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About Dracarya

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    And though she be but little, she is fierce
  • Birthday 12/18/1991

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  1. Feminism - Post-apocalypse version

    Well, I'm back, even if it is just a flying visit. This site doesn't work well on my phone. Thanks Lyanna for dragging me here I have so many thoughts, on so many subjects, but I'll keep it brief for now. I wanted to touch on what was mentioned earlier, the idea that, if you don't call out every instance of sexism you come across, you're a bad feminist. I've wrestled with that a lot, as my FB friends may recall, after getting shouted at by some men in a van, & I just sat there in frightened silence. How can I preach to others to fight misogyny if I don't practice it? I realised that I can only do my best, when it's safe to. But I also realised that I don't always have the energy. I recently had some wonderful discussions on Twitter with some enlightened folk - including an MRA, an anti-feminist account & an "I'm not like other women" woman - about how I didn't change my name when I got married. Apparently, this means that I am a lesser woman, not suitable to "breed", and my marriage is a sham. Which is always good to hear. That fun experience left me drained, but I jumped straight back in the saddle and began arguing with some other fool about abortion. I stood as a movement builder for the Women's Equality Party over here (& lost. I think I'm too much for them tbh), and one of my key goals was to push for social media sites to be held accountable for cyberbullying and harassment. The thing that pushed me to stand as a candidate was, after one argument on FB about the tampon tax, a guy messaged my work's FB page, complaining about me. Because a woman disagreed with him on social media, he found it appropriate to potentially jeopardise her job. Thankfully, his shit wasn't taken seriously, but I shudder to think what might have happened if my company had reacted differently. Anyway. My point is that, while I try to call everything out, it's not always possible. My aunt keeps addressing stuff to "Mr & Mrs Partner's Surname", even though she knows I didn't change my name. I've mentioned it once to her, but if she continues, it's really not worth the ball ache. Side note: I'm glad to see so many old faces here, & I hope you're all doing well. I'm also glad to see this Feminism thread still going strong
  2. What's it like where you live?

    I reckon it depends on where you go. In Plymouth, there are a lot of Navy lads who go out on the lash and get into fights, so I could see it happening in a strong-military place. Could happen in Cornwall too. But that's when obnoxious personalities meet copious amounts of alcohol and result in fisticuffs. Brits on holiday are horrendous; please don't take them as a good representative of the rest of us. Helena mentioned the lack of community in bigger cities. London is a country of its own, but I live in East Hertfordshire now, and find it very pleasant. It's closer to London (by car, anyway), has a taste of the modern side of London, but is still growing, and the people are generally polite and friendly. It took me a year to meet my neighbours in Plymouth - one of them came round after a couple of weeks here to introduce herself, and when our cat went missing, another called me to ask whether I'd found her. So yeah, community very much depends on the place. I love being British, but Britain is starting to get on my nerves. It's in a state of turmoil at the moment, what with the NHS up in arms, different unions striking every five minutes, Brexit, and the Tories, of course. Britain is expensive - house prices through the roof, cost of general living too high - and the long winter has been going on far too long. But I couldn't live anywhere else.
  3. LBGTQ - 4 out of 5 cats prefer lesbians

    I am not on here often enough. Thank you for this.
  4. Cutting the cord

    We only use streaming services such as Netflix & Amazon Prime. We don't even pay for a TV licence, as we never watch live TV. The aerial wasn't in the back of the TV for a long time, so I said, fuck it, why pay the BBC an extortionate amount a year for a service we don't use? Sky keeps sending me crap about their TV packages, but it's just not something I'd ever consider worth paying for. We have all the catch-up channels, enough movies and boxsets, and don't watch sports.
  5. Your goals for the new year

    Well I managed to move out of my mum's house a few days ago, which is by far the best decision I've ever made. Now we rent a cute little house not far from where I work, the cats are happier, and I'm much more relaxed. Things are still a bit stressful, but honestly, living there was a lot worse. I can deal with this stuff. For 2016, I want to keep up the happy. And I want to keep my usual goal of doing more stuff. Theatre trips, cinema, meals out, taking a walk in a pretty place, book signings, that kinda stuff. I also want to cut down smoking, which I've already started, and start cooking nicer, healthier meals. I want to carry on writing, maybe get something published next year, and keep my blog and book reviewing going.
  6. Therein lies your first mistake. Cats are awesome.
  7. December Reads - Curl up with a good book this Christmas

