ladderjhn

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About ladderjhn

  • Rank
    Commoner
  • Birthday 07/29/1992

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Wichita, KS

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  1. Crown on the Ground - Sleigh Bells Let There Be Rock - AC/DC
  2. If a tree "falls down" in the Amazon rainforest and nobody was around but Trump to hear it, does it make a sound? I heard from a buddy that he was seen chopping down said tree with someone.
  3. And if you even think about taking away my, let's just say, inhaler, I will do things unspeakably evil. Things the like of which the world has never seen in ancient history or the recent past.
  4. I sang these songs at my uncle's funeral and can't stop listening to them!
  5. The Little Prince, Holes, Matilda, and The Outsiders.
  6. I got into taekwondo when I was a kid and have been doing it on and off. Sometimes I just don't really want to get into it for the day so I just don't it. Other days I'm fully committed. I want to get into more martial arts though or maybe kickboxing. I have a friend who got me into cross country in middle school. I was on the cross country team in high school even though I wanted to quit because I just hated high school. (I went to a Catholic high school, and, even though I got voted as the most crushed on during senior year, it was the worst. The girls there were snobs. Never send your kids to a Catholic high school unless you have the money to do so). I've been lacking in fulfilling commitments to myself in this area though. I've gained weight - not that much -, but, since I'm a smoker, I've found on numerous occasions that I cannot breath if I go past a certain point.
  7. I read The Great and Secret Show by Clive Barker again. I found it to be the scariest book that I have ever read a while back and wanted to take another turn at it. I was surprised that I found it that scary. I'm also trying to read all of Chuck Palahniuk's stuff.
  8. Survial by Muse Muse is my favorite band, and, for some reason, this some makes me cry. I don't know if it is the lyrics, "And I'll give you my strength to the whole human race" or what, but it does. I feel like I wouldn't do justice to my love of this band if I couldn't play this song so I can and I can almost sing it, too. Bellamy is influenced by Jeff Buckley you know
  9. Let's pull off the band-aid quickly. I have schizoaffective disorder. People with this disorder suffer from symptoms of schizophrenia - hearing voices, delusions, paranoia, social seclusion, impaired cognitive functioning, etc.- and a mood disorder. In my case, it is bipolar disorder. I got diagnosed in May of 2014. I lost all of my then-living grandparents and a cousin - who committed suicide and had bipolar disorder - in a one year period and I just lost my shit. I went to the emergency room because I started saying to my sister that I was in the Truman Show (like the movie). I got told that smoking pot - as little pot as I had smoked - and cigarettes led to this disorder. Since then I have been in in-patient for a week twice (once just to add an anti-anxiety medication). I have found that I lost my sense of humor and artistic abilities - this hurts me because I used to sell my art. My situation and condition is not as bad as most people with this diagnosis though. I have a job. I'm on medication. I'm living with my sister in a house that my parents own. And I have tons of support. I go to an organization where I can socialize with people who have mental disorders, and my parents are involved in NAMI. I don't pity myself. I know that this is a lifelong diagnosis and am prepared for that. I just hope that people are prepared for me! My sister on the other hand has just bipolar disorder (can you see that BP runs in the family). She was diagnosed about 10 months before me. She is a lot to handle. She does drugs, is suicidal, and has no job currently and is making no progress towards looking for one. She likes to play the devil's advocate around my dad who is really "set in his ways" and just does it to get under his skin. Sometimes it seems like she has no social graces at all. But when it comes around to her feeling depressed, I am always the one that she says these things like, "If I don't get $100, I am going to slit my wrists because I have nothing to live for" to. Does anybody have any suggestions on how to handle that or avoid it all together? I've given in so many times that it is pitiful and I know that she gets more money out of our parents.
  10. Has anybody ever visited lifesitenews.com? Just wondering. My experience there a year ago was...let's just say...less than pleasing. I got turned over to it by my friend's mom. She regularly posts on her facebook articles from the site, and I wanted to check it out. I saw that no one there was saying anything like, "Gay people should be able to adopt kids", or "Transgenders and homosexuals should have the same rights as others". So I took it under my wing to do that. I also told them that I was raised in the Catholic Church and went to Catholic schools from kindergarten to 12th grade. They called me a Satanist. For people who say that they love Jesus, you would think that they would remember Matthew 7:1-5 or at least the Golden Rule. Anyway, I was at a drugstore where a transgender woman worked. I was at the register, and she was checking out a man who just kept being verbally abusive towards her. He told her that he was going to hack into her personal computer! (I don't know how he was going to do this unless he knew who she was but whatever). After the manager came by and settled the issue, I comforted her and told her about my friend who was also a transgender but a man. I told her that today was just one day and that she shouldn't take it into account that one man was an asshole to her to make herself feel comfortable with herself in this world and in her life. I even told her that I had a disability related to my mental health and that I've had days like that too at my job where either my boss, a coworker, or a customer is either abusive or questioning of my stability (even though I know that my boss and coworkers are not legally supposed to do that because they are EEO). The funny thing was that, after the debacle, the man got banned from the store. He asked if he could return the items he had bought, and the manager said, "No. I told you that you were banned."
  11. I started a new job last week or so! After a depressing two years without a job, it might come as a shock to some people all of the excitement that I felt whilst in training and such. I was spending all this money I had saved up, so this job is certainly a step forward even though it's a part time job. Also my doctor took me off one of my two medications, and I'm feeling brighter, clearer, and more concise. This will certainly help with the new job and performances I will have to make.
  12. Where I live there is a chain of used bookstores. I bet there are some where you live too. I get to sell them for cash or use them for trade. I've got at least $200 on my account now, and they only charge me about half the price when I come in to buy. They accept DVDs and records and of course books. I would search for one near you. They might have trade!
  13. So before I fell asleep, I took a melatonin. The dream was short but this (and it is a bit crude so beware): I was outside and inside my room at the same time, flashing. Inside I was trying to sleep. Outside I was smoking a cigarette and masturbating. (I never masturbate so I found this quite disturbing.) I was stretching my leg so that it was up and I was leaning back and forth like having sex standing up. My next door neighbor said that he was going to report about lewd conduct to a gas station and drove off in his van. I came inside a giant, floating to the ceiling even. My mother, father, and sister were there. I said in a voice like I took helium, "I took melatonin". My sister said, "Me too". Then I woke up.