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About Dracarya

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    And though she be but little, she is fierce
  • Birthday 12/18/1991

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  • Website URL http://www.readwave.com/vikki.patis/

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  • Gender Female
  • Location England

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  1. What's it like where you live?

    I reckon it depends on where you go. In Plymouth, there are a lot of Navy lads who go out on the lash and get into fights, so I could see it happening in a strong-military place. Could happen in Cornwall too. But that's when obnoxious personalities meet copious amounts of alcohol and result in fisticuffs. Brits on holiday are horrendous; please don't take them as a good representative of the rest of us. Helena mentioned the lack of community in bigger cities. London is a country of its own, but I live in East Hertfordshire now, and find it very pleasant. It's closer to London (by car, anyway), has a taste of the modern side of London, but is still growing, and the people are generally polite and friendly. It took me a year to meet my neighbours in Plymouth - one of them came round after a couple of weeks here to introduce herself, and when our cat went missing, another called me to ask whether I'd found her. So yeah, community very much depends on the place. I love being British, but Britain is starting to get on my nerves. It's in a state of turmoil at the moment, what with the NHS up in arms, different unions striking every five minutes, Brexit, and the Tories, of course. Britain is expensive - house prices through the roof, cost of general living too high - and the long winter has been going on far too long. But I couldn't live anywhere else.
  2. LBGTQ - 4 out of 5 cats prefer lesbians

    I am not on here often enough. Thank you for this.
  3. Mental Health Support Group

    I'm sorry nobody responded to you. I hope somebody reached out on PM, and that you're doing better. My phone really doesn't like this new layout, so I'm not on here much, but PM if you still need to talk.
  4. Cutting the cord

    We only use streaming services such as Netflix & Amazon Prime.We don't even pay for a TV licence, as we never watch live TV. The aerial wasn't in the back of the TV for a long time, so I said, fuck it, why pay the BBC an extortionate amount a year for a service we don't use? Sky keeps sending me crap about their TV packages, but it's just not something I'd ever consider worth paying for. We have all the catch-up channels,enough movies and boxsets, and don't watch sports.
  5. Mental Health Support Group

    I'm slowly coming off my medication. It not only costs me money every month, but since I moved out of my house and have eliminated most of the stressors in my life, I feel I can deal with the rest of life without pills. I tapered down from 50mg to 25mg every day, now I'm on25mg every other day.Not sure if I should take the whole packet or leave some, just in case. Probably the latter. I'm generally good, now. My OCD is pretty much unaffected by the pills, and is still pretty bad, and I've developed a tendency to want to stay inside and not go out. But I'm forcing myself back to work tomorrow, remnants of a chest infection orno.
  6. Your goals for the new year

    Well I managed to moveout of my mum's house a few days ago, which is by far the best decision I've ever made. Now we rent a cute little house not far from where I work, the cats are happier, and I'm much more relaxed. Things are still a bit stressful, but honestly, living there was a lot worse. I can deal with this stuff. For 2016, I want to keep up the happy. And I want to keep my usualgoal of doing more stuff. Theatre trips, cinema, meals out, takinga walk in a pretty place, book signings,that kinda stuff. I also want to cut down smoking, which I've already started, and start cooking nicer, healthier meals. I want to carry on writing, maybe get something published next year, and keep my blog and book reviewing going.
  7. Therein lies your first mistake. Cats are awesome.
  8. December Reads - Curl up with a good book this Christmas

