243 replies to this topic

[My Lady Ashalind]

Mandy, on 11 December 2012 - 11:18 AM, said:

I'm just curious if anyone else has anything to say on this subject, whether it be because you are in a similar situation to mine or because you absolutely never felt the desire to spawn   Personally, eventhough I am really enjoying having "me" time, partying with my friends and even being able to enjoy myself at a pool because I'm not constantly worried about my children drowning (my 7 year old is an AWESOME swimmer and my friends and I watch him like a hawk), I still sometimes think about how much I LOVED having a little tiny baby around, and how they smell... and baby clothes... oh man.  Girl stuff?  I would LOVE to buy pretty little girl clothes for once.  Thoughts?

Simple solution: Wait for the GRANDDAUGHTER!  You get the best of both worlds. "Me" time and a precious little one to indulge.   

<------- Loves being a grammy

[Spring is here]

I'm new to posting in the forums but I wanted to chime in on this...

Mandy, on 11 December 2012 - 11:18 AM, said:

I still sometimes think about how much I LOVED having a little tiny baby around, and how they smell... and baby clothes... oh man.  Girl stuff?  I would LOVE to buy pretty little girl clothes for once.  Thoughts?

I think every woman goes through what you're feeling and not just because you don't have a girl.  IMO its an age thing and accepting that we won't always be able to have more.

I had my first at 23 and my third at 28 and I am done...like dinner.  I don't want to be pregnant again, ever (I spent all 9 months gagging through my third pregnancy.)  I don't miss having to get up in the middle of the night to find a baby covered in poop/vomit or having to pack half the house for an overnight trip. I don't do well when I'm sleep deprived and have no energy.

My oldest will be 15 in January and I am really enjoying having a more mature relationship with him and discussing more adult interests (he also reads GoT.)  I love being able to hop in the car and not have to do up everyone else's seatbelts. LOL I jokingly say that my 40's are going to be the best decade because all of my children will be self-sufficient.

But when I hold and smell a baby a part of me thinks what if...

[Kay Fury]

My point about that was having children is hard no matter how you slice it. Adoption or birth, getting a child is the easy part.


But more on why environmental issues should come into play with procreation. You need to consider the consumption you are contributing to, and this is the biggest consumption decision you will make. I could litter every day from now until my death, never recycle, start eating beef- and I would have less environmental impact than if I had a child. And yes, people desperately want children. But why is that emotional response more important than steps we need to take to ensure those children have a planet to live on and a reasonable quality of life for their own offspring. You can't simply pass the buck forever. No matter what we do, your children are likely to see the extinction of the polar bear, the amur leopard, amur tiger, the moose, pryzwalski's horse, and many others in their lifetimes. And no matter how we feel about it, the more children we have the sooner and worse it will be.

[Eponine]

What if you were to get pregnant again and discovered that your fetus was male?

[Yagathai]

Aoife, on 11 December 2012 - 12:50 PM, said:

So many thoughts that they won't even fit in a LiveJournal post.

I am INSIDE YOUR MIND.

[My Lady Ashalind]

Spring is here, on 11 December 2012 - 02:26 PM, said:

I'm new to posting in the forums but I wanted to chime in on this...



I think every woman goes through what you're feeling and not just because you don't have a girl.  IMO its an age thing and accepting that we won't always be able to have more.

I had my first at 23 and my third at 28 and I am done...like dinner.  I don't want to be pregnant again, ever (I spent all 9 months gagging through my third pregnancy.)  I don't miss having to get up in the middle of the night to find a baby covered in poop/vomit or having to pack half the house for an overnight trip. I don't do well when I'm sleep deprived and have no energy.

My oldest will be 15 in January and I am really enjoying having a more mature relationship with him and discussing more adult interests (he also reads GoT.)  I love being able to hop in the car and not have to do up everyone else's seatbelts. LOL I jokingly say that my 40's are going to be the best decade because all of my children will be self-sufficient.

