Knight of the Hungry Cow

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  1. In case you haven't played it, there is this mod for Medieval: Total War called Westeros: Total War. It is certainly one of the best ASOIAF mods out there (though I personally think the Crusader Kings Mod is the best ASOIAF mod overall). Though, while the combat is more accurate to the series overall, the Total War games tend to be lacking in story, besides the brief introduction clips (which are unfortunately not in all of them, either). For story purposes, I think a Warriors game would be able to accomplish that more readily.
  2. I'm not sure how many of you have played Dynasty Warriors, but while playing it earlier, I realized just how perfectly A Song of Ice and Fire fits into the genre. Dynasty Warriors, for those of you who do not know, is a series in which the character you play as mows down countless enemies in pursuit of a goal in each level. Between levels, the story unfolds, along with many plot twists along the way. In some battles, seemingly unavoidable consequences occur. A general may get sick, or wounded, and then die after the battle ends, according to the plot. While perhaps it is rather clear in Game of Thrones that no character, except perhaps the mighty Barristan Selmy, could mow down many foes, the enormous battles with countless characters would certainly put it on par with the game series. Instead of the series focusing on the three major kingdoms in China, along with other outsiders, the game would focus on the Starks, the Lannisters, and the Baratheons, along with other outsiders (Daenerys?). Like the game series, there would be one horrific battle that would cause the decline for each group. -The Baratheons: The Battle of the Blackwater -The Starks: The Red Wedding -The Lannisters: The Battle in the Whispering Wood Like the games, each scenario would have hypothetical situations that could prevent that fateful battle from ending poorly. By preventing the deaths of Rodrik Cassel and Ned Stark, perhaps Robb wouldn't have died at the Red Wedding (well, I guess that's a bit of a no brainer with Ned. All the same...). Or, by negotiating peace with Renly, the Battle of the Blackwater could've become a smashing success. With the many names of Game of Thrones constantly moving the events, it would allow for many playable characters. The series even has its own Lu Bu in the form of Gregor Clegane. The Telltales game was fun, the many many mods for strategy games are good too. But I think a Dynasty Warriors game would really be the best fit for Game of Thrones. Besides, who wouldn't want to play a game as Shagga?
  3. There is solid evidence for the three main candidates: Mance, Stannis, and simply Ramsay. I think I lean towards Mance mostly because Stannis seems out of character in trying to trick Jon to coming south instead of just demanding for more men, and there seems to be too many unusual things about the letter for it to be Ramsay. And yet, I constantly switch between all three of them when I read fan theories on who wrote it. Who do you think actually wrote it?
  4. Music to get you into the mood: Stannis is crazy. We all know it. He carries around a blazing sword and calls himself the ancient hero to fight imaginary zombies in the north. We also know that at some point or another he is going to try to take his "rightful" throne. Stannis tried a direct attack last time, and that ended in a "blaze of glory", so to speak. Stannis knows a direct attack on King's Landing isn't going to work to take his perhaps he has another direct course in mind. Let's look at the facts. Stannis, much to his annoyance, was never "anything important" on the small council. That's why he never showed up. He wasn't Robert's hand, which he probably thought was his by rights. but instead was the Master of Ships. Why? Well, Stannis managed to lead one of the greatest naval battles in Robert's tenor as king, so it only seems fitting. He even drowned a dude that became a drowned man. He sailing prowess is unparalleled. And yet, he launched a naval attack at King's Landing, and failed. How? How could one so fantastic fall so low? Because Stannis wasn't ready for Wildfire. Who could've seen such an attack coming? He got dwarfed, and that was that. But, now Stannis knows of it. And, even more so, Stannis is much more willing to fight fire with fire, so to speak, due to his recent pension for setting things on fire. So what is Stannis' grand plan? Simple. He's going to sail a ship directly into King's Landing and blow it up. What!? You cry out in confusion. How can this be? Stannis isn't an anarchist! Oh. But he is. Look at this quote from MAGGY THE FREAKIN FROG: " And when your tears have drowned you, the valonqar shall wrap his hands about your pale white throat and choke the life from you. " By Stannis' hands piloting the ship, the boat will crash into King's Landing and cause a great fire. Cersei will choke to death on the smoke. So, how will Stannis burn the ship? He'll probably burn someone again. If I had to take a guess, I'd go with him getting Samwell back somehow, because you are going to get a lot of mileage out of that barbecue. Where will he get the funding for a boat? Easy. He already has. Tycho Nestoris provided him with Iron Bank funding. With that, he will use it to build the most mighty boat the world has ever seen. He will dub it Moon Boy, as Tommen wanted, and sail it to King's Landing with Lannister flags. The guards won't note the threat until it is too late. Stannis, the sole occupant of the boat, will light Samwell aflame next to him and kill himself in the process, destroying most of King's Landing and allowing for Shireen to take a throne of ashes. Well done Stannis, you masterful fiend.