    I've been so crap at posting here lately, mostly because my phone doesn't like the new interface much. Anyway. We're moving house this Friday, so my books have been in storage for a couple of weeks. Luckily I've had some review books to keep me busy, and I've taken to reading on my Kindle again. The best review book waswithout a doubt All The Rage by Courtney Summers. It's due out next month, and is simply brilliant. A hard-hitting novel about a young girl surviving rape, with other current issues interwoven within the story. I also read Only Ever Yours by Louise O'Neill, which was creepy as fuck, and fantastic. Now I'm on to The Heart Goes Last by Margaret Atwood. A good read so far, but I'm wondering what the hell is going on.
  9. Bants? University life has had a shocking effect on you.
  10. That is brilliant. What an amazing girl. And when you put it like that, I don't feel quite as silly. Because life is a learning curve. I might be late to the party, but I got here. And it's all good. Thank you for making me feel like I'm not making a mountain out of this. Thank you all. Having this thread to come to has been a huge help. I read all the stories shared here, and I reckon I've had a fairly easy ride in comparison to some, but it's still been confusing, and a little bit scary. And I know the posts got eaten by the board, but I remember the cookies and kind words, and I cherish them.
  11. Thanks for your response. I was worried that I'd blurted out something really stupid and irritating. What you said about having tells is really interesting. Because of course you (as in all people) want to be seen for who you are. It never bothered me before, because (with a few exceptions) people probably thought I was straight, and I thought I was straight, and so all was well. I didn't care if people assumed I was a lesbian either, though that was usually used as an insult more than anything else. But now I know I'm not straight, I kinda want people to see it. It's like having an awesome tattoo on your bum. It feels like it's not okay to have my bum hanging out everywhere I go, and I'm not doing it for attention, I just want people to notice my tattoo, because it's new for me and it makes me feel different, in a good way. The same goes formy sexuality. But that's weird, right? (The analogy is definitely weird.) I just feel like I was so fucking stupid for not realising for so many years, that I just want to shout about it now. Look at me, I finally woke up to myself! What an idiot! (I'm not filtering here, literally typing as I think, which I find therapeutic. I hope you guys don't mind.) I remember when I was about 13, I had a huge crush on a girl a year or so above me at school. I told a friend, who then told everyone and their dog, and it went around that I was bisexual. I was horrified. I didn't fully understand it, but everyone was laughing at me, so being bisexual was definitely ABad Thing To Be, and I wanted no part of it. My family was never particularly against a person being gay, but it just wasn't the thing to do. I was born a girl, I lived as a girl, girls like boys, the end. And so that's what I fell into. I actually used to play up to the whole "I'm a girl but not like other girls, I'm cool because I totally don't mind you [boyfriend at the time] checking that girl out because she's hot, I can say that she's attractive but I'm not attracted TOher." What the hell even is that? That lasted past my teenage years, and became so ingrained that I never really thought about it, until this year. And to think, I always thought I was so self-aware and smart.
  12. So British. I love it. Honestly I think you've gotta delve right down into the UKIP cesspools to find someone who's really against[insert group here]. Or certain members of older generations.But I'm so glad you're happy and supported. What about your family, if you don't mind me asking? I feel, honestly, a bit like a fraud. Is it because I've never been in a relationship with a woman? I don't know. I find myself wishing I'd explored my sexuality more when I was single. I love my partner and we're, as far as I know, in it for the long-term, but I can't help wondering, what if I'd realised how I felt earlier? I haven't really come out to anyone, except my SO, who shrugged and said it was good to put a name to it. And I did post something on Facebook, but it didn't feel like a big deal. Is it supposed to feel bigger? I just, I went from identifying as heterosexual to thinking, hold on a minute, no I'm not, I haven't been for at least a decade. It felt like a huge thing, to finally identify what I am. A huge sigh of relief. I'm not just weird, I have a place, here I am. Does this sound stupid? Though I am relieved that nobody really cares. I like that, in my world anyway, a woman being into both men and women (and being trans, and gay, and so on)is simply something that happens. No big deal. I wish it was like that everywhere.
  13. What's annoying you today? Part the grievous

    I managed to tip half a frying pan of hot oil on my arm, and lived to tell the tale. Cold water and burn cream worked wonders. And no scars - which is good, because it went all over my tattoo D: What's annoying the hell out of me is, every time my mum gets up or enters the house and someone's in the toilet, she kicks up a fuss. As if we should leap up mid-poop and make way for her. On the plus side, 10 days until I leave this place. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
  14. Should I quit Facebook?

    I like Facebook. I have a page for my blog posts and articles, and my personal profile. I do a lot of promoting on Facebook, as well as Twitter, and I think it's great for what I need it for: keeping in touch with faraway friends, starting discussions, and sharing my work.
  15. Mental Health Support Group

    You're a December baby too? Mine's on the 18th, and it has always been shite. Forget the usual "here's a joint present!" crap you can somewhat laugh off, I'd regularly get something small, like a CD or hair stuff, for both occasions. And no, it isn't just about presents, but it further showed how I was always treated differently by my family. I got a stereo one year, which I loved. It was mirrored, and pretty high-tech for the time. I often listened to late-night radio shows, you know the old advice shows they had on Radio 1?Anyway, a few years later, my dad took it from me, saying that I wasn't using it any more, and gave it to my sister (who, incidentally, had drawn over the speakers and flicked nail varnish all over it not long beforehand). Seems small, but I never felt like anything was truly mine. And that's how I still feel about my birthday. And Christmas is no better. A time of pressure, got to get the right things, got to smile the right way and be enthusiastic enough, but not too much. But no matter how I acted, it was always wrong. I'm a fairly subdued person anyway, but now I find very little excitement in me at the prospect of my birthday and Xmas. I try - I enjoy Christmas songs, I like giving cards, and I love decorating the tree - but there's always an undercurrent of sadness, of wondering what I'll do wrong for it all to blow up in my face. In my family, there's always something. That's our motto. This year, we're moving on my birthday, so my SO and I are celebrating on the Saturday before. But I can't say I'm too bothered. Getting away from this place is the best birthday present ever. I'm sorry you had to go through what you did. But I'm glad you feel able to move forward and celebrate this year. One step at a time. I can't tell you what to do, but I will say that I hope to be in a position once again where I can accept my past, accept the effect it has on me, forgive myself for how it affects me, and use it, for the most part, in a positive way. I hope you can too.