But when I hold and smell a baby a part of me thinks what if...

Welcome Spring is here. You are not alone. I was 22 with my first and 28 with my third. Now my little grandbuddy fullfills my "baby fix". Of course I'll soon be hitting the big Five   .  My 40's have been a blast!  Teenage years were a bit of a pain but at the same time so many wonderful moments. So enjoyable.

Edited by My Lady Ashalind, 11 December 2012 - 03:02 PM.

[Prince Alexander]

Kay Fury, on 11 December 2012 - 02:29 PM, said:

I could litter every day from now until my death, never recycle, start eating beef- and I would have less environmental impact than if I had a child.

Any links to support this? I'd love to have some facts handy when I argue with some hardcore "ye shalt bear at least 3 children" hardcases when I go back east next year.

[Filippa Eilhart]

Kay Fury, on 11 December 2012 - 02:29 PM, said:

My point about that was having children is hard no matter how you slice it. Adoption or birth, getting a child is the easy part.


But more on why environmental issues should come into play with procreation. You need to consider the consumption you are contributing to, and this is the biggest consumption decision you will make. I could litter every day from now until my death, never recycle, start eating beef- and I would have less environmental impact than if I had a child. And yes, people desperately want children. But why is that emotional response more important than steps we need to take to ensure those children have a planet to live on and a reasonable quality of life for their own offspring. You can't simply pass the buck forever. No matter what we do, your children are likely to see the extinction of the polar bear, the amur leopard, amur tiger, the moose, pryzwalski's horse, and many others in their lifetimes. And no matter how we feel about it, the more children we have the sooner and worse it will be.

what about countries whose social systems are beginning to crumble because there isn't enough children being born?

[Sci-2]

Filippa Eilhart, on 11 December 2012 - 04:15 PM, said:

what about countries whose social systems are beginning to crumble because there isn't enough children being born?

Does that counter the reality of the global situation though? And can't they just import more people?

[Opisthokont]

sciborg2, on 11 December 2012 - 04:28 PM, said:

Does that counter the reality of the global situation though? And can't they just import more people?

Yeah, at least the country that is usually given as an example of one that is about to collapse due to an aging population, Japan, has a very very strict immigration policy.

[Baitac]

Mandy: I know exactly what you mean. It's hard when your body makes the decision for you. I had my kids at 28 and 31. I wanted kids as soon as I got married. Waited three years. I also wanted to be a young mom. I thought 28 was so old at the time! Such an idiot. Even though I didn't want any more children, it was sad when I knew I would never have any more. I am 51 now. I love seeing our forum members' babies on their avs. I miss that a lot. I am one of those who loved everything about motherhood, from pregnancy to now. Having a baby later on in life has disadvantages, but it has many advantages too. Your children tend to be planned, and I am a huge planned parenthood supporter (the org and the concept). When you plan to have a child, hopefully, you have considered what that entails. That's a very good thing. Also, you tend to be more financially established and that is also a relief. One of the negatives of trying to have children after 35 is the increased level of infertility. This is true with secondary infertility as well. Just be informed and be sure about wanting them. They can be total PITAs. At the same time, they are awesome.

[Cuellar]

Mandy, there are probably more cons than benefits.  You may be financially okay, but it is still a major drain to have a 4th kid. You can assume your retirement will be pushed out, and since you have older kids, you could hold out for grandkids if you want to fullfill that need.  More kids means its tougher to focus on career as well.

Plus, I've found the more kids you have, the more your time gets spread out amongst your kids. That is especially true when you first have a baby, since a newborn is so helpless. Your "me time" goes to zip for a year or two, and of course it is pretty taxing on your relationship with your SO.  Heaven forbid you break up with the new dad, you've now potentially got another kid to take care of.

[Minaku]

Mandy, about the amnio - no one can force you to have one, especially since as an older woman your chances of miscarriage are higher, and amnios can cause miscarriages.  Say no to giant needles going into your uterus.

