Tywin et al.

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About Tywin et al.

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    I got all this stuff twirling around in my head

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    Purifying in the Waters of Lake Minnetonka

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  1. Did you eat those Brownies Jace sent you? Abort eating, abort!
  2. During a conversation in another thread with the lovely @Mlle. Zabzie, the idea of telling a funny story came up, and she also volunteered to tell one. However, that would have derailed the thread. With a bit of thought, I decided it would be fun to create a thread where people can share their stories. While my aim is geared towards sharing funny or interesting stories, if you have a tragic story you need to tell to vent or for whatever reason(s), feel free to do so. Just make sure, as always, to stay classy Westeros. And with that, I will get the ball rolling…… Story Name: In the Drunken Jungle Date: July, 2010 Location: A little town outside of Iguazu Falls, Argentina, near the famous Devils Throat. Age: 22 This story is not the one that inspired this thread, but it’s still a good one. I’ll share the other one later from home. Doing so would probably get me fired. It’s that off the rails. But so is this one! I arrived in this small, somewhat rundown town with seven fellow students traveling abroad around 6PM or so. We had just endured a 20 hour bus ride, and the toilet was unusable about an hour into the trip so we rushed to our hostel for obvious reasons. Much to our delight the temperature was significantly higher in this part of the country. We were studying in Buenos Aires during their winter, and all our travel literature indicated it would be nice and warm. LIES! It was coldish and rainy the whole time. After taking care of business and getting settled in, some of us wanted to explore the town right away while others wanted to rest for a bit before we went out to party. We ended up splitting into two groups of four, which wasn’t uncommon as we had basically formed two cliques early on in our studies (there was a ninth person in our group, but he stayed back because his girlfriend flew down to visit him the previous week and they travelled here). The group in total had three guys and six women. I joined up with my buddy Dan and the two most attractive women in our group. We went to a nearby restaurant that came highly recommended. We each ordered a different drink because we want to try as many as possible so we decided to share (can’t remember what we ate, doesn’t matter anyways). The interior looked similar to an authentic Mexican restaurant only with Argentina’s colors (the World Cup was going on at the time, and Argentina had just been eliminated by the Germans a few days earlier in a disgraceful fashion). After about 15 minutes, the owner came over with two bottles of wine and gave them to us for free. We all suspected that attractive American women don’t come here too often, and he was trying to get an in. This became a theme for the night. After polishing off all our booze, we left to further explore the town. We met up shortly after with the rest of our group, and we proceeded to go to a large touristy bar. Shortly thereafter a group German guys (three I believe) approached us and offered to buy everyone drinks (five of the six women were very attractive). I’m sure they were playing the numbers game, given there were only two guys and six women in a group. What us young whippersnappers failed to recognize is that (i) they were about ten years older than us, (ii) that they meant more than a round and (iii) man, Germans can really drink. Like really freaking drink. We got to the bar at around 7:30-8, and probably stayed until 10:30ish. We slammed shots down the entire time, all on their dime. What college kid would turn down waves of free drinks? At this point your boy has probably had 10-12 drinks. Thank God I’m a tank. When we left, our group had grown a bit because not only had we met the Germans, but some Australians were now with us too, and they suggested we all go to a discoteca close by. This town is about the size of your average college town, for perspective. We danced for several hours, and again, shots shots shots! But still it was a blast, despite the impairment setting in. I eventually went back to the hostel with one of the women I had started the night with at around 3AM. With one exception, we were the last to leave. We were both in LTR and didn’t want to make any mistakes. However, the one who remained was single and on a dry spell, so she was determined to get some. She was a very tall, attractive black woman, and by her account the following day, those three German guys got worked. What I failed to account for, and you’ll see this is a running theme in my early years, is that we had to be on a bus by 7:30 that morning. Dan and I shared a room, and he only went back a bit before me, so we were both in rough shape. We got our wake up knock about 15 minutes before the bus was supposed to arrive. We looked like hell, and for the first and only time in my life, I showered with another man. It was back to back for about 2 minutes as we awkwardly attempted not to cross swords. I farted on him. He did not appreciate that. Anyways, we made it out in time to go to the store at the hostel and get some chips and Gatorade. We needed calories badly. The bus ride into the jungle was rough. It was like an hour long, and we were all completely hungover. And it showed. We eventually got to the park gate, and we had to do some paper work and other nonsense for a half hour. Finally, we were about to see one of the largest and most beautiful waterfalls in the world! Now here’s the best part. I never throw up after a night up. It’s weird, but it’s only happened a few times. This would be one of them. I started falling back from the group while we were in a large open field. After they were 100 yards away or so, I saw a small tree and figured that would be as good a spot as any to do the deed. I can’t really describe what it looked like other than to say that there was a lot of vegetation and it was only a few feet higher than me. When I was about 7 or so feet away, my stomach made the fiercest rumble. What came next was straight out of a cartoon. I projectile vomited all over this tree. Three giant waves to be exact. Once it was done, I was knees bent, hands on them, head hung, but I felt great. I look back at my group and no one saw it. Great! I look the other way, and there was a group of about 20 Asian tourists. The kids were wide eyed and laughing, while the older members just looked at me in shock. I gave them an awkward wave, and jogged to where my group was heading. I thought I had escaped with a small amount of my dignity left. Wrong! To get into the heart of the park, you had to ride one of those old, small trains you see at some amusement parks. 