    I've been so crap at posting here lately, mostly because my phone doesn't like the new interface much. Anyway. We're moving house this Friday, so my books have been in storage for a couple of weeks. Luckily I've had some review books to keep me busy, and I've taken to reading on my Kindle again. The best review book was without a doubt All The Rage by Courtney Summers. It's due out next month, and is simply brilliant. A hard-hitting novel about a young girl surviving rape, with other current issues interwoven within the story. I also read Only Ever Yours by Louise O'Neill, which was creepy as fuck, and fantastic. Now I'm on to The Heart Goes Last by Margaret Atwood. A good read so far, but I'm wondering what the hell is going on.
  8. Bants? University life has had a shocking effect on you.
  9. That is brilliant. What an amazing girl. And when you put it like that, I don't feel quite as silly. Because life is a learning curve. I might be late to the party, but I got here. And it's all good. Thank you for making me feel like I'm not making a mountain out of this. Thank you all. Having this thread to come to has been a huge help. I read all the stories shared here, and I reckon I've had a fairly easy ride in comparison to some, but it's still been confusing, and a little bit scary. And I know the posts got eaten by the board, but I remember the cookies and kind words, and I cherish them.
  10. Thanks for your response. I was worried that I'd blurted out something really stupid and irritating. What you said about having tells is really interesting. Because of course you (as in all people) want to be seen for who you are. It never bothered me before, because (with a few exceptions) people probably thought I was straight, and I thought I was straight, and so all was well. I didn't care if people assumed I was a lesbian either, though that was usually used as an insult more than anything else. But now I know I'm not straight, I kinda want people to see it. It's like having an awesome tattoo on your bum. It feels like it's not okay to have my bum hanging out everywhere I go, and I'm not doing it for attention, I just want people to notice my tattoo, because it's new for me and it makes me feel different, in a good way. The same goes for my sexuality. But that's weird, right? (The analogy is definitely weird.) I just feel like I was so fucking stupid for not realising for so many years, that I just want to shout about it now. Look at me, I finally woke up to myself! What an idiot! (I'm not filtering here, literally typing as I think, which I find therapeutic. I hope you guys don't mind.) I remember when I was about 13, I had a huge crush on a girl a year or so above me at school. I told a friend, who then told everyone and their dog, and it went around that I was bisexual. I was horrified. I didn't fully understand it, but everyone was laughing at me, so being bisexual was definitely A Bad Thing To Be, and I wanted no part of it. My family was never particularly against a person being gay, but it just wasn't the thing to do. I was born a girl, I lived as a girl, girls like boys, the end. And so that's what I fell into. I actually used to play up to the whole "I'm a girl but not like other girls, I'm cool because I totally don't mind you [boyfriend at the time] checking that girl out because she's hot, I can say that she's attractive but I'm not attracted TO her." What the hell even is that? That lasted past my teenage years, and became so ingrained that I never really thought about it, until this year. And to think, I always thought I was so self-aware and smart.
  11. So British. I love it. Honestly I think you've gotta delve right down into the UKIP cesspools to find someone who's really against [insert group here]. Or certain members of older generations. But I'm so glad you're happy and supported. What about your family, if you don't mind me asking? I feel, honestly, a bit like a fraud. Is it because I've never been in a relationship with a woman? I don't know. I find myself wishing I'd explored my sexuality more when I was single. I love my partner and we're, as far as I know, in it for the long-term, but I can't help wondering, what if I'd realised how I felt earlier? I haven't really come out to anyone, except my SO, who shrugged and said it was good to put a name to it. And I did post something on Facebook, but it didn't feel like a big deal. Is it supposed to feel bigger? I just, I went from identifying as heterosexual to thinking, hold on a minute, no I'm not, I haven't been for at least a decade. It felt like a huge thing, to finally identify what I am. A huge sigh of relief. I'm not just weird, I have a place, here I am. Does this sound stupid? Though I am relieved that nobody really cares. I like that, in my world anyway, a woman being into both men and women (and being trans, and gay, and so on) is simply something that happens. No big deal. I wish it was like that everywhere.
  12. What's annoying you today? Part the grievous

    I managed to tip half a frying pan of hot oil on my arm, and lived to tell the tale. Cold water and burn cream worked wonders. And no scars - which is good, because it went all over my tattoo D: What's annoying the hell out of me is, every time my mum gets up or enters the house and someone's in the toilet, she kicks up a fuss. As if we should leap up mid-poop and make way for her. On the plus side, 10 days until I leave this place. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
  13. Should I quit Facebook?

    I like Facebook. I have a page for my blog posts and articles, and my personal profile. I do a lot of promoting on Facebook, as well as Twitter, and I think it's great for what I need it for: keeping in touch with faraway friends, starting discussions, and sharing my work.
  14. Awesome. Awesome to the max.

    19 days until we move into our new place! *happydance*
  15. You all know my success story, plus the bumps along the way. After deciding to give things another go after the money fandango, we're back on track, and we're finally getting our own place next month. Which I am, of course, so fucking happy about. I did take my engagement ring off when it all happened, and haven't put it back on since. I know moving in together is a big enough step, but it just doesn't feel right to commit to getting married at the moment. Maybe it will again someday. Right now, I'm happy to move forward as we are.