Buckwheat

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About Buckwheat

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    Fledermausfreie Siegeseule

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  1. On bullying in school

    Let me add my voice to everybody saying that being bullied is not some form of "character building". It does not make you stronger - as seen from the stories shared here, it actually makes you "weaker" in some way (dealing with psychological problems etc.) - and does not learn you an important life lesson. My experience is fairly similar, although not as severe as some described: I was bullied on and off in primary school (up to 14 years of age), and it resulted "only" in a very low self-esteem and low sense of my own worth, and only in the last year or so, which is about 10 years later, I have started recognising that sometimes people are actually interested in getting to know me and be my friends and want to respect me and that they do not always see me as a shy little crybaby. I am still somewhat embarrassed when a certain topic that they bullied me about comes up and will hate the word they use to describe me for a lot longer probably. So no, being bullied does not help you become a well-rounded character, who knows how to behave in tough situations and who has a sense of who they are and it does not give you self-confidence to deal with life. It diminishes your sense of self-worth, your confidence, leads to feelings of shame about yourself (your body, abilities, intelligence, how likeable and interesting you are), it can lead to people closing themselves off from communication, cause depression, bulimia, anorexia, self-harming behaviour, and with schoolchildren, it can impact school grades and lower their chances for a good education. I do not see how this is constructive for the building of character at all.
  2. Pictionary XXXI - Summer Days, Drifting Away!

    Welcome! You are welcome to ask anytime. Or look it up in the Help forum or the Forum Games Info thread. But all the guidelines you need for this game are in Helena's first post, really. Irrelevant to this game. I will give a prize to whoever can tell me why this would be relevant for the game! Oh, no worries ... we will ... we will ...
  3. TTTNE CDLXIV - You can't take the sky from me

    LANYYYYYYYYYY! Congratulations!
  4. The Person Below v.42

    Gorenc's collection of parodies of Slovene classics is rather funny, and I read it fairly recently (because it also has not been published until fairly recently). But of course humour is very subjective. I generally do not make lists of "most" funny/good/interesting/favourite/sad/whatever things because I cannot decide and think is unfair. But yeah well, that book I just mentioned is hilarious for me. TPB will do the same.
  5. TTTNE CDLXIV - You can't take the sky from me

    Hello Goat! Excellent news, congratulaaaaaations! Come spam with us more often, yes yes!
  6. On bullying in school

    I agree that the situation is not always the best. I am sorry you went to a school that did not take the problem seriously. And yes, hiring more teachers would help. I do not know. The time it happened to me, no teacher doubted what I told them and did not go into any police investigation because they trusted my word. BTW, I am not in USA nor in Canada, so it is entirely possible that our system works differently. The difference between raising boys and girls is not that noticeable here either, at least to me. Making children "return the favour" = creating more bullies. That is what we would want to avoid, not escalate the situation by having children ruining each other's stuff (which parents will then need to replace, and all of them probably cannot afford to buy a new pair of shoes or whatever every week) more, sticking more chewing gum in their hair and sending more degrading messages. And again, it will not work with most of them. The bullies are mainly physically intimidating even if they do not hit their victims; they intentionally make the victims afraid and doubting themselves and their own abilities; they might also be normally emphatic human beings that do not actually want to hurt other people.
  7. TTTNE CDLXIV - You can't take the sky from me

    I never knew Cameron Diaz ever participated in the Eurovision.
  8. On bullying in school

    Sorry, I think I quoted before you edited. For example, like Polishgenius up there said, a teacher must find a way to "find out" by paying more attention to those particular children involved. Teachers are there with children all the time and they are not blind. It is true that they cannot see and hear everything that happens between children all the time, but they are capable of noticing if the same group of children always follows their victim, if the victim is trying to hide, is showing signs of being bullied such as being afraid all the time, not wanting to cooperate with some other students etc. I am very sorry you went to schools with incompetent staff then. Evidence will be there if you look for it. As I said, it is noticeable if a child is constantly trying to hide from others, for example. Of course you cannot notice everything from the start, but when teachers look for it, they will see it. Okay. How exactly is a child between, say, 7 and 14 years of age supposed to deal with a few bullies that are a few years older, bigger, stronger, who constantly make fun of them, causing them to feel horrible about themselves/doing other nasty things such as, blocking their way, ruining or taking their things, convincing other children to make fun of them as well ... Also, bullying in my experience is public. The bullies I dealt with made a show out of it in front of the other children, yes, in places where teachers or other adults were not present, but also where the teachers could easily come by or in the same room teachers were at the time.
  9. On bullying in school