  5. Equally intrigued by writing the one on the Kingsguard, who do you think are the best and worst Kings in Westerosi history? For simplicity's sake, we'll only discuss kings and queens that have actually sat the Iron Throne. Best: Jaehaerys I (brought stability back to Westeros and was generally well liked) and Daeron II (with his children, he reunited the realm). Worst: Aegon IV (caused an entire civil war based on him sleeping around Westeros. Even earned the nickname "the Unworthy") and Aerys II (generally considered one of the most delusional kings. Killed all who opposed him. Burnt the Stark family alive, leading to a Civil War and the end of the Targaryen Monarchy)
  6. Who do you believe is the best and the worst of the bunch? Instead of ranking them by their fighting skill, it should be based on who followed the code the closest. I think the best, then, would be Ser Barristan Selmy (killed Maelys, the biggest threat to the royal family at the time. Also saved his king from Duskendale) and Ser Aemon the Dragonknight (generally considered the truest to the Kingsguard principles. That is, if he wasn't sleeping with the king's wife). The worst, with the same criteria, would be Criston Cole (caused a rebellion single-handedly) and Jaime Lannister (killed his first king, and then "engaged in relations" with his second king's wife).
  7. Agreed. A man like Tywin would do everything in his power to insure that an event like this would never happen at such a public location. The Red Wedding was different. That was much more of a show for Stark/Tully/Frey power. The Purple Wedding was entirely Lannister, and for that, Tywin would never choose it as the time to strike. Besides, regardless how insane Joffrey was, Tywin was essentially the most powerful man in the realm by being the Regent. He had no reason to off him yet, even if he would get the same benefits with Tommen.
  8. Exactly. Otherwise Aegor Rivers would have been known as Aegor Targaryen and such. Daemon was proud of the sword, so he stuck to that. Not really sure where Aegor was going with that. Maybe he hoped Bittersteel was going to stick.
  9. I can't really see what Oberyn's plan would've been had he lived at the end of the duel. Other components of Elia's murder still lived. Was he going to continue being in King's Landing to try to kill them too? Or did he actually plan on dying to trigger a casus belli for Dorne to attack the Lannisters? What do you think his plan was?
  10. I'll take the laugh at the loser bet. I think he's a Targ.
  11. These are all excellent points that Tywin would surely concur with. Thank you for improving upon this analysis. Thank you. Thank you. You are too kind.
  12. I think Rhaegar wanted a kid mostly, but fell for Lyanna at the tournament when he saw how she acted. She was definitely different from most nobles, so he thought they could run off and everything would be jolly. Didn't really work out for him.
