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ASOIAF backwards...


111 replies to this topic

#1 Roose Boltons Pet Leech

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 06:40 AM

Poor Robb is cursed with a wolf's head, and has long struggled with his disability. However, thanks to the nice Lord Frey, he gets a nice new human head attached. Everyone throws a big party at the Twins to celebrate, Robb goes off and gets married, and then finds out his father is still alive.

Ramsay Bolton reattaches Theon's fingers (and potentially penis), gives the poor guy new clothes and a dye job, and then marches off to rebuild Winterfell.

Bran breaks all high jumping records.

Tyrion pulls a crossbow bolt from his injured father, and puts the weapon back where it belongs. Shae falls asleep in the process.

Daenerys murders dragons with fire, but at least rescues Mirri Maz Duur.

#2 Gnivil

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 06:43 AM

Arya regains her childhood after being trained to become a master-assassin.

#3 Panos Targaryen

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 06:44 AM

The Hound receives plastic surgery from his loving, caring brother to fix his burned face.
Or the good and honorable Jaimie Lannister receives an artificial hand for his missing one, but after the surgery he becomes arrogant and cruel, pushing kids from windows and stuff.

Edited by Panos Targaryen, 09 July 2013 - 06:46 AM.


#4 Gnivil

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 06:46 AM

Samwell Tarly is forced to stop training to become a maester and go North to the Night's Watch, but is rescued by his loving father.

#5 Mr. Bolton

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 06:47 AM

Kind Vargo Hoat returns a lost hand to Jaime.

#6 Roose Boltons Pet Leech

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 06:47 AM

Thoros and Melisandre kill zombies.

#7 The Dornishman's Wife

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 06:50 AM

If you play the Song of Ice and Fire backwards and listen real closely, you'll hear a voice saying "The Stranger is my shepherd, The Great Other is my master, 666 wights for the win!"

True story.

#8 TalalOfDorne

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 06:52 AM

King Joffrey the Merciful brought back Lord Eddard Stark from the dead.

#9 Pinkie Baelish

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 06:54 AM

The contents of Tywin's chamberpot shoot back up his ass with such force that they dislodge the crossbow bolt in his groin, so that the bolt flies back with pinpoint accuracy to Tyrion's crossbow.

#10 Roose Boltons Pet Leech

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 06:55 AM

King Robert loses an awful lot of weight, helps pick up Rhaegar's rubies at the Trident, and gives the throne back to the Targaryens. He then goes back to the quiet life in the Vale.

#11 Roose Boltons Pet Leech

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 06:58 AM

Meanwhile, everyone is exceptionally grateful to Rhaegar for returning the missing Lyanna to her family.

#12 mighty potato

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 06:59 AM

joffry becomes a better person going from an ass that torments sansa to her gallant knight

bran goes home from a very long visit to his uncle bloodraven saving an elk on the way and donating some food to a liddle

cersei regains a bit of her sanity after being slapped back into reality by Robert

roose gives poor robb a much needed heart surgery

#13 TalalOfDorne

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 07:00 AM

Brans legs were healed by Jaime Lannister.

#14 Roose Boltons Pet Leech

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 07:01 AM

Tyrion is so good in bed, women give him money.

#15 FacelessDude

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 07:05 AM

I had a gun to my head, then I read this thread.


Anyways Renly doesn't die, he and Loras are eternal soulmates and lovers. They end up taking a ship to Skaagos where they become the Kings of the Cannibals.

Sansa awakens to find Joffrey a totally different person, he is caring, compassionate and sympathetic. He apologizes for murdering Ned and has commanded Lannister forces to find Thoros Myr so he may resurrect Ned from the death. This causes a complication and they can't find Ned's head, so the project is scrapped and Joff and Sansa have lots of babies together.

The Hound and the Mountain finally confront each other, the Hound asks why the cruelty and coldness over the years (and burning of the face), the Mountain begins sobbing uncontrollably and tells how he always wanted to be loved. The Hound finally says "I love you" to his brother and they part ways, satisfied and at peace with each other.

Craster stops raping his own daughters and decides to immigrate south beyond the wall, he finds a nice little cottage in Highgarden and becomes a septon.



#16 Errant Bard

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 07:07 AM

When Bowen Marsh saves Jon's life by removing the knives he had be stabbed with from his body, Jon learns this healing magic. He practices it on Janos Slynt and Qorin Halfhand, and has comrades do it on a band of wildlings whose corpses were near Castle Black. He ends up eloping with one of the wildling girls while Slynt saves Eddard Stark after Tyrion recalls him to King's Landing. Jon ends up dumping the girl after a heart to heart discussion and is demoted when Qorin drags him to the fist of the first men. Still, as thanks for saving his life, Qorin still recommends Jon for Lord Commander's steward. The story of how Jon messed up even worse by rescuing wights outside the Lord Commander's chamber, and became a bitter grunt who alienated all his friends is for another day.

#17 mighty potato

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 07:08 AM

leaches actually do work and they make roose younger and wipe away all the wrinkles

#18 TalalOfDorne

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 07:10 AM

Roose Bolton wakes Robb from his death to tell him Jaime Lannister sends his regards.

#19 Roose Boltons Pet Leech

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 07:11 AM

I had a gun to my head, then I read this thread.


Anyways Renly doesn't die, he and Loras are eternal soulmates and lovers. They end up taking a ship to Skaagos where they become the Kings of the Cannibals.

Sansa awakens to find Joffrey a totally different person, he is caring, compassionate and sympathetic. He apologizes for murdering Ned and has commanded Lannister forces to find Thoros Myr so he may resurrect Ned from the death. This causes a complication and they can't find Ned's head, so the project is scrapped and Joff and Sansa have lots of babies together.

The Hound and the Mountain finally confront each other, the Hound asks why the cruelty and coldness over the years (and burning of the face), the Mountain begins sobbing uncontrollably and tells how he always wanted to be loved. The Hound finally says "I love you" to his brother and they part ways, satisfied and at peace with each other.

Craster stops raping his own daughters and decides to immigrate south beyond the wall, he finds a nice little cottage in Highgarden and becomes a septon.


You're misinterpreting the thread, This isn't about taking the events of the story in the opposite direction. It's about taking the story as of ADWD and rewinding back to AGOT.

Anyway, the Others flee before the oncoming summer, but make sure to hunt down any wights they find first.

#20 Roose Boltons Pet Leech

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 07:12 AM

When Bowen Marsh saves Jon's life by removing the knives he had be stabbed with from his body, Jon learns this healing magic. He practices it on Janos Slynt and Qorin Halfhand, and has comrades do it on a band of wildlings whose corpses were near Castle Black. He ends up eloping with one of the wildling girls while Slynt saves Eddard Stark after Tyrion recalls him to King's Landing. Jon ends up dumping the girl after a heart to heart discussion and is demoted when Qorin drags him to the fist of the first men. Still, as thanks for saving his life, Qorin still recommends Jon for Lord Commander's steward. The story of how Jon messed up even worse by rescuing wights outside the Lord Commander's chamber, and became a bitter grunt who alienated all his friends is for another day.


/bowdown.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':bowdown:' />



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