    Okay, so to answer to Vastet: Boys being expected to take care of themselves and the different way adults react to it are part of the problem here and what needs to be changed, not something we should work with. I personally cannot claim to have a personal experience with that difference, as I do not know anybody who was bullied as a boy. I think that the parents/teacher/headmaster/school counselor/whichever adult person the child chooses to talk to about being bullied should take it seriously regardless of their gender. Boys are not naturally resistent to psychical abuse. Which people not involved with bullying tend to side with the bullies, children or adults? I do not understand that part. If it is responsible adults, then they should know better and take it seriously and most definitely not side with the bullies. A school counselor that says "Tough luck, deal with it, your bullies are right" is an incompetent one. If you think the children side with the bullies (i. e. are bullies), then they need to be punished and taught that bullying is not acceptable and they need to be stopped. I have no idea which school you are talking about that teaches victims that people in authority cannot help. This is literally their job. And if the school is in fact doing that (I accept the idea that there might be such schools), then they need to change their policy, not keep backing the bullies and making victims of others.
  10. Feeling like the worst parent ever

    I started a new conversation here:
  11. On bullying in school

    Spin-off from the discussion here. About bullying in school and what needs to be done, if anything, about it by adults. Last few posts:
  12. Feeling like the worst parent ever

    I was a bit too upset when I posted that and expressed myself too harshly, my apologies. You are right that there is no one right way. I still think it is a good idea for at least teaching the child to tell their parents, maybe they can decide best because they know their child and the situation they are in the best. And then if the parents talk to the school, the bullied child will not be seen as the tattletale, because the child themselves did not go talk to the teacher the first thing. Well thank you for telling me that ... Why would it be any less for adults to deal with than physical abuse? To me, this just makes it sound like you do not think psychical attacks are important enough to be taken seriously (by adults). As to your second paragraph: If we are taking bullying as a learning experience (which I would rather not anyway), lets put it like that: At some point a child has to learn to trust and talk to the right people at hand and cooperate if they cannot control a situation themselves. So we can learn something from every situation. No need to put somebody through physical abuse for that, right? Also, bullying is not "every time someone saying something you don't like", IMO. Bullying is an ongoing thing, that is getting harsher through time and can have consequences for their self-image, mental state etc. Yes, everybody needs to learn to deal with/ignore random people saying things you don't like once in a while, it happens. But bullying is something beyond that description. Whitestripes, sorry for hijacking your thread. I am aware this was not supposed to be about bullying.
  13. Feeling like the worst parent ever

    And I speak from personal experience when I say that telling the child to deal with it themselves/just ignore it will make the child feel worse because they will feel inadequate and guilty for their own suffering. You are making it sound like verbal bullying is nothing important to deal with, and I disagree.
  14. Grimm 3.0 [SPOILERS]

    Proooobably ... not something you would gladly overlook in your lover, though. It looks like I am in a minority here, but I really think Nick and Adalind is not going to work, and should not have worked so far. *shrug* She is brilliant. So creepy. I am glad I predicted correctly that she would kill Rachel (was not hard to figure out). Trouble has been my favourite character up to now, but Diana is definitely near the top now. I liked that Trouble actually showed some sadness after Meisner's death - this is what this show sorely lacks, acknowledging that death means something. People are being killed left and right, but sometimes it feels like nobody has an emotional reaction to that. I think it was because she had Grimm's blood and as far as I understood, it only works on Hexen/Zaberbiests. So Diana is that strong because she was in the womb when Adalind went through that process of getting her powers back, right? Or also maybe because her papa is half-royal and this somehow enhances her powers? What is odd is that we have never seen her woge before, her eyes just start to glow when she does magic, but she never changes her face to that greyish thing Hexen do. Which brings me to Kelly ... what is he going to be like? He is very much unique, child of a Hexenbiest and a Grimm, whose mother was changed into another (human) person when he was being concieved ... Diana was already doing strange things when she was that age, but we saw nothing like that from him. Does that mean he will just grow up as a perfectly normal human real boy? Or just that the showmakers have not yet decided what to do with him? I thought it was likely he would die in this episode. But then there would be no entirely human main character left! I agree, and I would not like Jesus being the first Grimm either. Wait, he could not be, as some of Nick's books had reports from ancient Egypt in them, so there must have been Grimms in ancient Egypt to write them, right?
  15. Feeling like the worst parent ever

    "Without resorting to contacting authorities at the school?" If a child is being bullied at school, notifying the school is exactly what needs to be done. You cannot teach a child how to handle bullies on his own, no child is capable of that. If you tell that to a child, and when the child fails at it (which he/she will), then his/her stress level will just increase because now it will not be just the bullying bothering him, but the feeling of guilt and shame because he/she will feel he/she is uncapable of dealing with it and will think it is his/her own fault because he/she cannot stop it alone. That is why adults need to get involved in the situation - teacher, headmaster, parents of the bullies, somebody who can stop them. You cannot demand of a bullied child to stop their own bullying, you need to make sure the bullies will stop what they are doing.