're 40, 11%.  These are the BEST chances.  You could go through many, many cycles and not be successful.

Even being on something like Clomid, with charting, and forcing yourself to have sex, all of that is stressful and it can very easily drive someone nuts.  My heart really goes out to those couples who want children and are having trouble having them.

Meanwhile, when you're in your late teens or early 20s, it's like whoops BOOM PREGNANT.

[scotcat]

Minaku, on 13 December 2012 - 12:01 PM, said:

People have a really cavalier attitude about IVF.  They assume that it works.  And it does, for many people, but every one of those babies that makes it can be counted truly as a miracle.  Your best chance at a successful pregnancy using IVF at 35-37 years of age is around 30%.  When you're 40, 11%.  These are the BEST chances.  You could go through many, many cycles and not be successful.

IVF can be absolutely heartbreaking. It's hard on a couple both emotionally and financially.

My sister in laws older sister has been trying for a baby for 10 years - they paid for 3 rounds of IVF andit was an utter failure. Sh'e now in her late 30's and had given up hope of ever having a baby, they were actually looking into adoption - then, to their utter shock she found out she was pregnant during the summer.