As for having another, I think you're in a good situation now, with your kids getting older and becoming more self-sufficient.  You can always volunteer to help out with Parents Night Out or offer to watch someone's kid every now and then.  You can hold a baby and take care of it, and at the end of the night, you go home and get uninterrupted sleep.

(As for me, I am so fucking done after 2.  Had my first at 25, I will have my second at 29, I have shit to do and I am not having more babies.)

[Filippa Eilhart]

sciborg2, on 11 December 2012 - 04:28 PM, said:

Does that counter the reality of the global situation though? And can't they just import more people?

what, import a million babies without their parents? I don't think that's very likely. And no, it doesn't change the global situation, but the EU, which struggles with not enough babies being born, is also the forerunner in climate action.

[Sci-2]

Oh, I don't doubt that the places like the US with higher birthrates are also consuming the most and producing the most waste per person.

[Ser Lany Cassandra]

kalbear, on 11 December 2012 - 12:34 PM, said:

I wouldn't recommend having kids that late if you've already had them. Having kids when you're almost 40 is a lot more draining than having kids when you're 25.

I can second this.  I was 21, 25 and 37 when my kids were born.

An amnio was NOT mandatory.  In fact, I flat out refused to have one when it was suggested.  I had a 1 in 135 chance of having a child with downs syndrome (what they wanted to test for), and the amnio had a 1 in 110 chance of causing a miscarriage.

Back to the age, it was both physically and mentally a lot more draining than when I was in my 20's.  Also, my body just did not recover the way it did when I was younger.  I was already starting to have weight issues and the pregnancy (combined with an office job and near continuous exhaustion) made them worse.

Edited by Ser Lany Cassandra, 11 December 2012 - 05:23 PM.

[Castel]

Woo!, on 11 December 2012 - 04:33 PM, said:

Yeah, at least the country that is usually given as an example of one that is about to collapse due to an aging population, Japan, has a very very strict immigration policy.

Yeah, but isn't that a "Japan" thing. Canada also has a decreasing population iirc and they have a looser system.

[Fragile Bird]

Well, it's a huge Japanese problem because the Japanese don't like foreigners and don't want immigration, and so they not only have the double whammy of an aging population dying off and a dropping birth rate, they don't want immigrants.  Canada at least professes to want immigrants and was, after all, created by immigrants (Canada the modern country, I am not ignoring the existing native population that was already resident here).  Our population is not decreasing, it is slowly increasing.

The Swiss also don't particularly want immigrants.  Do you know that in the canton you want to live in, you need to receive a majority of votes from the population in the canton in order to become a citizen?

[Starkess]

Just read an article about this the other day: http://www.slate.com...iumph_or_a.html

Personally, I never want to have kids, so I guess it's hard for me to understand that drive. I know my sister has two boys and really wants a girl, and to me it just seems crazy. I don't get it.

I think on the one hand, it's great that women (and men) can choose when they want to have children. But on the other, it is true that it ups the risks involved for the child, which kind of sucks for them, and can lead to the possibility of more spread out generations where people never know their great-grandparents. Personally I don't think that's the end of the world, but again, I'm a weird defect of a human being, so my opinion is a little suspect.

[Castel]

Fragile Bird, on 11 December 2012 - 05:39 PM, said:

Well, it's a huge Japanese problem because the Japanese don't like foreigners and don't want immigration, and so they not only have the double whammy of an aging population dying off and a dropping birth rate, they don't want immigrants.  Canada at least professes to want immigrants and was, after all, created by immigrants (Canada the modern country, I am not ignoring the existing native population that was already resident here).  Our population is not decreasing, it is slowly increasing.

The Swiss also don't particularly want immigrants.  Do you know that in the canton you want to live in, you need to receive a majority of votes from the population in the canton in order to become a citizen?

Yeah, I was saying that it's a cultural thing so Japan is choosing not to let immigrants in. They can lie in their bed.