  13. For Tywin, this is a tragic story. People continuously proclaim "Eddard" and "Robb" and even "Jon Snow" (who even KNOWS who that guy's mom is) as the true heroes of honor in this saga. I declare bull. Tywin is the unsung hero. R'hllor incarnate. The watcher on every wall. And I intend to prove it to you by showing you unequivocal proof that Tywin is the misunderstood hero, and the real King Arthur. He is born to a rich family as the first son. But, while some may wish this fate, the young lion is forced to obey his father, who fails to have the Lannister spine that Tywin has. So, Tywin tries to live a healthy, wealthy, powerful lifestyle, his father does the unthinkable: he marries his sister off to a Frey! A Frey! Surely that wouldn't be equal to a Lannister! So, Tywin yells at his father about this as the Reynes furiously retort, and what does Tywin receive in return? A job as a cupbearer for Egg of course. Since his father was such a goober, Tywin made it his mission to restore honor and power to his family name. So, after fighting in the Stepstones, he came home and demanded the vassals repay the Lannisters all their debts. Somehow, this was an unpopular decision amongst the vassals, particularly to those idiotic Reynes. Since they tried to rebel, Tywin did the natural solution: destroy everything. By doing so, he cleaned up the problem. Crisis averted! Not to mention, free of charge, he earned a song about it. All in a day's work, no? To finish cleaning up this little mess, he forced his father's lover to parade down the streets nude due to her trying on his mother's dress (!), so he obliterated her reputation. Score one for the Lannisters. Tywin was now one of the most powerful people in Westeros. Rightfully too, surely. He earned it by destroying all of those who opposed his family. He became Hand of the King to the good king Aerys II, and had twins with his cousin/wife Joanna. Times were good. And then, Joanna, the love of his life, the best woman in all of Westeros and Essos, died. How? During childbirth, to a deformed son. A tragic blow to the honor of the house. How could he like something that killed his wife? Tyrion shamed House Lannister throughout his life. Tywin's great life continued on this brief rough patch as him and that completely idiotic king Aerys II continued to go their separate ways. That fool became paranoid, and screwed Tywin over because of it. Unbelievable. Naturally, when Robert rebelled, Tywin waited to make sure Robert had an actual chance at winning that thing. He wouldn't want to rush into anything stupid, surely. He wasn't stupid like Tyrion. So, Robert starts to win and Tywin marches to the castle and annihilates the entire Targaryen family line. Subtlety is overrated. Tywin also found out that Tyrion did something else stupid, unsurprisingly, by marrying some random peasant. So, he made a lie about it and had her reputation demolished, and made Tyrion look at this situation as a lesson. His fault for being a fool. Sadly, Tywin's fool Tyrion screwed them all over again when he was arrested by Catelyn Stark and war broke out. Stark against Lannister. The Starks were obviously never nearly as powerful as the Lannisters, not by a long shot, but Tywin still had to fight a moderately powerful house. Well done, Tyrion. So Tywin has to lead a fight against the Starks while Joffrey cuts of Eddard Stark's head (not a great move). Then, his son that he actually usually likes that stupidly joined the Kingsguard which he certainly is not bitter about was captured at Riverrun. Wonderful. So Tywin has to fight here while Joffrey is attempting to defend King's Landing from Stannis, Robert's leftovers. So now Tywin has to go THERE too. Seriously? Is there a problem this guy doesn't solve? Stannis fails, obviously, and everything is back to beating up Stark rebels. He hears about how Robb Stark married to some Westerlands girl (at least he chose a nice sector of Westeros) and figures now is the prime opportunity to make the rabble disappear. So, he has Robb assassinated by an enormous bloodbath called the Red Wedding. Red makes everyone think Lannister. A subtle touch. Everything is sunshine and rainbows over in Lannister land. Well, except Joffrey died. He was poisoned. Naturally, there can only be one person who did that (looking at you, Tyrion). A trial is held, and, stupidly, Tyrion demands Trial by Combat. He even chooses a Martell as his champion. Wonderful. Another spill HE has to clean up. So the Martell tries fighting the Mountain. As expected, the Martell loses. Tyrion is to be killed. One heck of a day. And, lo and behold, Tyrion appears one last time while he is simply trying to use the loo. And he gets shot in the chest. Really? After all he did, this is how he goes out? A toilet death? By Tyrion, lowest of lows? Truly, Tywin is the hero of this story, and deserves unending praise. Remember the lion, always.
  14. Daenerys: "Through the fire and flames" (literally)