4-6 people can fit in each car with two small benches facing each other. My group was already in, and there was a small line in front of me. I looked back a few minutes later, and wouldn’t you know it, the Asian group was there, right behind me. I had to ride into the park with five of them. They were staring at me the whole time, and who knows what they were saying to each other. I looked awkwardly out the window and tried my best to avoid eye contact. After that everything was fine. Iguazu Falls is amazing, and I took so many great pictures that have gone on to be framed and hanged. The only problem was the pictures of me, were, well, not so great. But who cares. We got to go on boats and went under the waterfalls. We did a jungle excursion. And at the end we went to a buffet, and I kid you not, I ate more at that place than I’ve ever eaten in my life in a single sitting. I had like 10-15 chorizo sausages, and was cut off by the cook. I also had two tenderloins, some bread, and half a dozen Cokes in those cool bottles. This is not an exaggeration. And that was it. We went back, got our stuff and got on a bus, and went back to Buenos Aires. EXCEPT I LIED!!! Because what took place next was the first and only time someone pulled a gun on me. We had specifically rented a bus that would stay in Argentina so we could leave our passports back at our homes. That was, to put it lightly, a really bad mistake. The driver took us into Paraguay over the night, and we were woken up at gun point by Argentina’s Border Security. Apparently there was a lot of terrorism in the area at the time, so they were extra diligent. Thankfully one of our group members spoke fluid Spanish, so after a bit of back and forth, and of course, the emptying of all our wallets, we were set on our way. All in all, it was a crazy 36 hours. And again, I repeat, absolutely none of this was made up or embellished. Wait until you hear how I ran afoul in Cancun during freshman year spring break
  3. Fyi, there is a weather thread somewhere, but great title FB. Anyways, there’s still snow on the ground here in Minneapolis, lots actually, but it will all melt this weekend as the warm weather roles through.
  4. Not exactly. That’s more of the divide between old and new money.
  5. Honestly I feel this is more of a plus situation than a multiply one, but if you’d like, I can offer “Snowballing Hypocriticalism” or “Hypocriticalism Proliferation.” Play around with those if you’d like. Best I got for ya man.
  6. “Post-Hypocriticalism” @sperry , You’re a patent lawyer, right? Get on that for me. Double middle fingers to anyone that tries to steal my term. I HAVE THE BEST TERMS!
  7. It might be even older than that: https://blogs.wsj.com/cio/2018/04/18/irs-grapples-with-decades-old-computer-systems/ It’s probably in line with a study I read in college which found that homophobic males become more aroused than non-homophobic males when shown gay “prawn.” One of my best friend’s uncle is an ultra-rich hedge fund manage in NYC, and he once told me that everyone with real money thought Trump was a fraud and a joke (he also said those in his circle suspected that Madoff was scamming people). He likes to say he’s the biggest real estate player in the country, but he was really just a small player in the city. Anyways, it’s easy to explain why Trump tricked so many people. He’s a cartoon character of what a rich person is supposed to be, and at the end of the day, most Americans want to be rich. That’s his appeal. And people eat it up. For example, when I was 20 and got a hot internship, I spent a lot of money I didn’t have on a number of fancy suits and dress clothes. I wasn’t any better than anyone else in the program, and yet I kept getting invited to all the hot shot meetings and dinners. One of the girls who dressed super fancy got the same treatment. If you project wealth and power, people will believe that you’re wealthy and powerful.
  8. Absolutely go with the latter. I will actually make the thread today because I’ve got another great one that I can write here, but as a teaser for the best one, I woke up to my step-brother punching me the stomach at 7 AM and saying we’ve got 15 minutes until we have to get on the bus. Sitting across from my mother at breakfast waiting for it, head in both hands, I look at my left arm and there are enough club wrist bands on it to cover half of my forearm. I don’t remember leaving the resort….. Easy to see how I lost my phone.
  9. But it doesn’t end there. The roller coaster he talks about wasn’t built until 1916, and his backpack is from the 1930’s. The truth is out there!: http://twentytwowords.com/6-facts-that-prove-jack-from-titanic-is-actually-a-time-traveler/
  10. HAHAHAHAHAHA! I am listening to the funniest debate about Titanic ever. Basically they are arguing that Jack and Rose are really the villains of the film and at the end, Billy Zane redeems himself and becomes the hero. Furthermore, they are arguing that Jack was sent back in time by John Conner to save Rose because she’s Sarah Conner’s grandmother, and that because he’s trapped in the past he assumes a new identity and becomes the Great Gatsby. It’s amazing! I’ll link it when the podcast is available.
  11. Listening to NPR, they just said that the IRS is still using some mainframe computers that were built in the 1960’s.
  12. You never know how this will go!
  13. Question for the Legal Eagles: If I have an affair I need to cover up, and I approach you, and ask you to make a NDA, and say use a pseudonym for me, and don’t pay you for the specific legal service, but contribute equal or greater funds to you in another way, are you my lawyer and have I paid you for legal services?
  14. 2018 is the complete hero and heel turn, in which I talk up Cousins and you and Maith tear him down. That said, I hate you!