I've been drinking JD and JW Black Label every night and felt like I was getting destitute, so I decided to settle on really cheap booze. My cupboard currently has a bottle of Captain Morgan rum and 3 bottles of Benmore scotch. Either does the job without draining my wallet.
Probably tangential and not even comparable, but someone I really care about gave me permission to publicly shame them to my heart's content, "if it helps you get over what transpired between us. I deserve all the shit I'll get." I'm not that kind of person though.
That was also the case for me. Did nothing the past few years but work. Had an epiphany late last year and involved myself in plenty of self-improvement projects, to varying degrees of success, and had the best year ever. Then the first motherfucker I fall for after a long time goes and breaks my stupid heart.
So, the plot thickens. Went out last night with friends, which included the Object of my Affection (OA) and OA's New Squeeze (NS). Met up with a friend, Crying Shoulder (CS), first before heading to the pub. CS now acts like a messenger between OA and I, since we still haven't talked, but we both tell CS stuff about the other. This will be the first time we'll be seeing each other since the whole thing blew up. This will also be the first time that OA and NS will see each other in person, having only met four days ago.
CS also called a Random Friend (RF), who she said was single and looking, and wanted to set us up so I can forget about OA. Told her that I'm not ready but okay, let RF come, we can talk, but nothing will happen. CS and I get to the pub real early (630pm) and start drinking. It's a big group (we were expecting 10-12 people) coming from all over the city, but my luck, it was OA who arrived next. OA was kinda acting awkward when I said hi, but returned the greeting. We sat next to each other. The smell of OA's perfume hit me and messed me up a bit, but I soldiered on. I was the one who tried to break the tension, joking around, neither ignoring nor paying more attention to OA than with any other person present. OA was texting NS all the time. We were doing okay, I was having fun, then RF arrived, who didn't waste any time and started hitting on me. NS arrived too, and OA moved to his end of the table to cuddle up. RF then told me I was cute and asked if we could maybe make out? I was flattered, so we made out in full view of everyone on the table, including OA and NS. I think that was a Really Bad Idea now, in terms of OA's impression of me, but I was so drunk.
Around 1 a.m. OA and NS said their goodbyes, obviously excited to hook up. I told them to have fun. An hour later, the pub closed and kicked us out. By this time I could barely walk straight, and RF was walking with me, who was driving and stayed completely sober. RF asked if I wanted to make out some more in the car, decided to hell with it and followed. We did more than makeout, so much for "nothing will happen." But I was honest, even in my drunken state, and said that I was still hung up on someone else, and whatever happened was just that. RF was understanding and shared the sentiment.
Saturday morning, NS logs on to chat and announces that he and OA will try it out as a couple. That was a surprise. OA was adamant about us not being serious at first because of the moving abroad thing, but led me on by saying that what we had could turn into something more, we just had to take it slow.
I'm still not completely over the entire thing, but overall I feel better now than a few days ago. We joke around on chat, but no PMs. I'm still on the fence about asking for a serious talk - I need it, but I admit that it MIGHT have a net negative effect on both my recovery and OA's impression of me. I need to think about it some more.