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About TimJames

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    Brandon the Shipwright's First Mate
  • Birthday March 9

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    In the middle of The Sunset Sea. Food is running low, but we should see land any day now ...

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  1. (Wanna finish it up? If so should we have good win?)
  2. Fortunately for the Count, he was about to receive a gift to help him in this fight to the death. An old man in black and white robes arrived and presented Count Balerion with a sword made of ice and glowing with purple flames. Kindly Man: "God of Death, I bring you this sword made of Other-Steel. It will help you in your fight." This was gearing up to be a fight to the death. Of course even if evil was defeated once and forever, prequels were still a possibility.
  3. Well we wait for you to fill this in with a more permanent thing, let is contend ourselves with a fun fact. DID YOU KNOW that Robert Baratheon has a bit of Codd ancestry in him? That's where he inherited the "Though All Men Do Despise Us!" gene from, causing so many to talk about him as though he had fangs and glowing red eyes. Citations: https://libraryofbabel.info/
  4. Tim James was pleased that this was a glamour; that would make it even easier to slay his foe on the field of battle. Tim James: *brandishing Light Maid* "I will send you back to The Seven Hells!"
  5. Please don't use my character. Count Balerion and TJ are reserved for Count Balerion and myself respectively. You can create your own character(s) and would likely get more enjoyment out of doing so. That aside, welcome to the madness. I hope you like rambling and difficult-to-follow plotlines.
  6. Robert Baratheon hates the Targaryens because they ruined his life. When Robert was still a child his parents died in a shipwreck, because they were chosen by King Aerys Targaryen specifically to look for a valyrian bride for his son Rhaegar Targaryen. Then Rhaegar, whom Robert's parents died trying to find a wife for, kidnaps a woman whom Robert loves and Rhaegar's father Aerys demands that Robert and Eddard be executed so as to cover for his irresponsible son. Then Robert fights a war to save his love Lyanna, and she dies anyway in the prison that Rhaegar kept her in. So Rhaegar raped Lyanna and is responsible for her death. I personally think Rhaegar really did rape Lyanna, but even if you don't think so you have to admit that this is what it looks like to Robert. Were I in Robert's place I would probably hate the Targaryens too. Even these things aside, the Targaryens have historically displayed themselves as being selfish and cruel (Aerys II, Maegor I, Aegon I, Aegon II, Aegon IV, etc).
  7. (What transformation?)
  8. At the HBO building there was a Shareholders Meeting. All the shareholders and investors arrived in their three-piece suits and their top hats. Shareholder: "Why is Game Of Mellodrama so far over its budget? The dividends are shrinking and there are too many product placements. The whole point is that you need a subscription so you don't have to see product placements." Showrunners: "Its not entirely our fault! I know we say that a lot, but this time it's true!" Shareholder: "The other times weren't true?" Showrunner: "We had to supplement our budget with sponsors because The Actors Guild and the Unions kept ham-stringing us." Emilia Clarke: "That's because you don't know how to run a show!" Showrunner: "What are you doing here?" Shareholder: "She's also a shareholder." Showrunner: "Well we need more money!" After much arguing, a solution was met. The copyright laws were altered to combat piracy, so anyone who illegally streams or torrents a television episode has the cost of the subscription taken from their bank accounts (or from their social security if they lack a bank account).
  9. As Stannis entered the battlefield, a rockin' guitar solo played to herald him. It is because, on rare occasion, The One God will declare someone to be totally badass! This, combined with the refreshing taste of 7-up, cured TimJames of his severe lacerations. TimJames: "Not so fast evildoer! With Just Maid I shall smite you!!!"
  10. Noye sighed; he had been told by the agency that Derridina had inherited Bad Dialogue Genes from one of her parents (they didn't know her lineage, other than what blood tests would tell them). Taking a dusty book off the shelf, he brushed some dust off of it and began to read. Noye: "Interesting Dialogue Primer: a Guide to speaking very well. Written by Tyrion Lannaster, Bronn Blackwater, Sandor Clegane, Barristan Semly, Doran Martell, Stannis Baratheon, Margaery Tyrell, Olenna Redwyne, and others. Volume 1." He turned the first page. "Chapter 1, The Art of Grammar ..." The doctor told him to read Derrindia at least a page a day, and that it would help. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Clergy of the Selhorys Conclave were now taking shelter in one corner of the palace, having been driven from their positions and were now making a last stand. Many had met with Sacred Martyrdom on the field of battle, and those who were still alive were grievously wounded. The brave Prophet-Knight, TimJames, had run out of berserker steam and was now sitting at the last line of defense with both of his legs broken and a Maxim Machine Gun in front of him. Mya Stone was with him, trying to keep him from going unconscious. Mya: "Stay awake! Don't die on me!" Just at this moment, Stannis Baratheon and his massive army arrived to the rescue. Stannis: "All the demons are gonna die!!"
  11. While Septa B was bedding only the most desperate and lonely of the White Walker Workers, the others banded behind Maegor and Cersei. Ice Spider: "I'm glad that Domestic Evil is still evilconomically viable." Weights: "We can be just as Evil as the Sea Slugs! In fact, we're more evil because we actually care about our demented work!" Others: "Tear Down The Rock Wall!!! Tear Down The Rock Wall!!!" Eventually The Stranger had to come down to check on the disturbance. The Stranger: "Sorry, The Great Other/Count Balerion specifically ordered that these rocks not be moved. Doesn't want the Sea Slugs to learn how to unionize from you all. In any case, these rocks are making everybody in The Hells miserable so they stay up!" ************************************ Meanwhile, the new Child Protective Services (headed by Old Nan), decided that the Maestor was a bad influence and took Derridina out of that home. Instead they put her in a Foster Home with Donal Noye. Noye: "Hi there kiddo! I'll be your Foster Dad for awhile. Meet my other Foster Child, Tommen Waters." Tommen: "The CPS lady said Archmaester Qyburn is too old to raise a kid by himself." Noye: "There's a smelting instructional video on the television, there are toys on the shelf, and there are educational books on the other shelf. It's dinner at 6, bed time at 7."
  12. While the Showrunners were winding it up again, Maegor Cersei and Aerys continued to travel through The Seven Hells. Aerys: "They should be up ahead! This way, this way!" Maegor and Cersei followed Aerys until they reached the old Hells-To-Earthos portal. Now the portal was utterly blocked by rubble, the result of TimJames and Rhaegar sabotaging the place. All around there were White Walkers and Others protesting to re-open it. Protesters: "We want more jobs! Move aside the Hell Rocks! We want more jobs! Move aside the Hell Rocks!" Maegor: "What are you protesting over?" White Walker Protestor: "We are sick and tired of Count Balerion outsourcing his evil minion jobs to the ocean! Stop taking bad dishonest jobs away from hard working White Walkers!"
  13. If there are, there won't be for long. Armadillo Brain Patte is delicious! Just throw the rest of the animal away! Is the world of ice and fire round or flat?
  14. Because they secretly serve The Great Other, and Night is the enemy of Light. Would finding and distributing a cure for Butterfly Fever be a good thing or a bad thing?
  15. Maegor snarled angrily. Maegor: "I hate Septas!!! Your kind is always trying to run my life for me; telling me I can't kill people who annoy me, telling me I can't have seven wives, telling me I shouldn't sleep with my siblings! Well my girlfriend turned a Sept into a barbecue pit, and I turned another sept into a place where dragons shit! So don't you try to tell me who I can and can't sleep with."